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on April 30, 2014
I rarely write reviews but felt compelled to write one about this book. It was loaned to me by my therapist. My wife and I have been struggling in our marriage for years and no matter what I do (or she does), we always seem to fall back on the same old patterns of behavior that don't seem to work. Falling out of love has been a very painful experience indeed.
The situations described in the book were very, very recognizable to me and at times I felt it described it described me and my own feelings exactly. Read this book, even if it is just for the realization that you are not alone in your struggles to make something out of your marriage.
Nobody goes into marriage thinking they are going get divorced some day, but the statistics are grim. Roughly half of all marriages end up in divorce and of the remaining marriages probably 9 out of 10 couples sooner or later end up leading parallel lives where they try to find happiness and fulfillment outside of the relationship with their spouse. That means roughly only 1 in 20 couples end up building a lasting and fulfilling relationship that will last a lifetime. Are we expecting too much of marriage? Few of us would undertake an endeavor knowing there is only a 5% of succeeding, yet we do it anyway.
The book goes on to illustrate that we chose our partners for very specific reasons that few of us are even aware of. Out of thousands of potential partners we are attracted to some people that subconsciously meet very specific character and personality traits. In a sense, we all marry into our problems, the very things that attract us to our partners, become the very same issues that drive a wedge between us.
The book is very practical too in that offers specific exercises and guidelines for couples on how to interact with each other. But don't expect it to be easygoing by any means. I realize now that marriage takes a lot of hard work and commitment every day to make and stay successful. You have to make it a top priority in your life and take nothing for granted. Expect to do a lot of soul searching, be prepared to relive some gut wrenching and painful experiences from the past, be wiling to learn and undo the conditioned automated responses that you have always used, be prepared to be brutally honest to yourself and your spouse. I fear it might be too late for my own marriage but once you get through this catharsis, I do believe you might actually come out with a happier and more fulfilling relationship on the other end.
Regardless, I implore you to read this book. It might help you save your marriage or relationship before it's too late, but even if it does not, it might make you a better person, it will certainly help you build more meaningful relationships with other people and give you a better chance at building lasting and more meaningful future relationships. Good luck to all of you that need this book.
115 helpful votes
116 helpful votes
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on October 27, 2016
Great book for anyone who wants to improve their relationships
1 helpful vote
2 helpful votes
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on October 26, 2017
I was enjoying reading the hardcopy and found that I wanted to follow along (read) AND listen. So I purchased the audiobook and it's been great thus far. I like the fact that you can skip around, highlight and pause and contemplate when using audiobooks. I'm happy with my purchase.
1 helpful vote
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on June 15, 2017
Great read! Def great for all types of relationships or if you're just trying to learn more about you. Highly recommend! Book arrived in excellent condition!
1 helpful vote
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on January 4, 2013
Amazing my husband and I are in this together. This book is an amazing toolbox full of self discovery and marriage repair. I highly recommend this book to all couples whether married or in a serious relationship.
6 helpful votes
7 helpful votes
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on April 27, 2017
Get the work book and do it with your beloved. It has such a positive influence in our relationship.
1 helpful vote
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on November 12, 2017
Great for those who want to deepen their significant relationship or to help one understand relationship failures.
1 helpful vote
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on June 10, 2017
I'm not even done with it but it has made me amazed at its accuracy so far
1 helpful vote
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on August 29, 2017
Now I know why their books and seminars are so acclaimed. I would recommend this book to everyone who is interested in how their relationships work ... or don't work.
1 helpful vote
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on October 27, 2015
Highly recommend this series. If you are about to divorce, have filed, thinking about it...WAIT. You and your spouse need to order this book and find a therapist in your area who specializes in the IMAGO dialogue. It is true that it is not the marriage but YOU and who you are and have become and why you are the way you are in the marriage is a direct result of your upbringing; if you have children, it'll make you rethink how you treat them. This book has helped my marriage and highly suggest it, in fact all the Harville books are good, well-written, and thought provoking.
4 helpful votes
5 helpful votes
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