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Getting the Sex You Want: Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together Hardcover – April 1, 2008

4.3 out of 5 stars 26 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews


"This is the best guide for helping couples enhance their sexual pleasure that I have seen. I recommend it without reservation to every couple."
-Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of the national best-seller, Getting the Love You Want

"Utilizing the principles of Imago Therapy as outlined by Harville Hendrix, Tammy Nelson invites long-time couples to reinvent their intimacy and cultivate an erotic atmosphere that will sustain them for years to come. Couples who have given up on having a vivid, exciting sex life together will reawaken or newly discover an intensity they may have never known before."
-Eve Marx, best-selling author of The Goddess Orgasm andRead My Hips: The Sexy Language of Flirtation

"This book is easy to read and full of wonderful exercises to help couples become more passionate and connected in their sexual relationship. I really appreciated the author's teaching couples how to speak and listen to each other about what turns each of them on. I fully intend to recommend it to all my couples as a way of rekindling their love life!"
-Linda Schnapp, C.S.W., Certified Imago Therapist

"Tammy Nelson takes you safely by the hand and leads you into the erotic world of passionate sex. The pace is just right, the facts are friendly, and the process powerful. This book is thorough, timely, and long-awaited. Get it, read it, enjoy it!"
-Patricia Love, Ed.D., co-author, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

"This book presents life-changing information in a straightforward, step-by-step manner that is easily accessible to couples interested in deepening their physical and emotional connection. Whether in the early stages of a relationship or well into a long-term one, this book provides a variety of ways to increase passion, encourage sexual curiosity and experimentation, and give you both the sex you want."
-Helen Brown, Spa Director, Mayflower Inn and Spa

About the Author

Tammy Nelson, MS, ATR, LADC, LPC, CIT, is a licensed psychotherapist with almost 20 years of experience working with individuals and couples. In her practice she works with couples to increase the passion in their relationships and re-sexualize relationships through communication and fantasy. Tammy is the founder and executive director of the Center for Healing & Recovery in Ridgefield and Norwalk, Connecticut.


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Quiver (April 1, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 159233301X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1592333011
  • Product Dimensions: 5.8 x 0.9 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #372,345 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover
Here is a book I'll recommend to any couple who feels ready to experience a more loving and passionate sexual relationship. Tammy Nelson is an Imago therapist and teacher with two decades of clinical practice. Her skills shine forth not only in the information she offers here, but also in the helpful way the book is organized, with step by step techniques for helping couples recharge their relationships in a variety of situations.

Topics include help for stale-mated partners who "keep score" and for those who "fake it." She offers exercises to deal with the fear, anxiety, control, anger, and resentment that too many couples take to bed with them, and shows ways to express love, trust, appreciation, sensuality, and lusty desire. Other topics include explicit guidance for sexual intimacy that range from massage and genital stimulation to creating sexual rituals. The book concludes with a section on tolerating ecstasy and joy--a problem many people have in our fast-track culture.

If you are a therapist who works with couples--you'll find this book a wonderful resource for you as well as your clients. It spans the divide between couple therapy and sex therapy in a way that guides and educates in a straightforward, collegial manner.
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Format: Hardcover
I am a Certified Imago Therapist and work with both couples and individuals in my private practice. This is a great book and one that I highly recommend to couples when it comes to talking about the often challenging, difficult, exciting and titillating subject of sex! Most of all I love Tammy's approach because it builds on the Imago Therapy approach to couples counseling which is all about creating safety in your relationship so that you can be vulnerable and talk about sensitive issues. I recommend it for all couples who want to learn more about themselves, each other and also want to build a more intimate, loving connection.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Let me preface my review by saying that I am skeptical about the philosophy behind imago therapy. I think it's simplistic and outdated to try to locate the source of all psychological problems in one's childhood. This is particularly true for couples. They may have problems because they have different personalities (e.g., one is an introvert and one is an extrovert) or because one partner has undergone a traumatic event, such as disease or loss of a close family member.

Having said this, I found the book absolutely fantastic, and would give it 6 stars if I could. The book doesn't really talk about the philosophic underpinnings of imago therapy. It just uses one key concept from this therapy approach (a specific form of dialog where one mirrors, then validates and empathizes with, the statements of the partner) as the key ingredient in a long list of exercises that help partners to develop an intimate connection. All the exercises are great; I believe that most couples are going to find something useful in these exercises, even if their relationship is quite good already.

Further, many relationships are in a stalemate where one partner needs emotional support as a precondition for physical intimacy while the other needs physical intimacy to feel emotionally connected. Several exercises in this book provide a great way to break out of this vicious cycle.
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Format: Hardcover
Tammy Nelson has created a space within her chapters where everyone, young and old, can feel comfortable in their own skin.....where they can enjoy intimacy without any feelings of guilt, incompetence or embarrassment. She has explained in full detail how to change our relationships, beginning with the most primal and private of all human needs.....
......and, she makes it a whole lot of fun!!

I highly recommend Tammy Nelson's book to all my friends, colleagues and clients alike!

Melanie Barnum, Certified Hypnotist and Intuitive Counselor
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Format: Hardcover
I was looking forward to this book. I've been trying to improve every aspect of my relationship, and this seemed to hit the mark for the sexual side of things. Rather than most sex-help books, which focus on tricks and techniques, this one tries to address deeper issues between couples (communication, empathy, etc) that can negatively affect a sexual relationship.

So, the core message of the book is a good one!

I just felt that it didn't deliver after that. Basically every exercise was the exact same thing, and tons of pages were wasted with examples of imago dialogue, which basically means one person speaks, and the other repeats what they say back to them. A nice idea, and one that I've been trying to implement a bit since reading about it in this book, but seriously, 20% of the pages are just dialogues of couples, with one repeating the exact same thing as the first. In fact, in a lot of places the book is repetitive. It made it hard to stay focused on the content, because my brain would immediately go into skim mode when I saw repeating text, even though I was in a new chapter.

After the book walks you through a few key points, it touches upon aspects of sexuality that you might want to explore with your partner. Again, I think this is valuable information but not necessarily in this source. If my partner says he wants to try something new, I'll buy a book on that topic.

Overall, I would suggest flipping through this before you buy. Obviously it's helped a lot of people, and like I said, there were some good takeaways, but I just don't think the book delivered the way I was expecting.
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