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Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships by [Jayson Gaddis]

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Jayson Gaddis

Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships Kindle Edition

by Jayson Gaddis (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

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The relationship teacher, coach, and founder of The Relationship School reveals the origins of conflict styles, how to stop avoiding difficult conversations, and how to resolve conflict in our most important relationships.

Conflicts in our closest relationships are scary because so much is at stake. If the conflict doesn't go well, we could lose our marriage, our family or our job, all connected to our security and survival. So we do just about anything not to lose those relationships, including avoid conflict, betraying ourselves or becoming dishonest. Unresolved conflict affects every single aspect of our lives, from self-confidence to physical and mental health.

Jayson Gaddis is a personal trainer for relationships and one of the world’s leading authorities on interpersonal conflict. For almost two decades, Gaddis has helped individuals, couples, and teams get to the bottom of their deepest conflicts. He helps people see the wisdom in conflict and how to get to zero—which means we have successfully worked through our conflict and have nothing in the way of a good connection.

In Getting to Zero, Gaddis shows the reader how to stop running away from uncomfortable conversations and instead learn how to work through them. Through funny personal stories, uncomfortable examples, and effective tools and skills, he shows the reader how to move from disconnection to connection, acceptance, and understanding. This method upgrades the old tired and static conflict resolution approaches and offers a fresh, street-level, user-friendly road map on exactly how to work through conflict with the people you care most about.

Print length

321 pages
Language

English
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Publisher

Hachette Go
Publication date

October 5, 2021
File size

7608 KB
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“In this compelling guide to approaching conflict in our most intimate relationships, Jayson Gaddis offers a science-informed, practical toolbox for resolving the inevitable tensions that arise in our personal and professional lives. Filled with useful concepts and readily applicable steps to sensing and solving interpersonal challenges, repairing ruptures when they occur, this book is not about trying to achieve a life without difficulties in our relationships, but is about moving toward a receptive state of calm and clarity—a state our author names as “zero”—in which we can engage our inner life and our connections with others with kindness and presence that research suggests are at the core of mutually rewarding, generative ways of living with compassion, connection, and well-being.”―Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., Executive Director, Mindsight Institute, New York Times bestselling author IntraConnected; Mind; Mindsight, and Aware

“Getting to Zero is an excellent guidebook for anyone looking to improve their conflict management skills. Jayson’s storytelling is impactful, his insights are wise, and his message is clear and heartfelt.”―"Coach Mike" Bayer, New York Times bestselling author of Best Self and One Decision

“Jayson Gaddis has written, in our view, one of the most clear and helpful books on this endemic feature of our humanity: conflict. If you want to know what conflict is and how to resolve it, Getting to Zero will give you to that destination. We recommend this book to everyone who has ever felt that twitch which plunges us into darkness. While it is replete with accessible theory about what is happening in your mind and brain, it is even more generous with practical guidance from that will lead you from conflict to connection.”―Harville Hendrix, Ph. D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

"Jayson Gaddis’ excellent new book, Getting to Zero, is a fabulous couple guide to conflict solutions interspersed with inspirational self-disclosures of Jayson's own life and relationship experiences. He provides valuable conceptual framing and techniques for managing conflict. His detailed insights will be of great value to readers interested in effective loving relationships."

―Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) and author of We Do and Wired for Love

"Jayson Gaddis has dedicated his life to understanding the dizzyingly complex, emotionally-charged territory of relationships. The knowledge he has accumulated is a gold mine for anyone looking to create deep, fulfilling connections with others. This book is a lifeline for anyone who has wondered how to thrive in relationships."―Cory Muscara, Host of Mindfulness.com and Author of Stop Missing Your Life

"Jayson Gaddis has done it! He has written a brilliant, practical book that leaves no stone unturned in its quest for healthier relationships. Far too many relationships fall apart because humans have never been taught how to convert conflict into transformation. This book stops the bleeding, and provides the tools and techniques that every relationship needs to get to the other side."―Jeff Brown, author of An Uncommon Bond and Grounded Spirituality

"As a couples therapist, professor, and relationship educator, I am excited to recommend Getting to Zero to my clients and students. Jayson Gaddis is a magnificent teacher--thoughtful, warm, nerdy, practical, and wise. The approach he offers on these pages is one that serves our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls. Dive in! You are going to be so glad you did... and the people you love will be so glad too!"―Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, faculty, School of Education and Social Policy, Northwestern University; author of Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back

"Finally a book that gets right to the heart of how to work with relational conflict! Jayson Gaddis brilliantly helps the reader understand what conflict is, why it arises and offers a roadmap through these challenging times. His ability to weave together psychology, human behavior and interpersonal dynamics leaves no stone unturned. Thank you, Jayson, for your tremendous contribution to this part of the human experience that many find themselves lost in. This book is a must-read for everyone."―Lisa Dion, LPC, RPT-S, President of the Synergetic Play Therapy Institute and creator of Synergetic Play Therapy

“Getting to Zero is the ultimate loving relationships guide for anyone who would love to transform disconnection to connection, conflict into communication, victim mentality into victory mentality, survival into thrival, and inauthenticity into authenticity.”―Dr. John Demartini, international bestselling author of The Values Factor

"Getting to Zero holds the keys to deepening your relationships and exponentially up-leveling your joy in life! Jayson Gaddis has written the step-by-step guide on resolving conflict from the inside out. As founder of The Relationship School and relational expert, Jayson seamlessly untangles the complexity of resolving conflict to makes the process accessible to all of us if you want to be seen, heard, and understood in your relationships.”―Terri Cole, psychotherapist, relationship expert, author of Boundary Boss --This text refers to the paperback edition.

About the Author

Jayson Gaddis, author, podcaster, speaker, and “personal trainer for relationships,” is a global leader on interpersonal conflict and connection. He got tired of complaining that street-level relationship skills are not taught in school, so he founded The Relationship School, an impact-based company dedicated to helping individuals, couples, and teams work out their differences in order to have indestructible relationships. He is the creator of Interpersonal Intelligence® and Present Centered Relationship Coaching® and the Getting To Zero Method™. He’s been married to his amazing wife since 2007 and has two beautiful kids. They live in Boulder, Colorado. --This text refers to the paperback edition.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B08W4ZMVTR
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Hachette Go (October 5, 2021)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ October 5, 2021
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 7608 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 321 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #151,558 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #54 in Mood Disorders (Kindle Store)
- #257 in Dysfunctional Relationships
- #299 in Conflict Management

Customer Reviews:
189 ratings

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Jayson Gaddis, author, podcaster, speaker, and “personal trainer for relationships”, is a global leader on interpersonal conflict and connection. He got tired of complaining that street-level relationship skills are not taught in school, so he founded The Relationship School, an impact-based company dedicated to helping individuals, couples and teams work out their differences in order to have indestructible relationships. He is the creator of Interpersonal Intelligence® and Present Centered Relationship Coaching® and the Getting To Zero Method™.He’s been married to his amazing wife since 2007 and has two beautiful kids. They live in Boulder, Colorado. When he doesn’t live and breathe this relationship stuff with his family, he pretty much gets his ass handed to him.

Visit Jayson's websites and fan pages:

https://relationshipschool.com

https://gettingtozerobook.com

http://www.jaysongaddis.com/

https://www.facebook.com/jaysongaddisfanpage/

https://www.instagram.com/jaysongaddis/

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5

189 global ratings

5 star		86%
4 star		10%
3 star		3%
2 star 0% (0%)		0%
1 star		1%

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CherP

Must read for struggling relationships

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 4, 2022

Verified Purchase

I’ve often betrayed myself by not speaking up and leaning into conflict, thus my needs go unmet, and I live in fear, believing the world is not a safe or accommodating place for me. I bought this book at a critical juncture in life where a lot of big issues were on the table. Before I was even half of the way through the book, things began shifting for me. I began to lean into conflict, and to my surprise, the world around me began to meet me in the middle, and conflicts began getting actual real time resolved. As my conflicts began to dissipate, I began to feel safer in my body and world, and began to be able to approach conflict and my needs from a heart space of seeking understanding and unity for both parties, rather than from a space of fear and a need to win. Life changing. I can begin to be a source of peace in the world rather than one of separation and disrepair. Grateful to author for pouring his heart into this book.

2 people found this helpful

Helpful

Kasey Mosher

Must Buy

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on November 20, 2022

Verified Purchase

This book is a must buy. Phenomenal content. After following Jayson on instagram for a little while I purchased this book the other day. Will be buying 10+ copies as christmas presents. This is the type of knowledge every one of us must have. Thank you Jayson for blessing the world with this information.

2 people found this helpful

Helpful

cnorthup

Not Bad

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on December 24, 2022

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For the most part this book isn’t bad. I feel that it started off much stronger than it finished but that also could be because it wasn’t quite what I was looking for. There were also some questionable conversation tactics that I don’t agree with and if people spoke to me that way I would become more irritated.

I always want to find some positivity to take away from books though so here are some good things from this book:

1. If addressed in a healthy way, followed by “getting back to zero,” conflict in any relationship is an opportunity to build and create a deeper and more genuine connection.

2. When we can move out of the “valley of victimhood” and into the “author” mindset we create an opportunity for growth and genuine connection.

Helpful

Audrey B

Life altering from start to finish!

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 15, 2022

Verified Purchase

This book (along with Jayson and Ellen’s other work and classes) have reached a place so deep in my soul that it’s hard to imagine what life was like before I read it. Dramatic? Maybe. But oh so true and I’m not afraid to admit it. You know when you’ve have an underlying current of thought and emotion, maybe stress, that you or someone else hasn’t quite been able to put words or structure to? This book did that for me, and to varying degrees for everyone I’ve shared it with. It sheds a light on so many innate and essential parts to the human experience and leads you to a place of “oh shit, it IS me”. Followed by guidance and structure and insight on how to navigate your way through that uncomfortable (AF) feeling with yourself and others. It is a true gift to the community and I would highly recommend reading it, multiple times! Like a favorite textbook, every time I go back to it I find something new and applicable that changes my ability to reconnect that day or week. I may even have to purchase another book since I’ve underlined and flipped most corners. We need more students of the self to solve the issues of the us, and this book is a beautiful and precious step on that journey. Thank you for writing it!!

6 people found this helpful

Helpful

Matthew

Great book and must read for all!!

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 10, 2022

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Such a good book. You’ll need to read it twice and refer to it again and again. Jason’s break down of behaviors and human processes is on point. This is the real deal. If you ever had a conflict this is the book that will lead you to understanding.

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Christina

For me this was a great book in understanding myself and the man I'm currently dating.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 27, 2022

Verified Purchase

Jayson really nails so many important concepts of conflict in his book. So many parts I found to be extremely helpful and a few parts that were a bit over my head. The book along with listening to Jaysons podcast and instagram shares has been extremely helpful in having an understanding of where I'm triggered during conflict as well as having a clearer understanding of how and why the man I'm dating communicates ( or lack there of ) the way he does. With understanding comes compassion so over all I think this book is REALLY GOOD. Now getting my partner to read it as well....thats another story. I purchased two books but my favorite is listening to Jayson's voice on the Audible version. It's soothing and calm and gives me a chance to listen to certain parts over and over AGAIN!! Thank you Jayson

6 people found this helpful

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Rachel

Immeasurably valuable.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on November 6, 2021

Verified Purchase

A user guide for humans! An incredibly powerful book IF you do the work. Jayson has delved deeply into finding out what makes for great relationship. From therapy and neurobiology, to relational studies and developmental psychology. Standing on the shoulders of giants Jayson has learned from the best and studied with many of the Greats. There's not a stone left unturned. A veritable wealth of experience in here, nuggets of gold from decades of study, and self-experimentation, all presented in a graspable way. He's filled the book with analogies and examples that help remind us of the tools. There are useful action points at the end of each chapter to help us integrate the lessons. There is no fantasy offered here, no illusion of it being easy, no shortcuts. A roadmap that if navigated together, will lead through trials and discomfort to some kinda fabulous (one that embraces conflict and difficult conversations all the way). To top it off, Jayson admits, even though he and his partner are deeply embedded in this work they still face issues and annoyances (often)... there's something fabulously human and realistic about that. No fantasy of perfection. The realness of a dance that might well include the occasional foot-stomper or fall. But a dance that has grace and kindness and moments of magic.

7 people found this helpful

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Tamara

This book will open your eyes

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on August 1, 2022

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I have never read a better book with so much truth in every sentence.
Smart, on point and so true.
You should definitely be ready and willing to understand how everything connects and why things are the way they are. I can highly recommend this book if you're looking to save your relationship or improve future encounters.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

liz wells

Essential

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on January 29, 2022

Verified Purchase

I am a counsellor and self development junkie so I absolutely love this book. It explains the relationship dynamic that so many people go through, and let’s you see both sides of the story which some books don’t. I wish everyone could read this because we could all have happier relationships or be more equipped to leave relationships that aren’t going to improve. Thanks Jayson, your work is an inspiration.

Amazon Customer

Everyone should read this book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on June 26, 2022

Verified Purchase

I loved reading this book and learned so much about myself and others, how I am dealing with conflicts with my loved ones, why it's going south and we both don't feel understood and frustrated, and how to go through this.

Client Kindle

A life changing book

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on December 20, 2021

Verified Purchase

After 20 years together, we decided to read this book as a couple, and that was the best idea ever! A few chapters later, we are already seeing improvements in our relationship: clearer and sounder communications thanks to the LUFU, and a deeper understanding of the needs of one another. Not only we longer fear conflicts, but also we are getting better at being supportive and respectful while we deal with them. Looking forward to reading it all! A must-read!

2 people found this helpful

Karla P

Very informative while being easy to read and comprehend

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on January 5, 2023

Verified Purchase

Jayson does an excellent job making this book easy to understand while providing a ton of useful insight and information. Some books like this quote so much research and studies that make it hard to wrap your head around what the actual point is, but Jayson doesn't talk in circles. There are plenty of relatable scenarios, conflict examples and guides for working through to find a repair. One of the best self help books I've read, I only wish I had it years ago.

michelle w.

Must buy!!

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on August 31, 2022

Verified Purchase

I'm part of Jaysons Facebook group which is how I discovered his book. Jayson is amazing and although I have had his book for a very long time I'm not finished reading it yet. What I have read I have used in my life and it has really helped me come to peace with my past. I feel so free now that I'm not playing victim ... so many ah ha moments . It also helps me recognize things in other people that help me understand them snd our relationship.
This is a very easy to follow and read book.
Highly recommend.

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