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The Unidentified Funny Objects series delivers an annual dose of funny, zany, and unusual science fiction and fantasy stories. All-new fiction from the genre's top voices!
* A long time ago in a galaxy close enough not to violate any copyrights, the clone army fighting for the side of the evil empire is made up of a bunch of bros named Chad.
* Can a couple of wise guys from New Jersey broker a sit down between two groups of warring aliens?
* Witness an epic battle of mad science vs. dark magic.
* US presidents elected in 1860 and 1960 were both assassinated. What's going to happen to whoever's elected in 2060?
* Beware the dragon polite enough to return your drone after it breached the barriers between worlds and bonked him on the snout.
Marketing manager Katherine "Kitty" Katt had just finished a day on jury duty. When she stepped out of the Pueblo Caliente courthouse, all she was thinking about was the work she had to get caught up on. Then her attention was caught by a fight between a couple that looked like it was about to turn ugly.
But ugly didn't even begin to cover it when the "man" suddenly transformed into a huge, winged monster right out of a grade Z science fiction movie and went on a deadly killing spree. In hindsight, Kitty realized she probably should have panicked and run screaming the way everyone around her was doing. Instead she sprinted into action to take down the alien.
In the middle of all the screeching and the ensuing chaos, a hunk in an Armani suit suddenly appeared beside her, introduced himself as Jeff Martini with "the agency," and then insisted on leading her to a nearby limo to talk to his "boss." And that was how Kitty's new life among the aliens began...
Touched by an Alien is the thrilling first installment of the Alien novels.
The ongoing battle against the immortal Elder Gods enters the modern age. Magic, mayhem, and murder no longer reign in dusty books discovered in decrepit libraries. Today’s monsters can be called by more than uncanny rituals in candlelit basements. Madness lurks on the internet and lives in the locker room. It breeds in the mall and ambushes its victims outside the club.
But those who fight this vast evil have also moved into the modern age. Teenagers from every walk of life use whatever they can to defend our world. Sometimes they win. Sometimes they lose. Sometimes…they give into the temptations of eldritch power.
* Cranky Goblin Cooks
* Unscrupulous Chemists
* Lecherous Space Pirates
* Disagreeable Alien Symbiotes
* Soul-Searching Snot Elementals
The Unidentified Funny Objects series serves an annual dose of funny. zany, and unusual science fiction and fantasy stories. All-new fiction from the genre's top voices! Our sixth volume features a Mad Amos story by Alan Dean Foster, a Harry the Book tale by Mike Resnick, and an Alexander Outland short by Gini Koch. Jim Hines reimagines a Game of Thrones with goblins in it, Ken Liu begs a sentient AI to spare him, and Esther Friesner takes us on a tour of Chelm, complete with dragons and gratuitous footnotes. There are also tales of an interdimensional secret agent, a warrior-writer on a quest from an evil god, a necromancer intent on rehabilitating the image of his profession, and many more.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Foreword by Alex Shvartsman
“A Game of Goblins” by Jim C. Hines
“The Breakdown of Parasite/Host Relationship” by Paul R. Hardy
“From This She Makes a Living?” by Esther Friesner
“Twenty-Nine Responses to Inquiries About My Craigslist Post: Alien Spaceship for Sale $200, You Haul” by Tina Connolly
“Tyler the Snot Elemental Scours the Newspaper, Searching for Change” by Zach Shephard
“Agent of Chaos” by Jack Campbell
“Display of Affection” by P. J. Sambeaux
“The Great Manhattan Eat-Off” by Mike Resnick
“An Evil Opportunity Employer” by Lawrence Watt-Evans
“Common Scents” by Jody Lynn Nye
“A Mountain Man and a Cat Walk into a Bar” by Alan Dean Foster
“Lost and Found” by Laura Resnick
“A Crawlspace Full of Prizes” by Bill Ferris
“Return to Sender” by Melissa Mead
“The Friendly Necromancer” by Rod M. Santos
“An Open Letter to the Sentient AI Who Has Announced Its Intention to Take Over the Earth” by Ken Liu
“Approved Expense” by David Vierling
“Alexander Outland: Space Jockey” by Gini Koch
“Dear Joyce” by Langley Hyde
“Impress Me, Then We’ll Talk About the Money” by Tatiana Ivanova (translated from Russian by Alex Shvartsman)
* Aztec Astronauts
* Punster Prophets
* Apocalyptic Apps
* Cantankerous Cryptids
* and the Duck Knight
Fifth annual volume of the Unidentified Funny Objects anthology series features eighteen lighthearted science fiction and fantasy tales from the masters of the genre.
Read about planetary adoptions, secret agent princesses, alien cooking reality shows, rigged elections, magical insurance agents, and much more.
Featuring stories by:
George R. R. Martin
Caroline M. Yoachim
Brent C. Smith
Jody Lynn Nye
Michael J. Martinez
Here are seventeen stories of urban fantasy by today’s leading science fiction and fantasy authors that introduce you to some of those other were-creatures, the ones hiding in the dark background shadows, waiting to bite. Join Seanan McGuire, Ashley McConnell, Susan Jett, Eliora Smith, David B. Coe, April Steenburgh, Gini Koch, Mike Barretta, Elizabeth Kite, Danielle Ackley-McPhail, Jean Marie Ward, Katharine Kerr, Sarah Brand, Anneliese Belmond, Faith Hunter, Patricia Bray, and Phyllis Ames as they take you into the hidden corners of our world to see some lesser known were-creatures. You may want to bring along some silver … just in case.
Experience a historical moment through the intervention of a time travel agency. Be trapped inside a time bubble—willingly—so that you can save the universe from Darkness over and over again. Step outside of time at the order of your queen in order to stop a traitor…or to keep an assassin from destroying the future. Or travel forward into the future in order to kill off timelines to save your son…or backwards to halt an accident to save your relationship.
Join fantasy and science fiction authors Ken Altabef, Alex Gideon, Stephen Leigh, D.B. Jackson, Faith Hunter, C.S. Friedman, Emily Randall, Gini Koch, Misty Massey, Rhondi Salsitz, Edmund R. Schubert, R.K. Nickel, Marie DesJardin, and Christine Lucas as they defy time and warp space in order to define what it means to be “temporally deactivated.” So get ready and hold on tight.
It’s time to step outside of time.
Being newlyweds and new parents is challenging enough. But nothing's ever easy for Jeff and Kitty-Katt Martini, particularly not when they have to switch from being super-being exterminators and Commanders in Centaurion Division to mastering the political landscape as the new heads of American Centaurion's Diplomatic Corps.
Kitty's brand of diplomacy and lobbying isn't quite as smooth as Jeff's—but when a shadowy assassination plot and a new set of anti-alien conspirators are identified, Kitty's the diplomat for the job—in between "Mommy and Me," "Diplomacy for Beginners," and the dreaded "Washington Wife" classes. Armed with only their wits, and dressed to kill, it's up to Kitty and the Diplomatic Corps to stop the bad guys from unleashing mayhem on all the world's leaders.
But will Kitty trust the right people, at the right times, or will going her own way prove deadly—not just to her, but to her daughter, Jamie?
Alien Diplomacy is the fifth installment of the thrilling Alien novels.
Jeff and Kitty Katt-Martini have learned the ins and outs of Washington politics, not to mention how to prevail in intergalactic war and foil dangerous plots. So when the newly elected Representative from New Mexico’s 2nd Congressional District dies under mysterious circumstances while at the Centaurion Embassy, it’s up to Kitty and the rest of the Diplomatic Corps to stop the killer, before the rest of the U.S. House of Representatives become casualties, particularly the replacement Representative for New Mexico’s 2nd District—Jeff Martini.
Alien in the House is the thrilling seventh installment of the Alien series.
This is the third annual volume of Unidentified Funny Objects and it contains twenty-three humorous short stories from some of the genre's best-known authors, as well as talented up-and-comers.
These are some of the unlikely characters you will encounter in the pages of this book:
* Hobo Satan
* Vampire novelist
* Traveling robot salesman
* Brain-in-a-jar superhero
* Jinn trapped in a mattress