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Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape Hardcover – March 29, 2016

by Peggy Orenstein (Author)

215 customer reviews

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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

A Time Top 10 Book of the Year • A San Francisco Chronicle Book of the Year

The author of the New York Times bestseller Cinderella Ate My Daughter offers a clear-eyed picture of the new sexual landscape girls face in the post-princess stage—high school through college—and reveals how they are negotiating it.

A generation gap has emerged between parents and their girls. Even in this age of helicopter parenting, the mothers and fathers of tomorrow’s women have little idea what their daughters are up to sexually or how they feel about it. Drawing on in-depth interviews with over seventy young women and a wide range of psychologists, academics, and experts, renowned journalist Peggy Orenstein goes where most others fear to tread, pulling back the curtain on the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important possibilities of girls’ sex lives in the modern world.

While the media has focused—often to sensational effect—on the rise of casual sex and the prevalence of rape on campus, in Girls and Sex Peggy Orenstein brings much more to the table. She examines the ways in which porn and all its sexual myths have seeped into young people’s lives; what it means to be the “the perfect slut” and why many girls scorn virginity; the complicated terrain of hookup culture and the unfortunate realities surrounding assault. In Orenstein’s hands these issues are never reduced to simplistic “truths;” rather, her powerful reporting opens up a dialogue on a potent, often silent, subtext of American life today—giving readers comprehensive and in-depth information with which to understand, and navigate, this complicated new world.

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

An Amazon Best Book of April 2016: It would be easy to pigeonhole Girls & Sex as essential reading only for parents of female teens or preteens. But as I traveled deeper into Orenstein’s honest and thoughtful exploration of “the complicated new landscape” of sex as seen from the points of view of seventy high school and college-age girls she interviewed, I realized this book is for anyone who cares for a girl approaching womanhood, whether she is a daughter, niece, granddaughter, or friend of the family. Orenstein is the perfect guide, empathetic with the girls she interviews while also calling out how views on being “hot,” consensual sex, drinking, and the very definition of virginity and intercourse has changed in the past ten or twenty years. She’s so direct, the reader can’t help but face how dramatically the landscape has shifted. (I admit to being horrified at the latest definition of “second base.” But better to be wide-eyed than blind.) It’s a tribute to Orenstein’s perceptive investigations and her ability to make you question your own long-held beliefs about young people and sex that as I turned the last page, I felt an intense desire to read a Boys & Sex edition so that our young men could be given the clear voice that Orenstein has given young women. —Adrian Liang

Review

“Provocative and thoughtful.... Both an examination of sexual culture and a guide on how to improve it.... The breadth of Orenstein’s reporting ... is impressive.” (Laura Stepp, Washington Post)

“Nonsensational but deeply entertaining…. A must-read.” (People, Book of the Week)

“A nuanced read for anyone who remembers being a young woman and anyone who is raising the next generation of girls (and boys) for whom we hope the future holds sexual satisfaction, not pain or disappointment.” (Rebecca Traister, More)

“I’m not going to tell you to go right now and buy a copy…. I’m going to tell you to buy two copies: One for yourself, and one for the teenager in your life…. Refuses to be judgmental or doom and gloom. Instead, it offers something else — a demand for education, enlightenment, and ultimately, the radical notion of equal satisfaction.” (Mary Elizabeth Williams, Salon)

“Thought-provoking. . .Girls & Sex is full of thoughtful concern and empathetic questions.” (Cindi Leive, New York Times Book Review, cover review)

“I’m not going to tell you to go right now and buy a copy…. I’m going to tell you to buy two copies: One for yourself, and one for the teenager in your life…. Refuses to be judgmental or doom and gloom. Instead, it offers something else — a demand for education, enlightenment, and ultimately, the radical notion of equal satisfaction.” (Adrian Liang, Amazon Best Book of the Month citation)

“Girls & Sex should be mandatory for anyone who cares about the present and future cultural landscape for girls, women, humans. I seriously want to quit my job and tour the country, furiously hawking Peggy Orenstein’s insightful, important book.” (Rashida Jones, actress, writer, producer)

“[An] important new book.... Her writing is clear and compelling, her analysis is incisive and thorough, and her findings are downright troubling.” (Sharon Holbrook, Washington Post)

“Fascinating…. A wise and sharply argued look at how girls are navigating ‘the complicated new landscape’ of sex and sexuality.” (Economist)

“An intimate view of the sex lives of young women in the United States. While revealing disturbing common threads… Orenstein brings levity to this fraught topic.” (Elle)

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Product details

Hardcover: 320 pages
Publisher: Harper (March 29, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0062209728
ISBN-13: 978-0062209726
Product Dimensions: 6 x 1 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 215 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #87,829 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #134 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Parenting > Parenting Girls
- #219 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Women's Studies > Feminist Theory
- #250 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Sexual Health > General

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E. N. Anderson

Possibly even worse is that love and care seem almost to have ...

April 20, 2016

Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

As a grandfather, totally out of touch with the world of girls today, I read this book to find out what sort of world my three granddaughters are getting themselves into. It's a nightmare world. 10% of girls get violently raped, 25% get taken advantage of while drunk. Possibly even worse is that love and care seem almost to have disappeared as concepts. Sex is mostly about "hooking up." I trust my grandkids and their wonderful parents to manage this wilderness somehow, but I have some major questions for society. First, I certainly agree with the author that the most immediate and important thing is to give girls more control of their lives and feelings. The awful old pressures to conform, go along, do what boys/men want, and be passive and docile appear to be actually worse than in the 1950s when I was this age. They certainly aren't any better. Second, I also agree that one very important thing is to teach girls how to do sex right--to make it safe, enjoyable, and emotionally satisfying--which it apparently almost never is, today. We in the 1950s were utterly unprepared for sex and didn't have a clue how to enjoy it when we finally managed--it was supposed to be "fun," that was all. Apparently things are actually even worse now: the kids learn from porn, which is truly worse than nothing, for reasons covered with great explicitness in this book. Third, and this is not really stressed enough in the book, we have to do something about pop culture and the pressures on kids to conform to it and take all their standards and orientations from it. It is teaching the worst possible lessons--and not just the porn. Fourth, we have to stop glorifying the most unnatural: totally shaved bodies, plastic surgery, all sorts of piercings and so on, anything to make the body look like a pathology textbook rather than a human being. How is a girl going to have a decent love life if she thinks her body is so repulsive that she has to do all these things to it? Some pretty graphic details of hating nature are in the book (I spare the reader here).
A lot of girls are simply swearing off sex. University surveys known to me have revealed figures in the range of 20 minutes a day for "romantic activities." (Versus 7 to 8 hours for classes and studies.) So it seems like the alternative to partying is nothing, or nearly nothing. I hope this is wrong....
We as a society really have to go against the pop trash, whether it's porn, gangsta rap, other pop music, or the other horrors these days, and get the message to the kids (boys as well as girls) that sex is about love and relationships, AND can be a lot of fun, but it can't be done by conformity, least of all with porn--it has to be developed as an art in itself.

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djb

A Must Read

May 30, 2016

Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

A game changing, must-read for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and anyone who has relationships with young people navigating today's world of sex. Teens and young adults are facing a new uncharted world with regards to sex - a world which is dominated by the internet and its emphasis on texting, and selfies, and the fantasies driven by online porn and the Kardashians. On some level, all of the sexual liberation which arrived in the sixties, which helped women to become supposed sexual equals to men can now work against today's young women. I acknowledge that some of the stories may be anecdotal, and Orenstein does, too. Unfortunately my experience in the workplace and amongst my friends, is that the stories are the tip of the iceberg for many young women. And let's remember - meaningless and degrading sex is bad for both men and women.

In addition to exploring the real issues that face our teens and young adults, Orenstein offers example of meaningful alternatives to the post sixties style of parenting. She examines parenting styles in Norway, where in addition to open discussions about the mechanics of sex, parents are providing real guidance to achieving a healthy and mature approach to the emotional aspects of sexuality.

In our effort to be good parents, we are standing side by side with our kids on education, and in all of the arenas that help them to maximize their potential. Unfortunately, we sometimes abandon them at the door of their burgeoning sexuality as they head off to college. We tacitly approve of pre-marital sex, and provide education on birth control in hopes that they will evolve into mature adults who enjoy sex. Orenstein is helping us to understand that just as we drove them to soccer and dance lessons, they need coaching and guidance to move from puberty to emotionally fulfilled sexual beings. The process to achieve maturity with regards to sexuality needs to be discussed openly, and with the same dedication we provided to college applications and prom dresses.

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Luis Canas

Great book

November 2, 2016

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Excellent writing presenting compelling information about girls and sex. As a father of a boy and a girl soon to become teenagers, it has given me sound ideas about how I can talk about sex with my daughter and with my son. Also, it will be very helpful when I talk to my son about the importance of understanding girls feelings towards sex. Thanks a lot for such wonderful information.

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Moi Aussi

Superb! If you’re over thirty...

November 17, 2017

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

If you are over 30 you really should read this book because you have no idea what young people are doing. If you are under 30 you should read it as well just to see what you’re in for. This book is an eye-opener and anybody who has kids or grandkids needs to know what’s happening in today’s sexual scene. As a bonus, the book is wonderfully written and a very easy read. Kudos to the author!!

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Kathee Villar

Five Stars

May 23, 2016

Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

This is a great book for parents of girls. But more important, it should be a wake up call for parents of boys. Somehow we have let children (especially girls) grow up too fast without instilling the values of self-worth. Girls should realize that they are treasures, and boys should be taught to understand that.

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Aimee Edgington

I would recommend this book to anyone

September 10, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I would recommend this book to anyone! Especially young adults and adolescents. This also isn't a book just for girls; honestly, any parent would be doing a service to their kids (any gender) to have them read this book. It discusses many of the social issues surrounding sex in society and talks of the origins of these issues. I think it affords perspective on a subject that many young people feel awkward talking about. Moreover, they get this knowledge from any place they are comfortable reading the book. There are few safer and better options out there to educate your kids on sex the way this book can. Highly recommend! Amazing read for parents to understand where their children might be at as well sexually.

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Most recent customer reviews

Murphylee13

Five Stars

Everyone should read this.

Published 29 days ago

Jessica Zeigler

I recommend it to everyone I talk to about it

This book is an eye opening read for all sexex young and old. I recommend it to everyone I talk to about it !

Published 1 month ago

Michele_F

I can't say I love this book considering the ugly truth that is talks ...

I can't say I love this book considering the ugly truth that is talks about and I have a teenage daughter.Read more

Published 1 month ago

Npdx

Must read

Girls & Sex is a must read for thoughtful parents and maybe for young women and men too. Well researched and well written with practical suggestions to begin to empower our young...Read more

Published 2 months ago

Amazon Customer

Great and informative

Excellently researched, drawing much data and personal stories. Hard facts. Makes one think. Time to talk more with the girls.

Published 2 months ago

Autumn

Informative and Definitely Complicated

This is an important book for parents of girls and even parents of boys could benefit from reading this and educating their sons (and knowing what they might be up to).

Published 3 months ago

Peggy Ryals

👍👍

Great book. The first 1/3-1/2 half was kinda hard to get through, as it paints a painful image of teens and young adults sexuality, but after that Orenstein had great insight and...Read more

Published 3 months ago

Mary

It is a great book for moms and dads with girls or boys ...

I heard about this book on NPR. It is a great book for moms and dads with girls or boys of any age.Read more

Published 4 months ago

Katz

Really good. Eye-opening and telling it like it is

Really good. Eye-opening and telling it like it is! I thought it was very good and helped me with talking with my young teen.

Published 4 months ago

Five Stars

Now if my daughters could just handle how often I quote this book!

Published 4 months ago

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