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The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun) Paperback – March 4, 2012
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Gregoire answers questions about nuts and bolts. She also writes from a covenantal view: Sex is created by God for our good and His glory. She conveys a basic message that marriage is a lifelong endeavor, that husbands and wives have time to experiment, and that communication and trust facilitate good sex. Like a funny big sister, she takes on intimate topics in a frank and reassuring way. She writes for those who are engaged, newlyweds, and for those who are sexually experienced and want to gain a biblical understanding. She cautions against laziness and also against the temptations that porn has made popular. (WORLD Magazine)
From the Author
My husband and I have been married for 21 years, and happily married for 17.
Those first four years were really difficult. And a big part of the reason is that we just couldn't connect in the bedroom.
When we walk down the aisle, we usually assume everything will naturally fall into place. If it was going to be hard, we wouldn't get married, would we? Yet all too often, once the confetti is gone and the wedding dress is boxed up, we don't feel quite as giddy. We start to wonder, "is this all there is? Isn't marriage supposed to be better?"
Yep. It is! And in The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex, I show women that you don't have to settle for mediocre. God created you to feel incredible pleasure but also incredible intimacy through sex. And he doesn't want you to settle for anything less!
But getting to bliss isn't always easy, because men and women approach sex very differently. Men make love to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to make love.
Add to that our culture's portrayal as sex being something that is only physical, and awfully shallow, and combine that with all of our baggage coming into marriage, and sex can often be something that adds a lot of tension to the marriage.
It doesn't have to be that way. Whether you're a new bride or a veteran wife, my dream is that you will be able to experience true and beautiful intimacy with your husband--intimacy that has all the physical fireworks you've dreamt of, but also that overwhelming feeling of "being one". And in this book I gave all the practical tips I could on how to better understand your man, how to better understand yourself, and how to understand how sex is supposed to work. Because I asked women just like you about their experiences, I've also got lots of funny stories and messages of triumph to help you aim high.
And I've even included some "Good Girl Dares" to spice things up. Because honestly, ladies, those having the most fun in bed aren't the starlets that grace the covers of Cosmo. They're those of us who are married to our good guys, and who are committed for life. Those are the necessary ingredients for a great sex life. And in the book, I'll help rev it up!
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I HATE THE TITLE. The concept of good girls vs. bad girls is so wrong. I understand how the author is using those terms, but I just feel like it’s an unfortunate choice, and not nearly as powerful as what I think the real concept is: counter-culture sex. We need to reform and recapture sex as something that God made to be an expression of love and unity, and a picture of Christ and the Church. This is for all those strong women who want God’s best for their marriage and family, including sex. It contains lots of wisdom for helping us navigate the errors of our culture and some common errors found in Christian sub-culture, and “good girl/bad girl” just doesn’t do that concept justice.
Then there are the “Good Girl Dares.” I put black tape over most of these. It’s not that I object to anything they suggest (nothing suggested is “dirty” or wrong) – it’s the fact of suggesting that I object to. Here are three reasons why, written to an engaged girl:
The first is just the fun that you would miss out on of coming up with these things on your own. Some of them you will think of within your first year. Others maybe not ‘til your tenth. Still others, maybe never, but then – what will you really be missing, if you’re satisfied with your relationship 25 years from now, and are still growing in love for each other? So take the time to come up with your own little games, flirts, special sex treats – you don’t need a cleaned-up version of Cosmopolitan magazine.
Second, there is the danger of a sensitive woman, eager to please her man, feeling pressure that she has to be willing to do all these things in order to be a good lover. And thinking that if she doesn’t feel comfortable with one or more of them there’s something wrong with her or she’s a prude. Remember that this author has nearly twenty five years of learning and getting more comfortable with her husband. Why shouldn’t you have the chance to learn over time and at a pace that suits you, too?
Third, any young husband who reads these suggestions will likely want to try every one of them. This week. There could be the temptation for a man to feel discontented if his sex relationship isn’t there yet, or if his wife isn’t ready for something that sounds quite good to him. Which will only make his wife feel more pressure, and PRESSURE IS THE ENEMY OF GOOD SEX.
If you ever find yourself in the position of wanting some suggestions for spicing up your love life, first ask your husband. In fact, I can't emphasize enough - START TALKING FROM DAY ONE about what you and he each want, what feels good, what you might like but aren’t sure (and feel free to change your mind!) If you ever feel like you need more ideas, order an unaltered copy of the book. My guess is that, with lots of time and trust and learning to be more vulnerable with each other, a book of ideas won’t be necessary. But some people do find them helpful, and this one is certainly better than Sheet Music (a popular Christian book that is chock-full of tons of pressure, I mean suggestions from an old pro) or Cosmo.
The last change I’ve made is to add underlines and notes. I found this book to be a real gift to women – very straight-forward and open. Much of what we try to tell girls in marriage prep is here, where they can read it in private. However, the author is not as careful to balance some of her statements as I would like her to be, especially for that sensitive, eager-to-please woman I mentioned earlier. That woman sometimes needs to have the pressure taken off preemptively. So I make some balancing notes in addition to underlining some things I think are excellent and helpful.
Overall, this is a winner. But I feel like it needs a bit of an overhaul – get rid of the title (and its repetition of the good/bad girl theme throughout the book) and the “dares,” and it would be 75% better.