My Goodreads review of this book
The Good Life by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz is based on the Grant Study, an 80-year longitudinal study of a select group of Harvard graduates from the 1950s. The Grant study has been to the study of healthy mental and social adaptation akin to what the Framingham study has been for the study of cardiovascular health and the development of cardiovascular illness. These types of studies identify people who have not yet manifested illness and follow them prospectively over time. These studies are like a photo album over the course of one’s life rather than a single photograph. The prospective study design allows one to identify risk factors for the development of cardiovascular disease in studies like Framingham.
In the Grant study, factors like the use of recognized psychological defenses or adaptive behaviors can be correlated with subsequent psychological or social outcomes. The outcomes typically are discussed in terms of a range, for example happy, long-term marriage versus unhappy union with or without divorce, versus the choice to remain single. Social and cultural norms and biases influence the interpretation of many of these psychosocial outcomes. This makes the process more nuanced than medical outcomes like heart attack or stroke, which are uniformly seen as adverse. The separation of desirable from adverse psychosocial outcomes can be facilitated by using the individual’s own interpretation of satisfying versus unsatisfying or happy versus unhappy.
One can look for an association between explanatory variables like the use of specific psychological defenses and different outcome variables, like a satisfying career or happy marriage. By comparing the relative strength of these associations, one can infer whether specific outcomes are more or less likely among groups with and without the different adaptive behaviors and/ or use of known defenses. The inferences are bolstered by vignettes from many individuals’ stories.
The Good Life is a follow-up to the report by George Vaillant, Adaptation to Life. In my Goodreads review of Adaptation to Life, I mentioned several motifs that Dr. Vaillant advanced:
• Isolated childhood traumas appeared to be less important than sustained relationships with important people in the subjects’ lives.
• Lives changed over time.
• The key to understanding the subjects’ psychology or psychopathology was to understand the subjects’ adaptive mechanisms or use of psychological defenses.
• Human development continues throughout one’s life.
• Mental health can be considered somewhat independent of moral and cultural values.
These themes are developed further in Waldinger's and Schulz's book, The Good Life. It continues to emphasize the important role of close relationships in the observed subject’s physical and mental health, sense of satisfaction, and personal happiness.
Critically, this book begins to generalize some of the things we readers might learn from the more, and less, adaptive members of the observed cohort. This process begins with one of the most important lessons I took away from my medical school psychiatry rotations: try to observe how we feel in the presence of our patients. Our feelings can be important clues to our patients’ psychiatric diagnoses. This insight can be applied to interpersonal dynamics with relatively healthy people including our family and friends.
From this simple but fraught insight comes the acronym of this book: WISER which the authors apply to all sorts of close human relationships aiming in each case to improve the quality of those relationships. W stands for Watch as in observing our own feelings. As the psychiatry adage goes, 'Don't just do something. Sit there.' And while sitting, observe our own feelings. The I stands for Interpret, whereby we are to ponder, why am I feeling this way? The trained therapist continuously aims for greater understanding and empathy, and less judgment, in answering this question. Based upon one's answer to the previous question, we consider our options as to how to respond. The S stands for Select, whereby we choose from among the options. We then are to Engage or implement with care, meaning with awareness of the other person's feelings. The R stands for Reflect. After trying this sequence, we reflect on how it went, and what we can learn from the sequence. Much of the book consists in applying these steps to our important relationships (marriage, parenting, work), based on the data and stories of participants in the Grant Study.
Part of the frustration I had with psychiatry, as a medical trainee, was the emphasis on deterministic factors (nature and nurture) over which I, as a physician had no control. My therapist-daughter and I joke about this limitation with the question, 'How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? It only takes one psychiatrist to change a light bulb, so long as the light bulb wants to change. It was no accident that I became an interventional cardiologist, a field in which some of my efforts could produce changes largely independent of my patient's compliance, at least over the short haul. For example, when I implanted a coronary stent during an acute myocardial infarction, my efforts could enhance blood flow and relieve myocardial ischemia, without depending upon the patient's desire or efforts to change.
My biggest gain from reading both Adaptation to Life and The Good Life is the sense of hope for facilitating, not causing, or controlling, healthy change in my relationships with other people, including my family members, friends, and my patients. It starts with the efforts to change myself, particularly in becoming more understanding and empathic, and less judgmental.
Enjoy fast, free delivery, exclusive deals, and award-winning movies & TV shows with Prime
Try Prime
and start saving today with fast, free delivery
Loading your book clubs
There was a problem loading your book clubs. Please try again.
Not in a club? Learn more
Join or create book clubs
Choose books together
Track your books
Bring your club to Amazon Book Clubs, start a new book club and invite your friends to join, or find a club that’s right for you for free.
Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.
Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.
Follow the authors
Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.
Great on Kindle
Great Experience. Great Value.
Putting our best book forward
Each Great on Kindle book offers a great reading experience, at a better value than print to keep your wallet happy.
Explore your book, then jump right back to where you left off with Page Flip.
View high quality images that let you zoom in to take a closer look.
Enjoy features only possible in digital – start reading right away, carry your library with you, adjust the font, create shareable notes and highlights, and more.
Discover additional details about the events, people, and places in your book, with Wikipedia integration.
Get the free Kindle app: 
Enjoy a great reading experience when you buy the Kindle edition of this book.
Learn more about Great on Kindle, available in select categories.
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.
Similar items that may ship from close to you
Page 1 of 1 Start overPage 1 of 1
Popular Highlights in this book
The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest (mentally and physically) at age 80.Highlighted by 1,538 Kindle readers- Because a rich life—a good life—is forged from precisely the things that make it hard.Highlighted by 1,412 Kindle readers
- As an old saying goes, We are always comparing our insides to other people’s outsides.Highlighted by 875 Kindle readers
From the Publisher
|
|
|
|
|---|---|---|
|
|
|
|
Videos for this product
Page 1 of 1Start OverPage 1 of 1
Top reviews from the United States
There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.
Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2023
Reviewed in the United States on November 21, 2023
Reviewed in the United States on July 8, 2023
Reviewed in the United States on November 14, 2023
Reviewed in the United States on February 21, 2023
Top reviews from other countries
Alex Barham
Amazing book on what contributes to happiness
Reviewed in Canada on October 31, 2023
María
El libro llegó en mal estado
Reviewed in Spain on August 24, 2023
María
Reviewed in Spain on August 24, 2023
Images in this review
