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The Good News About Bad Behavior: Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than EverAnd What to Do About It Hardcover – April 17, 2018

by Katherine Reynolds Lewis (Author)

52 customer reviews

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The current model of parental discipline is as outdated as a rotary phone.

Why don't our kids do what we want them to do? Parents often take the blame for misbehavior, but this obscures a broader trend: in our modern, highly connected age, children have less self-control than ever. About half of the current generation of children will develop a mood or behavioral disorder or a substance addiction by age eighteen. Contemporary kids need to learn independence and responsibility, yet our old ideas of punishments and rewards are preventing this from happening.

To stem this growing crisis of self-regulation, journalist and parenting expert Katherine Reynolds Lewis articulates what she calls The Apprenticeship Model, a new theory of discipline that centers on learning the art of self-control. Blending new scientific research and powerful individual stories of change, Lewis shows that, if we trust our children to face consequences, they will learn to adapt and moderate their own behavior. She watches as chaotic homes become peaceful, bewildered teachers see progress, and her own family grows and evolves in light of these new ideas. You'll recognize your own family in Lewis's sensitive, realistic stories, and you'll find a path to making everyone in your home more capable, kinder, and happier--including yourself.

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Review

"Katherine Lewis has written a smart, compassionate book for the 21st century parent. Forget the carrot-and-stick approach to redirecting children's' behavior. We can help our kids develop their inner motivation for behaving well - while simultaneously forging lasting family bonds - by following the wise guidance in Bad Behavior."―Daniel H. Pink, New York Times bestselling author of When and Drive

"At a time when families are feeling pressed for time and stressed by the demands of modern living, Katherine Reynolds Lewis makes an urgent case for connection, communication and giving children space to develop their own capability. With compelling stories and research, Lewis's book is a welcome guide through the land mines of modern parenting."―Brigid Schulte, award-winning journalist, director of The Better Life Lab at New America, and author of the New York Times bestseller Overwhelmed

"Katherine Reynolds Lewis, armed with the latest behavioral science research and her eye-opening journalistic inquiry, introduces a new discipline model.... An absolute must-read for anyone raising or teaching 'difficult' children, and insightful to anyone eager to teach kids how to regulate their own behavior and ultimately thrive in society on their own."―Julie Lythcott-Haims, New York Times bestselling author of How to Raise an Adult and Real American

"The Good News About Bad Behavior is the book parents and teachers need in order to understand the link between empathy and genuine, human connection to positive behavioral outcomes. Lewis explains how children's lack of self-regulation and resilience is at the root of so many modern parenting dilemmas and gives practical, useful advice for how to do better for our kids. The Good News About Bad Behavior is an important addition to my parenting and education library."―Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure

"If you hate disciplining your kids with time-outs and punishments, you're in for a treat. Instead of trying to control children, this timely book shows how you can teach them to control themselves."―Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Give and Take, Originals, and Option B with Sheryl Sandberg

"With a parent's compassion and a journalist's rigor, she offers advice from the trenches while providing a realistic roadmap towards a better family life. Blending solid science and highly readable storytelling, The Good News About Bad Behavior is sure to become a parent must-read."―Judith Warner, New York Times-bestselling author of Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety and We've Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication

"A book that is both incredibly fascinating AND insanely helpful? That's what you're holding in your hands. A great book! It is both reassuring and fantastic to know that there's a way out of bad behavior, and a very rational reason for why it exists in the first place!"―Lenore Skenazy, president of Let Grow and author of Free-Range Kids

About the Author

Katherine Reynolds Lewis is an award-winning independent journalist based in the Washington, DC, area who regularly writes for The Atlantic, Fortune, USA Today's magazine group, the Washington Post, and Working Mother magazine. Lewis's byline has also appeared in Bloomberg Businessweek, MSN Money, Money, Mother Jones, the New York Times, Parade, Slate, and the Washington Post Magazine. Her work has won awards from the Society of American Business Editors and Writers, the Society of Professional Journalists, and the Chicago Headline Club. She has received fellowships from the Carey Institute for Global Good, the National Press Foundation, the Poynter Institute, and the University of Maryland's Casey Journalism Center. Residencies include Le Moulin à Nef, Ragdale, and the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts. Her media appearances include CNN, NPR, Bloomberg television and radio, and HuffPost Live, as well as numerous radio programs nationally and internationally. In 2008, Lewis created a website on working moms for About.com, which she ran until 2014, attracting millions of readers to the site, its blog, and a weekly newsletter. She is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington, Maryland.

Hardcover: 288 pages
Publisher: PublicAffairs; 1 edition (April 17, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1610398386
ISBN-13: 978-1610398381
Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 1 x 9.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 52 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #8,288 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #43 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Conflict Management
- #43 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Conflict Resolution
- #45 in Books > Medical Books > Psychology > Child Psychology

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Matt Skinner

Entertaining, insightful and extremely useful.

April 17, 2018

Verified Purchase

I was lucky to read a review copy of this book. I admit I was a little skeptical, "Not Another Parenting book!!!!!" This book hit home with me instantly. Many of the stories about children in this book could have been taken out of my family's life. She lays out with researched-backed proof that kids really are growing up quite differently. Therefore, the old parenting model of "Because I said so!!!!" doesn't work anymore. Not to worry, the solutions presented aren't very difficult to understand. All it will take is a few little changes and a couple ounces of trust (in yourself and your kids).

14 people found this helpful15 people found this helpful

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Changed the way I think about raising children

April 25, 2018

Verified Purchase

This is a fantastic book filled with relatable anecdotes and practical advice. I will be recommending it to many others as I think there's something in here for every family. Lewis seems to really understand why kids have so many behavior problems today and presents solutions that get to the root of the problem rather than treat the symptoms. I've found it to be immensely helpful in the way I relate to children and honestly, even other adults. Lewis is at the forefront of what I hope will become a massive rethinking of how we raise children, and I can't recommend her book enough.

5 people found this helpful6 people found this helpful

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Kermit Roosevelt

The Solution

April 19, 2018

Verified Purchase

As a parent, I spent a lot of time thinking about how to get my children to DO what I thought would be best for them. It wasn’t until I read this book that I realized I should be thinking about how to get them to BE what’s best for them. That’s the only kind of parenting that will succeed when parents aren’t around. This book tells you how to help your children develop the competencies that allow them to be their best selves—even when no one’s watching.

18 people found this helpful19 people found this helpful

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Sarah

Well researched, accessible and with practical suggestions

June 19, 2018

Verified Purchase

You know, I had to take many classes to learn how to be in my profession but no one has to take a class to be a parent. And as much as I have hunted for a “how - to” manual since bringing my first child home from the hospital, I still haven’t found one. And as my children get older, this parenting gig gets harder.

I’ve heard so much conflicting information over the years and it is becoming more difficult to parse through the data. I appreciate the author’s focus on research in the first portion of the book and her presentation of the material was easy to digest. I can see how each of the proposed methods are rooted in the research presented.

I also appreciate the author’s practical perspective. Too often we parents hear the lament: “oh, kids just don’t play outside like they used to.” Yes, that is true. For whatever the reasons, this kind of play simply is more limited than it used to be and there’s no going back. And rather than spending time focused on the doom and gloom for the upcoming generation - this book focuses on the: “ok, now what?”

I would recommend this book to modern parents, especially if you have a rambunctious, energetic child that doesn’t seem to respond to typical parenting responses like time outs. I would also recommend this to the other anxious parents out there who are scared they are screwing up their kids. There’s a lot of good stuff here, and like the title suggests, it’s not all bad news.

3 people found this helpful4 people found this helpful

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Jennifer Margulis, Ph.D.

An Excellent Read

April 20, 2018

Verified Purchase

Many parenting books tell you what to do. "The Good News About Bad Behavior" tells you why to do it and how, as well. Katherine Reynolds Lewis explains that it's not our imagination, kids are really worse behaved than ever. But we don't have to punish kids or set up elaborate reward systems -- we can win them over with positive and encouraging strategies. There is so much advice in this book that I can apply to the way I interact with my own four children, starting today. I especially loved the way it was written in a compelling way with lots of storytelling and real-life examples. I only wish Kakki had written this book years ago. Destined to be a go-to parenting classic, like Po Bronson's "NurtureShock" (another book I highly recommend.) Five stars for sure.

9 people found this helpful10 people found this helpful

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William Kelly Morris

Face it: kid's brains and behavior is different today.

April 29, 2018

Verified Purchase

I suspected that bullying and bribery might not be the best way to raise a child, but it is satisfying to see that science is pointing to a better way. With graceful clarity, Katherine Reynolds Lewis lays out an approach that recognizes that today's kids are different and live in a different world. The author is candid, flexible, open-hearted, and forceful in arguing that it is vital for children to know that they are liked and respected, that the early years are a process which parents need to understand and help. This is an important book that is a pleasure to read.

4 people found this helpful5 people found this helpful

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IMWriter

Great Resource for Parents -- How to Help Kids Navigate a Complex World and Self-Regulate

May 21, 2018

Verified Purchase

As parents of two sons and grandparents of three teenagers, we hope every parent reads this book. Katherine Reynolds Lewis gives a roadmap to raising children so that they have the tools necessary to control their impulses and thrive in an ever more challenging world. Her logical approach to child-rearing appeals to my husband as a scientist. As a lifelong educator, I especially like her structured approach focusing on connection, communication, capability, and limits + routines. Like the author, we believe that children need to experiment and to learn from both their successes and their failures. She writes, "When a child misbehaves, instead of getting angry, get curious," encouraging us to figure out what the child is trying to tell you and why. Our children will be the winners if parents read and follow this book. We highly recommend it.

8 people found this helpful9 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer

Loved this new approach to helping kids monitor their own behavior

May 22, 2018

Verified Purchase

I found this book to be so helpful. Lewis explains why old-school "listen to me because I say so" parenting just doesn't cut it anymore. Our children are different and so our parenting needs to evolve as well. Helping our children monitor their own behavior makes sense if we want our kids to grow up to be responsible and successful adults. I am recommending this book to all of my friends!

4 people found this helpful5 people found this helpful

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