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Hanging On By My Fingernails: Surviving the new divorce gamesmanship, and how a scratch can land you in jail Paperback – April 17, 2012
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I have a special section of my library which holds a few well-worn texts on Domestic Violence, the Family Court system, and related issues. There were only five "go-to" books there, until a moment ago - when I placed Janie McQueen's HANGING ON BY MY FINGERNAILS on the top of the stack.
Not to be pejorative toward other works on the referenced topic, but this isn't the usual offering on DV and the courts. This is the story of Ms. McQueen's own hellish struggle with the latest tentacle of the misogynistic chokehold that the "Father's Rights" movement has established within the FC system: Divorce Gamesmanship.
To sum it up: The male who wants to dump his wife/mother of the children somewhere while he sets himself up for the preferred stance in a divorce action is instructed to get her arrested. How? Bait, attack, assault - and if she defends herself, call 911. The System will take it from there.
The enduring power of this book is found in the fact that Janie McQueen doesn't merely explore, examine, and explain Divorce Games; no, she recounts it. She lays bare her own ordeal of being maneuvered onto the Gamesmanship hook, with her children used as the bait; then, she adroitly takes apart The Games, and the systems which support them. In her work to get the warning out to other women, Ms. McQueen relives a thousand betrayals, from the treachery and deceit of her well-coached ex to the church people whom she once considered friends. Perhaps the most devastating element of "Hanging On" - of this sick culture as a whole, really - is the enthusiastic, even eager defection of useful idiots to the side of the oppressors.Read more ›
Here's the latest twist - Abusive husbands now claiming their wives are the abusers and they are the victims!!
This ploy is just as ugly as it sounds. Some men are upending domestic violence laws so that their wives (who are the true victims) are arrested, prosecuted and even sentenced as abusers.
In the foreword to the new book, Hanging On By My Fingernails: Surviving the New Divorce Gamesmanship, and How a Scratch Can Land You in Jail, written by Janie McQueen, Tamara N. Holder, a Chicago criminal defense attorney, explains how the scam works:
"Unfortunately, many abusive men have learned to reshape domestic violence laws into another weapon of abuse. They are turning police and court protections upside down: The abusers themselves call 9-1-1; they have the women arrested for domestic violence; and then they do everything they can to try to have the women prosecuted and sentenced. In this way, the true victim is painted as the abuser.
There is a deeper motivation in using this ploy; to show a pattern of "violent conduct" on the woman's part so that the abuser can use it as evidence against her in a divorce or child custody battle. And this form of abuse is permanent. A bruise heals after a few days, but a conviction for a violent crime mars her record forever.
The set-up: A couple has a fight. Either the wife calls 9-1-1 in a desperate plea for police intervention, or the husband makes the call first in a preemptive attack. When the police arrive, the woman is visibly upset. The man, on the other hand, is extremely calm as he switches off his anger. The husband tells the police that his wife is delusional, crazy, and violent.Read more ›
Expert reporter and author Janie McQueen writes not only a riveting story of her time in jail and having the police come to her house believing she was suicidal when she wasn't - all because her husband was framing her-- she teaches you the laws, and what you need to know to be prepared. She also shares the stories of other women who went through exactly what she did, too.
Did you know if your kids see you fighting in some states it is considered "cruelty to children"? It's true!
Don't wait until it's too late for you, and you are scarred deeply by a bad argument. Get educated, be knowledgeable and be prepared!!
Excellent book. I highly recommend it!
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This book made me realize thatI am not alone. There is a really sinister reality of the modern divorce when a narcissitic abuser is involved. Read morePublished 7 months ago by Fun Mommy74
This is not just the story of Janie McQueen but other mothers as well and links to resources for anyone living through a similar outrage.Published 14 months ago by Amazon Customer
This book was excellent! Janie was in my life? I am always amazed, nothing has happened to me, that hasn't happened to some else. It just takes a hero to write it down. Read morePublished 17 months ago by Laura M. Weishew
I knew I was leaving a narssisits. However, I did not listen to all the advice. After coming home one Friday night he spit in my face. Read morePublished on February 3, 2014 by Workin it
Too wordy and not well written: didn't even read into the second chapter...boring. don't waste your money, buy something by Melody BeattyPublished on September 22, 2013 by Shelley Childs
Janie McQueen exposes the unethical practices of Attorneys and organizations that support abusing and victimizing Spouses using the divorce process. Read morePublished on December 14, 2012 by victim of divorce process
I would have appreciated this book more, had the other author of this book been given writers credit. Congrats, Janie.Published on September 17, 2012 by HFH
It's about time for a clear-eyed look at the divorce and custody industry. There are and have been plenty of books bemoaning the author's condition, along with various police and... Read morePublished on April 17, 2012 by Ann Individual