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Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch Paperback – June 10, 2008

by Jim Norton (Author)
4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 343 ratings
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Jim Norton is a pervert

in the truest sense of the word. The physical equivalent of a tall slug, he pays top dollar for massages with happy endings and is fascinated by shitty sitcoms and fat girls. He is also, at times, racially offensive and morally repugnant. He spares no one in his comedy -- least of all himself.

Now, in this outrageous, blisteringly funny collection of essays, Norton tackles the topics that are near and dear to his heart: from public events like the legendary Voyeur Bus incident on the Opie and Anthony Show, which culminated in all involved being taken to jail, or seeking a hug from his childhood idol Gene Simmons, to deeply private moments, including a teenage Jim's embarrassing poetry-writing attempts while in rehab, and his inexpensive sexual experience with an unwashed MILF (a Monolith I'd Like to Forget). His stories are raw, searingly honest in their attention to detail, and most of all, hilarious.

Filled with personal photos and nearly fifty candid and uncompromising essays, Happy Endings is one of a kind...and probably best read on an empty stomach.
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  1. Print length
    288 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publication date
    June 10, 2008
  4. Dimensions
    5.5 x 0.9 x 8.5 inches
  5. ISBN-10
    1416961054
  6. ISBN-13
    978-1416961055
  7. See all details
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Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
343 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book humorous and a fun read. They praise the author as talented and honest. Readers appreciate the clear and gentle pacing. Opinions vary on the story quality, with some finding it great and interesting while others consider it repetitive or overdone.

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HumorReadabilityWriterAuthenticityPacingStory quality
40 customers mention "Humor"33 positive7 negative

Customers find the book humorous and witty. They laugh out loud while reading it, appreciating the author's irreverence and sense of humor.

"...Great book and very, very, very funny. Don't read if you think anything about Fat girls or sex shows can upset you, because Jimmy does it all...." Read more

"...The self deprecating humor shines through and made me feel embarrassed for him in several moments where I found myself hysterically laughing...." Read more

"...doubt that this book features page after page of Jim Norton's immense comical prowess...." Read more

"...While the comedy is raw, it is also relevant in today's politically correct, "try not to offend anybody," world...." Read more

28 customers mention "Readability"25 positive3 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and enjoyable. They describe it as a quick, clear read that flows smoothly.

"...Great book and very, very, very funny. Don't read if you think anything about Fat girls or sex shows can upset you, because Jimmy does it all...." Read more

"...Excellent book, highly recommended for anyone who comes into it trying to laugh and has an open minded sense of humor." Read more

"...I however, think it is hilarious and makes for a great read!!" Read more

"...This book is best read while sipping golden treats right from the faucet." Read more

6 customers mention "Writer"6 positive0 negative

Customers praise the author's writing style. They find the book humorous and consider it one of the best autobiographies ever written. However, some readers mention grammatical and spelling errors.

"...Which in a way, showed me that Jimmy was a great writer who could bring you into this story and at the same time, let you still be the person..." Read more

"...Every part is great. Quick read and very well written." Read more

"...Playfully written, a few gramatical and spelling errors that will surely drive Lil' Jimmy Norton batty...." Read more

"Jim Norton was one of the greatest authors of our time.You will love this book...." Read more

3 customers mention "Authenticity"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the author's honesty and frankness. They find him relatable for being open about his life, addictions, and how he lives it.

"So funny and honest. We all have amazing secrets but who is brave enough to admit them in a book. Jim Norton is...." Read more

"...Jim is frank about his life, addictions and how and what he does in life in this book...." Read more

"This book was totally hilarious. I hated to finish it. He is burtely frank which makes me like him more. He hides behind nothing." Read more

3 customers mention "Pacing"3 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book's pacing. They find it clear, unapologetic, and gentle. It's a quick read and a welcome departure from more proper and less vulgar titles.

"...It's a quick read but welcome departure from the more proper and less 'vulgar' titles I read...." Read more

"...Love the irreverence that he shows. Unapologetic and clear. Fights back against the politically correct faction." Read more

"Very Pure and Gentle..." Read more

9 customers mention "Story quality"6 positive3 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the story quality. Some find the stories engaging and funny, with stomach-churning anecdotes. They appreciate the movie and show ideas mentioned in the book. However, others find the stories repetitive, overdone, and predictable.

"HAPPY ENDINGS is a hilarious and occasionally stomach-churning collection of anecdotes by the world's most loveable pervert, Jim Norton...." Read more

"...I found the book too repetitious, sick at times and overly perverted. I did not like it when he talked of kids and sex...." Read more

"...Jim adds enough hilarious jokes into every sentence that every story is amazing...." Read more

"...My favorite chapters are his movie and show ideas." Read more

Informative, insightful... whoops, wrong book!
5 out of 5 stars
Informative, insightful... whoops, wrong book!
"Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch" delves into the deepest, darkest nooks and crannies of little Jimmy's mind. He gives insightful information regarding negotiating the balloon knot while avoiding butterscotch pudding. This is must-read material for closet pantie sniffers everywhere. This book will surely be found under mattresses around the world.Run right out and steal a copy as soon as you can. I was lucky enough to be given a copy by Jimmy's nephew Franko from MyTailerPark dot com. Jimmy had given it to Nansee as partial payment for a logging job that she did for him. Reading this will surely relieve your own log jam!This book is best read while sipping golden treats right from the faucet.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • 2-Bar Quack
    5.0 out of 5 stars Norton the artist, the comic, and the writer
    Reviewed in the United States on August 13, 2007
    Verified Purchase
    Jim Norton shows the performance of a character from O & A with his own speciality of insults and slang. I went into the book exspecting it to have no basis other than sick jokes and perverted humor, which I did get, but it also had more substance than that. It also showed Lil' Jimmy's soft side and humanity. Which in a way, showed me that Jimmy was a great writer who could bring you into this story and at the same time, let you still be the person looking into the man. Great book and very, very, very funny. Don't read if you think anything about Fat girls or sex shows can upset you, because Jimmy does it all. Only thing left to say is, FFUUUURRRRKKKKKOOOOOUUUUSSSS!!!!!
    Customer image
    2-Bar Quack
    5.0 out of 5 stars Norton the artist, the comic, and the writer
    Reviewed in the United States on August 13, 2007
    Jim Norton shows the performance of a character from O & A with his own speciality of insults and slang. I went into the book exspecting it to have no basis other than sick jokes and perverted humor, which I did get, but it also had more substance than that. It also showed Lil' Jimmy's soft side and humanity. Which in a way, showed me that Jimmy was a great writer who could bring you into this story and at the same time, let you still be the person looking into the man. Great book and very, very, very funny. Don't read if you think anything about Fat girls or sex shows can upset you, because Jimmy does it all. Only thing left to say is, FFUUUURRRRKKKKKOOOOOUUUUSSSS!!!!!
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  • Thomas Williams
    5.0 out of 5 stars Lil’ Jimmy
    Reviewed in the United States on September 12, 2021
    Verified Purchase
    Hilarious! The stories in this book will make you laugh and cringe all the way til the end. The self deprecating humor shines through and made me feel embarrassed for him in several moments where I found myself hysterically laughing. Excellent book, highly recommended for anyone who comes into it trying to laugh and has an open minded sense of humor.
    Helpful
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  • VoyageAmazon
    4.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant BUT...
    Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2021
    Verified Purchase
    There's no doubt that this book features page after page of Jim Norton's immense comical prowess. It is one sentence after another of obnoxious funny statement after another. His prolific comedic skill cannot be understated here. However, yes, it's true that I want a good laugh, many in fact, but I also look for both a real personal touch and perspective in such a writing. If you want non-stop laughs, you very well might love this, but if you're looking for something, anything at all more heartfelt from the man himself, I did not find it here.
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  • Stephen F. Yosh
    5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing comedy book!
    Reviewed in the United States on August 27, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    Hysterical!! Not for the sensitive, but this book is Jim Norton at his best (and most raw). This is a comedian who is not afraid to take on the politically correct, and is NOT your typical Hollywood treehugging, Starbucks drinking....(well OK, he does drink Starbucks) idiot. While the comedy is raw, it is also relevant in today's politically correct, "try not to offend anybody," world. Mr. Norton is who he is and he makes no apologies about it. He frequents prostitutes, and does many other act that most people would consider vile. I however, think it is hilarious and makes for a great read!!
    One person found this helpful
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  • John Bitna
    5.0 out of 5 stars Informative, insightful... whoops, wrong book!
    Reviewed in the United States on July 9, 2007
    Verified Purchase
    "Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch" delves into the deepest, darkest nooks and crannies of little Jimmy's mind. He gives insightful information regarding negotiating the balloon knot while avoiding butterscotch pudding. This is must-read material for closet pantie sniffers everywhere. This book will surely be found under mattresses around the world.

    Run right out and steal a copy as soon as you can. I was lucky enough to be given a copy by Jimmy's nephew Franko from MyTailerPark dot com. Jimmy had given it to Nansee as partial payment for a logging job that she did for him. Reading this will surely relieve your own log jam!

    This book is best read while sipping golden treats right from the faucet.
    Customer image
    John Bitna
    5.0 out of 5 stars Informative, insightful... whoops, wrong book!
    Reviewed in the United States on July 9, 2007
    "Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch" delves into the deepest, darkest nooks and crannies of little Jimmy's mind. He gives insightful information regarding negotiating the balloon knot while avoiding butterscotch pudding. This is must-read material for closet pantie sniffers everywhere. This book will surely be found under mattresses around the world.

    Run right out and steal a copy as soon as you can. I was lucky enough to be given a copy by Jimmy's nephew Franko from MyTailerPark dot com. Jimmy had given it to Nansee as partial payment for a logging job that she did for him. Reading this will surely relieve your own log jam!

    This book is best read while sipping golden treats right from the faucet.
    Images in this review
    Customer image Customer image Customer image Customer image Customer image Customer image Customer image
    Customer imageCustomer imageCustomer imageCustomer imageCustomer imageCustomer imageCustomer image
    18 people found this helpful
    Helpful
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  • Sahra Badou
    3.0 out of 5 stars Too repetitious.
    Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2008
    Verified Purchase
    This is a fun book to read for a man, but I wouldn't recommend it to a woman.

    The book is pretty explicit. Coarse language is used, so definitely not recommended for kids.

    I started reading the book but quit half way through. I did enjoy it at first, and did laugh out loud, but it just got too much at the end. I found the book too repetitious, sick at times and overly perverted. I did not like it when he talked of kids and sex. I know he is trying to be funny, but one should draw the line somewhere. There are some sick people out there who might just take him seriously. Words are mightier than the sword, so we should really be careful about what we say.

    I would prefer seeing the book performed in a comedy club than actually reading it. I think the jokes and stories would sound better in a club with other people participating and laughing. Sometimes you find yourself laughing at mediocre jokes or stories when you hear others laugh. After all, that's why TV programs sometimes have a live audience or recorded laughter in the background.

    You might also want to check out the audio version of this book, which is read by the author.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Christoph
    5.0 out of 5 stars A laugh out loud sort
    Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    If you're a fan of Norton, you'll undoubtedly enjoy as you will roar with laughter every couple of pages. It's a quick read but welcome departure from the more proper and less 'vulgar' titles I read. As a comic, Norton certainly pushes the line with regards to what some may deem filthy or cringe-worthy yet, if taken way less seriously, his book represents a great comedian writing some of his funniest material on paper and taking it a step further. Familiar with Carlin and Lange's books? If so, grab it and enjoy (phrasing!!!).
    Helpful
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  • Amy Moritaka
    5.0 out of 5 stars Our long national nightmare is over.
    Reviewed in the United States on July 10, 2007
    Verified Purchase
    My God has landed and spoken to me on these pages.

    Jim Norton, much like Emperor Sigismund, has created a flowing word book that trancends art, grammar and culture into an orgasmic document of Holy proportions.

    I read 167 pages last night and left a note to my family: "Sell the house, sell the car, sell the kids...Forget it, I'm NEVER coming back". I got in my car and went to the Overlook Hotel and now I live here. I am waiting on my God to come see me.

    Come play with me Jimmy.. come play with me.. forever .. and ever.. and ever.. Delbert Grady, Lloyd and I are waiting.
    9 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Greg Howe
    5.0 out of 5 stars Hahaha
    Reviewed in Australia on July 13, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    Good delivery time, great condition. Just don't read this at the park 🤣
    Report
  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 28, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    Gratest book if youre a fan....WHICH I AM!!!!
    Report
  • Ken C
    5.0 out of 5 stars Jim Norton is hilarious
    Reviewed in Canada on May 11, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    Worth every penny. Had to get his 2nd book after reading this. I've listened to Jim Norton on the Opie & Anthony Show for years. This novel gives a twisted, introspective look at Norton beyond what we hear on the show or in his comedy specials.

    If you're even reading this, you know who he is. Just buy the book
    Report
  • c wilson
    2.0 out of 5 stars meh
    Reviewed in Canada on January 17, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    the positive thing is you can tell this wasn;'t written by a ghost writer
    One person found this helpful
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  • Deb
    1.0 out of 5 stars Trashy, gross and writen like a 12 year old pervert.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 5, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    Bbbbbbbbbaaaaaddddd.
    Report