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Julie Wright MFT

Heather Turgeon

The Happy Sleeper: the science-backed guide to helping your baby get a good night's sleep newborn to school age Paperback – International Edition, January 1, 2015

by Heather Turgeon (Author), Julie Wright (Author)

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Many parents feel pressured to train babies and young children to sleep but kids don t need to be trained to sleep, they re built to sleep. Sleep issues arise when parents (with the best of intentions) over-help or helicopter parent at night overshadowing their baby s innate biological ability to sleep well. In The Happy Sleeper child sleep experts Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright show parents how to be sensitive and nurturing, but also clear and structured so that babies and young children develop the self-soothing skills they need to fall asleep independently, sleep through the night, take healthy naps, and grow into natural, optimal sleep patterns for day and night. The Happy Sleeper is a research-based guide to helping children do what comes naturally sleep through the night. The Happy Sleeper features a foreword by neuropsychiatrist and popular parenting expert Dr. Daniel Siegel, author of Parenting from the Inside Out and the New York Times bestseller Brainstorm.

Print length

320 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Scribe Publications
Publication date

January 1, 2015
Dimensions

5.31 x 0.98 x 8.27 inches
ISBN-10

1922247839
ISBN-13

978-1922247834
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Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Scribe Publications; New edition (January 1, 2015)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1922247839
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1922247834
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 13.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.31 x 0.98 x 8.27 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #1,007,878 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #726 in Sleep Disorders
- #2,110 in Medical Child Psychology
- #2,345 in Popular Child Psychology

Customer Reviews:
1,106 ratings

About the authors

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Julie Wright MFT
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Julie Wright, MFT is the co-author of The Happy Sleeper (thehappysleeper.com), a science-backed guide to helping your baby get a good night's sleep - newborn to school age.
Julie and Heather also wrote, Now Say This, The Right Words to Solve Every Parenting Dilemma.
And their third book, Generation Sleepless rings the alarm bell on the teen sleep crisis and what parents, teens and society at large can do to help them.
She is the creator of one of Los Angeles’s best known parenting programs, The Wright Mommy and Me, Mommy, Daddy and Me classes, www.wrightmommy.com.
Julie is a psychotherapist whose work focuses on empathic, mindful parenting, attachment, and of course, sleep! She has specialized training and experience in the 0-3 years, training at Cedars Sinai Early Childhood Center and LA Child Guidance Clinic.
Julie is dedicated to helping parents avoid feeling torn between choosing good sleep OR secure attachment. Her goal is to help them understand that the two are natural partners. They can have BOTH!
Her ideas about sleep and parenting involve giving babies and children the relationship security they need to feel safe, while also giving them space to grow into their innate capacities and develop a sense of competence, autonomy and self confidence.
Julie lives in New York City, has an adult son and visits LA often.
See more on the author's page
Heather Turgeon
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Heather Turgeon is a psychotherapist and sleep specialist. As co-founder of The Happy Sleeper, with Julie Wright, she helps families with babies and kids of all ages sleep well. Heather lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two kids--both of whom are happy sleepers.
See more on the author's page

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Tara

Ferberizing, now with more guilt.

Reviewed in the United States on January 12, 2019

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This book is just ferberizing, as other reviews have said. Here's the TL:DR for those of you who don't want to buy it: do a bedtime routine, lay baby in crib, say a single phrase (for example "goodnight, we're right outside, we love you!"), return to your screaming child every five minutes until they're asleep. That's the whole method and if that sounds like it would work for you, great. They say night time sleep should be better in a week. My issue isn't the method, it's that the book is not at all mom friendly.

If you have a bad sleeper, you know that it's exhausting and that everyone basically acts like you must be the problem. You hold your baby too much, created bad habits, coddle your infant, etc. This book basically reinforces all of that cultural pressure. Yes, they tell you that you CAN still breastfeed your child at night for example, but only for five minutes at a time, otherwise you're ruining everything. Sleep method not working? You didn't go in feeling confident, which your baby can read because mirror neurons (something they mention over and over on the blog/book in a way that really stretches the actual science involved, but I digress.) It's sort of like The Secret for baby sleep - if it goes wrong, it's because you didn't believe in yourself. Not because the method just isn't right for your baby.

I'm a working mom. The hour before bed and night time feeding are sometimes all I get with my kid. Now this book is basically here to say that the snuggles, occasional long breastfeeding sessions, and feelings of sadness I get when my child spends all of our limited time desperately sobbing for me are, in effect, me ruining his chances of ever sleeping normally. Guilt city. Just what working moms need more of. Even if the method works, it can take up to 3 weeks for naps and you must get your daycare provider to use the same room setup (white noise, darkening curtains, same time, same phrases. Good thing my kid is the only important one at daycare, right?) And then you have to remain super regimented in how you do bedtime, night feeding, etc. Maybe that works for your family, but my husband and I both have jobs and he works shifts that change each day/week so this is just not a good fit for ours. I'm not against CIO type methods, but most families have two working parents and this book is just not friendly for us.

300 people found this helpful

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Abby

Great method, very effective for us; still not a miracle

Reviewed in the United States on July 13, 2016

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This book worked wonders for our very challenging sleeper. However, it's not a miracle. Here is my synopsis of why this book gets 4 stars, not 5.

First and foremost, the important lesson to take away from all these sleep books is that you as a parent need to do what feels right for you, and if allowing your baby to cry at all is too painful for you, you need to listen to that. Some of the advice in this book didn't work for us, and I am relieved I didn't feel like I had to follow it. But overall, this book made a lot of sense to me. Other reviewers criticize it as cry-it-out ("CIO") in disguise, but here's why I strongly disagree. CIO--whether leaving your baby to cry for an hour without checking on her, or ferberizing (patting and soothing after consistent time increments)--risks leaving your baby scared or confused. Full-blown CIO means your baby is alone for a long stretch of time until she stops crying and is forced to learn to fall asleep independently. All my friends who have done this say it's very effective and it happens fast. But to me, I felt like my baby would feel scared, like I abandoned her and was never coming back. Ferberizing seemed like an acceptable alternative, but the Happy Sleeper makes a compelling case for why it's actually harder for your baby: you leave her for five/seven/whatever minutes and she protests, then you come in and pat and shush her so she gets a glimmer of hope that you'll take over and make it all better, then you leave again. So, even though she's not feeling abandoned, she's confused, and you're actually actively preventing her from self-soothing.

Enter the sleep wave. Your baby sees you there every five minutes and does not feel abandoned, yet does not get confused (as she does with Ferberizing), because you're telling her she is responsible for teaching herself to sleep. I know in my case the first two or three nights were torturous, but it was clear to me that my baby was not scared, just MAD. Within just a couple days of implementing this method, my daughter became a visibly and palpably happier baby. Now she's 16 months old, and although she's super attached to me and cries when I leave for work, she sleeps through the night consistently and always is very happy when I put her in her crib. She has very strong sleep skills, and I owe that to this book. I wish we'd had it for my older daughter too, who still has night wakings and is almost 5!

I do want to note that, at least for us, the baby learned the sleep skills she needed for nighttime sleep very quickly, but solid napping did not happen for a few months. I don't think this has anything to do with the book; just know that consistent naps tend to take longer.

I do have a few critiques of this book. First, the 0-4 month chapter (the soothing ladder, I think they called it?) is pretty unrealistic. The first few steps on the ladder never ever worked, and I imagine most people will have the same experience, unless they have a remarkably chill baby. Second, if you are a nursing mom who works outside of the home, I'd read the section about night weaning with healthy skepticism. While your baby might not need the calories in the middle of the night, you and your baby might need the connection; moreover, shaving off one minute every other night seems like a great idea to prevent a drop in milk production, but ultimately if your body is connecting to a pump most of the day and not nursing the baby at night, your milk supply will drop. Finally, I found the sections on dropping naps to be unhelpful and underdeveloped. I had a really hard time navigating the 3- to 2-nap transition, as well as the 2- to 1-nap transition, and was disappointed to find this book had little advice.

328 people found this helpful

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afu

Life changer

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 14, 2017

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I've read no less than 11 baby sleep books since my son was born 12m ago! Only 2 of them were worth reading, this one and Dr weissbluths book.
My son has bedshared since day 1 but by 10m this was no longer working for us,he was restless at night and I was trapped with him from bedtime and every nap. At 11m we moved him to a floorbed in his own room, this helped but I still ended up laying with him for 30mins about 5 times a night which wasn't sustainable, bedtime took 1-2hrs. We could not being ourselves to do extinction/cry it out, and the lack of a crib further complicated the matter.
At 11m I started using the happy sleeper method recommend for older toddlers who are out of cribs. The first night was hard, it took 2.5hrs as baby kept getting up and coming to the gate. Second night took 30mins, third took 15mins and since then it's been a couple of mins wriggling and that's it!
6week later bedtime is still a dream and we've also just night weaned without a fight. Still getting about 2 wakings of about 5mins each but I can honestly say this method has changed our lives. My baby now actually looks forward to sleep!! He has 2.5hrs of day naps and 11hrs at night at 1yr old and is happy as can be. I finally get a few hours in the evening with my husband

18 people found this helpful

Mia

Lots of helpful info - but it does involve crying

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 23, 2021

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We bought this book in hopes it would help our 7 month old fall asleep by herself, have longer naps, and sleep in longer in the morning. I wasn't a fan of controlled crying or anything akin to cry it out so felt confident about this book and it's gentle sounding approach.
It does contain lots of helpful info, especially about nap windows, the "soothing ladder" for younger babies, some fantastic tips for a bedtime routine and even a whole chapter about parent sleep. I do refer back to it now and again for info about these things. There's examples of routines depending on age, and it's all very easy to read, clearly written with sleep deprived parents in mind!
However - the sleep wave, the method you're supposed to use to help your baby sleep better, is controlled crying. Basically what you do is put your baby to bed, and say a script like "good night, I love you", then leave the room for 5 mins, and return at 5 minute intervals to repeat your "script" as long as the baby is crying. The thought behind it is that babies can and do want to settle themselves to sleep, they just need the time and space to do it, which I think sounds great, but after a lot of consideration we decided we didn't want to do it. So while I'm sure this method works well for a lot of parents, and if this sounds right for you then I would definitely recommend this book - there's lots of valuable info and I really do think the method would work, but the sleep wave method just wasn't right for our family. I wouldn't recommend buying this book if you don't want to do controlled crying.

2 people found this helpful

Caldi

Asleep within 15 min! A great success.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 26, 2019

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Thank you thank you thank you thank you! My baby sleeps! FINALLY!!! My little girl is almost one year old and what you would call a terrible sleeper. I breastfeed her and on her best nights, would have done this 3x. Minimum. When she was younger, feeding her back to sleep worked so I kept on doing it. Quickest way for us all to go back to sleep. I had taught my daughter to fall asleep by herself with the No Cry Sleep Solution around 5 months. That has worked a treat, but never reduced night waking for us. Around 9 months, separation anxiety hit and she cried a lot so we had quickly fallen back into a habit of nursing to sleep. All would be well with that, except that it was taking longer and longer, and neither of us were happy with it. It was painful and every wakeup was taking longer and longer, sometimes she'd resist going back to sleep for 2 hours, only to wake 30 min later.

I was dead against crying to sleep, but I was at the end of my rope and more importantly, my baby wasn't getting the sleep she needed. Before trying the method in this book, I had already worked on not feeding to sleep anymore - we rocked/held instead - so that it wasn't just me who could put her down. I also worked on reducing night feeds by, again, rocking/holding/walking. This had to some degree already helped her sleep longer stretches at night. I had also worked on getting her on a consistent schedule, which also helped her take good naps already. Despite all this, we could tell the one thing she needed was to fall asleep by herself. She was fighting all our attempts to put her to bed, but once in bed and not fully asleep, she would cry. It was a battle we just couldn't win.

So - we started the method described in this book. I had prepared for hours of crying, staying up most of the night and me being emotional, but my husband and me had agreed on this and we were determined. We did our routine, put her down - crying for five minutes - we went in. Went back out - crying. However - she stopped crying and feel asleep sitting up within the next 5 min!! She had a few more cries on finding herself asleep sitting up, then eventually just laid herself down and went to sleep!! WITHIN 15 MIN! She woke a few times but each time went back to sleep within 3 min. I fed her only once and put her back down awake - again asleep within 3 min. Since starting this, she goes to sleep within 3 min of crying, and today (day 4) - no cries at all for her nap! She now sleeps through the night for 11-12 hours, instead of just about the 9 she made before, with one wakeup to drink. We could probably wean her off this feed too, but for now, my engorged breasts welcome the relief!

Wow wow wow, get this book, and do your baby and yourself a huge favour!!

3 people found this helpful

Adam

Seems to work well!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 9, 2021

Verified Purchase

I can't speak to the exact research/science behind this book (as I've barely got time to read let alone delve into pubmed for this) but the methods have worked well for our baby. The emphasis is on routine, and this is what we needed to regain our evenings. It has been a massive improvement in our quality of life, and our daughter has been happier for it. Worth a look if you're struggling with sleep for your little one.

2 people found this helpful

Angela C

So far so good!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 11, 2018

Verified Purchase

We are only on night 2, but fingers crossed this method is working miracles already! We have been trying the no cry sleep solution for MONTHS but my 12 month old's sleep was just getting worse and worse. We were spending hours every night fighting to get him to sleep. I read the reviews that say this is not a 'no cry' or 'gentle' solution which made me sceptical because I didn't really want to go down the crying road, but I thought hey, let's give it a go. I'm so glad I did.

For one thing, it's a really easy read. I read all the bits relevant to my son's age group easily in one evening, despite being massively sleep deprived. It explains the science clearly and I could recognise my exact situation in the explanations. Still sceptical, we tried it out last night. I was expecting hours of crying and even thinking I might have to stay awake all night checking on him every 5 minutes, there's no way my absolute nightmare of a sleeper would self settle. Ever. But this amazing thing happened and he was asleep within 45 mins! He woke up several times during the night, but instead of spending hours feeding/rocking him back to sleep we followed this method and he settled down within 15-20 mins each time, without us picking him up once. He slept in his cot all night for the first time in months and I only fed him once, when I normally feed him 4+ times. Tonight he went to sleep after only 10 minutes and although he's woken up a few more times he's self settled within 2 mins each time.

If you are dithering about this book, try it. Follow the instructions exactly and hopefully it will work for you too!

3 people found this helpful

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