Hard Aground, Again: The Incomplete Idiot's Guide to Doing Stupid Stuff With Boats (Boating Humor) Paperback – November 8, 2012
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From the Author
Thank you for your recent inquiry as to the availability of the Fit 2B Untied. I'll be honest: I had no idea anyone would ever be interested in this boat. Especially in this economy. But knowing how a man in your position would hate to pass up a good deal, I charged ahead and drafted your checking account the full asking price for this perfect yacht. I've texted you a picture. As you can see, she's a classic. Or was. (More on this, later.)
I originally thought $39,000 sounded a little high for a 27-foot boat in this condition, but the man at the salvage yard assured me that was a fair price. The fact they don't make this model any more concerned me at first. I thought maybe the design had fallen out of favor, but my contact explained that it had something to do with lawsuits and actuaries. Anyway, when I heard that, I began to feel better.
Now, knowing how men like you like to have things done right, you'll be interested in the information I managed to gather about the engine.
First, you'll be pleased to know we were able to knock the rust off the engine block and find the serial number. We traced it back and found that it WAS NOT originally a diesel engine. I must say I was surprised. It sure smelled and leaked oil like a diesel engine. My contact at the salvage yard said the engine could probably be converted back to gasoline, if you like, making it as good as new. Knowing how important it is to move fast with these projects, I went ahead and drafted your account the $8900 fee so the men on the yard could get started.
About the boat itself. Who would have thought that for that price it would have a big hole in it?
It sure caught me by surprise, I'll tell you that. I didn't even notice how low she rode in the water until we did the sea trial. The two of us barely escaped before she sank. While swimming back to the dock I kept saying to the salvage yard owner "Boy, won't the man who buys this boat be surprised."
By the way, after the sea trial the man working on the engine restoration project must have gotten sick or something because I haven't seen him since I gave him the money I drafted out of your account.
Oh, here's some more good news. I ran into an engineer from the Ukraine who said he could refit your boat for $22,500. He said he used to work for the Russian navy before he retired to the States. His last retrofit was that submarine, the Kursk. That's the one that blew up and sank. But Ur -- that's his name -- aid he stands behind his work. "Way behind," I think were his exact words.
I drafted your account for half the renovation fee because I knew, based on the sparse amenities on your yacht before it sank, that you'd want any improvements done before you saw it. I'm sure Uri is down there in the water right now looking for your boat because I haven't seen him since.
One final thing.
The salvage yard owner threw in a 5-gallon bucket of something called "boat rot" that he said would come in handy. I thought it tasted a little like Nescafé coffee, but a guy down at the ship's store said it made wood much stronger and that all wooden boats, especially one's as old as yours, kept buckets of this stuff aboard.
P.S. There is an alternative to raising your boat if we can ever find it. There is a gal down here in Nassau who offered to give your entire family scuba lessons for the low price of just $7,500. If you went that route your family could enjoy your new boat right where it is. Of course, you wouldn't be seen by as many of your friends, so that's something to keep in mind.
I wanted to keep your options open, so I drafted another $3000 from your account for the scuba class.If I can be of any further help, call Pat at Pat's Pub on Paradise Island. I won't be here, but you can leave a message. And don't worry about calling collect. I went ahead and drafted a couple hundred dollars from your account to cover the phone calls. You can thank me later.
From the Inside Flap
I deeply commend the various Hard Aground columns collected in this book to my fellow cruisers. Perusing these pages will, I have no doubt, make your time on the water, or even your time in the armchair; a happier and far richer experience.All of us who participate in the cruising lifestyle can be very thankful that Eddie has "sounded" the shoals and sandbars of the Carolina coast to such an extent that no further coastal exploration of submerged islands is necessary.
All that is required is to read and heed his tales of woe and be grateful it is Eddie who is Hard Aground and not you or I!
--Claiborne S. Young
- Paperback : 180 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1946016756
- ISBN-13 : 978-1946016751
- Dimensions : 5 x 0.41 x 8 inches
- Item Weight : 9.1 ounces
- Publisher : Dry Bones Publishing (November 8, 2012)
- Language: : English
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,568,428 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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I recommend you purcase this and see for yourself - it is a very funny book and very well written.