Review
"Eerily close to the contradictory feelings you've personally had on the subject, but haven't been able to express." -- Anna Breslaw, ― Cosmopolitan
“Finally! A nuanced look at hookup culture. This hookup book is not like the others. . . . Who allowed this nuanced and reasonable treatise about [the millennial] generation to be published? And more important: Why has it taken so goddamned long?” ― Salon
“Bell hopes to dislodge embedded stereotypes of men as subject and women as object and defuse the fear that our sexuality is dangerous. Her book just might help that happen.” ― Bust
“Makes a compelling case that young women are both more ambitious—and also more conflicted about relationships—than ever before.” ― Jezebel
“Bell emphasises that the problem is not conflict and hurt, which are inevitable parts of living, but rather that the way these young women interpret and learn from their experiences is crucial. This is ultimately an optimistic account, in which Bell's 'Desiring Women' have managed to express their sexual and emotional desires and are shaping new lives that encompass a range of opportunities.” ― Times Higher Education
“Bell’s clear prose and accessible subject matter will appeal to both scholars of women’s studies and young women looking for an explanation of some of the predicaments their generation faces. Though it’s far from being a self-help book, the author does offer some sage advice for young women navigating this brave new world.” ― Kirkus Reviews
"An accessable and provocative text for encouraging conversation on the psychological consequences of persistent gender inequalities in this so-called post-feminist era." ― Contemporary Sociology
"Hard to Get will resonate with many, and . . . will intrigue sociologists in this field." ― CHOICE
"Timely. . . . Bell provides a nuanced examination of the conflicts 20-something women have in navigating the issues of their professional life versus their personal life." ― Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy
“Bell hoped to find that young women would have dynamic, confident sex lives—i.e. the opposite of what goes down every week on HBO's Girls—but found a much more complex, difficult, dare we say Lena Dunham-esque situation instead. Here she sheds light on the joy (and confusion) of sex in the post-collegiate years.” ― San Francisco Magazine
From the Inside Flap
In this moving book, Leslie Bell gives us insight into the hearts and minds of 20-something women confronted with the emotional challenges of a culture that says they can have it all. Through poignant, rich individual narratives, Bell shows how professionally successful and sexually experienced young women wrestle with feelings of vulnerability and confusion about relationships and desire. 20-somethings will find relief and self-understanding through reading this book, and it will be of great help to those who treat and those who wish to understand them. Nancy J. Chodorow, author of Individualizing Gender and Sexuality: Theory and Practice
"Women should be assertive but not aggressive, feminine but not passive, honest but not overwhelming. But how? Especially for women between ages 17 (the average age for first sex) and 27 (the average age of marriage) the rules for how to be a woman are highly unclear. In this deeply wise, very lucid, and highly illuminating book Bell, a sociologist and psychotherapist, describes how women sometimes split their desires for connection, sex and professional success. And she points to ways of moving beyond the split. An important book for women and men." Arlie Hochschild, Author of The Outsourced Self: Intimate Life in Market Times
Leslie Bell introduces us to a new developmental period for 20 something women in which they are focused on sexual and relationship satisfaction. By sharing these women's stories Bell helps us to explore complex issues of ambivalence, subjectivity, and identity that are at the core of personal, relational and sexual fulfillment. C.J. Pascoe, author of Dude, You re a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School
While popular portrayals of women and sex are glossy, voyeuristic, simplified, unemotional, or trite, Hard to Get offers rarely heard detailed stories that are told with emotional resonance and connection to women s full lives and selves. Bell has made a superb contribution to our understanding about how women navigate sexuality in young adulthood in an era when they no longer must be married, and thus she has enlightened our understanding of women s social, sexual, and psychological lives. Karin A. Martin, author of Puberty, Sexuality, and the Self: Boys and Girls at Adolescence
"Hard to Get shows us why, in the 21st Century, sex is easy but relationships are not. Every 20something woman who is having sex, but feels that something is amiss, should read this book." Meg Jay, Ph.D., author of The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now
"Can today s young women be independent and sexually agentic while also satisfying their relational needs for intimacy? Bell believes that they can, and insightfully uses women s stories to reveal the inner and outer barriers to having it all." Paula England, New York University
Bell offers a profoundly original and important argument about why despite gains in education and employment -- young women in America continue to be short-changed in sex and intimacy. And she gives us a new, compelling vision of what it would mean for them to attain true sexual liberation. Amy Schalet, author of Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex
Female sexuality provides endless fascination; but how do actual young women find happiness in sex and love? Leslie Bell gives us an up-close look at twenty-something women at a cultural moment when they have more freedom than ever before, but their desires sexual and relational continue to confound. Bell navigates this complex terrain with compassion, keen insight, and an eye to social change. Daphne de Marneffe, PhD, author of Maternal Desire: On Children, Love, and the Inner Life
From the Back Cover
“In this moving book, Leslie Bell gives us insight into the hearts and minds of 20-something women confronted with the emotional challenges of a culture that says they can have it all. Through poignant, rich individual narratives, Bell shows how professionally successful and sexually experienced young women wrestle with feelings of vulnerability and confusion about relationships and desire. 20-somethings will find relief and self-understanding through reading this book, and it will be of great help to those who treat and those who wish to understand them.”―Nancy J. Chodorow, author of Individualizing Gender and Sexuality: Theory and Practice
"Women should be assertive but not aggressive, feminine but not passive, honest but not overwhelming. But how? Especially for women between ages 17 (the average age for first sex) and 27 (the average age of marriage) the rules for how to be a woman are highly unclear. In this deeply wise, very lucid, and highly illuminating book Bell, a sociologist and psychotherapist, describes how women sometimes “split” their desires for connection, sex and professional success. And she points to ways of moving beyond the split. An important book for women – and men."―Arlie Hochschild, Author of The Outsourced Self: Intimate Life in Market Times
“Leslie Bell introduces us to a new developmental period for 20 something women in which they are focused on sexual and relationship satisfaction. By sharing these women's stories Bell helps us to explore complex issues of ambivalence, subjectivity, and identity that are at the core of personal, relational and sexual fulfillment.”―C.J. Pascoe, author of Dude, You’re a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School
“While popular portrayals of women and sex are glossy, voyeuristic, simplified, unemotional, or trite, Hard to Get offers rarely heard detailed stories that are told with emotional resonance and connection to women’s full lives and selves. Bell has made a superb contribution to our understanding about how women navigate sexuality in young adulthood in an era when they no longer must be married, and thus she has enlightened our understanding of women’s social, sexual, and psychological lives.”―Karin A. Martin, author of Puberty, Sexuality, and the Self: Boys and Girls at Adolescence
"Hard to Get shows us why, in the 21st Century, sex is easy but relationships are not. Every 20something woman who is having sex, but feels that something is amiss, should read this book."―Meg Jay, Ph.D., author of The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now
"Can today’s young women be independent and sexually agentic while also satisfying their relational needs for intimacy? Bell believes that they can, and insightfully uses women’s stories to reveal the inner and outer barriers to having it all."―Paula England, New York University
“Bell offers a profoundly original and important argument about why – despite gains in education and employment -- young women in America continue to be short-changed in sex and intimacy. And she gives us a new, compelling vision of what it would mean for them to attain true sexual liberation.”―Amy Schalet, author of Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex
“Female sexuality provides endless fascination; but how do actual young women find happiness in sex and love? Leslie Bell gives us an up-close look at twenty-something women at a cultural moment when they have more freedom than ever before, but their desires – sexual and relational – continue to confound. Bell navigates this complex terrain with compassion, keen insight, and an eye to social change.”―Daphne de Marneffe, PhD, author of Maternal Desire: On Children, Love, and the Inner Life
About the Author
Leslie C. Bell is a sociologist and psychotherapist who specializes in women's development and sexuality. She maintains a private practice in Berkeley, California.
