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Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You: Second Edition Paperback – Illustrated, February 15, 2002
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Newly updated by the authors, here is the classic text for couples interested in creating freer, more joyful, and profoundly intimate relationships. In their best-selling book about couple relationships, Jordan Paul and Margaret Paul explore the delicate balance of being true to oneself and being loved by another. While couples think they are fighting about money, sex, or time, the authors reveal how such conflicts are almost always more deeply rooted and related to issues of self-protection. Offering a solid framework for conflict resolution, the authors guide couples in working through fears and false beliefs that can block the expression of loving feelings. Stories of couples and examples of dialogue validate readers- feelings and experiences.Key features and benefitsa proven best-sellerhighly recommended by marriage therapistsincludes exercises for couples to explore core beliefs and values
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherHazelden Publishing
- Publication dateFebruary 15, 2002
- Dimensions5.4 x 0.8 x 8.4 inches
- ISBN-101568387962
- ISBN-13978-1568387963
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About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D., is the co-creator of Inner Bonding, a transformational six-step spiritual healing process. She is a best-selling author, noted public speaker, workshop leader, chaplain, educator, humanitarian, consultant, and Inner Bonding facilitator. She has been leading groups, teaching classes and workshops, and working with individuals, couples, partnerships and businesses since 1973. Margaret is passionate about evolving and teaching the process of Inner Bonding.
Margaret is the co-author of Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? (over 400,000 copies sold), Free to Love, Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?, Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? -- The Workbook, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, and author of Inner Bonding and recently released, Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Her books have been translated into ten languages: German, Italian, Danish, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Chinese, Japanese, Dutch and Hungarian. Healing Your Aloneness and The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook are best sellers in Germany.
Margaret has three grown children. In her spare time she is an artist.
Product details
- Publisher : Hazelden Publishing
- Publication date : February 15, 2002
- Edition : Second
- Language : English
- Print length : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1568387962
- ISBN-13 : 978-1568387963
- Item Weight : 13.6 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.4 x 0.8 x 8.4 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #330,476 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,267 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #1,468 in Marriage
- #3,041 in Happiness Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors

Jordan Paul, Ph.D., is a noted author, psychotherapist, college professor, business consultant, and motivational speaker.
Dr. Paul has authored/co-authored seven books, including the national best-seller, "Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?" In "You Are Beyond Belief" he shows the way to break through limiting beliefs and create the profound, transformative changes that leave us feeling alive, powerful and in control.
As a psychotherapist, Dr. Paul specialized in helping couples resolve sexual and relationship issues. He is a nationally known expert in conflict resolution and has created and taught workshops in conflict resolution since 1975.
Dr. Paul was President of Effective Communities International (ECI), a consulting and training company. In that capacity, he brought together a multi-talented group of highly skilled professionals to develop programs that taught the leadership skills necessary for building effective communities in business, education, religion, and family. The focus of ECI programs was on teaching leaders how to respond to differences with the behaviors that build trust.
ECI worked with Community Leadership Programs in various cities throughout the United States, developing programs with Marin Interfaith Council, and Episcopal Churches in Northern California, and consulting with many businesses, including Xerox and 3M.
Dr. Paul is a popular motivational speaker presenting keynote addresses at major events for organizations such as the World Business Academy and Million Dollar Roundtable. He has given staff and professional trainings for businesses, professional associations, substance abuse clinics, hospitals, and spiritual and religious groups including: DuPont Corporation, California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, National Association of Social Workers, and Catholic Marriage Encounter.
Jordan has appeared on numerous radio and television shows as a guest expert, and on the ABC radio network as a talk show host. He co-hosted with Rev. Cynthia James, "Connections Radio" an innovative internet radio talk show that explored integrating greater oneness into our lives both personally and globally.

Dr. Jordan Paul is a psychotherapist, college professor, author, business consultant, and motivational speaker. Dr. Paul is the author or co-author of six books, including the national best-seller Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You? As a psychotherapist, Dr. Paul specialized in helping couples resolve sexual and relationship issues. He is a nationally known expert in conflict resolution and has created and taught workshops in effective communication since 1975. Dr. Paul is a popular motivational speaker who has spoken to a wide range of organizations from the World Business Academy and the Million Dollar Round Table to professional associations, substance abuse clinics and hospitals, and a extensive variety of spiritual and religious groups. Jordan has presented staff and professional trainings for many organizations including: DuPont Corporation; California Association of Marriage and Family Counselors; National Association of Social Workers; and Catholic Marriage Encounter. He has appeared on numerous radio and television shows as a guest expert, and on the ABC radio network as a talk show host. During 2011-12 Dr. Paul co-hosted Connections Radio: Awakening Oneness Within Us All, a weekly internet radio variety talk show, featuring prominent cutting edge thinkers, business leaders, celebrities and humanitarians sharing their wisdom and practical experiences for living more connected lives.

DR. MARGARET PAUL is a bestselling author, popular MindBodyGreen writer and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® self-healing process, and the related SelfQuest® self-healing online program - recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. She has appeared on numerous radio and television shows (including Oprah). Her book titles include "Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By You" (and subsequent titles "Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By God", and "...By My Kids"), "Healing Your Aloneness" and "Inner Bonding", and the recently published, "Diet For Divine Connection" and "The Inner Bonding Workbook." Margaret holds a PhD in psychology, is a relationship expert, public speaker, consultant and artist. She has successfully worked with thousands and taught classes and seminars for over 50 years. Go to http://www.innerbonding.com/welcome for a free Inner Bonding course and join Dr. Margaret for her "Love Yourself" Course at http://www.innerbonding.com/show-page/224/love-yourself-a-30-day-inner-bonding-experience.html.
Margaret lives in Colorado. She has three children and three grandchildren. In her spare time, she loves to play with her grandchildren, paint, ride her horse, read, make pottery and kayak.

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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book readable and informative, with one noting it's a must-read for anyone in relationships. Moreover, the book provides great information for better relationships, with one customer mentioning how it helped build their marriage. Additionally, customers appreciate its insights, with one highlighting its understanding of communication complexities, and find it valuable for both couples and individuals.
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Customers find the book readable and worth their time to read.
"This is the best book I have found for people who really want and are willing to go through what it takes to repair and/or strengthen committed..." Read more
"...We were there to make Mom happy. This is a book to read if you think that you have to BE a certain way in order to get love, attention, or approval..." Read more
"...struggling and you need to get some perspective on it, this is a great book to read." Read more
"...I offer here, and so I applaud those deserved accolades for this miracle book that feels (at the moment) like redemption of all the beautiful parts..." Read more
Customers find the book provides great information for better relationships, with one customer noting it offers key knowledge about communication complexities, while another mentions it harmonizes well with Buddhist teachings.
"...Some truths never change. Great book to help understand human relationships with loved ones and oneself...." Read more
"This is a great study of relationship dynamics covering many deep seated problems...." Read more
"...Definitely changing my life, how I relate, communicate and overall experience in an intimate relationship." Read more
"...threatening. I've seen it make marriages better!" Read more
Customers find the book helpful and informative, with one mentioning it serves as a good starting point for understanding people.
"...Yes, life happens. I still find the book useful & many of the concepts are included in both editions...." Read more
"...They keep disappearing! It is both practical and inspiring, helping folks to take an honest look without being threatening...." Read more
"There was some good advice in this book, but you kind of had to take it with a grain of salt since the authors divorced...." Read more
"The book is very informative and clearly outlines the process for working through recurring inner-conflicts...." Read more
Customers find the book insightful, with several noting that many of the concepts are included in both editions. One customer mentions the amazing candor alongside understanding, while another highlights the importance of awareness in building relationships.
"This is one of my top books i enjoyed and it was eye-opening...." Read more
"...They keep disappearing! It is both practical and inspiring, helping folks to take an honest look without being threatening...." Read more
"Really insightful, well written book. If your relationship is struggling and you need to get some perspective on it, this is a great book to read." Read more
"...FINALLY!!! Its liberating at the moment to have such amazing candor alongside understanding...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's approach to intimacy, noting it's not just for couples and provides insights into overall relationship experiences.
"...This is a great book about communication and not just for couples. It should be read and studied by anyone who interacts with people on any level...." Read more
"...changing my life, how I relate, communicate and overall experience in an intimate relationship." Read more
"...In the future I am sure I will have a healthy and happy relationship with my partner. I highly recommend this book to everyone." Read more
"...hope that there is a way out of the loneliness and despair toward real intimacy. Buy without hesitation!" Read more
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on June 1, 2014Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseThis is one of my top books i enjoyed and it was eye-opening. It has helped with the resentment from growing up in a family that did not validate, recognize or acknowledge their children. We were there to make Mom happy. This is a book to read if you think that you have to BE a certain way in order to get love, attention, or approval. It does not Blame anybody, which was important to me. It explains that maybe you didn't grow up with horrible parents, but that your parents might have their own issues and you don't have to continue the same pattern with your spouse, children, friends, co-workers, etc. Wonderful book!
- Reviewed in the United States on August 30, 2025Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseCannot recommend this book enough and I’m only on page 62! Definitely changing my life, how I relate, communicate and overall experience in an intimate relationship.
- Reviewed in the United States on November 4, 2011Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseThis resource is the best I've seen in my 20+ years of counseling. And this is the third copy I have purchased. They keep disappearing! It is both practical and inspiring, helping folks to take an honest look without being
threatening. I've seen it make marriages better!
- Reviewed in the United States on July 19, 2017Format: KindleVerified PurchaseReally insightful, well written book. If your relationship is struggling and you need to get some perspective on it, this is a great book to read.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2013Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseThough this review is not terribly deep or detailed in nature, I do find myself eager to submit my first-impression thoughts. This book arrived today and am literally unable to put it down. I am caught wondering if my own journal and attempts at relationship repair have been "bugged" by these authors. I'm both exhilerated and exhausted at the real language ANSWERS (beautifully scripted) to so many of the CONFOUNDING anguishing questions/issues that seem to have embeded themselves in the most beautiful relationship I've ever known. FINALLY!!! Its liberating at the moment to have such amazing candor alongside understanding. There were many articulate reviews that prompted my buying this book, much more in-depth than what I offer here, and so I applaud those deserved accolades for this miracle book that feels (at the moment) like redemption of all the beautiful parts of our life that fears and control have been destroying. Thank you to these amazing authors.
- Reviewed in the United States on November 22, 2017There was some good advice in this book, but you kind of had to take it with a grain of salt since the authors divorced. They couldn't even put into practice their own principles! Then toward the end of the book they posited that it is ok to step out of your marriage if you are being authentic and honest with your partner! That's when I was done with it, and threw it away.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2018Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseI read this book first in 1986. Misplaced my copy so ordered another. It is as valid now as ever. Some truths never change. Great book to help understand human relationships with loved ones and oneself. I highly recommend this to lovers and parents. I had hoped for the updated edition but was sent the first edition. Still valid though and no complaints.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2022Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseLoved it. Great book on relationships. Margaret Paul's work is such a gift. Check out her other books too, especially on Inner Bonding.
Top reviews from other countries
MommcmommymomReviewed in Canada on December 20, 20185.0 out of 5 stars Great
Format: PaperbackVerified PurchasePerfect condition. Better than anticipated.
Thomas OgolaReviewed in the United Kingdom on May 19, 20215.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening
Having read various books on conflict resolution and communication, I found this very thought provoking and helped uncover destructive behaviours that you may think are helpful. Great for a couple to go through
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Kyrie EleisonReviewed in Japan on July 7, 20175.0 out of 5 stars 目からウロコ
Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseKindle版の無料サンプルを思わず一気に読んでしまいました。本当にアイ・オープナー的著作です。多分、愛オープナー的何かが潜んでいるのだと思います。それは著者の体験に基づく真摯で誠実なハートから来る何かです。私は男性ですが、生育過程で姉から頂いた恩恵が大きく、非常に共感出来ました。男女問わず、性的アイデンティーをも超えて、同様・類似体験がある方々への助けになると実感しました。ありがとうございます。
GaiaReviewed in Germany on August 15, 20194.0 out of 5 stars Interesting, but not necessarily practical
Format: KindleVerified PurchaseIf you keep reacting to certain situations in your relationship with anger, fear or distance, it’s most likely to protect yourself. Instead, you can understand why you react that way and learn from it.
Very interesting, but requires a high level of impulse control, which – depending on the level of emotionality – may be nearly impossible.
Ms. L. PasternackReviewed in the United Kingdom on August 20, 20125.0 out of 5 stars inner children need to read this
This is probably the fourth book I bought about developing a relationship with your inner child (I mean ME developing a relationship with MY inner child, or YOU developing a relationship with YOUR inner child) and it got me to understand why I didnt have one already, and guides you into the process, in an accessible way which is easy to read and more common sense than psychobabble.







