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Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You: Second Edition Paperback – Illustrated, February 15, 2002

4.4 out of 5 stars 181 ratings

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This classic text for couples interested in creating freer, more joyful, and profoundly intimate relationships explores the delicate balance of being true to oneself and being loved by another.

Newly updated by the authors, here is the classic text for couples interested in creating freer, more joyful, and profoundly intimate relationships. In their best-selling book about couple relationships, Jordan Paul and Margaret Paul explore the delicate balance of being true to oneself and being loved by another. While couples think they are fighting about money, sex, or time, the authors reveal how such conflicts are almost always more deeply rooted and related to issues of self-protection. Offering a solid framework for conflict resolution, the authors guide couples in working through fears and false beliefs that can block the expression of loving feelings. Stories of couples and examples of dialogue validate readers- feelings and experiences.Key features and benefitsa proven best-sellerhighly recommended by marriage therapistsincludes exercises for couples to explore core beliefs and values
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Dr. Jordan Paul is a fulfillment coach, psychotherapist, college professor, author, business consultant, and motivational speaker. Dr. Paul has co-authored four books, including the national best seller Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? In addition, he is a contributing author to Community Building: Renewing Spirit & Learning in Busyness'. Paul's latest book The Heart of the Matter: Achieving true personal power, illuminates new and practical ideas for bringing fulfillment into all areas of life. Jordan Paul is a nationally known expert in conflict resolution and has created and taught workshops in conflict resolution since 1975.He was President of Effective Communities International, a consulting and training company. In Effective Communities International, Dr. Paul brought together a multi-talented group of highly skilled professionals to develop programs that taught the leadership skills necessary for building effective communities in business, education, religion, and family. The focus of ECI programs was on teaching leaders how to respond to differences with the behaviors that build trust. ECI worked with Community Leadership Programs in various cities throughout the United States, developing programs with Marin Interfaith Council, and Episcopal Churches in Northern California, and consulting with many businesses, including Xerox and 3M. Dr. Paul is a very popular motivational speaker who has spoken to a wide range of organizations from the World Business Academy and the Million Dollar Round Table to professional associations, substance abuse clinics and hospitals, and a wide variety of spiritual and religious groups. Jordan has presented staff and professional trainings for many organizations including: DuPont Corporation; California Association of Marriage and Family Counselors; National Association of Social Workers; and Catholic Marriage Encounter. He has appeared on numerous radio and television shows including Donahue, Oprah and Sonya Live as a guest expert, and on the ABC radio network as a talk show host. Author Home Page: http://www.drjordanpaul.com

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., is the co-creator of Inner Bonding, a transformational six-step spiritual healing process. She is a best-selling author, noted public speaker, workshop leader, chaplain, educator, humanitarian, consultant, and Inner Bonding facilitator. She has been leading groups, teaching classes and workshops, and working with individuals, couples, partnerships and businesses since 1973. Margaret is passionate about evolving and teaching the process of Inner Bonding.
Margaret is the co-author of Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? (over 400,000 copies sold), Free to Love, Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?, Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? -- The Workbook, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, and author of Inner Bonding and recently released, Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Her books have been translated into ten languages: German, Italian, Danish, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Chinese, Japanese, Dutch and Hungarian. Healing Your Aloneness and The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook are best sellers in Germany.
Margaret has three grown children. In her spare time she is an artist.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Hazelden Publishing
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ February 15, 2002
  • Edition ‏ : ‎ Second
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1568387962
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1568387963
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 13.6 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.4 x 0.8 x 8.4 inches
  • Best Sellers Rank: #330,476 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 out of 5 stars 181 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
181 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book readable and informative, with one noting it's a must-read for anyone in relationships. Moreover, the book provides great information for better relationships, with one customer mentioning how it helped build their marriage. Additionally, customers appreciate its insights, with one highlighting its understanding of communication complexities, and find it valuable for both couples and individuals.

17 customers mention "Readability"17 positive0 negative

Customers find the book readable and worth their time to read.

"This is the best book I have found for people who really want and are willing to go through what it takes to repair and/or strengthen committed..." Read more

"...We were there to make Mom happy. This is a book to read if you think that you have to BE a certain way in order to get love, attention, or approval..." Read more

"...struggling and you need to get some perspective on it, this is a great book to read." Read more

"...I offer here, and so I applaud those deserved accolades for this miracle book that feels (at the moment) like redemption of all the beautiful parts..." Read more

16 customers mention "Knowledge of relationships"16 positive0 negative

Customers find the book provides great information for better relationships, with one customer noting it offers key knowledge about communication complexities, while another mentions it harmonizes well with Buddhist teachings.

"...Some truths never change. Great book to help understand human relationships with loved ones and oneself...." Read more

"This is a great study of relationship dynamics covering many deep seated problems...." Read more

"...Definitely changing my life, how I relate, communicate and overall experience in an intimate relationship." Read more

"...threatening. I've seen it make marriages better!" Read more

11 customers mention "Book value"11 positive0 negative

Customers find the book helpful and informative, with one mentioning it serves as a good starting point for understanding people.

"...Yes, life happens. I still find the book useful & many of the concepts are included in both editions...." Read more

"...They keep disappearing! It is both practical and inspiring, helping folks to take an honest look without being threatening...." Read more

"There was some good advice in this book, but you kind of had to take it with a grain of salt since the authors divorced...." Read more

"The book is very informative and clearly outlines the process for working through recurring inner-conflicts...." Read more

11 customers mention "Insight"10 positive1 negative

Customers find the book insightful, with several noting that many of the concepts are included in both editions. One customer mentions the amazing candor alongside understanding, while another highlights the importance of awareness in building relationships.

"This is one of my top books i enjoyed and it was eye-opening...." Read more

"...They keep disappearing! It is both practical and inspiring, helping folks to take an honest look without being threatening...." Read more

"Really insightful, well written book. If your relationship is struggling and you need to get some perspective on it, this is a great book to read." Read more

"...FINALLY!!! Its liberating at the moment to have such amazing candor alongside understanding...." Read more

4 customers mention "Intimacy"4 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's approach to intimacy, noting it's not just for couples and provides insights into overall relationship experiences.

"...This is a great book about communication and not just for couples. It should be read and studied by anyone who interacts with people on any level...." Read more

"...changing my life, how I relate, communicate and overall experience in an intimate relationship." Read more

"...In the future I am sure I will have a healthy and happy relationship with my partner. I highly recommend this book to everyone." Read more

"...hope that there is a way out of the loneliness and despair toward real intimacy. Buy without hesitation!" Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on June 1, 2014
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    This is one of my top books i enjoyed and it was eye-opening. It has helped with the resentment from growing up in a family that did not validate, recognize or acknowledge their children. We were there to make Mom happy. This is a book to read if you think that you have to BE a certain way in order to get love, attention, or approval. It does not Blame anybody, which was important to me. It explains that maybe you didn't grow up with horrible parents, but that your parents might have their own issues and you don't have to continue the same pattern with your spouse, children, friends, co-workers, etc. Wonderful book!
    9 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 30, 2025
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Cannot recommend this book enough and I’m only on page 62! Definitely changing my life, how I relate, communicate and overall experience in an intimate relationship.
  • Reviewed in the United States on November 4, 2011
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    This resource is the best I've seen in my 20+ years of counseling. And this is the third copy I have purchased. They keep disappearing! It is both practical and inspiring, helping folks to take an honest look without being
    threatening. I've seen it make marriages better!
    2 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on July 19, 2017
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Really insightful, well written book. If your relationship is struggling and you need to get some perspective on it, this is a great book to read.
    One person found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2013
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Though this review is not terribly deep or detailed in nature, I do find myself eager to submit my first-impression thoughts. This book arrived today and am literally unable to put it down. I am caught wondering if my own journal and attempts at relationship repair have been "bugged" by these authors. I'm both exhilerated and exhausted at the real language ANSWERS (beautifully scripted) to so many of the CONFOUNDING anguishing questions/issues that seem to have embeded themselves in the most beautiful relationship I've ever known. FINALLY!!! Its liberating at the moment to have such amazing candor alongside understanding. There were many articulate reviews that prompted my buying this book, much more in-depth than what I offer here, and so I applaud those deserved accolades for this miracle book that feels (at the moment) like redemption of all the beautiful parts of our life that fears and control have been destroying. Thank you to these amazing authors.
    2 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on November 22, 2017
    There was some good advice in this book, but you kind of had to take it with a grain of salt since the authors divorced. They couldn't even put into practice their own principles! Then toward the end of the book they posited that it is ok to step out of your marriage if you are being authentic and honest with your partner! That's when I was done with it, and threw it away.
    18 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2018
    Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
    I read this book first in 1986. Misplaced my copy so ordered another. It is as valid now as ever. Some truths never change. Great book to help understand human relationships with loved ones and oneself. I highly recommend this to lovers and parents. I had hoped for the updated edition but was sent the first edition. Still valid though and no complaints.
    4 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2022
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Loved it. Great book on relationships. Margaret Paul's work is such a gift. Check out her other books too, especially on Inner Bonding.
    One person found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

Translate all reviews to English
  • Mommcmommymom
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great
    Reviewed in Canada on December 20, 2018
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Perfect condition. Better than anticipated.
  • Thomas Ogola
    5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 19, 2021
    Having read various books on conflict resolution and communication, I found this very thought provoking and helped uncover destructive behaviours that you may think are helpful. Great for a couple to go through
  • Kyrie Eleison
    5.0 out of 5 stars 目からウロコ
    Reviewed in Japan on July 7, 2017
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Kindle版の無料サンプルを思わず一気に読んでしまいました。本当にアイ・オープナー的著作です。多分、愛オープナー的何かが潜んでいるのだと思います。それは著者の体験に基づく真摯で誠実なハートから来る何かです。私は男性ですが、生育過程で姉から頂いた恩恵が大きく、非常に共感出来ました。男女問わず、性的アイデンティーをも超えて、同様・類似体験がある方々への助けになると実感しました。ありがとうございます。
    Report
  • Gaia
    4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting, but not necessarily practical
    Reviewed in Germany on August 15, 2019
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    If you keep reacting to certain situations in your relationship with anger, fear or distance, it’s most likely to protect yourself. Instead, you can understand why you react that way and learn from it.
    Very interesting, but requires a high level of impulse control, which – depending on the level of emotionality – may be nearly impossible.
  • Ms. L. Pasternack
    5.0 out of 5 stars inner children need to read this
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 20, 2012
    This is probably the fourth book I bought about developing a relationship with your inner child (I mean ME developing a relationship with MY inner child, or YOU developing a relationship with YOUR inner child) and it got me to understand why I didnt have one already, and guides you into the process, in an accessible way which is easy to read and more common sense than psychobabble.