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I Heart My Little A-Holes: A bunch of holy-crap moments no one ever told you about parenting Hardcover – April 8, 2014

4.7 out of 5 stars 1,195 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Crass, inappropriate and absolutely hysterical. In other words, absolutely everything you could want in a parenting book and more.” (Jill Smokler, author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy)

“Beware of Mom: She bites. Karen is crass and abrasive and makes no apologies, nor should she. Her take on family life is funny, filthy and familiar... Reading her stories will make you laugh so hard...your head will explode.” (Nicole Knepper, author of Moms Who Drink and Swear)

From the Back Cover

Popular blogger Karen Alpert shares her hysterical take on the many "joys" of parenting—I Heart My Little A-Holes is full of hilarious stories, lists, thoughts and pictures that will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 304 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow (April 8, 2014)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0062341626
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062341624
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 1 x 7.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1,195 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #45,693 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

From the Publisher

Karen Alpert

There are a Lot of Reasons I Wrote This Book, I Mean, Besides Money by Karen Alpert

When I had my daughter I remember looking down at my newborn and thinking there’s a reason God made babies ridiculously cute. So we wouldn’t give them away. Or eat them. Because having a kid is like the hardest thing on earth. I mean yeah it’s super rewarding and you can’t help but loving them to pieces, but no one ever tells you before you have kids just how difficult it’s going to be. And you’d never know it from looking at Facebook or Pinterest. You’d think that having kids is all hunky dory and awesome and smiley, like unicorns flying over rainbows. Wait, unicorns don’t fly. Fine, unicorns with wings. But I digress. So this is why I wrote this book. To let parents everywhere know that they are not alone. That parenting is hard for everyone. Being preggers, breastfeeding, tantrums, explosive blowout diapers, bedtimes, naptimes, scraping projectile vomit off the ceiling, scraping projectile poop off the wall, the terrible twos, the terrible threes, the terrible fours, etc etc etc. Okay, pardon me while I get all serious for a moment here. Picture a mom who just had a baby for the first time. Her hormones are bouncing off the walls like a pinball machine that’s being played by a kid who just chugged four Red Bulls, her nipples feel like they’re being eaten by fire ants, and her new baby hasn’t let her sleep more than two straight hours in the past three weeks. This little tiny being is constantly with her, and yet she’s never felt so alone. This is the reason I wrote this book. Picture a mom standing in the middle of a supermarket where her kid is literally going cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs because she won’t buy them, and everyone in the store is staring at her like she is the worst parent on earth. This is the reason I wrote this book. Picture a mom looking at the clock figuring out that she has exactly 84 minutes until her husband comes home from work. Or a dad knowing he has exactly 176 days until his wife comes home from Afghanistan. Or a mom doing it all alone day after day after day because she’s single. This is the reason I wrote this book. Kids are awesome. We love them to death and once we have them we can’t imagine life without them. But they’re also little a-holes who torture us on a daily basis and make us feel like we’re doing it all wrong. This is the reason I wrote this book. To make people laugh and feel a little less alone in the impossible, awesome, horrendous, amazing, challenging, exciting, disgusting, unbelievable job of being a parent.


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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Kindle Edition
I've long been a fan of Karen's (AKA: Baby Sideburns), mostly because she makes me laugh so hard I consider it an ab workout. She says/writes the things most of us only think, but as soon as we read her Facebook status or new blog post, I'm like YES! WHAT SHE SAID! Her book is no different: hilarious, irreverent, tongue-in-cheek and--are you sitting down?--full of heart. Underneath her snark and sarcasm, it's obvious this Mama adores her children. And that's what makes I Heart My Little A-holes so GOOD. It's relatable because it's REAL. And that's Karen: real.

Thanks for the laugh, lady, and everyone else: buy TWO copies. You'll definitely want to give one to your moms as a thank you/I'm sorry gift ;-)
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Format: Kindle Edition
In case the title didn't give it away, this book is not for prudes. Or sweet little great grandmas. If you liked "Go the bleep to Sleep", you'll probably like this one.

Back in my less jaded parenting days, I wrote a Facebook post in which I didn't understand how anyone could like a book like that. There are real cases of child abuse and sad tales of infertility - shouldn't we cherish every moment we have with our little love bugs? Well, then I had another baby. And my older daughter turned 3. And suddenly I understood that this kind of humor is a coping mechanism for crazed parents. Because if we don't laugh, we will never stop crying.

The reason I gave this 4 stars instead of 5 is that it felt like much of the material was recycled from her blog. Still hilarious and worth buying, but if you are an avid reader of the blog you will feel like you read many of these stories before.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Baby sideburns says what most mothers think on a daily basis but don't want to say out loud. I have always loved her blog, but this book has made me a true fan.
Hilarious, mouth dropping humor!
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Format: Kindle Edition
I am not a parent, I'm merely an observer of people with children. As such, I found the book incredibly HILARIOUS and right in line with her FB and column posts. Karen has a way with words and she certainly knows how to make people laugh. I'll be right in line for her second book!
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Great read. I read this while 7 months with my third. Helped me get thru OB appointments, sleepless nights, and my whiney four year old. Baby Sideburns says what we all think at one point in time while being a parent. Her blunt honesty had me laughing my butt off.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Ok, I would like to first say that I think Karen Alpert (aka Baby Sideburns) is hilarious. As a mom of a 2 year old, I am glad that someone else also is going through the same things that I am. It really makes me feel better. With that being said, I was really disappointed in this book. I follow Baby Sideburns on Facebook, and when she posts stories, I usually always go and read them on her blog. There are very few of her posts that I haven't read.

This book would be great for someone who didn't follow her or read her blog because most all of the stories in this book are the same ones that she's written on her blog. Because of that, I was reading things that I had already read. I'm really disappointed. I thought that these would be all new things that she was writing about, but it wasn't.

This would make a fantastic gift for a new parent, or just one who doesn't actively read her blog.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
If you are the type of parent that thinks your child is perfect and pees honey and poops rainbows, then do not read this book. However if you are like 99.9% of the remaining parents sitting firmly in REALITY, this book is for you. I'm only halfway through it since my 8 year old keeps trying to see "what's so funny that you're crying laughing?". Have to read it at night or when hiding from my kids in the restroom or closet. LOVE this book and the author's take on her daily grind. You can tell she loves her kids immensely - she just also has a sense of humor about life that keeps her (somewhat) sane. :)
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
If you're a parent, and not following Baby Sideburns, why not??! She says what we're all thinking and if you're not thinking it, you're in denial! Her lists will knock you over because you're laughing so hard! I read the book in 4 hours, it was just so funny. I even had my husband laughing. The "shampoop" was especially funny. Hope she writes another book.
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