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I Heart My Little A-Holes: A bunch of holy-crap moments no one ever told you about parenting Hardcover – April 8, 2014
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From the Publisher
There are a Lot of Reasons I Wrote This Book, I Mean, Besides Money by Karen Alpert
When I had my daughter I remember looking down at my newborn and thinking there’s a reason God made babies ridiculously cute. So we wouldn’t give them away. Or eat them. Because having a kid is like the hardest thing on earth. I mean yeah it’s super rewarding and you can’t help but loving them to pieces, but no one ever tells you before you have kids just how difficult it’s going to be. And you’d never know it from looking at Facebook or Pinterest. You’d think that having kids is all hunky dory and awesome and smiley, like unicorns flying over rainbows. Wait, unicorns don’t fly. Fine, unicorns with wings. But I digress. So this is why I wrote this book. To let parents everywhere know that they are not alone. That parenting is hard for everyone. Being preggers, breastfeeding, tantrums, explosive blowout diapers, bedtimes, naptimes, scraping projectile vomit off the ceiling, scraping projectile poop off the wall, the terrible twos, the terrible threes, the terrible fours, etc etc etc. Okay, pardon me while I get all serious for a moment here. Picture a mom who just had a baby for the first time. Her hormones are bouncing off the walls like a pinball machine that’s being played by a kid who just chugged four Red Bulls, her nipples feel like they’re being eaten by fire ants, and her new baby hasn’t let her sleep more than two straight hours in the past three weeks. This little tiny being is constantly with her, and yet she’s never felt so alone. This is the reason I wrote this book. Picture a mom standing in the middle of a supermarket where her kid is literally going cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs because she won’t buy them, and everyone in the store is staring at her like she is the worst parent on earth. This is the reason I wrote this book. Picture a mom looking at the clock figuring out that she has exactly 84 minutes until her husband comes home from work. Or a dad knowing he has exactly 176 days until his wife comes home from Afghanistan. Or a mom doing it all alone day after day after day because she’s single. This is the reason I wrote this book. Kids are awesome. We love them to death and once we have them we can’t imagine life without them. But they’re also little a-holes who torture us on a daily basis and make us feel like we’re doing it all wrong. This is the reason I wrote this book. To make people laugh and feel a little less alone in the impossible, awesome, horrendous, amazing, challenging, exciting, disgusting, unbelievable job of being a parent.
“Crass, inappropriate and absolutely hysterical. In other words, absolutely everything you could want in a parenting book and more.” (Jill Smokler, author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy)
“Beware of Mom: She bites. Karen is crass and abrasive and makes no apologies, nor should she. Her take on family life is funny, filthy and familiar... Reading her stories will make you laugh so hard...your head will explode.” (Nicole Knepper, author of Moms Who Drink and Swear)
From the Back Cover
Popular blogger Karen Alpert shares her hysterical take on the many "joys" of parenting—I Heart My Little A-Holes is full of hilarious stories, lists, thoughts and pictures that will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.
Top customer reviews
1. the sidelines of your kids soccer practice, because as you are laughing so hard you are crying, other parents are looking at you quizzically since little Johnny just got kicked and is crying.
2. the waiting room outside your kids CCD class... there are a lot of pictures that make us baby-sideburns fans crack up repeatedly, while some shall-we-say less fun people will purse their lips disapprovingly.
3. The back row of jury duty. The court officer will confiscate your book, although you will definitely see him smirking after lunch because he totally read it too and thought it was HILARIOUS.
For real, Karen Alpert hits the nail on the head with this book the same as she does with every blog. She is funny, clever, witty, REAL, and best of all just GETS how the rest of us moms feel most of the time. I am totally going to buy 20 copies and give them out as Christmas gifts. I am still deciding about using the vagina cupcakes for Christmas baking.... :-)