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Help! I'm in Love with a Narcissist Hardcover – January 21, 2005

4.6 out of 5 stars 72 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Christina, a successful 38-year-old real estate agent, was very happy with Len, who initially overwhelmed her with compliments, care and concern; once she had fallen in love with him, he suddenly began to insist that his needs and plans and schedules come first. Christina was in love with a narcissist—and in their new guide, the authors of Men Who Can't Love tell how to recognize such a beast, the dangers of loving one and strategies for ending a relationship with a person who always puts "me" first. The authors point out that we all may exhibit narcissistic tendencies at times, but the true narcissist is incapable of a give-and-take relationship. The authors acknowledge that they are writers, not therapists, and base their theories on anecdotes, written in very accessible language, rather than on academic research. Many interviews were conducted with both men and women completely seduced by narcissists, who can, according to the authors, be extremely charismatic. Carter and Sokol detail behavioral cues that can identify a narcissist and look at the causes of narcissism, chief among them being raised by narcissistic parents. Carter and Sokol provide a number of coping skills for those involved with narcissists, but their advice boils down to taking care of yourself first and seeking outside support.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Steven Carter lives in Los Angles, California. Julia Sokol lives in Bristol, Rhode Island.
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: M. Evans & Company; 1st Edition 1st Printing edition (January 21, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1590770773
  • ISBN-13: 978-1590770771
  • Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 0.9 x 9.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (72 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #656,453 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By H. Laughlin on June 23, 2005
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I now understand why all my relationships with men have ended badly and why I am continually hurt. I keep falling in love with toxic narcissists. The book explained to me what I have been doing and how to stop doing it.

This book was so good and so life changing that I sent a copy to my sister and have recommended the book to friends who have had disasterous relationships with men. As for me, six months ago I canceled a wedding and walked away from a man who I now understand was a toxic narcissist. Until I read the book, I could not stop weeping I was so wounded by his actions. Now, I UNDERSTAND that it was nothing I did or can ever change. He has a personality disorder.

I recommend this book for every woman (and man) who has ever had a romantic relationship with a selfish, hurtful person. You don't have to keep doing it. Read the book, understand, protect yourself, and be happy!
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Format: Hardcover
This book was recommended to me by a Surviving Narcissist Help Group that I belong to. I was married to one (naricissist) and what in the world happened to me while I was with him was horrendous. I did a lot of research after our split to find out why I thought I was so screwed up, wrong, moody, etc. (words he called me all of the time). It was not me. I recommend this book to anyone who has ever dealt with a Narcissist, been married to one or are still married to one, the child of one, the co-worker of one. If you don't get out, you will never find yourself again. Reading this book, which was clear, concise, to the point, honest, in your face was like reading the story of my short term marriage to my ex narcissist -- there is hope, but healing from the hurts of a narcissist are longer to get over with. This book will show you what really goes on in the mind of a narcissist. I never had a clue as to what a narcissist was -- now I know!!! The world is full of them, and this is recommended reading so that you can see what the warning signs are -- I wish I had known!!! I saw all of the "red flags" but chose to ignore them, being totally naive as to what a Narcissist is. Read it and decide for yourself; I highly recommened this book!!!
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Format: Hardcover
Caught in a triangle with the love of your life? Can't figure out why he is so happy with you one day and with another woman the next? If you never heard of narcissism and are not in a happy relationship, read this book. It is an easy read that translates the difficult to understand jargon about a serious and not uncommon personality disorder into common language set in the context of partner relationships. What is lacking is help on distinguishing from "normal" levels of selfishness and self-centeredness and the toxic kind that invariably leads to egregious emotional abuse. The subject is mentioned but not really addressed. At any level, narcissism is something to avoid. At the toxic level, it is time to bail. This book is a guide to spotting the toxic narcissist that may be breaking your heart. It will free you to give up and get out.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
i knew nothing about narcissism. i thought it was just being extremely arrogant but it's so much more. after having one of the most hurtful and traumatic relationships of my life i start doing some research on-line and realized that my ex-bf was probably a toxic narcissist. even though the relationship is completely over i had a hard time just shaking it off and moving on mentally. i read the reviews here and decided to purchase this book. i'm glad i did.

if i could give this book 6 stars i would. it helped me resolve some feelings i had more than counseling did. my counselor didn't know the person i dated well but reading this book really put me on the path to healing because it helped me realize when you're dealing with a narcissist it's not about you, nothing you do will change the person. period. it's hard to really accept that because we want to believe people can change but narcissism so ingrained in who a person is and how they think, the person isn't likely to change. there's a lot of repetition of the themes but i felt that was necessary to drive home the point and how toxic these people are. don't worry, if you're not in love with a narcissist then this is just interesting reading, it won't brainwash you into viewing everyone that way but oh if you were with a narcissist it helps you to understand what is/was going on that you and certainly nobody on the outside can comprehend.

as the authors say, they are not psychotherapists but they do pull together a plethora of relevant information and interviews. the book has lots of "real life" stories and advice that is so useful. you'll begin to see that the sad world that you had with your narcissist is so hurtful and damaging but you can get better and move on. the stories confirm you aren't crazy, they are!
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Format: Hardcover
I thought the book was excellent because there were so many stories about narcissists. And, the stories had a variety of relationship types in them.

The book was easy to read and hard for me to put down. I'm now reading it through again. If anybody's had narcissistic parents, siblings, or romantic partner, I'd recommend this book, hands-down.
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