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Susan Brewster

Helping Her Get Free: A Guide for Families and Friends of Abused Women Paperback – January 2, 2006

by Susan Brewster (Author)

83 ratings

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Seal Press originally published Helping Her Get Free with the title To Be an Anchor in the Storm. Almost ten years after its original publication, this groundbreaking and practical guide remains a wise, informed, and vital resource for those who want to assist a friend or loved one in her struggle to escape an abusive relationship.

Susan Brewster, a longtime psychotherapist whose practice includes working with abused women and their families, recognizes that friends and family need specific tools and ideas to help them develop a relationship with their abused loved one that will ultimately benefit her, not control her. As the survivor of an abusive relationship herself, Brewster teaches readers how to recognize the signs of abuse, handle negative feelings, become an effective advocate, deal with the abuser, and more.

With a new introduction and updated resource section, this straightforward and compassionate book is just as timely and important as ever, offering the information needed to give strength to women who are trying to break free.

Print length

272 pages
Language

English
Publication date

January 2, 2006
Dimensions

5.5 x 0.68 x 8.25 inches
ISBN-10

1580051677
ISBN-13

978-1580051675
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Many books address the issue of battered women, but this is perhaps the first that is meant to help those who want to help.” —Library Journal

About the Author

Susan Brewster has been a clinical social worker/psychotherapist for 26 years, ten of which have been devoted to working specifically in the area of domestic violence. She lives with her husband and two children in New Mexico, where she is in private practice.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Seal Press; 58507th edition (January 2, 2006)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1580051677
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1580051675
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12.1 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.68 x 8.25 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #438,313 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #206 in Domestic Partner Abuse (Books)
- #337 in Social Services & Welfare (Books)
- #463 in Abuse Self-Help

Customer Reviews:
83 ratings

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Customer reviews

5 star		72%
4 star		14%
3 star		8%
2 star		2%
1 star		3%

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Top reviews from the United States

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Julie Bonn Blank

Highly recommend for loved ones whose loved ones feel “stuck”

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 13, 2022

Verified Purchase

How far should you go in helping your loved one escape abuse? Perhaps you already have- only to have the efforts go backwards on you. Stats now say someone returns to abuse an average of 7 times, whether it’s the same relationship or another. This book is phenomenal and filled with effective techniques that will best help you-and therefore your loved one too. Never give up, but do educate yourself. It’s so important.

Helpful

JT

Helpful info for concerned friends and family

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 6, 2012

Verified Purchase

As a concerned friend of a young woman in an abusive marriage I was getting extremely frustrated trying to obtain information on what I could do to help. So many people told me that there was nothing I could do, and the only thing the local domestic violence counseling service would tell me was to give her their phone number. This clearly written and easy to follow book helps you understand that while the sad truth is that there is very little anybody can do, the little that you can might make a huge difference in your loved one's life. Real life cases sited throughout the book show the value of effective communication and the need for patience when dealing with a friend or family member in such a terribly difficult situation. Without being too clinical or preachy the author provides insight into the dynamics of an abusive relationship that helps the reader start to make sense out of a subject that is hard to understand. She explains that while it will not be easy and there are no quick fixes you can make a difference by becoming an "anchor" for your loved one.
This book helped me realize that all was not hopeless, that I could play a role, if even just a small one, in helping my friend get through this. Although it is still a work in progress, the book has helped ease my frustrations and allowed me to be better able to offer the support my friend needs. If you too are tired of being told that there is nothing you can do, get this book!
Just a note: This book was originally titled "To Be An Anchor In The Storm" and the only obvious changes between that book, which I found at the local library, and this reprint which I purchased through Amazon was to some of the domestic violence resource info in the back of the book.

22 people found this helpful

Helpful

Joan Kani

A Resource for families who feel helpless

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on December 16, 2013

Verified Purchase

This book was very helpful in realizing what you should and shouldn't do and what you should and shouldn't say. As a mother of a young woman in an abusive relationship, I feel helpless. I did the momma bear thing and flew down to where she is and packed her and her stuff in the car and she went back. WHY? She's not married to this jerk, there are no children. He has no redeeming qualities. I don't understand because she was a strong willed, self sufficient woman who has been manipulated.

I talk to her everyday and subtlely say what I need to say without forcing her to defend him. She knows how I feel and how her stepfather and brothers and cousins feel. By using some of these techniques, she is beginning to come around.

I just wish there was a group for families of abuse victims because I feel like I'm loosing my mind. This book plus a few others that I am reading are keeping me from going crazy. I keep my eye on the purpose which is to get her home before something terrible happens. There is advice I can give her to keep her safe. Couples counseling for abusive relationships is not a good idea. I didn't know that before reading this book.

The author has been there, done that so she is speaking from personal experience as well as professional experience. Best one out there that I've found so far for families trying to help their loved ones get out of a bad situation.

30 people found this helpful

Helpful

Rhiannon

If you have a friend or family member who is being emotionally or physically abused, you need this book!

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 2, 2016

Verified Purchase

This book is a wonderful resource to give to families and friends of the abuse victim who are confused about how they can help, and simply have no concept of the victim's life on a daily basis. Validation of the abuse and the victim's point of view, particularly by close friends and family, is essential for encouragement and healing. It is also helpful for family members and friends to gain both understanding and healing of their own. There are so many inconsistencies in the life of a victim, even if only one close friend or family member validates their experiences and believes in them, it will do wonders for the victim's self worth and ability to trust in their own judgment. I highly recommend this book.

10 people found this helpful

Helpful

PetraD

Can anyone say if this is a recommended approach for teens since there is the whole "daughter ...

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 7, 2017

Verified Purchase

I'm in the process of reading this book. Can anyone say if this is a recommended approach for teens since there is the whole "daughter in rebellion" that goes along with the relationship? I would say I'm probably a rescuer, but want to be an anchor for her and help her out of an unhealthy situation before it gets life-threateningly bad. Thanks.

Helpful

katrina

A must read for anyone wanting to help a friend or family member in an unhealthy relationship

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on July 20, 2015

Verified Purchase

This book is wonderful for a family member or best friend wanting to help a friend in an unhealthy relationship. I read it because my daughter was in a verbally abusive relationship. It was very useful, helped me understand, gave me some calm in the storm, gave me hope but kept it very real. I also lent it to a co worker who was trying to cope with a sister in a bad relationship. This book is helpful for verbal or physically abusive relationships as well as for teens to long time adults.

8 people found this helpful

Helpful

nonnie

Cannot recommend this book highly enough.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on August 18, 2011

Verified Purchase

There is very little help out there for families and friends whose loved one is in an abusive situation. This is one of the rare books that helps worried families and friends understand a confusing, fearful relationship and its dynamics. Understanding is the beginning of being able to help, to be there with compassion and practical assistance, while lessening blame and anger which can isolate the abusee further. We were so grateful for this book. I have passed it on, repurchased it, encouraged it as a resource for many others struggling to learn what they can do and what they can't do.

17 people found this helpful

Helpful

Amazon Customer

Very Helpful

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on June 26, 2019

Verified Purchase

This book is EXTREMELY helpful for helping someone in an abusive situation. It made me feel calmer and is helping me be the person my loved one truly needs (which is NOT a rescuer).

4 people found this helpful

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

Bethannie

A Must for Everyone with a Relative in a Domestic Abuse situation

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on August 11, 2013

Verified Purchase

Everyone relative with a woman or man in an abusive relationship should read this even if they feel they cannot help her. It gives an insight into the best way to deal with the situation she is in and how to deal with the way it effects the rest of the family. I had only read a few pages and realised we had all been dealing with it wrong - we had become despondant and rescuers- neither of which our relative wants. I bought a copy for my mother to read as well and she quickly realised they wouldn't be able to help their way anymore either. Whilst our relative is still not free and we are all taking a breather from it we are still here and we will continue to try to help her to empower herself and regain control herself gradually so that she can be free. I love this book and its the best book i have ever read on the subject and i am now keeping it close to hand. Everyone needs to understand why an abused person stays and why they can not always get free and even more so why they so often return to their abuser- this book teaches us to stop being judgmental and be more understanding. Very Highly Recommended.

6 people found this helpful

Diane M. Viall

Brilliant

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on April 11, 2010

Verified Purchase

This brilliant book saved our lives and the life of our daughter. She has now escaped an abusive relationship virtually unscathed and mentally sound. A must for anyone with a loved one in this sort of relationship.

3 people found this helpful

S. O'connell

good book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on March 23, 2014

Verified Purchase

Good book for anyone close to someone who is being abused. From mental, emotional and physical abuse. Good guide for your support

mairelouise

Four Stars

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on December 12, 2014

Verified Purchase

a challenging read but helpful

Sally Jackson

Genuine help for rescuing abused women

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on June 15, 2013

Verified Purchase

Anyone who cares about a woman who is being psychologically or physically abused by her partner will know that it is desperately hard to know how to help. Because the woman is being controlled mentally, common sense solutions do not work - indeed they can make things worse. Women find it unbelievably hard to leave these men, for a whole raft of reasons.
This book helps you see inside the head of an abused woman, and will help you understand why, if you say, "This guy is bad news - you need break it off with him," you will actually make her MORE dependent on him - not less. This is the greatest insight imaginable.
Susan Brewster takes you step by step through the tactics you must use if you are to counteract the effects of his brainwashing/abuse. She makes no easy promises - this is a slow task, building trust and enabling the woman to regain her confidence. It requires commitment and effort. But if your daughter or your sister or your friend or your colleague is trapped in a demeaning relationship and you want to help - this is the ONLY book for you. There are plenty of books for abused women themselves - though if they are being psychologically abused, they are unlike to realise that what is happening to them is "abuse." But I haven''t found anything else that is addressed to those who care. And in a way it doesn't matter - because when you have read this you will understand exactly why abused women think like they do, why they are trapped, why they stick with appalling relationships -and why you will need to take the softly softly approach outlined in this book if you are to be of any help at all. I cannot recommend it more highly.

3 people found this helpful

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