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Her Hand in Marriage: Biblical Courtship in the Modern World (Family) Paperback – April 1, 1997

4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 185 ratings

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The modern dating system is bankrupt. It does not train young people to form a relationship but rather to form a series of relationships, hardening themselves to all but the current one. Recreational dating encourages emotional attachments without covenantal fences and makes a joke of a father's authority. The disrespect children have for their fathers in this area is an echo of the disrespect fathers have for their own office.

In this book, Douglas Wilson argues that biblical courtship provides a wonderful freedom. It involves familial wisdom and godly protection. Grounded upon the involved authority of the father, courtship delights in its public connection to the lives of families. Sexual purity is a great inheritance for a marriage, and part of a father's job is to guarantee and protect that heritage.

This book is a part of Douglas Wilson's series of books on the family, which has helped many people trying to deal with the on the ground messes that come with sinners trying to live under the same roof. This book on courtship does not offer so much a surefire method for good marriages as remind us that the wisdom of elders is to be heeded before getting into something as permanent as marriage.


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canon press outfitters of the reformation doug wilson nancy rachel jankovic rebekah merkle wiley
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Plain talk for real moms. “To your right—the junk drawer.” Fearless, joyful parenting. Building relationships that will last. Cultivating a fruitful marriage.
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Used by thousands, Canon’s Family Series provides the building blocks for a home centered on Jesus. The call to build a beautiful home is both an honor and a challenge. In this simple guide, Nancy Wilson draws on decades of experience to give Christian moms practical principles on childbirth, education, discipline, and more. What does a godly living room look like? Kitchen? Front porch? Junk drawer? Pastor Douglas Wilson takes the whole family on a room-by-room tour of a Christian house, showing how selflessness transforms everything. Christian parents should raise their kids with prayer, faith, and confidence. This accessible and challenging study by pastor Douglas Wilson lays out what God requires and promises as you parent your children. Current dating practices leave young people emotionally and spiritually wrecked. Pastor Douglas Wilson offers men and women biblical truth for honoring God, their parents, and one another as they pursue long-lasting relationships. “Is this radical Christianity? No. This is basic Christianity.” Longtime wife and mother Nancy Wilson presents the counterintuitive way Christian wives can maximize freedom and happiness in their marriage: respect their man.
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These are our top sellers, presenting God’s grace and truth for every person at every moment. Normal day-to-day life with kids at early ages can be exhausting. Rachel Jankovic, mother of seven, provides personal stories and practical advice on how to persevere in the high but demanding call of motherhood. Our unchristian world preaches to men a gospel of weakness and fragility. Michael Foster and Bnonn Tenant challenge men to embrace what God made them: dangerous leaders, god-fearing husbands, inspiring fathers, loyal friends. How can you be a faithful woman in the unfolding consequences of feminism’s war against femininity? Rebekah Merkle focuses on God’s design for women, encouraging you to be a godly mom, a loving wife, and a bold entrepreneur. God designed the household as his kingdom’s command center—and Christians can choose to work either with or against God’s design. In this truly original book, C.R. Wiley unlocks the deep, eschatological centrality of the household. “This book is nothing less than a proclamation of the Gospel as embodied in family life.” Pastor Douglas Wilson gets at the heart of the family, revealing how listening to the Gospel transforms the way we disciple and care for our children’s souls."
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These are our top sellers, presenting God’s grace and truth for every person at every moment. How do you raise great men, ready for work, marriage, worship, and suffering? Pastor and father Douglas Wilson gives practical advice on how to mold your boys into powerful servants of God, addressing everything from school to sports to sex. Wisdom. Courage. Modesty. In fifteen brief lessons, Nancy Wilson outlines the virtues of a godly woman. Suitable for small group bible studies or personal devotionals, this practical guide offers clarity and encouragement to women of all ages. Cooking for crowds is a great but tough ministry opportunity, requiring tons of stress, money, and mental math (0.75 tsp. x 5 = 3.75 tsp = 1.25 tbsps). Drawing on long experience, Rebekah Merkle provides big recipes that are quick, cheap, and classy. One of the self-centered ideas shaping our culture is that you are enough. You are not enough, Rachel Jankovic says. Pretending differently makes true happiness impossible. But in Christ, you can find more meaning and love than you ever hoped for. “You can’t score points until you have the ball. And reformers will not have the ball until they have a culture.” America needs redeeming change. Here’s how to do it, from one of our time’s most effective reformers.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Douglas Wilson is a Senior Fellow of theology at New Saint Andrews College. Wilson is the author of numerous books on education, theology, and culture, including: The Case for Classical Christian Education, Recovering the Lost Tools of Learning, Mother Kirk, and Angels in the Architecture, as well as biographies on both Anne Bradstreet and John Knox.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Canon Press; 1st edition (April 1, 1997)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 116 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1885767269
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1885767264
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 5.6 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.29 x 8.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 185 ratings

About the author

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Douglas Wilson
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Douglas Wilson is pastor of Christ Church in Moscow, Idaho, and the writer of numerous books, including Same-Sex Mirage: Phantasmagoria at the Altar & Some Biblical Responses.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
185 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book very informative, helpful, and biblically based. They say it's well worth the read, wise, and a wise investment. Readers also praise the writing style as concise, well-written, and easy to read.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

13 customers mention "Information quality"13 positive0 negative

Customers find the book very informative and interesting. They say it's helpful as a guide and packed with Biblical-based information about courtship. Readers also mention it'll be thought-provoking and clearly sets out the steps for courtship, making it a great read for anyone considering marriage or anyone with unwed children.

"...Simply a great read for anyone considering marriage or anyone with unwed children." Read more

"...courtship are what are most important in this book, and they are very practical...." Read more

"Solid biblical apologetic for courtship...." Read more

"This is a very thought-provoking counter-cultural book that every Christian must read, parent or not...." Read more

10 customers mention "Value for time"10 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well worth the read, saying it's concise and to the point. They also say it'll be a wise investment and useful.

"This is the best book. I wish I had this book when I was young.I hope my teenage children will do it right...." Read more

"...This book is an easy read, and well worth the time of any reader whether they're married or single. It is very concise and to the point...." Read more

"...Well worth the read and I’ll highly recommend it." Read more

"This book is well worth the time spent sweating out the biblical principles of courtship exposited...." Read more

7 customers mention "Writing style"7 positive0 negative

Customers find the writing style concise, well-written, and easy to read. They say the book is biblical, honest, and practical. Readers also mention the author writes with authority and love.

"...This book is an easy read, and well worth the time of any reader whether they're married or single. It is very concise and to the point...." Read more

"Wilson writes with authority and love... he writes very biblically and doesn't cower at controversial issues... even calling men of today cowardly...." Read more

"...It's succinct and Biblical." Read more

"...This slim volume was a quick read. Frank, honest, scriptural, and practical, Wilson sets the bar high for parents, suitors, and daughters, according..." Read more

3 customers mention "Readability"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book a quick read. They also say it's a slim volume.

"...A quick read and very deep. I loved it and needed it. It has helped me build a solid foundation with my fiancee's father and mother." Read more

"...This slim volume was a quick read...." Read more

"...a point, it is a relatively "small" book and can be read in 1-2 days." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on April 14, 2024
This is the best book. I wish I had this book when I was young.
I hope my teenage children will do it right.
This book has everything we need to understand the way God intended us to have relationships and courtship.
Reviewed in the United States on August 15, 2013
As a single man who has never been married, I wish I read this book years ago. Fathers will learn how to best protect their daughters and how vital their role is for their daughters in the courtship and pre-marriage process. Daughters will discover the importance of having their fathers guide them in the selection of a suitor and husband. Sons will better learn how to court a young woman under the watchful eye of her parents and realize this is meant to protect her, test him to determine if he is worthy of her hand, and aid in developing a stronger marriage. Mothers will gain the insight in how to better nurture both her sons and daughters to embrace the Biblical method of courtship. Simply a great read for anyone considering marriage or anyone with unwed children.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on February 12, 2013
Let me begin by saying a little bit about myself. I am a senior in a Christian school, regular church-goer, and one who is eager to learn about what the Bible has to say about God's design for Christian living in general. I have a Marriage & Family class as the Sociology course and really have never thought too much about the importance of the formation of the family. Everybody in my school knows about the importance of the family's function -they have been constantly told over and over again since day one that how a family functions is vitally important, and it is. Now that I am considered a young adult, I want to know what the Bible has to say about how I, as a young Christian man, should prepare for marriage.

That being said, I chose to read this book for a report in my class. My instructor said near the beginning of the class, "Young people, the method that you use, whether it be dating or courtship, does not matter -as long as your attitude is in the right place." Pastor Wilson opens the book with a statement that basically said any Christian who cares about what the Bible has to say about the function of the family should also care about what it has to say about the formation of families. Pastor Wilson outlines the courtship model in five basic sections: the authority of parents, the preparation of sons and daughters for courtship, the culmination of courtship, and he talks about the details of courtship. Any instance that Pastor Wilson talks about Biblical principle in courtship, he lists the Bible reference and explains the principle and how it can be applied in the modern realm of courtship.

Pastor Wilson does also look at the system of dating. He talks about what it is, what the problems with it are, and why it is not Biblical. Personally, I found it very easy to accept that dating is not a Biblical system. Pastor Wilson also explains that dating is a relationship that is outside God's covenantal protection. As he puts it, "The modern dating system does not train young people to form a relationship. It trains them to form a series of relationships. At the very least, this system is as much a preparation for divorce as it is for marriage. Whenever the other person starts to wear a little thin, you just slip out the back, Jack.

In short, this book helped me to see what exactly God's will is for young Christian couples and the Biblical way to form a Christ-centered relationship. Does method matter? Absolutely. I do believe this book helps to explain why.
20 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2010
"Her Hand in Marriage" starts by briefly but clearly laying out the devastating effects and unbiblical nature of "recreational dating." Then it sets about forming a very biblical view of romance, marriage, and how families ought to be formed. Rather than just spurting out "old-fashioned opinions" it uses Scripture to support its points. Much emphasis is placed upon the role of the father, the coventant of marriage, and differences between genders.

This book is an easy read, and well worth the time of any reader whether they're married or single. It is very concise and to the point. As stated in other reviews, this is not a "one-size fits all" deal; the principles of courtship are what are most important in this book, and they are very practical.

I do not agree with some of Wilson's interpretations of the Scripture, but I did not feel this at all frustrated His purpose.

All-in-all this book is a very wise investment. If you are a young person wishing to honor God in a relationship down the road, here is a good place to begin learning how. If you are a parent, especially fathers, prayerfully consider what this book has to say.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on July 7, 2023
Male or female, read this book if you follow the bible. In the 6 weeks I've been recommending and handing out this book, it has helped prevent much damage due to ignorance in our church. The recreational dating system of the world today is aimless, pointless, and far more damaging than it does good. Lives have been wrecked by that system. Christian young people need to read this book like it's an emergency. It won't save your soul, but it very well might save your life. If I'm exaggerating, it's by a very small margin.
Reviewed in the United States on March 3, 2021
Highly recommend. As a husband and wife who grew up in church and both of our fathers were deacons my husband and I thought we had a decent idea on leading our children in biblical dating. But as our oldest hit this stage we were shocked to find that the dating scene has changed drastically and our former teachings were almost worthless. Even amongst your average Christian families we saw a lack of anything constructive. This book has been a huge help. It is NOT a “to do” or “don’t” list. It’s a broad scope of how marriage was viewed and pursued from the Bible’s standpoint. It points out biblical principles that each Christian parent and their child can prayerfully consider as they decide how to navigate the dating/courtship world for the glory of God. I would buy this book again.
5 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on August 24, 2023
I truly feel if women followed the principles in this book, there’d be less stress in our lives.
Reviewed in the United States on August 10, 2022
I like how he explains the biblical pattern of courtship or dating in the modern world we live in today. Seems many have forgotten the best ways to guide our children in dating and has been lost from generation to generation. Thankful I am learning a better way from the book.

Top reviews from other countries

Kyle S
5.0 out of 5 stars As described, quick delivery
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 30, 2018
As described, quick delivery
Marco Marcello
4.0 out of 5 stars Great foundation for biblical courtship
Reviewed in Australia on January 11, 2019
Helpful, concise summary of the principles of Biblical courtship. Particularly helpful for parents seeking to honour God in preparing a strong foundation for their daughter's marriage.
Natammy Bonissoni
5.0 out of 5 stars Recommended!
Reviewed in Brazil on May 25, 2016
More books like this should be writen and published. Recommended not only to parents but also to single people who desires to worship the Lord in their relationships.
One person found this helpful
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