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He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe In Himself Hardcover – August 1, 2017
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Additional Details
On the surface, capable teenage boys may look lazy. But dig a little deeper, writes child psychologist Adam Price in He’s Not Lazy, and you’ll often find conflicted boys who want to do well in middle and high school but are afraid to fail, and so do not try. This book can help you become an ally with your son, as he discovers greater self-confidence and accepts responsibility for his future.
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherUnion Square & Co.
- Publication dateAugust 1, 2017
- Dimensions6 x 1.25 x 9 inches
- ISBN-101454916877
- ISBN-13978-1454916871
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“Price addresses a situation he refers to as ‘opting out,’ in which teen boys appear lazy when in fact they are reacting to fear and pressure by shunning school with avoidance and denial. Price offers examples, lessons, and advice from his 25 years as a psychologist. While the book is filled with well-documented research, it is accessible to general readers. Price helps readers make a paradigm shift in how they view their sons’ behavior, explains the science behind human brain development, provides instructions for creating a plan for success, and most importantly, outlines how parents can change their own attitudes. The parents’ change in perspective is the most important key; in the process, they will help their sons create self-sufficient, self-regulated plans. Parents, college students, teachers, and psychologists will gain a better understanding of the problem and know how to help teen boys who are going through it have a successful school career. A good addition for public library parenting collections as well as academic libraries.” —Booklist
“Price’s book will provide inspiration for scores of parents seeking to understand why their sons are floundering, and will encourage greater acceptance for how today’s teenage boys face challenges.” —Publishers Weekly
“. . . a user-friendly text for parents and patients . . . Although geared towards an understanding of boys, many of these pearls of wisdom are easily applicable to girls given the authors heavy leaning on gender neutral developmental theories and science. . . . the unexpected genius of He’s Not Lazy is the comprehensive yet gentle way Price explores parents’ intergenerational contributions to their son’s difficulties. This makes He’s Not Lazy a worthy purchase for parents and clinicians alike.” —NJ Psychologist
“I am not sure whether I love He’s Not Lazy more as a mother of two teen boys or as an educator who has worked with boys for over twenty years. What I do know is that He’s Not Lazy offers a truly thoughtful, commonsense approach to dealing with adolescent boys. It shows you how to read them and manage yourself in your interactions with these sometimes mysterious and frustrating people. And the stakes really couldn’t be higher: Our boys need us to understand them, so they can develop into confident, emotionally strong men.”
—Rosalind Wiseman, educator and author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, 3rd Edition: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boys, and the New Realities of Girl World and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Union Square & Co. (August 1, 2017)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1454916877
- ISBN-13 : 978-1454916871
- Item Weight : 1.25 pounds
- Dimensions : 6 x 1.25 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #433,129 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #172 in Popular Adolescent Psychology
- #453 in Parenting Boys
- #643 in Parenting Teenagers (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Adam Price, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with more than 20 years of experience working with children and teens. As the former Director of Outpatient Services at Newark Beth Israel Hospital and Associate Director at Family Connections, a mental health agency, he has supervised and trained numerous clinicians in family and child therapy. He maintains a private practice in New York City and Chatham, New Jersey.
Price has published articles on family and child therapy in publications including The Wall Street Journal and Family Circle, and is the author of the book He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself. He has presented widely to both parents and educators on opting out, child development, and learning disabilities, and has appeared on “Good Day New York” and other programs to discuss topics ranging from discipline to the impact of video games on children.
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find this parenting book incredibly relevant and well-written, providing practical strategies and insights. The book offers a compassionate perspective and is honest and relatable, with one customer noting how it provides a straightforward look into their son's thoughts.
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Customers find this parenting book incredibly relevant and helpful, with one review highlighting its practical strategies and insights.
"...And then as I got more immersed in the author's concise, practical and empathetic writing, I couldn't help but grab my phone and open Amazon's app..." Read more
"...Talks about the many different reasons for laziness and really good strategies to overcome it. Excellent insights and a real page turner...." Read more
"...This seems like a great book for parents struggling with average teenage problems...." Read more
"...The first part of the book gives a great insight into the mind of a teenage boy and the second part gives concrete tools to use in communicating..." Read more
Customers find the book well written and easy to read, with one customer noting it's likely to be reread for emphasis.
"...And then as I got more immersed in the author's concise, practical and empathetic writing, I couldn't help but grab my phone and open Amazon's app..." Read more
"...Excellent insights and a real page turner. It came today and am on page 88. It oftentimes is not due to what one would think...." Read more
"This book was really well written and gave me a new perspective about my teenage son...." Read more
"An extremely well written and compelling guide for parents who struggle with how to motivate their teenage sons to do better in school and in life...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's compassionate perspective, with one customer noting how it provides a straightforward look into sons' thoughts and another mentioning its relatable dialogue.
"...as I got more immersed in the author's concise, practical and empathetic writing, I couldn't help but grab my phone and open Amazon's app to provide..." Read more
"...It is illuminated by the kind, loving and creative voice of the author...." Read more
"...It provides insight on the psychology behind both teen and parent behavior, not only related to school, but also the changing dynamics as boys mature..." Read more
"...insight, but is written in a very accessible, honest and compassionate way. The paradigm shift has been made...." Read more
Customers find the book honest and relatable, with one mentioning it includes real-life stories.
"...It is so simple but oh so real and raw and sincere and compassionate that I already know I will read it more than once...." Read more
"...a fascinating, moving and accessible read with many, inspiring, real-life stories." Read more
"This is one of the best parenting books I've ever read. It's relatable, easy to read and provides suggestions that are realistic and doable to..." Read more
"...and experienced insight, but is written in a very accessible, honest and compassionate way. The paradigm shift has been made...." Read more
Customers find the book precise and spot on.
"...for how to approach my teen, but this is one of the few that was spot on...." Read more
"...I personally felt that this was one of the most spot on, and incredibly relevant parenting books I have ever read...." Read more
"This book is precise and straight to the point. I will recommend it to all my friends with boys...." Read more
"...It's so accurate I wondered if my house was bugged! Tons of practical strategies and insights. Highly recommended! !!" Read more
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Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on February 4, 2019First of all, I haven't finished this book yet. However, as I was reading the introduction, I got already convinced that this book is going to be a great tool for me. And then as I got more immersed in the author's concise, practical and empathetic writing, I couldn't help but grab my phone and open Amazon's app to provide my very premature but very honest review.
I don't have one, but two teenage boys, and they are only one year apart however, I ordered this book with my oldest son in mind.
Honestly, I never thought that having the amazing opportunity of witnessing the transition of my son becoming an adult was going to drive me crazy, to make me doubt myself in one year more than I have during my whole life, to make me want to give up, run away and hide for the next 10 years. Because, parenting teenagers, is really challenging and frustrating sometimes :( . And I know everybody can say that but no one will truly realize it until one day their sweet babies are transforming into saucy teenagers!!
I have read several books about teenagers and parenting but this book has greatly surprised me so far. It is so simple but oh so real and raw and sincere and compassionate that I already know I will read it more than once. This book is a huge ray of hope for me, there's a saying that goes: "it takes a village to raise a child" however, to raise a teenager it surely takes more than just a village. Well, this book for me has become all that. I am not sure how I found it but I am truly grateful that I decided to buy it when I needed it the most.
I wish teachers and counselors would also read it, in fact I think I'll buy some for my sons' teachers 😇
- Reviewed in the United States on June 22, 2018Came across it on Amazon looking for something else and ordered it. Talks about the many different reasons for laziness and really good strategies to overcome it. Excellent insights and a real page turner. It came today and am on page 88. It oftentimes is not due to what one would think. Although it is geared to parents there is much that anyone could use. Discovering what messages we are giving ourselves about ourselves is important. People around us can give wrong messages to us like some parents do. Book stresses letting go of being too controlling. Advises letting the teen grow up. Suggests asking, "What is your plan?" Rather than using your brain's executive function let them develop theirs. Frontal cortex where exec. functions are isn't developed in them yet. They see a face that is frightened and respond with their amigdyla which is fight or flight, anger source. Adults respond using reason, planning found in frontal cortex. Adults respond also by drawing from hippocampus, that seahorse shaped organ that stores long term memories which they don't have as much of yet. Teens actually don't even have a developed frontal cortex yet!!!! Also where working memory is. Their brains are developing. Sometimes that development can go on for decades. Usually till age 25 though. Learning to be independent is soooo important but many parents over control thereby stunting that natural growth. Sometimes they don't learn it because they get rebellious and withdrawn. But at the same time need the parents care. They just don't understand because they can't! Emotions control them. Thaere are times when a parent has to exert control but usually just ask them what is their plan. Teaches them to think. To develop. Parents can help by giving chart outline of steps and strategies but let them fill it in after one or two helping them. For anything reasonable they want to do. This book is so enlightening.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2022I would not recommend this book to any parents who are dealing with teenagers with severe mental health issues or substance abuse. This seems like a great book for parents struggling with average teenage problems. Great for anyone interested in learning about the mind of a teenage boy.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 26, 2024This book was really well written and gave me a new perspective about my teenage son. The first part of the book gives a great insight into the mind of a teenage boy and the second part gives concrete tools to use in communicating with your son effectively. It completely changed my approach to how I talk to my son. I am thankful for this book!
- Reviewed in the United States on August 9, 2017An extremely well written and compelling guide for parents who struggle with how to motivate their teenage sons to do better in school and in life. He's Not Lazy is full of practical advice and actionable strategies which are based on both empirical research and extensive clinical experience. It is illuminated by the kind, loving and creative voice of the author. All the while the book helps you maintain or even improve your relationship with your kid. As Price shows--with a rare combination of common sense and originality--the first step in implementing the plan he lays out in the book is to change your own perspective a as parent. For that reason, as well as the updated research on brain development and the penetrating insights it offers into adolescent psychology, this book is also a must read for anyone working with or trying to understand and motivate teenagers. It is a fascinating, moving and accessible read with many, inspiring, real-life stories.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 21, 2018This is one of the best parenting books I've ever read. It's relatable, easy to read and provides suggestions that are realistic and doable to change the course of parenting a teen or preteen boy who's not into school. It provides insight on the psychology behind both teen and parent behavior, not only related to school, but also the changing dynamics as boys mature. It's exactly what my husband and I needed as our boys enter the teen years. It's almost like the author wrote it specifically for us - his insight to what's going with my son and our parenting on was spot on. I recommend this book both for its insight on lackluster effort at school as well as how to understand a teen boy in general, and what parents need to do.
Top reviews from other countries
Katie_AlReviewed in Canada on September 3, 20235.0 out of 5 stars Well written book for any parent or teacher of boys
Wow. I am so glad I bought this book. It has been dog eared, highlighted, written in and parts have been reread as I reflect on my kid, my beliefs, my parenting. Adam Price writes with a lot of knowledge that is backed up by research. He writes in a relatable way as well, with funny anecdotes that made me smile.
While he can't claim to know your experience and your child, he is pretty bang on with his analogy of the teen boy. When I asked my son to rate himself using a ruler as the book suggests, his response was exactly how the author said it would happen.
This book will take a few days at least, as there is a lot to it. The first part covers the why your son behaves the way he does, using relatable scenarios from his life and practice, along with a more heavy chapter about the science of the teen boy's brain and underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex. He covers so much that I have heard over the years: executive functioning, growth mindset, gender differences, scaffolding, etc. He explains it in simpler terms, as these are important if you truly want to understand your son.
Then he goes into the "how's".. now there is a chapter that takes a lot of self-reflection on the parent's part. He has us question, who much of our self-esteem is related to our children's accomplishments? Of course everyone wants what is best for our child, but at what cost? Is this what YOU want for him so YOU can feel good about what a great parent you are or so his achievements can make up for something we wished we did in our own childhoods?
The main message is that our teen boy is not lazy. He has a fear of failing and disappointing you and himself. This is especially true for boys who are known to be very smart -- instead of dealing with the anxiety and potential of failure, he takes the "opt-out" route. Appearing like he's "too cool for school" means he doesn't need to face all this pressure, or have people find out he really isn't that smart. Opting out is his way of protecting his self-esteem. In the end, in order to help an "opt-out" kid, we as parents need to lay off them. Sometimes they use this battle as a way to piss you off for putting pressure on him. The author makes us realizing that controlling and being overinvolved parents actually cripple our children, and make them believe they can't do it. As hard as it is, the goal is to be objective, empathetic, and non-judgemental.
DrDominique ThompsonReviewed in the United Kingdom on January 19, 20235.0 out of 5 stars A book that stops you in your tracks
Every now and then a book comes along that stops you in your tracks, with multiple light bulb moments, and a really important message. ‘He’s Not Lazy’ by Adam Price was a book like that for me. As someone who is always looking for new evidence and creative thinking about young adults’ mental health and wellbeing, I have read a LOT of books about the teenage brain or raising kids. There are many brilliant books out there, but this one stands out for me
I REALLY worry about the impact the rising levels of perfectionism in young people is having on their mental health. But interestingly, whilst many parents agree with what I say in my talks, and often come to speak to me about their concerns at the end of my talks, I also notice how some parents raise their worry with me that their teen (usually a boy) is behaving in the opposite way.
Having had this conversation with parents several times I became intrigued, and so wanted to delve a little deeper into this concept of ‘laziness’. From what I know of teenage development, young people are usually really motivated to learn about stuff that interests them. They develop multiple passions, and it’s a time in life for real engagement in hobbies and interests. Genuine laziness is rare, there is usually an underlying reason for what we see as laziness. So what was going on here, with these mostly bright boys, being perceived as ‘lazy’?
That’s when I discovered Dr Price’s book. And it all started to make a lot more sense- it's evidence based, sensible and practical. I highly recommend it!
Every now and then a book comes along that stops you in your tracks, with multiple light bulb moments, and a really important message. ‘He’s Not Lazy’ by Adam Price was a book like that for me. As someone who is always looking for new evidence and creative thinking about young adults’ mental health and wellbeing, I have read a LOT of books about the teenage brain or raising kids. There are many brilliant books out there, but this one stands out for me5.0 out of 5 stars
DrDominique ThompsonA book that stops you in your tracks
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 19, 2023
I REALLY worry about the impact the rising levels of perfectionism in young people is having on their mental health. But interestingly, whilst many parents agree with what I say in my talks, and often come to speak to me about their concerns at the end of my talks, I also notice how some parents raise their worry with me that their teen (usually a boy) is behaving in the opposite way.
Having had this conversation with parents several times I became intrigued, and so wanted to delve a little deeper into this concept of ‘laziness’. From what I know of teenage development, young people are usually really motivated to learn about stuff that interests them. They develop multiple passions, and it’s a time in life for real engagement in hobbies and interests. Genuine laziness is rare, there is usually an underlying reason for what we see as laziness. So what was going on here, with these mostly bright boys, being perceived as ‘lazy’?
That’s when I discovered Dr Price’s book. And it all started to make a lot more sense- it's evidence based, sensible and practical. I highly recommend it!
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L.M.W.Reviewed in Canada on September 15, 20215.0 out of 5 stars Smart and Relatable Content
Finding a lot of quality information that I can put to work immediately. Helping with relating to my adolescent son but tips can be applied to many situations and relationships. My copy is already marked up and dog-eared, will be passed around our family, and kept close at hand for the teenage years.
I like that it explains how physical growth and development at this stage impacts all areas of my son's life. Understanding his brain and behaviour help me be a more effective parent. I'm asking better questions when given the opportunity to connect and our relationship is gaining strength when I was worried it may diminish due to conflict.
Thank you for writing this book.
DPReviewed in the United Kingdom on August 20, 20225.0 out of 5 stars Wish I found it sooner
Wish I could give 10 stars for this book. There's not many books that would be so helpful for parents. Not only helps to understand what our boy goes through, why he behaves the way he behaves but gives plenty of practical advice. Definitely recommend for opt out boys (with or without ADHD).
KevinReviewed in Canada on September 15, 20225.0 out of 5 stars Very Eye Opening.
I found this book to be an incredibly useful tool for me as I LEARNED how to navigate my flawed interpretation of my son's inaction. Not just a diagnostically accurate description of who he is and how he was presenting but also a solution focussed read. We are in a much better place now. I'm proud of him now, no longer frustrated, afraid or angry. I understand him now whereby I did not before. When I laid off, guess what...? He started to and continues to flourish.








