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The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child: Helping Your Child Thrive in an Extroverted World Paperback – December 1, 2005

4.3 out of 5 stars 30 customer reviews

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  • The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child: Helping Your Child Thrive in an Extroverted World
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  • Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Dr. Laney's insights ino introverts are invaluable....Behavior that in the past I found baffling, now makes sense. Parents will find her explanations a wonderful help."
—Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don't Understand and You're Wearing That? --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From the Back Cover

Do you have a child who hangs back at birthday parties? Who dreads being called on in class? Who hugs the sidelines, and who surprises you by seeming withdrawn or aloof in public but turns into a chatterbox at home?

The plight of the introverted child is to be often misunderstood. Parents, siblings, classmates, teacher, and—most devastatingly—the child himself feel that there's something wrong with him. With The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child, Dr. Marti Olsen Laney brings wisdom and science together to provide parents with an essential guide to raising a successful, well-adjusted innie. It covers the hard-wired introvert temperament; introvert-extrovert family dynamics; navigating school, sports, and social life; and especilly, how to draw out your introvert's hidden gifts, which may include a love of learning, empathy, creativity, and flexibility—virtues easily lost in the bluster of an extroverted world.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Workman Publishing Company; First Edition edition (December 1, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0761135243
  • ISBN-13: 978-0761135241
  • Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 0.9 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (30 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #70,000 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
My first reaction was, I'm _not_ going to like this book. The title seems too pop-psychology and the whole "hidden gifts" thing... anyway, my snap judgment was that this would be a cheesy book.

Boy, am I glad I was wrong.

America is an extroverted country. Nearly 75% of the people you have met are extraverts - they get energized by getting it done, getting going, getting together. Zoom zoom zoom. Certainly our media is set up that way, and our success stories are full of it. So, ... 75% of the kids you have met are naturally inclined to do well in the zoom zoom culture.

That leaves out 25% of the kids you have met, kids who cherish simplicity and deep relationships, and who do not go with the fast-paced flow. Introversion is normal - it is not a problem to be corrected, just like we don't try to change a child's left- or right-handedness.

These kids may seem spacey or dreamy, and sometimes they are overlooked by the world. They need lots of downtime to recharge their batteries. For these kids, being in school is like being a rubberband. It's a stretch for them to get on a crowded schoolbus, then getting started on their day in a classroom full of kids is even more of a stretch. All day, they are surrounded by people, stretching, stretching. They are *far* out of their comfort zone, and sometimes, that rubberband snaps.

Their teachers say that they have trouble with social skills, or they may get fixated on one topic or one friend to the exclusion of the others. The teacher may suspect a psychological problem, like ADD. These children may complain of being sleepy, or they may just give up in the middle of the day, completely out of energy. But they are not difficult or diseased or disturbed.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
As an innie, I appreciate any resources that help others to understand the different learning styles and needs that introverts have from extroverts. I don't need a scientific explanation of why I am different, but do need to be understood for who I am. I am pleased to see that one of the reviewers found this valuable both as a parent and as a teacher. I wish more teachers would be open-minded toward our differences, and accepting of the different needs of different children. Too often children are expected to fit into one mold, and if they don't then they are labeled as difficult or uncooperative (or learning disabled).
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Format: Paperback
I bought this book to help understand my 10 year old daughter, who is an "innie". It has helped me understand her and my "innie" husband. It also made me realize you can't "convert" an "innie" to an "outie", and now I wouldn't even want to. The book helped me realize that being an "innie" is ok, even wonderful, in our "outie" world.
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As an "outie" mom with an "innie" son, I feel like this book is a God-send. WORTHY EVERY PENNY!!! I have learned so much about introverts that I never knew and definitely never truly stopped to appreciate. My son was labeled as "shy" as a toddler. While it was a convenient label teachers and adults (including me), it is and was completely inaccurate. The insight that Dr. L shares convicted me, but will help me parent my "innie" the way he needs to be parented. It was like completing a course in a foreign language. After reading it, I feel like I have not only a greater appreciation for my son, but the other "innies" out there who add depth, sensitivity, and a softness that this "in your face" world need. It should be required reading for all teachers, pediatricians, and psychologists -- but most importantly "outies" like me who have been blessed with an "innie" in their lives.
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Format: Paperback
I got this book to better understand my daughter who was 14 at the time. She took the book away from me to read it. I kept hearing "this is ME!" and "look, mom, this is why I am this way." She felt reassured that she was normal and is embracing her strengths. She has been happier with herself and is interacting with other teens and adults much better; she has "come out of her shell". I highly recommend this book to introverted preteen/teens and their parents. It really describes the introverted traits well and the questionnaire is helpful. MJM
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Format: Paperback
As an extroverted parent, I was nervous when my son showed signs of being an introvert. I was worried that he wouldn't survive in our extroverted society. Even though my son is 9 mos. old, this book helped me understand and appreciate him. I don't believe the author's main point to this book is to scientifically explain the introverted child. I think it is to explain how to help facilitate our child's world so that it helps them be "them."

I can already see a difference in how my son reacts to me and the world. He is overall happier because I take the time to understand him. I am a teacher and it also helps me take another look at how I relate to my innie students.

If you are confused about your child's quiet behavior, I would definitely recommend this book to you!

BTW, I like that the author uses the term "innie" and "outie."
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Being an introvert myself, and having introverted children and grandchildren, I found this book VERY helpful. Affirming, really. In a culture that seems to reward the extroverted person in most ways, this book gets downright practical in helping the self, the parent and the grandparent affirm and support himself or herself and those around who are born this way. It is worthy of being read and re-read by both introverts and extraverts.
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