Few things are worse in life than when a loving relationship comes to an end in ways that you cannot understand, negotiate, or peacefully resolve, simply because you don't know what is happening or what your next move should be to save the situation. This is frequently the case with people who fall in love with, employ, or are otherwise related to the estimated 12,800,000 Americans with diagnosed personality disorders (PD).
This book does not answer those questions for you, but it does give clear, concise explanations on what may be happening from the point of view of the other party, why they may be acting as they are, and what steps you might be able to take to at, the very least, protect yourself, and to avoid being drawn into costly legal drama with high conflict people whose goal is to 'punish you', as the book explains, for having abanandoned, ignored, or otherwise fallen out of graces of a PD.
Since almost everyone will have significant contact with a high conflict person (a person with a diagnosed personality disorder) at sometime in their life, this book should be required reading in all colleges across the country.
Loading your book clubs
There was a problem loading your book clubs. Please try again.
Not in a club? Learn more
Join or create book clubs
Choose books together
Track your books
Bring your club to Amazon Book Clubs, start a new book club and invite your friends to join, or find a club that’s right for you for free.
Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required. Learn more
Read instantly on your browser with Kindle Cloud Reader.
Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.
Flip to back Flip to front
Follow the Author
Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.
Customers who viewed this item also viewed
Page 1 of 1 Start overPage 1 of 1
About the author
Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
Customer reviews
I believe the most compelling case for my position of "this book is AWESOME" will be made by reprinting the table of contents + chapter one's closing summary. For me, this book is keeper. I plan to reprint & carry around the chapter 1 summary in my purse for a while to really sink in the material. I believe that will help reduce my reactivity to the insulting, counter-productive, crazy-making input I receive. Later I'll do likewise with material from later chapters.-------------------------------------Table of Contents: Part I: Understanding High Conflict Personalities. 1) The Problem: Personalities Drive Conflict, 2) The Pattern: An Enduring Pattern of Blame, 3) Borderline Personalities: Love You, Hate You, 4) Narcissistic Personalities: I'm Very Superior, 5) Antisocial Personalities: Con Artists, 6) Histrionic Personalities: Always Dramatic, 7) The Enablers: Family, Friends & Professionals. Part II: Managing & Resolving Their Disputes. 8) Bonding: Providing Security & Limits, 9)Structure: Containing Emotions & Focusing On Tasks, 10) Reality Testing: Cognitive Distortions & Legal Standards, 11) Consequences: Motivating Reflection & Behavior Change, 12) A United Approach: The Key to Resolving High-Conflict Disputes-------------------------------------Avoid triggering fears of abandonment (Histrionic), inferiority (Narcissistic), domination (Antisocial), or neglect (Histrionic).-------------------------------------Chapter 1 Summary (pg. 26)The problem: personalities drive conflict.HCP Enduring Pattern of Behavior:1. chronic feelings of internal distress2. thinks the cause is external3. behaves inappropriately to relieve distress4. distress continues unrelieved5. receives negative feedback about behavior, which escalates internal distress, but thinks the cause is external so behaves inappropriately, and on & onThis pattern of behavior results in the following:1. repeatedly gets into interpersonal conflicts2. constantly identifies self as a helpless victim3. is unable to reflect on own behavior4. does not absorb behavior-change feedback5. vehemently denies any inappropriate behavior6. denies responsibility for any part in causing conflicts7. denies responsibility for resolving conflicts8. avoids mental health treatment9. seeks others to confirm that behavior was appropriate10. focuses intense energy on analyzing & blaming othersAs a consequence, the behavior continues unchanged & the conflicts escalate.
Images in this review
Top reviews from the United States
There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.
Reviewed in the United States on July 6, 2019
Verified Purchase
Reviewed in the United States on April 28, 2012
Verified Purchase
I believe the most compelling case for my position of "this book is AWESOME" will be made by reprinting the table of contents + chapter one's closing summary. For me, this book is keeper. I plan to reprint & carry around the chapter 1 summary in my purse for a while to really sink in the material. I believe that will help reduce my reactivity to the insulting, counter-productive, crazy-making input I receive. Later I'll do likewise with material from later chapters.
-------------------------------------
Table of Contents: Part I: Understanding High Conflict Personalities. 1) The Problem: Personalities Drive Conflict, 2) The Pattern: An Enduring Pattern of Blame, 3) Borderline Personalities: Love You, Hate You, 4) Narcissistic Personalities: I'm Very Superior, 5) Antisocial Personalities: Con Artists, 6) Histrionic Personalities: Always Dramatic, 7) The Enablers: Family, Friends & Professionals. Part II: Managing & Resolving Their Disputes. 8) Bonding: Providing Security & Limits, 9)Structure: Containing Emotions & Focusing On Tasks, 10) Reality Testing: Cognitive Distortions & Legal Standards, 11) Consequences: Motivating Reflection & Behavior Change, 12) A United Approach: The Key to Resolving High-Conflict Disputes
-------------------------------------
Avoid triggering fears of abandonment (Histrionic), inferiority (Narcissistic), domination (Antisocial), or neglect (Histrionic).
-------------------------------------
Chapter 1 Summary (pg. 26)
The problem: personalities drive conflict.
HCP Enduring Pattern of Behavior:
1. chronic feelings of internal distress
2. thinks the cause is external
3. behaves inappropriately to relieve distress
4. distress continues unrelieved
5. receives negative feedback about behavior, which escalates internal distress, but thinks the cause is external so behaves inappropriately, and on & on
This pattern of behavior results in the following:
1. repeatedly gets into interpersonal conflicts
2. constantly identifies self as a helpless victim
3. is unable to reflect on own behavior
4. does not absorb behavior-change feedback
5. vehemently denies any inappropriate behavior
6. denies responsibility for any part in causing conflicts
7. denies responsibility for resolving conflicts
8. avoids mental health treatment
9. seeks others to confirm that behavior was appropriate
10. focuses intense energy on analyzing & blaming others
As a consequence, the behavior continues unchanged & the conflicts escalate.
-------------------------------------
Table of Contents: Part I: Understanding High Conflict Personalities. 1) The Problem: Personalities Drive Conflict, 2) The Pattern: An Enduring Pattern of Blame, 3) Borderline Personalities: Love You, Hate You, 4) Narcissistic Personalities: I'm Very Superior, 5) Antisocial Personalities: Con Artists, 6) Histrionic Personalities: Always Dramatic, 7) The Enablers: Family, Friends & Professionals. Part II: Managing & Resolving Their Disputes. 8) Bonding: Providing Security & Limits, 9)Structure: Containing Emotions & Focusing On Tasks, 10) Reality Testing: Cognitive Distortions & Legal Standards, 11) Consequences: Motivating Reflection & Behavior Change, 12) A United Approach: The Key to Resolving High-Conflict Disputes
-------------------------------------
Avoid triggering fears of abandonment (Histrionic), inferiority (Narcissistic), domination (Antisocial), or neglect (Histrionic).
-------------------------------------
Chapter 1 Summary (pg. 26)
The problem: personalities drive conflict.
HCP Enduring Pattern of Behavior:
1. chronic feelings of internal distress
2. thinks the cause is external
3. behaves inappropriately to relieve distress
4. distress continues unrelieved
5. receives negative feedback about behavior, which escalates internal distress, but thinks the cause is external so behaves inappropriately, and on & on
This pattern of behavior results in the following:
1. repeatedly gets into interpersonal conflicts
2. constantly identifies self as a helpless victim
3. is unable to reflect on own behavior
4. does not absorb behavior-change feedback
5. vehemently denies any inappropriate behavior
6. denies responsibility for any part in causing conflicts
7. denies responsibility for resolving conflicts
8. avoids mental health treatment
9. seeks others to confirm that behavior was appropriate
10. focuses intense energy on analyzing & blaming others
As a consequence, the behavior continues unchanged & the conflicts escalate.
Images in this review
Reviewed in the United States on April 10, 2014
Verified Purchase
Reviewed in the United States on May 15, 2011
Verified Purchase
Reviewed in the United States on May 22, 2009
Verified Purchase
Reviewed in the United States on June 6, 2012
Verified Purchase
Top reviews from other countries
JC
Good
Reviewed in Canada on September 28, 2015Verified Purchase
Amazon Customer
Five Stars
Reviewed in Canada on March 9, 2017Verified Purchase
Amazon Customer
Five Stars
Reviewed in Canada on April 15, 2017Verified Purchase
