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The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You Paperback – January 9, 2001
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Aron details the positive and negative sides to such relationships, including how the HSP benefits, how both members of the relationship benefit, the typical challenges that arise, and solutions to those challenges. For instance, a relationship made up of two HSPs may engender low levels of arousal, or awareness, which means that both of you will avoid doing the same things that make you uncomfortable, such as shopping, dealing with conflict, and being in crowds. Solution? Simplify your life, see if you can hire someone to take care of the tasks neither of you wants to do--but don't forget that doing such tasks is also a way to grow personally--and divvy up the tasks according to preference. As for conflict, Aron says that having a plan of action is the best route--decide how to handle conflict in the relationship before the conflict flares up. Another reality of an HSP-HSP union is that neither person will be able to max out on work and expect to have a decent home life, so at least one of you will have to limit activities. So, plan not to have more than one child if you both work (it may be too late for some couples to put this one into action; if so, Aron advises that one parent stay at home).
Throughout the book, Aron stresses that being in a relationship is a "package deal"; neither the HSP nor the non-HSP is perfect, so she urges readers to appreciate the positive aspects of their sensitivity, be it highly sensitive or not, and not to dwell on its drawbacks. But she does urge HSPs who are unhappy with their trait to work on coming to terms with it--through inner work, counseling, or medication if needed--as its qualities, when properly appreciated, can be life enhancing and beneficial to HSPs as well as to their relationship partners. --Stefanie Durbin --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
From Publishers Weekly
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
Top Customer Reviews
So it was with anticipation that I got myself a copy of her new book, hoping for many insights into achieving a harmonious and pleasurable love life. The HSP in Love is not as well-written or as innovative or amazing as was the original volume. I found it difficult at times to focus on the point the author was making during a discussion; however, certain points were enlightening, especially when the author writes about current research into relationships (which apply to everyone, not just HSPs).Read more ›
This second book builds on her previous research, this time taking on the topic of Relationships and along with it, possibly one of the most difficult issues facing Highly Sensitive People (HSPs): How to balance a strong need for "alone and quiet time" with the genuine desire to have an active and fulfilling intimate relationship. In addition to her research, Aron (an HSP) also draws on experiences from her own marriage to a non-HSP.
As a starting point, the book includes a "Sensitivity Self Test" for both the reader and their mate or potential partner. Aron then goes on to explain how HSPs differ from the rest of the world in the way they fall in love, think about love, and their needs within a relationship. There are separate chapters covering the pluses and minuses of different types of relationships: Two HSPs together, and an HSP paired with a non-HSP, as well as the differing needs of highly sensitive men and women. Finally, there are sections on "Building Sensitive Partnerships" and HSP Sexuality. Except for a few vague and indirect references, "The Highly Sensitive Person in Love" deals strictly with heterosexual relationships.
Whereas I enjoyed this book, and found much useful information within its pages, it didn't seem to offer quite the number of insights provided by "The Highly Sensitive Person." This perhaps goes to illustrate that whereas HSPs may have special needs, their relationship dynamics aren't AS different from anyone else's as one might think.Read more ›
I first read this and another of her works when I was dating a therapist. She got me into reading Elaine Aron as part of my self discovery quest. Seems obvious that you're not likely to connect well with other people if you don't know yourself well. So I took up the challenge of considering if I was one of these HSP folk. Yep. If you are wondering who you are in relation to others--even your own grand kids, I'd recommend her other introduction book as the first of a pair: The Highly Sensitive Person.
I read this Who Am I work with other "wiring books" about the brain (A General Theory of Love by Lewis and friends; and Why We Love by Helen Fisher). And, of course, heart and soul books (Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore, The Authentic Heart, by John Amodeo)along with poetry. No self discovery tour is quite complete--seems to me--without lots of poetry salted in, read and written.
My big take away with this book was to be able to stop judging myself for being different, knowing after this study that from the womb 20% of us are HSP...highly sensitive persons. I understand full well now that when I enter a party I see everything and everybody, all the conversations going on at once...that's just the way I am. It's just how my brain is wired, my brain and heart. I see now why I can only watch one movie a night, for example, and why a double feature sends me spinning. I need to process what's been in front of me (lots of things, says HSP wiring) and can't move on to B until I've exhausted A.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This is a good book though I did not end up reading the whole thing. I should thoughPublished 2 days ago by Parag Magunia
This book has been incredibly helpful. My husband is highly sensitive and I cannot express just how wonderful it's been to be able to understand him more. Read morePublished 20 days ago by lovethislife
Being a HSP, at times, feels like having a curse, especially in matters of intimate relationships. In the text of this book I found hope. A new beginning. Read morePublished 2 months ago by Mia Fontelroy
I enjoyed this book as it provided me with additional insight into the trait. It's a good book to start out with or if you're just interested in learning about how it pertains to... Read morePublished 4 months ago by Amazon Customer
I embrace being an HSP even though navigating the world makes it much harder than if I wasn't. I came across this author while enjoying an afternoon in a bookstore and immediately... Read morePublished 4 months ago by Meadow73
A must read for people you love who are "high maintenance ". There is a new study of people who experience the world more sharply and not in a pleasant way. Read morePublished 4 months ago by smilelady