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Showing 1-10 of 923 reviews(Verified Purchases). See all 1,224 reviews
on April 6, 2017
AWESOME study set!!! This guy isn't like some therapists who are just out to get your money. He actually gets to the heart of issues in marriage. When I got it I thought it was just going to be another JOKE!!! but to my SURPRISE I saw this was NO joke! If people will listen and follow his instructions, I believe this can save any marriage that wants to be saved. My husband and I are practicing his techniques daily and we are amazed at the fact that we are actually falling in love again!!!
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on July 6, 2010
I read a lot of the negative reviews for this book and I completely understand and even agree with some of the criticisms. Since the author is Christian, there is a lot of talk about each gender's place in the relationship, which will obviously irritate a lot of modern, liberal-minded people. I consider myself such a person and don't believe in the rigid gender stereotypes that this book heavily advocates. It lists affection as the primary female need and not as a male need, whereas I would put that onto one of my five primary needs as well. He also lists "attractive spouse" as one of the primary male needs, but I know plenty of women who would put that as one of their primary needs.

So, that being said, the author says lots of things that are on people's minds but are afraid to admit. Yes, attraction is a need in a relationship, and many marriages have fallen apart because one person in the marriage has decided that they don't need to take care of their physical appearance once married. This is true even if we really want to believe that people should love each other for what's on the inside. And yes, oftentimes women want men to be able to make enough money to support the family. I know that female independence has seen a lot of traction since the 70's, but it's going to take more than 40 years to completely break the societal tendencies that have been the norm for the past 10,000 years.

As much as I don't want to agree with the guy, there were a number of times in the book where he was saying exactly what I was feeling, and there were also a number of instances in talking with my girlfriend where I definitely saw the relation to what he was saying with how I wasn't taking care of certain needs of hers. So, it's definitely a useful book with a lot of truth in it, and if anything will have you thinking more about the needs of your significant other, since they often times do not match up with your own.

With all of the useful concepts in the book, I feel that the rigid Christian stereotypes come off as a hindrance to getting the full message across to certain people. The only thing this book really needs is a re-write to remove gender stereotypes and just focus on the primary needs of individuals and let the reader figure out what their needs are, because the write-ups on the needs themselves are usually pretty accurate.

I'd also like it if the author would remove the marriage centric language. This book is good for anybody who is in a long term meaningful relationship, not just the ones who are in a 5 year marriage, but again, because of the ingrained Christian ideals, the author makes it seem like marriage is the only relationship worth working on.
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on January 26, 2017
This books is great!! It really helps you to understand your spouse!!! Every couple should read this book, you don't start working on your relationship when there is a problem you keep working at it everyday to keep away those problems!
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on May 5, 2016
Some of the author's analogies are a bit simplistic, but they are effective nonetheless. Reading this book with my spouse has injected new perspective into our 20 year relationship, and we are better off for it!
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on August 23, 2016
Its language is clear and concise, which makes it enjoyable. The author efforts to make it understandable for all audiences complements very well with its examples. Books that have assigments are not my favorites but I believe if a couple in trouble decides to answer the questions at the end of every chapter they will be able to understand each other in a deeper lever.
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on April 14, 2016
I really like this book. Definitely a must-read book for those that are seeking to get married or for married couples. The book perfectly and logically highlights the needs of men and women, so that each husband and wife knows how to please the other. However, I do not agree that book uses the negative tone of "if you don't do this, you will cheat!" I feel like every single point the author makes alludes to not causing your spouse to cheat on you. I think the book should be less negative about cheating and more positive about making your spouse happy.
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on March 15, 2011
His Needs, Her Needs provided a great source of discussion for my fiancée and me as we prepare for marriage, but we found that it unduly focused upon affection and sexual fulfillment with little emphasis on the other eight emotional needs Dr. Harley lists.

This book is similar to The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, but it is significantly different in that it identifies additional emotional needs and discusses common differences between men and women. Dr. Harley identifies two unique emotional needs: affection and sexual fulfillment, while Dr. Chapman simplifies those both into the category of physical touch. Having read both, I would commend them both to couples, as each brings a helpful perspective to relationships.

Dr. Harley brings his years of clinical counseling to this book, and each chapter is full of practical insight into how each of the ten emotional needs can play out in the life of a couple. I particularly benefited from his chapters on affection, sexual fulfillment, but I felt that the other eight were more hastily written. Perhaps affection and sex are the primary sources of contention in marriage, which would explain the emphasis, but I wish Dr. Harley had spent more time exploring the other topics like physical appearance and family support.

His Needs, Her Needs is informative and great for raising issues for discussion, and it is uniquely helpful in distinguishing between the emotional desire for affection and the desire for sexual fulfillment. It provides a starting point for conversations about other eight needs, but it will not provide an exhaustive source of information about those topics.
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on February 20, 2017
This book is one that as I've discussed it with friends they wanted to know the title of a book that could offer so much wisdom and seem to speak instinctively to what their emotional needs are, plus unwind the mystery of what their husbands so clearly need. I've found a lot of wisdom in this book and find myself underlining and highlighting while saying, "This makes SO much sense!"
Harley speaks in a straight-forward, logical manner about a subject which is usually driven by emotion. He makes it easily understandable and the included index provides valuable tools. It's easy for both husbands and wives to go through and has questions at the end of each chapter that spurs honest conversation.
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on January 26, 2017
Good book and certainly is something both men and women would benefit from reading. Most of the matter is common sense but having someone spell it out certainly reinforces it. I got the audio version and listened to most of the book. I didn't think the reader was the best fit......his talking stye bugged me a little.
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on November 18, 2015
This is a great book that is essential for every married couple. This book was wrote awhile ago so the tone is kind of off putting for females in my opinion but the content is great. It truly lays out the differences between a husband and a wife and how to overcome and embrace those differences and the conflicts they can create. It teaches a couple how to meet the needs of their spouse and thus how to create a fulfilling marriage for both partners.
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