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His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage Hardcover – February 1, 2011

4.6 out of 5 stars 625 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

The Best Book on Marriage Is Better Than Ever!

In this classic bestseller Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.

This revised and expanded edition has been updated throughout and includes new writing that highlights the special significance of intimate emotional needs in marriage.|Willard F. Harley, Jr., is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, a marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of numerous books, including Five Steps to Romantic Love, Love Busters, and His Needs, Her Needs for Parents. His popular website, www.marriagebuilders.com, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem. Dr. Harley and his wife, Joyce, host a daily radio call-in show, Marriage Builders. They live in White Bear Lake, Minnesota.

From the Back Cover

What will it take to make your marriage sizzle?

Time after time, His Needs, Her Needs has topped the charts as the best marriage book available. More than any other, this book helps husbands and wives give each other what they need most in marriage.

The millions of couples who have read His Needs, Her Needs have learned to keep the romance alive, and they are recommending it to others. Join those who have seen spectacular changes in their marriages by following Dr. Harley's tried and proven counsel. You will discover that an outstanding marriage can be more than a dream--it can be your reality.

What couples are saying about His Needs, Her Needs:

"My new husband and I were having trouble adjusting to marriage. I read the book and immediately things began to improve."

"It is the best book on marriage I have ever read."

"I have recommended this book to every one of my friends. It should become a staple in every house."

"I can't believe how peaceful and loving our marriage has become since reading this book. We went from being at the brink of divorce to experiencing the same love and excitement as when we first met."

Millions have already discovered the power of this book. Isn't it time you did as well?
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Revell; Rev Exp edition (February 1, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0800719387
  • ISBN-13: 978-0800719388
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 6.5 x 9.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (625 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,385 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover
I read this book about 10 years ago. I remember the first few chapters being amazing because both my husband and I fit exactly with the needs as described. My brother and his wife are going through lots of issues and I decided to see if I could find it here on amazon. I saw it had some one star reviews and twos, and wanted to see what they were given for, because I enjoyed it so much more than that.
I will say, I can see a lot of the points given in those one star reviews. It was written in a different time, true. However.....I didn't get from it what a lot of these people did. For one some saw this as stating that a man was the one who would stray and they were sex driven. Half of that is true, sex is one of the mans top 5 needs. But it did NOT make it sound as if only the man would stray. It isn't even stating that the there will definitely be affairs. Its a helpful insight to help prevent those thoughts. If you just look at the top 5 needs of the woman, and the top 5 needs of the man and think they fit both you and your spouse, then this book can help if you are having issues or had issues and trying to understand or move past them.
You also have to have the 'traditional' sense of family, which you most likely will if the needs fit with your needs.
His needs:............................Her needs:
1. Sexual fulfillment.................1. Affection

2. Recreational companionship.........2. Conversation

3. An attractive spouse...............3. Honesty and openness

4. Domestic support...................4. Financial support

5. Admiration.........................5. Family commitment

So even reading this list you can see its based on the very basic roles of man and woman.
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Format: Hardcover
His Needs Her Needs is a book that was recommended to me by a pastor. I did not know what to expect from the book but found a lot of the contend helpful.

The entire premise is that you need to safeguard your marriage from an affair. Harley argues that the best way to do this is for each spouse to meet the five essential needs of their partner. He also accurately points out the the top five needs of men are quite different from the top five needs of women. From the conflict my wife and I have had in the past I agree that the needs of husbands and wives are different and I would also agree with Harley's assessment of what the top five needs of women are. I'm not so sure his top five needs of men thesis is air tight.

Much of what he has to say is also based on his self-created premise of the idea of "Love Bank." He says that the reason people love each other is because throughout the course of dating and knowing each other they begin to meet some of each others needs, therefore making "deposits" into each others love bank. We then carry around a balance of love points for each other than are our main source in determining how we feel about our partner (or anyone else for that matter). I think there are things to learn from this theory but I do not believe it is as foundational or all-explaining as the author assumes. He makes the claim that even in long periods of absence our love banks for the most part remain at the balance they were when we were last with the other person. I don't think such is always the case.

The book's outline rotates between the needs of men and the needs of women with each chapter rotating between the two partners and addressing a specific need.
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2 Comments 72 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
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Format: Kindle Edition
We read this book together before we got engaged, and the way it promotes honesty and awareness of eachother has played a huge part in the success of our relationship and marriage. When I bought it I was impressed by the high sales number and thought it would make a good choice out of sooooo many marriage and relationship books. We are so glad we picked this one; I don't think our relationship would be half as strong without using what we learned here.

The "on your word" recomendation has brought us to a truthful and loving understanding on more occasions than I can count. Contrary to a review about becoming a Stepford Wife, this book helps you be transparent in a loving way and avoid hidden unhappiness. It teaches how to built healthy activity habits that will bring and keep you together....And IT WORKS!

We give it with wedding gifts. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If you are on the fence, remember it is probably cheaper than one copay to see a therapist! This book will teach you why and how to set healthy patterns for your relationship, and is a great way to a fantastic long-lasting start.
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Format: Audio CD Verified Purchase
I bought the CD version, since I drive for hours every day, and wanted to do something productive while driving. This is absolutely amazing!! I am impressed with the way the author talks about Affairs so openly, without judgments, but with wisdom. Walks you through so many different scenarios, examples in the day to day life that makes you really think whether what you are doing is right or wrong, and the way it should be communicated. I personally think that one of the main problems we have nowadays is that people forget relationships NEED WORK.!! I often hear and notice that it seems easier for people to destroy than build, to avoid than work for. This book gives you so many different stories that may sound familiar, but the point is what to do to keep your relationship in the right track. It also speaks openly about the women vs men mindset and different interests the way the are: the fact you don't think it is important, doesn't mean he/she will perceive it the same way. Even for things that people don't talk about too often such as the men need for sex and physical attraction. Now I believe I should buy the book, so I can underline and work on the questions, discussions, etc. Great book, a must read for all couples, whether you have been together for a year or a hundred years!!!
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