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Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships Paperback – January 1, 2011

by Sue Johnson (Author)
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 1,785 ratings
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Book by Johnson, Sue
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  1. Print length
    320 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Piatkus Books
  4. Publication date
    January 1, 2011
  5. Dimensions
    5.31 x 0.94 x 8.43 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0749955481
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0749955489
  8. See all details
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The Hold Me Tight Workbook: A Couple's Guide for a Lifetime of Love (The Dr. Sue Johnson Collection, 4)
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Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (The Dr. Sue Johnson Collection, 1)
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Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Piatkus Books; 48177th edition (January 1, 2011)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0749955481
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0749955489
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12.1 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.31 x 0.94 x 8.43 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 1,785 ratings

About the author

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Sue Johnson

Sue Johnson

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Dr. Sue Johnson is an author, clinical psychologist, researcher, professor, popular presenter, speaker and a leading innovator in the field of psychotherapy and adult attachment. Sue is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which has demonstrated its effectiveness in over 35 years of peer-reviewed clinical research.

Sue has received a variety of awards acknowledging her significant contributions to the field of psychology, including the Order of Canada and the 2022 Lifetime Achievement Award from Psychotherapy Networker.

Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (2008), written for the general public, is a self-help version of her ground-breaking research – how to enhance relationships, how to repair them and how to keep them. This best seller has sold over one million copies worldwide and has been translated into 30 languages.

Dr. Johnson’s best-known professional books include Attachment Theory in Practice: EFT with Individuals, Couples and Families (2019), A Primer for Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (2022) and The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection (3rd edition, 2020),

Her most recent book - Edgar and Elouise, Sagas 1&2 – is her first book of fiction and tells the story of a group of fascinating animals who learn to discover who they are, face fear and peril and come together to fight to save their world.

Sue lives in Victoria, BC, with her husband; sue adores Argentine tango and kayaking on Canada’s lakes and seas.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
1,785 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book exceptional, with great insight into relationship problems and liberating results. They also say the research is profoundly well expressed, overwhelming right, and generous. Readers also say it inspires them to know themselves and take control of what can be. They say it's great for making communication better in any close relationship and very user-friendly.

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Impact on the readerReadability
39 customers mention "Impact on the reader"39 positive0 negative

Customers find the book an exceptional book of help for struggling couples. They also say it's very useful in conjunction with relationship counseling to understand the dynamics of their demon. Readers also say the book provides good ideas and is highly effective in marriage counseling. They mention the CDs are fascinating.

"...This book is groundbreaking, profound, and understated in the world of relationship-self-help...." Read more

"...of Emotionally Focused Therapy which is a relatively new, but highly effective method used in marriage counseling...." Read more

"Excellent book for couples who find themselves having some of the same arguments over and over...." Read more

"...Highly recommended.This book, with commitment, can save marriages." Read more

27 customers mention "Readability"27 positive0 negative

Customers find the book profoundly well expressed, insightful, and practical. They also say the author provides concrete examples of the concepts. Readers also say it describes relationship frustration extremely well and provides helpful understanding and valid communication techniques to help all couples.

"...This book is groundbreaking, profound, and understated in the world of relationship-self-help...." Read more

"...you different scenarios of people with real situations, step by step instructions, and then a follow up example of what things should look like and..." Read more

"...Very user-friendly. My boyfriend and I are dealing with conflict so much more peacefully now even only after having read the first third of the book!" Read more

"...Even outside the context of mental conditions, this book inspires one to know himself, take control of what can be, and be his best!!!..." Read more

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Top reviews from the United States

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5.0 out of 5 stars Saved Our Marriage
Reviewed in the United States on January 4, 2021
Verified Purchase
We'd become distant, me avoiding conflict, her pressing me for what I've been thinking. Both of us wanting the same thing, to know that each other were still going to be there tomorrow.

Without Dr. Johnson's book we would have no common ground, no safe place to go to to understand that we are trying to protect our love for each other.

This book is groundbreaking, profound, and understated in the world of relationship-self-help. It goes well beyond the Men Mars/Women Venus books, distilling the core needs of a couple to one simple thing: attachment.

Where other books fall short, Dr. Johnson delivers. She not only identifies the 7 conversations or arguments that couples have, but she also gives you ways to create a 'safe word conversation' helps you 'see the dance' for what it is, and most importantly gives you the toolset to reframe the conversation in a balanced reset environment.

We all want 3 things from our partner: To know they hear us, to know they understand us, and to know that they will be there for us.

This book is huge. Read it to your partner. Practice the homework. Share it with couples who need help.
72 people found this helpful
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Bookworm
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally something that works!
Reviewed in the United States on August 26, 2016
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I have recommended this book to several people now. It's a game changer. This book is based off of Emotionally Focused Therapy which is a relatively new, but highly effective method used in marriage counseling. I would combine this book with one of John Gottman's books for the best results or at least the broadest use of knowledge in the field. Dr. Johnson and Dr. Gottman are the world's leading experts in love and making relationships work, and it's little wonder why when studies show that their methods work. When you are upset the last thing on your mind is making sure you are fighting fairly and communicating properly. My boyfriend and I started reading this when things were starting to get rocky and it has helped bring us closer together. It is all about people's bids for affection, reassurance, cycles we get stuck in, and how to recognize cues to help break that cycle. It gives you different scenarios of people with real situations, step by step instructions, and then a follow up example of what things should look like and also examples of how things should not look. I have studied psychology and so this information simply excites my soul on its own, but I think the real world application makes this beneficial for everyone. This does not replace a marriage therapist, but should be used as a supplement for a struggling relationship or as a way to bring back the connection of a stale one.
9 people found this helpful
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Amazonian
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for couples!
Reviewed in the United States on February 25, 2022
Verified Purchase
Excellent book for couples who find themselves having some of the same arguments over and over. Helps you see through the topics of the arguments to the deeper dynamic at play. The author is very highly credentialed and knows her stuff! The way the book is laid out is great, gives you some background on the theory and then walks you through specific conversations you can have to better understand each other and the way you both may be unintentionally playing into a dysfunctional and frustrating dynamic. Very user-friendly. My boyfriend and I are dealing with conflict so much more peacefully now even only after having read the first third of the book!
6 people found this helpful
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Neville Scott
4.0 out of 5 stars Sue Johnson really understands relationships
Reviewed in the United States on December 27, 2012
Verified Purchase
After reading the book I found the summary at the end is just spot on.
However I did read through the book and put it into practice first before coming to this conclusion.
And I suspect there is no short cut - you need to work the process.

Her description of Demon Dialogues is so accurate.
And highlighting that people aim for performance and romance; where they should be targeting emotional presence and closeness.

Highly recommended.
This book, with commitment, can save marriages.
16 people found this helpful
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Bronx Book Nerd
5.0 out of 5 stars The way out of relationship troubles
Reviewed in the United States on March 20, 2021
Verified Purchase
This is an important book that teaches couples how to be attentive in a meaningful way to each others feelings about their relationship. These feelings arise from a partner's emotional hardwired perspective on attachment. Attachment styles include the anxious, the avoidant and the secure. For the first two, insecurities about attachment translate into feelings that are interpreted as a literal threat to life. This is why so many people feel so incredibly bad when they are rejected or feel that their relationship is threatened. We are hardwired this way by nature and evolution, as isolation meant death at the beginnings of humanity. When couples fight, they tend to do so at the level of relatively unimportant issues but with an underlying feeling of threat to life. This is why seemingly minor disagreements can escalate into major arguments. Couples also tend to fight in a pattern where on attacks and the other becomes unavailable. This is a recipe for a vicious cycle. The key is to identify when this cycle is manifesting itself, recognize it as such and then address the underlying emotional needs. Partners need to express what they are specifically feeling and what triggers that feeling. Ideally both partners can share and develop a deeper understanding of each others basic attachment survival needs. This honest and open process leads to stronger bonds of love.
26 people found this helpful
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Timmy
5.0 out of 5 stars Quick read. Changes your perspective altogether...for the better!
Reviewed in the United States on February 11, 2023
Verified Purchase
This was a very quick and easy read. It hits the spot; the quotes and author's perspectives are very relatable. I love the motto "no excuses" and this book shows how the author uses it in action despite what her condition and hurts are. Mental disorders and past pains can be managed. This book can help. Even outside the context of mental conditions, this book inspires one to know himself, take control of what can be, and be his best!!! Highly recommended read!
6 people found this helpful
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Ellen T.
3.0 out of 5 stars Rating Hold Me Tight
Reviewed in the United States on July 16, 2013
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I'm a very "open" person who likes to conquer one battle and have it understood between the two of us before moving on but you have two in a relationship and was looking more of what could be said in order to get the male partner to see your sincerity and humility towards an intense disagreement. The book did have some high points which I did highlight. I do intend, in time, to go over those highlights with my boyfriend of 4 years. Was married for 39 and tried all my avenues before getting a divorce.

Thank you for the book.

Ellen T.
9 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Alexandra
5.0 out of 5 stars Should be taught at school
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 20, 2024
Verified Purchase
Absolutely a must read. Explains so much and helps to heal. Can’t recommend enough especially if you are struggling with childhood trauma and think you are not worthy of love until you love yourself.
2 people found this helpful
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Kindle Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful
Reviewed in India on December 4, 2022
Verified Purchase
Very insightful.. guiding.loving.smooth flowing.each couple be educated before hand to help themselves for the storms ahead..for ever together as a strong support
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Michelle Francis
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent for all Relationships
Reviewed in Spain on September 11, 2019
Verified Purchase
The book is excellent for relationships, mainly for partners, but can be applied to family and friends. The book apart from teaching the concept of conflict management, helps to bring the message home with examples with couples who have gone through the same issues. I found the book very helpful indeed!
One person found this helpful
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Milica Stanojevic
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
Reviewed in France on February 28, 2019
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Great book
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Georgie Gilbert
5.0 out of 5 stars a book that opens our eyes to understanding our partner
Reviewed in Australia on March 7, 2022
Verified Purchase
Examples throughout help us understand our own contributions to our own partners and relationships and practical guides show us how we can reignite our love, security and trust in our most important relationships
2 people found this helpful
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