Well, if you do not want to live you might list the reasons why. You could do like a cost benefit analysis listing the pro and cons of living. If you do not live, will someone else get a hole in their heart ?Sometimes you have to find a purpose and do for others and it keeps that hole in your heart from overwhelming you. Since you seem to want to consider issues rationally by the statements you made, it seems you could use Reality Therapy by William Glasser and it can help you identify why you should live. I don't know why you have a hole in your heart so I can't address that issue.