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Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness by [Tredwell, Gail]

Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness Kindle Edition

by Gail Tredwell (Author)

264 customer reviews

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Amma, universally known as "The Hugging Saint," went through a two-decade transformation from a simple fisherman's daughter to an international wonder worshiped by millions. Gail "Gayatri" Tredwell was there every step of the way—from early devotee to head female disciple, ever-present personal attendant, handmaiden, whipping post, and unwilling keeper of some devastating secrets. At age nineteen, when she was a happy-go-lucky, adventurous lass from Australia, Tredwell never imagined that she would soon be trading her free spirit and skimpy clothing for a life of submission in an ankle-length sari. Her eager decision to serve the young "saint" began with innocence and a pure desire to please her new guru. In time, the relationship transformed into virtual enslavement in which Tredwell was on call 24/7 and worked herself nearly to death in the hope of finding God. Because she became fluent in the Malayalam language and had continual intimate proximity to Amma for twenty years, Tredwell is uniquely capable of portraying this famous woman. She tells her tale with straightforward honesty, fairness, and a dash of Aussie snap and wit. Although the guru’s flaws are a necessary part of her story and awakening, she strives to be factual throughout, digging deep to eschew victim frameworks and take responsibility for her own role in accepting the abuse and perpetuating the lies. The book evokes the joys of early devotional life and vibrant images of rural India. Through Tredwell's eyes, we watch a modest and traditional ashram metastasize into a business-oriented, bustling, mega-international organization. We also see how such a dizzying rise created vast opportunity for abuse, deceit, and hypocrisy. Tredwell takes us vividly through her varying stages, starting with naïveté and innocent devotion, then on to dawning awareness and confusion, finally to emotional breakdown and her shocking "enlightenment"—her realization that the liberation she urgently required was is in fact liberation from her own guru. In a gradual yet determined struggle, she managed to untangle herself from the web of myth and indoctrination. Only then was she able to muster her battered but not quite broken spirit and plot her escape. Gail's flight to freedom—her victorious recovery from a life of abuse and disillusionment—displays extraordinary strength and inspiring courage.

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Product details

File Size: 1771 KB
Print Length: 338 pages
Publication Date: October 29, 2013
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B00GB83S3G
Text-to-Speech: Enabled

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Enabled

Word Wise: Enabled
Lending: Not Enabled
Screen Reader: Supported

Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled

Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #107,843 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
- #1452 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Biographies & Memoirs > Memoirs
- #6021 in Books > Biographies & Memoirs > Memoirs
- #22716 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Nonfiction

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Courageous account of the human side of Amma and her organization

June 9, 2017

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

I think anyone would agree that someone who has survived such horrific events has immeasurable courage to come out and speak about it. What Gail has done here, is a great service to all those who have experienced abuse in so-called spiritual centers at the hands of so-called holy people.

What devotees don't understand is that people like Amma are still human. They are on this planet for a reason. It's not to say that she hasn't done wonderful things for people (I, personally have benefited greatly from her retreats and hugs) but keep in mind she's also here in a human body working out any karma she had coming in. She's not perfect. Just like Osho wasn't perfect. Just like Ghandi wasn't perfect, or popes, or anyone else.

Any attempts to silence or discredit her is victim shaming and that is the darkest, most evil thing one could do to another -- invalidate their experience after they have suffered through such unimaginable pain.

Instead of going on the offensive, perhaps Amma's devotees and the organization that surrounds her should do some deep self reflection. They should investigate what is happening and correct for it. Instead of blindly following they should be working to make it a better organization, and helping those who suffer.

There is nothing compassionate about victim shaming. It's evil. You must listen to everyone, not just what you want to hear.

23 people found this helpful

but the roof of the venue leaked like a sieve during a heavy rain

July 20, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I attended Amma's 2017 tour at her M.A. Center in Chicago on the advice of friends who literally do adore her. My experience was unsettling; the event seemed to be all about the money, but the roof of the venue leaked like a sieve during a heavy rain, so clearly, Amma's not keeping up the property. Amma took a phone call during my hug, so I had the impression she wasn't terribly sincere. My actual mother wasn't a big hugger and didn't claim tp be divine, but she never took a phone call mid-hug.(Thanks Mom!) The bouquet of flowers that I bought for Amma were immediately passed back to a volunteer whose job it was to run them back to the sales table to sell again. I knew when I left after 3 days that I would never be a devotee and would never attend another event. After returning home, it it occurred to me to do some research about Amma. I Googled, "Amma is a fake." That's how I discovered this book. Reading it was like watching a slow motion train wreck. It confirmed my negative impressions and much worse. Glad to know the truth. Thanks Gail for having the courage to tell your story.

16 people found this helpful

You need to be very careful

September 17, 2017

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Very enlightening book. I met Amma in Boston a few years ago, was hugged, and had a horrible flu afterwards. In some circles this might be considered purification, but think about it: so many people there before you with their faces on her sari, so many germs. I felt the atmosphere of the venue was not very clean or beautiful, and that the way it was set up, there was no atmosphere of purity or peacefulness or holiness or meditation. I wasn't searching for a guru btw. I've been to another ashram in India that is spotless, very beautiful, and just sitting in the presence of the guru there is very stilling, very meditative. I tend to believe this book, and I understand why she stayed all those years. Some people are very easy to be fooled, hungry for love, and meaning, and someone who is sincerely and sort of desperately seeking God has a very open heart...one has to be very careful. I like the saying, Don't mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon.

In the long run, someone who is earnestly seeking God will come across all kinds of experiences and the more intense the search, the more intense the experience. Ultimately what people like that are seeking is the great love in their own heart~the kingdom of heaven. And God uses even charlatans to help a seeker find it.

11 people found this helpful

Amazon Customer

and people may love her, but that doesn't mean she's perfect

June 6, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

Heartfelt and honest, the author simply tells her experience. Amma is NOT what she seems to be, you have only to read the reviews here to see her experiences confirmed. Amma may do a lot of charity work, and people may love her, but that doesn't mean she's perfect. This book is more evidence that each person eventually needs to outgrow guru worship and stand on their own feet!

11 people found this helpful

Hats off for Gail Tredwell!

July 19, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I appreciate Ms. Treadwell’s guts to come out speak and about this rather than fade quietly into the mist. The narrative is pretty believable. I gave it to a couple of my Hindu friends. All of them told this is sound true.
Whenever the focus is on the teacher rather than the teaching there is a problem.

7 people found this helpful

Cynthia Funegard

I found this book worthwhile for several reasons, not ...

April 29, 2018

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I found this book worthwhile for several reasons, not the least of which is that I am acquainted with someone who still follows Amma. I also have an acquaintance who follows Osho, whom it appears, Amma plagiarized. I believe that the account is factual. Impressionable young people, typically between 19 and 25 when they join these dangerous cults, are exploited tremendously for their sincere desire for devotional spirituality to a higher power. Amma is a liar, a thief, a crook, a fake, and a violent criminal who should be prosecuted for assault and battery, at the very least. She is an embezzler and a terrorist of souls. I would go so far as to say that she is a sick monster and that her behavior is deplorable. It has nothing to do with being human and flawed. If she has any spiritual entity, she is the devil.

2 people found this helpful

Brave woman, fascinating life!

December 26, 2016

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Wow, thank you Gail Tredwell for your courage to put this information out there.

10 people found this helpful

Amazon Customer

The end was what I loved the most

April 13, 2018

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Totally heartbreaking in places and inspirational in other places. The end was what I loved the most. Heartening to learn that even after such an ordeal the author is capable of sound discrimination and understanding of the true meaning of a guru and that she is not disillusioned from spirituality altogether. As my teacher told me after my own bad experience with a fake, “just because your idol in the temple fell and broke doesn’t mean god broke. Seek that which is beyond form and that which is within you.”

4 people found this helpful

Most recent customer reviews

What's wrong with being ordinary?

Tredwell's book had me questioning about the human need to be anything except ordinary; in association with a guru we come to regard ourselves as special and the rest of humanity...Read more

Published 3 days ago

Kindle Customer

From Amma to God?

I am so glad she got out of the cult. The book was well written and held my interest until the end but I was disappointed and felt she really missed finding the true God and...Read more

Published 23 days ago

“We are so FREE we can choose bondage!”

WOW...what a book!
What an interesting and IMPORTANT story to tell. I am shaking my head in DISBELIEF yet I believe every word in this book. Thanks Gail. Thank “You”!

Published 24 days ago

This I am sure was not an easy story for Gail to tell

This I am sure was not an easy story for Gail to tell. I think she did an amazing job telling her experiences in her desire to find God.Read more

Published 1 month ago

intelligent, sincere

Yep, I was there early on, and have no reason to doubt Gail's story in any way. I found her to be extremely hard-working, intelligent, sincere, and kind.Read more

Published 2 months ago

Shocking truth well written

What an eye opener. Wish I had read this sooner.

Published 4 months ago

Very well written. Not a bad effort.

Considering all the backlash she had to face, after leaving the God woman... It is good to see that the book remains largely neutral and does not resort to blind slandering.Read more

Published 4 months ago

Abuse of Power Hurts

Very well-written. Enough to lose your religion over. Sad how some people are not meant to have power and achieve it anyhow.

Published 5 months ago

Excellent read! I couldn't pity ity

Excellent read! I couldn't pity ity down

Published 8 months ago

CULTurally relevant...

Look at all the devotees trying to slander this lady, Gail Tredwell. It was happening recently over at a Facebook page representing the subpar Buddha at the Gas pump YouTube...Read more

Published 8 months ago

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