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Matthew Pierce
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Homeschool Sex Machine: Babes, Bible Quiz, and the Clinton Years Kindle Edition

by Matthew Pierce (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.2 out of 5 stars 121 ratings
Embark on an adolescent odyssey across the fringes of 90s Christian culture. Meet deranged Sunday School teachers, homeschool secret societies, youth pastors with frosted tips, and experience the high-pressure, sexually charged world of competitive Bible Quiz.
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  1. Print length
    84 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Accessibility
    Learn more
  4. Publication date
    June 20, 2014
  5. File size
    701 KB
  6. Page Flip
    Enabled
  7. Word Wise
    Enabled
  8. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
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Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00L6MFYE8
  • Accessibility ‏ : ‎ Learn more
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ June 20, 2014
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 701 KB
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 84 pages
  • Page Flip ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Best Sellers Rank: #1,894,700 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.2 out of 5 stars 121 ratings

About the author

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Matthew Pierce

Matthew Pierce

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Hi, I'm Matthew and I write stuff.

I was homeschooled for approximately 37 years, after which I grew to a tremendous height and began an illustrious basketball career that culminated at Rochester College in Michigan, where I touched the ball on several occasions.

When I was 15 I wrote a Christian-themed treatment of the movie Aliens, in which Marines had to go to the North Pole to fight unfrozen alien monsters that were also the key to the global conspiracy to suppress creationism. I was so certain that I had created a landmark opus that I went so far as to prepare a casting list for the inevitable movie adaptation.

It's only been downhill from there.

Customer reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
121 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book to be a quick, well-written read that is hilarious and entertaining. They appreciate the narrative pace, with one customer noting its matter-of-fact prose. The book's short length receives mixed reactions, with several customers noting its brevity.

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ReadabilityHumorNarrative paceWriting styleLength
20 customers mention "Readability"20 positive0 negative

Customers find the book readable, describing it as a fun quick read that's worth their time, with one customer noting it reads like a compilation of blog posts.

"...It's a quick read but I highly recommend it, especially to those who might could use a little humor about these things to keep them from becoming..." Read more

"A quick, one-dimensional romp with a homeschooled teenage boy. Reads like a collection of blog posts...." Read more

"...But that was about it. The book is very short and an easy read...." Read more

"Fun quick read. Doesn't actually have any homeschool sex...." Read more

18 customers mention "Humor"18 positive0 negative

Customers find the book hilarious, with one review noting its wonderful sense of absurdity and another mentioning how it provides fun insight into a homeschooler's life.

"...homeschooled guy myself, I found the points in this book to be both hilarious and cringingly close to home...." Read more

"Hilarious! Ex home schoolers will relate and have some great laughs." Read more

"This is such a ridiculous book. Ridiculously awesome and funny! It made me laugh.. A lot. I like the author's sense of humor...." Read more

"...Fun, short read." Read more

11 customers mention "Narrative pace"8 positive3 negative

Customers appreciate the narrative pace of the book, with one customer noting its matter-of-fact prose and another mentioning its clear storytelling style.

"...of humor scattered throughout the book, there was also real heart to the story. I look forward to reading his next installment." Read more

"...Every page is either funny, poignant, or both. The author's blog and Twitter is also excellent." Read more

"Ended rather abruptly, but a good story nonetheless." Read more

"...I found the points in this book to be both hilarious and cringingly close to home...." Read more

5 customers mention "Writing style"5 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the writing style of the book, with one noting that the author speaks their language with wit.

"...Every page is either funny, poignant, or both. The author's blog and Twitter is also excellent." Read more

"...Very well written, my only complaint is that I wish it was longer. I wanted the hilarity to continue...." Read more

"...over the strictness of his homeschooled childhood, but he writes respectfully, if briefly, about his religiously conservative parents, and..." Read more

"...The author speaks my language with wit and insights from inside the Christian culture of that time...." Read more

3 customers mention "Length"0 positive3 negative

Customers express disappointment with the book's length, describing it as really short.

"...Very well written, my only complaint is that I wish it was longer. I wanted the hilarity to continue...." Read more

"...4 instead of 5 just because it's so short and I feel like it could've gone on a while longer and still held my interest...." Read more

"You should download this and read it just for the laughs. It's really short, and feels like it needs to be a lot longer. It also ends abruptly...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Erin H. Schubert
    5.0 out of 5 stars if you need a little humor
    Reviewed in the United States on August 10, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    I really enjoyed this book. Amazon recommended it based on my interest in several other books about patriarchal fundamentalist Christianity (largely the isolated types that homeschool and homechurch) and at first I wasn't sure this was up my alley. Most of the stuff I read about these very odd little sects is more about the damage it does to people (especially women) and treated in a very serious manner. This is obviously a comic representation of this particular person's own experiences, and I hadn't heard of it before so I waffled a little about whether to get it. Since it was only a few dollars I decided to go for it and read it on vacation, and I'm so glad I did. It's hilarious, and some of the more vicious aspects of this religious lifestyle are swiftly knocked down by the author's quick sense of humor. It does show some of the effects of the whole courtship/purity culture that might be undesirable - social awkwardness and paralyzing fear - but the writing doesn't linger on these things so much as mock them. You come away hoping that his social life balanced out eventually (and apparently he's married now, so it must have to some degree!) but not necessarily feeling upset or depressed that he had these challenges. I didn't grow up in that kind of culture, but I do remember some similar experiences of my own when I first started dating. The only thing I didn't like about this book was that I wished there was more! It's a quick read but I highly recommend it, especially to those who might could use a little humor about these things to keep them from becoming totally jaded.
    6 people found this helpful
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  • Jamie Kocur
    5.0 out of 5 stars A quick and hilarious read
    Reviewed in the United States on July 25, 2015
    Verified Purchase
    I ordered this book after running across the author's wit on Twitter. It did not disappoint. I loved the way he could laugh at his younger self, something I think we can all relate to. Despite the massive amounts of humor scattered throughout the book, there was also real heart to the story. I look forward to reading his next installment.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • J. D. Stone
    4.0 out of 5 stars Fun, Quick Read
    Reviewed in the United States on March 10, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    Pierce's lighthearted memoir of coming of age inside the strange, awkward Christian fundamentalist home school movement is a quick read, both because it is a mere 84 pages, and because the content is often hilariously tragic. Far, far too many of the author's struggles and thoughts are immediately relateable, for my own comfort anyway, and the rest was easy to identify.

    One critical review against this book concerns the author's fascination with his own sexual awakening. I respectfully argue that the review misses the point; this book is about the context in which that awakening takes place. A second complaint is that there is little to no introspection, but I believe this is a strength. Pierce does not deride, blame or accuse, neither does he praise, defend or support. He simply relates the facts, with humor, and lets you draw your own conclusions.

    I wish it were longer, perhaps a little more detailed, but on the flip side there is no fluff in this book. Every page is either funny, poignant, or both. The author's blog and Twitter is also excellent.
    4 people found this helpful
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  • Natalie Burcham
    5.0 out of 5 stars A quick and entertaining read!
    Reviewed in the United States on August 3, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    If you grew up in an Evangelical house/church you will enjoy this book and see traces of your own church/school/family. Even if you didn't, you will enjoy the strangeness of the homeschool culture. Matthew's remembered awkward adventures made me laugh out loud more than once. The classic rule of entertaining is "leave 'em wanting more," which is exactly what HSSM has done! I'm looking forward to the next installment of awkward adventures!
    2 people found this helpful
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  • J. Foster
    2.0 out of 5 stars Not that funny
    Reviewed in the United States on May 29, 2020
    Verified Purchase
    Though I wasn't homeschooled, I was raised in a fundamentalist church and attended a Christian school and Christian college, very close to Pierce's target audience. But I have to say, he just isn't that funny. I chuckled a few times, and grinned a few others. But that was about it.

    The book is very short and an easy read. It's a good primer to decide if you want to read his next two, longer books. I declined.

    ---------------
    I noticed Amazon and Goodreads have a slightly different meanings to their 5-point scale. I thought it was odd to have a different rating for the same book on two different sites, so I came up with my own scale below. For the record, it is fairly close to Amazon's scale, but allows me to be consistent between the two sites.

    5 - Fantastic. Life-altering. Maybe only 30 in a lifetime.
    4 - Very good.
    3 - Worth your time.
    2 - Not very good.
    1 - Atrocious.
    One person found this helpful
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  • jenshow
    3.0 out of 5 stars pretty good
    Reviewed in the United States on December 19, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    Ended rather abruptly, but a good story nonetheless.
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  • ilosby
    5.0 out of 5 stars Brought back memories
    Reviewed in the United States on March 9, 2015
    Verified Purchase
    I bought this book after reading an excerpt. I held off for a while, thinking it wouldn't be as good as it looked to be. Believe me, it was better than it appears.

    I attended both public and Christian schools, as well as being homeschooled, so I have experience with all kinds of schooling. Growing up in fundamental Baptist churches, I can relate when he talked about long hair and denim skirts. He talks about the hair style of the young boys. All so true. He forgot to mention coulattes, which were Baptist pants for women.

    I could relate to all of the awkwardness between boys and girls. How boys thought they were suave and sophisticated, when they were really dorks. I'm sure girls could tell the same stories.

    If you homeschool your kids, read this book. If you are or were homeschooled, read this book. If you went to Christian school, read this book. If you are just curious about the homeschooling/Christian school experience, read this book. The book is never mean or nasty, it is just a humorous tale of a boy and his schooling.
    5 people found this helpful
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  • Ryan
    5.0 out of 5 stars So funny and accurate
    Reviewed in the United States on February 18, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    As a homeschooled guy myself, I found the points in this book to be both hilarious and cringingly close to home. Very well written, my only complaint is that I wish it was longer. I wanted the hilarity to continue. If you were homeschooled in the 1990s-2000s, I totally recommend reading this. It'll bring back memories.
    One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • dw
    4.0 out of 5 stars Short and entertaining
    Reviewed in Canada on July 2, 2018
    Verified Purchase
    I was not homeschooled myself but I grew up in a very conservative evangelical environment. I also struggled with the whole dating scene as Matthew did. Very funny book. I wish author had combined his college experiences in the same book.
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