Hope Edelman

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About Hope Edelman
Hope Edelman is the internationally acclaimed author of eight nonfiction books, including the bestsellers Motherless Daughters, Motherless Mothers, and the memoir The Possibility of Everything. Her newest book is The Aftergrief: Finding Your Way Along the Long Arc of Loss. She has lectured widely on the subjects of early mother loss and nonfiction writing in the U.S., Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and the U.A.E. Her articles and reviews have appeared in numerous publications, including the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Glamour, Child, Seventeen, Real Simple, Parents, Writer's Digest, and Self, and her original essays have appeared in many anthologies, including The Bitch in the House, The Bitch is Back, Behind the Bedroom Door, and Goodbye to All That. Her work has received a New York Times notable book of the year designation and a Pushcart Prize for creative nonfiction. She can be found in Iowa City every July teaching at the Iowa Summer Writing Festival. The rest of the year, she lives in Los Angeles, where she runs retreats, workshops, and online courses for motherless women.
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Blog postMarcia Evelyn Rosenberg Edelman Sept. 19, 1938-July 12, 1981 Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the elasticity of time, especially this past year and a half, when time seemed to pass both slowly and quickly at once. We’ve been conditioned to conceive of time as linear, like a relentless arrow moving us in one direction from birth to death. We call the loss of young people “out-of-time” deaths, because they don’t occur where we believe they should along that trajectory. But the more I10 months ago Read more
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Blog postMy father, Julian Edelman (not the Patriots’ wide receiver)
Dear Friends, Dear Readers, Dear Sisters of the Heart,
On the Motherless Daughters Community Calls, and at our workshops and retreats, we spend so much time talking about our mothers that we often overlook the profound impact our father’s have had on us, too.
That’s something that I want to acknowledge and highlight, because it’s hitting me hard this year
Study after st11 months ago Read more -
Blog postMy mother, Marcia Edelman, 1938-1981
Dear Friends, Dear Readers, Dear Sisters of the Heart,
It’s been quite a year, hasn’t it, women? As I sat down in Los Angeles to write this annual letter to motherless daughters on Mothers Day, it’s been impossible to do that without situating it in the larger context of losses we’ve all experienced since Mother’s Day last year. People, jobs, incomes, social interactions, freedom of travel…already, May 2020 feels like half a1 year ago Read more -
Blog postHello Friends,
I’d like to share some information with you about delayed or postponed grief, because it’ll be helpful to know about in the coming weeks.
First, as many of us know, grief occurs in cycles. We can mourn to the best of our ability at any point in time, but months later — or years or even decades after the loss — those feelings can be reactivated. It can happen because of a date on the calendar, an anniversary event, a life milestone, or even the scent of a pa1 year ago Read more -
Blog postHello, Friends!
From start to finish, my next book took four years (gulp) to research and write. But it’s finished! and it’s scheduled for publication in early October 2020.
The book is called The Aftergrief: Finding Your Way Along the Long Arc of Loss. I like to think of it as Motherless Daughters all grown up. I was 28 when I wrote that book, just learning what an early loss would mean for the rest of my life. This book is more of the long-view perspectiv2 years ago Read more -
Blog postThe first holiday season without my mom was a confusing, disorienting time. I remember wondering, How are we going to continue traditions that had been under her purview? How will I even know how to do that without her guidance? I often think of a scene from Susan Minot’s novel Monkeys, about a group of siblings who’ve recently lost their mother in a car accident. As they decorate their house for the holidays they try to arrange everything as their mother always did. “Everything was2 years ago Read more
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Blog postDear Friends, Thanksgiving will soon be upon us, as tends to happen every November. I don’t know about you, but this is always a mixed time of year for me. It’s a culturally sanctioned period of connection and good cheer, but how many people always experience it that way?
Not everyone, that’s for sure.
38 percent of people surveyed by the American Psychological Association reported feeling higher levels of stress than usual around holiday time.
Most people I know find2 years ago Read more -
Blog postI was so moved by Anderson Cooper and Stephen Colbert’s interview on August 15, and their candid talk about childhood grief, I wrote an op-ed piece about it. The link to read it on the NYT web site is here. I’ve also cut and pasted it below. Please feel free to share with others! Opinion I Couldn’t Say ‘My Mother’ Without Crying Losing a family member at a young age has lasting impacts, well into adulthood. There’s no quick fix for childhood grief.
By Hope Edelman
Ms. Ed3 years ago Read more -
Blog postMay 11, 2019
Dear Motherless Daughter,
Here we find ourselves again, on the brink of another second Sunday in May. It’s easier in some years than in others, isn’t it? For many years after my mother died, this Sunday was all about missing her on a day that seemed culturally sanctioned to remind girls like me of what we no longer had. Later, it became a day to spend with my daughters and celebrate our bond. Now it’s also the day that caps off a mo3 years ago Read more -
Blog postMother’s Day can be a bittersweet holiday for those of us who’ve lost our moms. It’s an occasion to remember the bond we shared, but can also be a painful annual reminder of what’s been lost.
Between us and together, Claire Bidwell Smith and I have helped thousands of women explore the long-term effects of mother loss and face recurring events. Our free, one-hour video call on May 6th is open to anyone who’s facing Mother’s Day without a mother and would like support and community as3 years ago Read more
Titles By Hope Edelman
Although a mother's mortality is inevitable no book has discussed the profound lasting and far reaching effects of this loss until Motherless Daughters, which became an instant classic. More than twenty years later, it is still the go-to book that women of all ages look to for comfort, help, and understanding when their mother dies. Building on interviews with hundreds of mother loss survivors, Edelman's personal story of losing her mother, and recent research in grief and psychology, Motherless Daughters reveals the shared experiences and core identity issues of motherless women:
- Why the absence of a nurturing hand shapes a woman's identity throughout her lifespan
- How present day relationships are defined by past losses
- How a woman can resolve past conflicts and move toward acceptance and healing
- Why grief really is not a linear passage but an ongoing cyclical journey
- How the legacy of mother loss shifts with the passage of time
“This is perhaps one of the most important books about grief ever written. It finally dispels the myth that we are all supposed to get over the death of a loved one.”—Claire Bidwell Smith, author of Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief
Aren’t you over it yet? Anyone who has experienced a major loss in their past knows this question. We’ve spent years fielding versions of it, both explicit and implied, from family, colleagues, acquaintances, and friends. We recognize the subtle cues—the slight eyebrow lift, the soft, startled “Oh! That long ago?”—from those who wonder how an event so far in the past can still occupy so much precious mental and emotional real estate.
Because of the common but false assumption that grief should be time-limited, too many of us believe we’re grieving “wrong” when sadness suddenly resurges sometimes months or even years after a loss. The AfterGrief explains that the death of a loved one isn’t something most of us get over, get past, put down, or move beyond. Grief is not an emotion to pass through on the way to “feeling better.” Instead, grief is in constant motion; it is tidal, easily and often reactivated by memories and sensory events, and is re-triggered as we experience life transitions, anniversaries, and other losses. Whether we want it to or not, grief gets folded into our developing identities, where it informs our thoughts, hopes, expectations, behaviors, and fears, and we inevitably carry it forward into everything that follows.
Drawing on her own encounters with the ripple effects of early loss, as well as on interviews with dozens of researchers, therapists, and regular people who’ve been bereaved, New York Times bestselling author Hope Edelman offers profound advice for reassessing loss and adjusting the stories we tell ourselves about its impact on our identities. With guidance for reframing a story of loss, finding equilibrium within it, and even experiencing renewed growth and purpose in its wake, she demonstrates that though grief is a lifelong process, it doesn’t have to be a lifelong struggle.
"Edelman illuminates the transformative power of understanding mother loss [and] offers essential wisdom." — Library Journal
When Hope Edelman, author of the New York Times bestseller Motherless Daughters, became a parent, she found herself revisiting the loss of her mother in ways she had never anticipated. Now the mother of two young girls, Edelman set out to learn how the loss of a mother to death or abandonment can affect the ways women raise their own children.
In Motherless Mothers, Edelman uses her own story as a prism to reveal the unique anxieties and desires that these women experience as they raise their children without the help of a living maternal guide. In an impeccably researched, luminously written book enriched by the voices of the mothers themselves—and filled with practical insight and advice from experienced professionals—she examines their parenting choices, their triumphs, and their fears, and offers motherless mothers the guidance and support they want and need.
At twenty-one, still a struggling actor living hand to mouth, Martin and his wife, Janet, welcomed their firstborn, Emilio, an experience of profound joy for the young couple, who soon had three more children: Ramon, Charlie, and Renée. As Martin’s career moved from stage to screen, the family moved from New York City to Malibu, while traveling together to film locations around the world, from Mexico for Catch-22 to Colorado for Badlands to the Philippines for the legendary Apocalypse Now shoot. As the firstborn, Emilio had a special relationship with Martin: They often mirrored each other’s passions and sometimes clashed in their differences. After Martin and Emilio traveled together to India for the movie Gandhi, each felt the beginnings of a spiritual awakening that soon led Martin back to his Catholic roots, and eventually led both men to Spain, from where Martin’s father had emigrated to the United States. Along the famed Camino de Santiago pilgrimage path, Emilio directed Martin in their acclaimed film, The Way, bringing three generations of Estevez men together in the region of Spain where Martin’s father was born, and near where Emilio’s own son had moved to marry and live.
With vivid, behind-the-scenes anecdotes of this multitalented father’s and son’s work with other notable actors and directors, Along the Way is a striking, stirring, funny story—a family saga that readers will recognize as universal in its rebellions and regrets, aspirations and triumphs. Strikingly candid, searchingly honest, this heartfelt portrait reveals two strong-minded, admirable men of many important roles, perhaps the greatest of which are as fathers and sons.
In their own voices, these daughters--ranging in age from thirteen to seventy-eight--share their journeys of mourning and regeneration. Beginning with the initial period of adjustment and acceptance, covering the first years after a mother's death, and describing lives shaped by loss more than twenty years later, these letters reflect the challenges and triumphs motherless girls and women face over time. The words of these brave women illustrate the profound pain, astounding strength, and personal growth inherent in living through the loss of a mother--without ever outliving the need for her.
Drawing from her own experience and the recollections of over seventy other granddaughters, Edelman explores the three-generation triangle from which women develop their female identities: the grandmother-mother-daughter relationship. With eloquent personal testimony, she demonstrates the vital roles grandmothers have played in their granddaughters' lives, as a source of unconditional love, family values and traditions, and backup parent, the ultimate safety net.
Here are grandmothers in all their glory: The "Benevolent Manipulator", whose love for her family is matched only by her desire for control; The "Gentle Giant", awesome, respected, who possesses a quiet, behind-the-scenes power; The "Autocrat", who rules her extended family like a despot; The "Kinkeeper", the family hub, who offers a sense of cohesion to the extended clan.
With insight and compassion, Edelman probes this unique and emotionally-charged relationship in a book that is a true celebration of an extraordinary bond--and a must read for every woman.
In the autumn of 2000, Hope Edelman was a woman adrift, questioning her marriage, her profession, and her place in the larger world. Feeling vulnerable and isolated, she was primed for change. The Possibility of Everything is the story of the change that found her. A chronicle of her extraordinary leap of faith, it begins when her three-year-old daughter, Maya, starts exhibiting unusual and disruptive behavior. Confused and worried, Edelman and her husband make an unorthodox decision: They take Maya to Belize, suspending disbelief and chasing the promise of an alternative cure. This deeply affecting, beautifully written memoir of a family’s emotional journey and a mother’s intense love explores what Edelman and her husband went looking for in the jungle and what they ultimately discovered—as parents, as spouses, and as ordinary people—about the things that possess and destroy, or that can heal us all.
I’ll Tell You Mine is an extraordinary anthology, a book rooted in Iowa’s successful program that goes beyond mere celebration to present some of the best nonfiction writing of the past thirty years. Eighteen pieces produced by Iowa graduates exemplify the development of both the program and the field of nonfiction writing. Each is accompanied by commentary from the author on a challenging issue presented by the story and the writing process, including drafting, workshopping, revising, and listening to (or sometimes ignoring) advice. The essays are put into broader context by a prologue from Robert Atwan, founding editor of the Best American Essays series, who details the rise of nonfiction as a literary genre since the New Journalism of the 1960s.
Creative nonfiction is the fastest-growing writing concentration in the country, with more than one hundred and fifty programs in the United States. I’ll Tell You Mine shows why Iowa’s leads the way. Its insider’s view of the Iowa program experience and its wealth of groundbreaking nonfiction writing will entertain readers and inspire writers of all kinds.