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How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written Paperback – January 17, 2012
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From the Back Cover
Hi. I see you’re reading the back of my book. This tells me that you either:
A) are hoping to find a brief summary of what to expect from a how-to book by Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, or B) don’t know how books work.
If your answer was “A,” your best bet is probably the table of contents, which is where you’ll find the “contents” of this book listed in a convenient, easy-to-read “table” format. So maybe go check that out for a minute and then come back here. I’ll wait. . . .
Pretty cool, right? What other book will teach you how to dress properly and how to drive an elephant? How to field strip an AK-47 and how to haggle with a Thai prostitute—in her native tongue? How to pilot an airboat and how to make about a million delicious cocktails, including a Molotov one? How to kill a guy and how to prepare a fabulous brunch? Plus how to do tons of other stuff that I forgot, but that is nonetheless probably in this book (which, to be honest, I really only kinda skimmed).
So if you want to learn more about how to be more—or at all—like Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, quit smearing your greasy fingerprints all over this book and buy it. For one thing, I really need the royalties. For another thing, the last time I checked, this wasn’t a damn library.
(Note: If your answer was “B,” this probably isn’t the book you want to start with.)
About the Author
Sterling Archer is the world’s greatest secret agent and nowalso probably a bestselling author. A world-class cocksmanand former all-conference preparatory school lacrosse player,he divides his time among New York City, Monte Carlo, theOrient, several of the classier islands of the Caribbean, andGstaad. This is his first book.
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Download an excerpt from How to Archer [PDF].
Top customer reviews
But, humor being completely subjective, I still feel compelled to at least dispel a couple shameful myths put forth by other reviewers.
MYTH: "...three out of four jokes are ripped word for word from episodes of Archer..."
FACT: Let's do some math, shall we? Archer states at the start of the book that he's contractually obligated to produce a manuscript of no shorter than 30,000 words and will, therefore, deliver a manuscript of precisely 30,000 words. As I read the book the second time, I highlighted every word I could find that either retold a joke from the show or even so much as referred to a joke from the show. I even highlighted Alex Karras (whom Lana mentions in Archer S1 E10) even though the joke about him is completely different. Total word count on reused jokes: 322. That's 1.073%. So, essentially, the book is 99% new content.
MYTH: This book "substitute[s] rehashed dry jokes for actual information" and is "not much of a guide to anything."
FACT: This is a book by Sterling Archer, so if you're expecting an encyclopedia on the finer points of covert ops, you haven't been paying attention. Spoiler Alert: you won't actually learn how to become an international spy by reading this book. That said, unless you already know the recipe for Green Russians, or the proper way to prepare Eggs Woodhouse, or how to say "Would you like to have sex with me?" in 17 languages (including Portuguese, of course), then I can assure you this book has plenty to teach you.
For example, from the section on page 19 regarding the martial art of Savate:
"Savate is French for 'face kick.' And while the French have a reputation for being effeminate... I think this is unfair. Because they also have...the French Foreign Legion. So the next time you're feeling adventurous, walk into a bar in Algiers and call a Legionnaire a putain de merde. Then walk outside and feel around in the sand with your hands, trying to find your head."
Not the greatest advice, but at least you learned something (and I bet you laughed, too).
If you've seen the animated series on which the book is based, you would expect it to be politically incorrect, and it certainly is.
There are some running jokes, but in general you can dip into the book anywhere and find something amusing to read. That makes it a pretty good bathroom book when you're done with it, as long as you don't have thin-skinned, politically-correct guests.