- Series: Capital Ideas
- Hardcover: 288 pages
- Publisher: Capital Books (August 1, 2002)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1892123886
- ISBN-13: 978-1892123886
- Product Dimensions: 5.8 x 1 x 8.8 inches
- Shipping Weight: 15.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,912,797 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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How to Avoid the Mommy Trap: A Roadmap for Sharing Parenting and Making It Work (Capital Ideas) Hardcover – August 1, 2002
"When Shields started researching and writing her book "How to Avoid the Mommy Trap: A Roadmap for Sharing Parenting and Making It Work'' (Capital Books, $26.95), she found that one-third to one-half of new parents experience as much marital distress as couples in therapy for marital problems."
About the Author
Julie Shields is an intellectual property attorney and freelance writer. She has successfully lobbied her employer for more flexible work arrangements and is spearheading an effort to improve federal employees' parental leave options. She lives with her husband and their two daughters in McLean, Virginia.
Top Customer Reviews
"How to Avoid the Mommy Trap" illuminates the status quo and the calcified gender roles that many couples default to once they become parents. Shields belives that family life doesn't have to unfold that way, and she encourages couples to look beyond the standard choices of nanny, day care, or mother at home. Shields says 'The term Mommy Trap does not refer to giving birth and then having a child to take care of, or give up something for your child....More than anything else, the Mommy Trap describes a failure to understand the wide range of options available to modern parents.' She gives many examples of what it looks like to be caught in the Mommy Trap, including:
'The Mommy Trap snares a mother when she takes on parenting or household responsibilities that result in more unpaid work, and less leisure time and personal time, than she would like, particularly in comparison with her husband.'
Sound familiar? Do you feel like you couldn't even ask to expect things to be different without feeling selfish or guilty? Get this book! It is a primer that illuminates what marriage and parenting could look like if we stuck up for ourselves, let go of controlling the way our husbands parent, and worked to create truly equitable partnerships.
Shields is an innovator. She has changed the paternity leave policies in the State Department. In the book, she gets readers to think about the importance of where your ideal partner stands on work and family issues before meeting him/her or where your current partner stands on such issues before making the making the final commitment.
I am a full-time stay at home mom and I love my job. It is the hardest yet most rewarding job I have ever had and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But I had begun to lose my identity in my mommyness and this book is a guide on how mothers can "let go" without guilt. Julie Shields is helping me get my sense of self back and she doesn't even know me!
Just read the Table of Contents and you'll be hooked too!
Great stuff, especially about negotiation, for peer marriages/marriages where both adults work for pay. Not so great for other situations. Also take a look at Coleman's _The Lazy Husband_ (another book in search of a better title).
If you're a mom and feel like your husband does more than you would like, and especially if you think your experience will be different when you have children, or you haven't even gotten married yet, you will find useful advice and strategy so that you can create the life you want. It really made me think about what I was doing and we have made better changes in our family already. The concept of BATNA is really powerful, and I can attest to that.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This book is very well done. My only reservations are in the chapter "Laws that Can Help", which I'll mention more about below. Read morePublished on June 7, 2012 by Learning New Ways
This book was a gift for my sister, who is raising three young girls. I don't have an opinion on it, since I have not read it or discussed it with her. Read morePublished on October 1, 2009 by T. Lee
Well Done!!! I think this book is really amazing and practical for addressing all stages in the "parent-sharing" process and what to do to prepare you and your spouse. Read morePublished on August 11, 2008 by A. Lamb
What a fantastic book-the author explains that there are hundreds of books on what color flowers go with what color wedding dress but almost none on how to pick a mate and discuss... Read morePublished on September 4, 2002