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Randy J. Paterson
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How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use Paperback – May 1, 2016

by Randy J. Paterson PhD (Author)
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 622 ratings
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In How to Be Miserable, psychologist Randy Paterson outlines 40 specific behaviors and habits, which—if followed—are sure to lead to a lifetime of unhappiness. On the other hand, if you do the opposite, you may yet join the ranks of happy people everywhere!

There are stacks upon stacks of self-help books that will promise you love, happiness, and a fabulous life. But how can you pinpoint the exact behaviors that cause you to be miserable in the first place? Sometimes when we’re depressed, or just sad or unhappy, our instincts tell us to do the opposite of what we should—such as focusing on the negative, dwelling on what we can’t change, isolating ourselves from friends and loved ones, eating junk food, or overindulging in alcohol. Sound familiar?

This tongue-in-cheek guide will help you identify the behaviors that make you unhappy and discover how you—and only you—are holding yourself back from a life of contentment. You’ll learn to spot the tried-and-true traps that increase feelings of dissatisfaction, foster a lack of motivation, and detract from our quality of life—as well as ways to avoid them.

So, get ready to live the life you want (or not?) This fun, irreverent guide will light the way.

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  1. Print length
    248 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    New Harbinger Publications
  4. Publication date
    May 1, 2016
  5. Dimensions
    5 x 0.75 x 7 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1626254060
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1626254060
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Randy J. Paterson has hit a home run with this highly accessible, engaging book. How to Be Miserable uses tongue-in-cheek humor, scientifically grounded practical advice, and a healthy dose of what is colloquially known as ‘reverse psychology’ to help put an end to common behavioral patterns that contribute to unhappiness. Anyone who wants to be less miserable should read this book and do the opposite of everything it recommends!”
—Martin M. Antony, PhD, ABPP, professor of psychology at Ryerson University in Toronto, ON, Canada, and coauthor of The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook and The Anti-Anxiety Workbook


“Randy J. Paterson’s How to Be Miserable contains practical, witty, and wise advice, and is based on the premise that we have become our own worst enemies. Confronting our ‘management’ strategies consciously is the only way our life actually begins to turn toward better outcomes.”
—James Hollis, PhD, Jungian analyst, and author of The Middle Passage and Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life


“Randy J. Paterson has failed miserably in his quest to create a recipe for unhappiness in How to Be Miserable, and instead has written a gem of a parody on how to cope with the inevitable difficulties we all must face in order to live a happy and fulfilling life.”
—Simon A. Rego, PsyD, ABPP, associate professor of clinical psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Albert Einstein College of Medicine/Montefiore Medical Center in New York, NY


“How to Be Miserable is a different kind of self-help book. By learning the forty traps that lead to unhappiness, readers will actually discover how to create the life they’ve always wanted—one filled with lasting happiness.”
—Matt McKay, PhD, coauthor of Thoughts and Feelings


"...for fed-up self-help readers, it may be the panacea they need."
—Publishers Weekly

"What makes this book from Paterson ("Your Depression Map") so delightful is that the author's obvious use of reverse psychology actually works as readers can laugh at their own behaviors. For instance, Paterson says that if a person wants a miserable life, then he or she should eat junk food, dwell on what "could be," read online news in endless detail, and eliminate the word "no" from their vocabulary. Although most readers will be accustomed to positive and negative behavior patterns, this work outlines the results of their favorite excuses for not acting in mentally healthy ways."
—Library Journal

About the Author

Randy J. Paterson, PhD, is director of Changeways Clinic, a private psychotherapy practice in Vancouver, BC, Canada. He is author of The Assertiveness Workbook and Your Depression Map, and he conducts training programs for professionals on evidence-based treatment. Through Changeways Clinic, Paterson presents lectures and workshops internationally on topics including mental health policy, cognitive behavioral therapy, the nature and treatment of depression and anxiety disorders, and strategies for private practice management. He is the 2008 recipient of the Canadian Psychological Association’s Distinguished Practitioner Award. For more information on Paterson, his presentations and workshops, or Changeways Clinic, visit www.changeways.com. To view Paterson’s blog on psychological and practice issues, please visit www.psychologysalon.com.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (May 1, 2016)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 248 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1626254060
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1626254060
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 8.3 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5 x 0.75 x 7 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 622 ratings

About the author

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Randy J. Paterson

Randy J. Paterson

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I am a psychologist in Vancouver Canada. My practice includes the treatment of clinical depression, the range of anxiety disorders, and major life transitions. I am also interested in positive psychology, the transition from adolescence to adult independence, and critical perspectives on the mental health system.

Most of my work takes place through Changeways Clinic (changeways.com), which I established in 2002 and has grown to be one of the city's largest private psychotherapy services. In addition to providing direct clinical services, we work on alternative methods of disseminating psychological ideas and self-care strategies. The Changeways Core Program, for example, is Canada's most widely-used group treatment protocol for clinical depression, and has been implemented in the USA, Great Britain, China, Hong Kong, Australia, and elsewhere.

Recently I have been developing online courses on psychological topics; these are hosted at psychologysalon.teachable.com and include What Is Depression, What Causes Depression, UnDoing Depression, How to Buy Happiness, Breathing Made Easy, The Parent Trap (a resource for parents of young adults having difficulty with independence), and a free "book club" series of demonstration videos to accompany The Assertiveness Workbook.

My books include How to be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use, How to be Miserable in Your 20s, The Assertiveness Workbook (now in its second edition), Private Practice Made Simple, and Your Depression Map.

I also enjoy teaching, and have offered hundreds of training workshops for mental health clinicians on cognitive behaviour therapy, the treatment of depression and anxiety, diversity awareness, failure to launch, and private practice management. I also provide talks, keynotes, and longer workshops for nonprofessional audiences, and work with media outlets including print, radio, television, and podcasts.

Information on my books, workshops, talks, online courses, and media work can be found at randypaterson.com.

In my leisure time I enjoy travel and operate an orchard in the dry climate of the British Columbia interior, where much of my writing also takes place.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
622 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book insightful, interesting, and eye-opening. They describe it as an excellent, fun read with great content. Readers also appreciate the humor, saying it makes them laugh at themselves.

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InsightReadabilityHumorDifficulty to understand
29 customers mention "Insight"29 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful, interesting, and eye-opening. They say it provides useful information about life and is a powerful tool for problem-solving. Readers also mention the book helps them open their eyes to their own faults and offers great advice on what to get in order.

"This book is easy to read and oh so helpful. It's also funny and entertaining. Delivery of mental health info in this way is most pleasing...." Read more

"...Inversion is a powerful tool for problem-solving (in this case for solving why the heck so many of us are miserable) and you may find, as you read,..." Read more

"...It is an learning book that rivals the best therapy session one could experience...." Read more

"This may be the most eye-opening book I have ever read. And I am laughing my face off reading it...." Read more

19 customers mention "Readability"19 positive0 negative

Customers find the book excellent, fun, and worth every minute they spend reading it. They also say it's better than all other books and engaging.

"This book is easy to read and oh so helpful. It's also funny and entertaining. Delivery of mental health info in this way is most pleasing...." Read more

"Great book about all the things NOT to do if you want to be happy, told in a humorous but highly informative manner, with varous examples and..." Read more

"...Despite being so effective, it is always accessible and ironically a pleasure to read, despite a feeling of interacting with someone who seems to..." Read more

"This is an excellent read. It is an important topic that is addressed well through satirical humor making it even more memorable." Read more

18 customers mention "Humor"18 positive0 negative

Customers find the book humorous, witty, and profound. They say the information is presented in a satirical manner, but with a serious message. Readers also mention the book is easy to read, simple to understand yet undeniably intelligent.

"This book is easy to read and oh so helpful. It's also funny and entertaining. Delivery of mental health info in this way is most pleasing...." Read more

"...things NOT to do if you want to be happy, told in a humorous but highly informative manner, with varous examples and descriptions of how the..." Read more

"...The author's judicious use of humor and excellent writing created a book that might otherwise make the reader squirm with too much recognition; too..." Read more

"...It is an important topic that is addressed well through satirical humor making it even more memorable." Read more

4 customers mention "Difficulty to understand"0 positive4 negative

Customers find the book difficult to understand. They mention the message is nice, but it's confusing and hard to cohesively understand. Readers also mention the jokes throughout make the reading confusing.

"...A few parts can be difficult to understand; it’s like the author switches between teaching a lesson and commenting without making very obvious...." Read more

"...based on a joke and it continues the joke throughout which makes the reading confusing." Read more

"Cute book but a bit gimmicky. I wish I had purused this in a book store instead of purchasing a copy." Read more

"Pages are not in order. Message is nice but very confusing and hard to cohesively understand due to the amount of misprints...." Read more

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Top reviews from the United States

Terry S
5.0 out of 5 stars So good!!
Reviewed in the United States on April 23, 2024
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This book is easy to read and oh so helpful. It's also funny and entertaining. Delivery of mental health info in this way is most pleasing. The book made me laugh at myself instead of feeling drab and overwhelmed and also gave me tangible things to look further into. I loved reading this and have taken the information to heart.
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Megan
5.0 out of 5 stars Left me thinking
Reviewed in the United States on November 12, 2023
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Most self-help books try the top-down approach: here's all the things you need to improve whatever it is you're trying to improve. Judging by the proliferation of these books, you might wonder how effective they are, and that's sort of a hypothesis in How to Be Miserable.

In How to Be Miserable, we learn forty different strategies on how to essentially ruin our lives. For example, never find yourself alone--you might start reflecting on your life! Give in to the immediate temptation even though you know you'll feel like trash later.

Be hyper-critical of others and yourself. Follow the fashions of the day and never develop your own personal style. Spend a lot of money. Always be focusing on a shiny future that may or may not--probably not--happen.

Be a perfectionist! Don't you know that everything you do must be flawless? You have to have the cleanest teeth, the best job, the most attractive spouse....

And so on and so forth.

There were times when reading this book (particularly the perfectionist chapter and the couple before and after it) I felt my heart sank. I recognized myself in these negative behaviors that are making me miserable: depressed, anxious, isolated.

That's the power behind How to Be Miserable. It takes a bottom-up approach. It inverts what you normally expect from self-help. Inversion is a powerful tool for problem-solving (in this case for solving why the heck so many of us are miserable) and you may find, as you read, that the way out of your predicament is more obvious. You'll be able to see yourself in these behaviors, think of how to reverse it, and, well, from there that's all on you.

While some of the strategies I read were a real gut punch given how good I am at implementing them, I now have some ideas on how to reverse the trend.

How to Be Miserable points out that we can't escape misery completely. Life is awful sometimes. Can't do anything about it. But you can live a certain way, realizing how entwined thought and emotion are, such that even if you're sad right now, you know how to deal with it. You know what to do to start climbing out and, in the event you can't, you can know how to cope.

This book is written in a tongue-in-cheek way, yet I departed from it deep in thought. A must read if you're trying to figure out why your life is so bad.
3 people found this helpful
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LP
4.0 out of 5 stars Statements are tongue-in-cheek, yet right on the mark.
Reviewed in the United States on January 16, 2017
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Great book about all the things NOT to do if you want to be happy, told in a humorous but highly informative manner, with varous examples and descriptions of how the different strategies work, and why people feel they way they do.
One person found this helpful
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PBinJC
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Effective - Not Self Help, deep insight instead
Reviewed in the United States on July 1, 2016
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Do not think of this as a self help book. It is an learning book that rivals the best therapy session one could experience. It's aims are serious, and the author walks the reader through a contrarian approach to bring out the core activities, ways of thinking, and common responses to depression that can pave the way to a more abiding, intractable, and debilitating state of despair. Here reading is engaging in a therapeutic activity that brings insight, and challenges. It's method is to demonstrate how easy it is to use short term methods of eliminating pain that lead to greater, and more abiding, pain. The last chapter puts the book into crystalline focus and makes concrete and gentle suggestions on how to use what one learned from the book; methods to reverse a course we thought would help but now understand will not. The author's judicious use of humor and excellent writing created a book that might otherwise make the reader squirm with too much recognition; too much insight; too many truths. Despite being so effective, it is always accessible and ironically a pleasure to read, despite a feeling of interacting with someone who seems to know you all too well. This book is worth every minute you spend reading it.
32 people found this helpful
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Disney Girl
5.0 out of 5 stars I have met the enemy and he is me.
Reviewed in the United States on June 8, 2017
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This may be the most eye-opening book I have ever read. And I am laughing my face off reading it. I own so many self-help books (check the buying "stuff" chapter) but none has ever made me realize so clearly why I am always miserable. But Randy (who is my new best friend) lists an activity that will help you to be miserable. Then I say: "Yup. Yup. I do that all the time......" and then I could write the rest of the chapter. I had to give up tonight on the "Be Informed" chapter. I am so informed. I read the newspaper with the TV on with my phone by my right hand and my Kindle by my left. No one is more informed,(i.e. terrified, outraged, antagonistic, disgusted, etc.) than I am. For what? What am I going to do about it? If he needs a big, fat example of the prototype for his book, here I am. I'm going to work on this. During every waking hour (which will be many. I can sleep when I'm dead.) for the rest of my life. I will be passionate in the pursuit of my misery. I think Randy would be proud..
27 people found this helpful
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pastor mark
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent work
Reviewed in the United States on September 14, 2022
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This is an excellent read. It is an important topic that is addressed well through satirical humor making it even more memorable.
One person found this helpful
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Jason
5.0 out of 5 stars Read it even if you aren’t miserable
Reviewed in the United States on May 15, 2020
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I started reading this for fun/as a joke, thinking I’d do maybe 1-3 of the strategies. I was wrong! I use a lot more of the “strategies” than I realized, and see many of my friends do the same. Misery can sneak up on us in unexpected ways, and ways I never noticed or thought of. This book can be entertaining in a dark way, but still informative. A few parts can be difficult to understand; it’s like the author switches between teaching a lesson and commenting without making very obvious. Other than that, it’s a great book, even if you aren’t miserable.
3 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Renatinho
5.0 out of 5 stars O seu último livro de auto-ajuda
Reviewed in Brazil on December 22, 2018
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Uma leitura excelente para quem se auto sabota.
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Emanuele
5.0 out of 5 stars Inspired and scientifically accurate.
Reviewed in Italy on August 5, 2020
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I suggest this treatise not only to everyone experiencing any form of psychological issues but also to everyone simply seeking an even partial answer to the daunting question: how to be happy? It is both a change-inspiring and an academically and scientifically precise work. My compliments to its author.
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Cliente de Amazon
5.0 out of 5 stars Si desean superar un bache en su animo o entender a la miseria contemporánea.
Reviewed in Mexico on September 25, 2018
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Una gran lectura. Necesaria para todos los que sienten que algo no anda del todo bien en su vida y no sepan por qué se deprimen o se llegan a sentir miserable. No es una lectura de superación personal, trae información claramente estudiada y probada.
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Augustus Ramseyer
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book for depression
Reviewed in Canada on June 17, 2018
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I find this book to be fantastic, I noticed in myself and other people that are depressed or 'miserable' that we tend to be demand resistant. So when reading a self help book that tells you how to be happy it just makes you want to roll your eyes and scoff at it. "Isn't that obvious?"

But this book takes a whole different approach, telling you how to be miserable, it is very relatable, easy to see what you are doing wrong in your life.

I highly recommend this book for someone feeling down, stop looking for the sunny place and look at where you are at.
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars A brilliantly funny and insightful book with serious life-changing realisations
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 8, 2019
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I purchased this book after suffering depression frequently, always wondering why others seem happier than me, why was I always miserable? This book felt like it was written about me and the traits described helped me feel relieved that others do the same thing, that I'm not on my own. Some of the excerpts had me in tears laughing because I could see what I had been doing without really realising. It has also helped to explain why I might have issues wanting to spend time with others. Seriously life changing. I could not thank the author enough for this book. For me personally the best book I've read in a very long time.
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