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How to Deal With Your Acting-Up Teenager: Practical Help for Desperate Parents Paperback – February 15, 1986

by Robert T. Bayard (Author), Jean Bayard (Author)

19 customer reviews

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How to Deal with Your Acting-Up Teenager
(2)

An outstandingly courageous, honest and original approach to teenage acting-out. This book might save your family's sanity. -Louise Bates Ames, Gesell Institute of Human Development

How to Deal With Your Acting-Up Teenager: Practical Help for Desperate Parents

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Product details

Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: M. Evans & Company; Revised ed. edition (February 15, 1986)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0871314797
ISBN-13: 978-0871314796
Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #711,172 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #857 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Conflict Management
- #915 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Conflict Resolution
- #1118 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Parenting > Teenagers

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Customer Reviews

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4 star		11%
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I hope this is a fair rating

ByI Survived High Schoolon January 6, 2013

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

I read most of this. It came a little too late; my teen was in deeper trouble, but it's good reading ahead of time, like when the child is 14. It's a book that requires you to try specific actions, and some people don't do well with acting on advice; they just want to read it. But some people do like this and find it helpful. There is nothing asked that is unreasonable.

In the end, what worked for me was pouring the following mix onto my teen every day, despite months of negative reaction:
- 80% love, and that I have faith in him, and acknowledging his achievements with enthusiasm
- 10% very gentle hints that people grow out of his delinquent behaviors as they mature (he really wants to prove his maturity)
- 5% guidance from my teenage and adult experience such as, "What often works when you feel ___ is ___"
- 3% (maximum) urging him what to do. That may be too much but things like driving after smoking pot need to be addressed
- 2% occasional mentions that I know he is angry at his mom, but she has some problems that make her struggle and sometimes cloud her judgment. Still, she loves you very much, even if she doesn't say it that much.

Maybe my experience will supplement the book. You won't feel like you wasted your money if you buy it, but lengthy sections that don't seem to apply to your current needs distract from finding the gems it contains. Maybe chapter summary tables in a future edition?

If your problems with your children is making you very stressed, this book will give you emotional support that will strengthen you to cope.

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A new perspective

ByAdrianon November 19, 2005

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This book helped the situation with my 17 yr old son. A lot of what is in this book goes directly against everything I've ever thought about parenting and it was scary for me at first, but I was desprate and we've had some positive changes because of these techniques. It took a few months, but he's back in school (he was ditching frequently), passing his classes (he was failing them all) and coming home on time every night (he was usually late or wouldn't come home at all). Basically, I've been trying to parent my teenager as if he were still a child. This book helped me to understand that it is natural for teenagers to become independent and, in fact, becoming independent is what they are supposed to be doing. The problem has been that I have been trying to direct my son to go in what I see as the right direction, and so the only way he can feel independent is to choose something different than what I want, even when that means making bad choices. Instead, this book advised me to let him find his own choices, within the boundaries of not taking advantage of me. It was scary, and I had my doubts (I felt like I was copping-out, giving up, taking the easy way out, etc) but this book has definitely helped our situation. Plus, now I feel like a person again instead of a warden.

Thinking back to when I was a teenager, I don't think there was any amount of intervention/ restriction/ punishment/ behavioral contracts/ trips to rehab that would have stopped me from doing what I wanted to do. I always found my first response to anything my parents wanted was to reject it totally and then think of reasons to support the rejection afterwards. I was a bad kid, but not because of bad parents or emotional distress...it was just my way of growing up. This book effectively addresses that mindset. Very insightful.

0Comment 13 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

How to Deal!

ByAon January 31, 2010

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I picked up this book over 20 years ago and read it. It made so much sense! I was (and am still, but working on it!) codependent and I didn't follow their advice. Now my kids are adults, 28 and 33. I have just now re-read the book and this time I AM going to follow thru! If I had done so, 20+ years ago, I would not be going thru what I am now! This is an EXCELLENT book! I cannot overstate it's usefulness! If you want to stop "hating" your teen for all they are doing to you, agst you, and agst themselves, read this! YOU deserve self-care, you deserve respect, and yes, so do they. Your kids, no matter what their ages, "have everything they need to make their own decisions and run their own lives." "Watch with interest" as they change under your own eyes with the help of the advice in this book. Well worth the read!

Also highly recommended in conjunction with this book, is reading "The New Codependency" by Melodie Beattie on self-care. Desperate parents need help! You can't do it alone.

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restore your sanity -- great parenting book!

ByReaderInChicagoon February 5, 2005

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This is probably the most helpful book on parenting I have ever read. I gave up on parenting books about 5 years ago when I realized the cookie-cutter approaches were not easily applied to my (and my son's) non-cookie-cutter lives! I purchased this book based on a review of a different book, where this book was recommended instead. I am really glad I did because from the very first exercise, it improved my whole outlook on my life with my teen.

The authors suggest to read the book through cover to cover first, then go through it chapter by chapter, working the exercises. I'm about half-way through the first read and I have already used many of the exercises (unofficially) to help me put things into perspective, regain sanity when teenage craziness is in full swing and have even used it in dealing with my ex-husband (who often acts like an adolescent!).

I have a great kid and a great life. This book helps remind me of that and also to know that I am not alone!

0Comment 7 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

Five Stars

ByHarriet Bielawskion May 30, 2015

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This is the best parenting book I have read!

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Lot's of good advice

ByKatannkanon April 5, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This book was full of good advice for dealing with challenging teenagers. It also includes advice on taking care of yourself.

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good book

ByAmazon Customeron May 27, 2013

Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

it was a good read . i learned a lot from it.
helped me in many ways to know about by kids.

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Good Teenager book

ByRaulon September 8, 2012

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

Interesting book and good advise received. I am a grandfather and the book was very useful to deal with my teenager grandchildren.

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Most Recent Customer Reviews

Adequate but others better.

The book is done in a really cheap font, which aggravates me. I tried some of its principles with my problem teen.Read more

Published on January 23, 2011 by Buyer#7364

And this makes sense why?

So, if I'm to believe this book, I'm supposed to let my teenager (17 yr. old step-son)do whatever he wants. Whenever and however he wants. With no consequences.Read more

Published on August 26, 2007 by K. M. Klasen

Only self-help book that ever helped

My ex-wife and I read this book almost 20 years ago, when our two kids were teenagers. Our daughter, the eldest, was acting up (and out)--breaking curfew, staying out,...Read more

Published on March 17, 2004 by Jonathan Aurthur

MY highest praises for this one

A wonderful book for moms and dads who are wondering how their kids got so out of control...MAYBE its been your approach.Read more

Published on July 25, 2002 by Say Grace

This book saved my son and myself from a downward spiral

With Drugs, drinking, staying out and verbal abuse constant problems with my son (not to mention school absence and failures, theft from the house etc.) I was at my ropes end.Read more

Published on June 29, 2001

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