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How to Forgive When You Can't:: The Breakthrough Guide to Free Your Heart & Mind ** Recipient of 4 National Awards. Paperback – April 23, 2012
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The person you are hurting most by holding on to your resentment and anger is yourself. Unforgiven offenses eat at you, whether you know it or not, infusing your life with a bitterness that prevents you from finding peace. Essentially, refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Forgiveness is a process, not a set of words or a simple decision.
How to Forgive When You Can't will help you move past your anger, resentment and grudges to have peace of mind. Through clear-cut strategies and compassion-inspiring stories, Dr. Dincalci gives plenty of effective methods to release hurts and upsets for good - even those that seem unforgivable.
This book lays out how to get past the social taboos, emotional defenses and brain mechanisms that keep a person from forgiving. It provides a proven, powerful process that can help heal a lifetime of self-blame, resentment, regret, grudges and guilt. It addresses attaining self-forgiveness and dealing with heavy trauma, tragedy and abuse.
The author provides extensive references to research, case studies, brain studies, and how to maintain gains made.
This book can also be used as a guide to help assist others to forgive. Mental health, religious, legal and medical professionals will find it quite useful as a guide to help people cope with very difficult problems.
How to Forgive When You Can't will help you move past your anger and resentment. Through clear-cut strategies and compassion-inspiring stories, Dr. Dincalci teaches you the techniques that will enable you to work through your upsets and have peace of mind. He provides proven, powerful methods that will help you get rid of your hurts for good - even those that seem unforgivable.
This book lays out how a person can get past the social taboos, lies and brain mechanisms that keep a person from being willing to forgive. In it, he gives a effective sequence of ways that can help heal a lifetime of blame, resentment, grudges, regret, guilt, and self-blame. It deals not only with heavy trauma, tragedy and abuse, but also attaining self-forgiveness.
You will learn:
1- The Eight Essentials and Seven Secrets for dealing with upsets.
2- Which of the 27 powerful forgiveness techniques is best for you.
3- What all trauma survivors and their family members need to know.
4- How to calm the brain mechanisms that prevent forgiving.
5- How to get past the more than 13 blocks to forgiving.
6- The 11 overlooked aids in empowering yourself to forgive.
7- The three best strategies for managing difficult situations.
8- How to get out of the cycle of victimhood and guilt.
- Print length290 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateApril 23, 2012
- Dimensions6 x 0.66 x 9 inches
- ISBN-10098243071X
- ISBN-13978-0982430712
Editorial Reviews
Review
This book has set me free! I knew something was wrong, but I could not figure it out. I was able to identify why I felt inferiority and rejection and let them go. LeVonder Brinkley, PhD, Author/Speaker
It was easy to release upsets that I never really felt I could deal with. Dr. Dincalci covers an extensive list of forgiveness techniques, providing the tools to tackle any upset that may be currently weighing you down! - Eric F. Donaldson, PhD, University Researcher
I've experienced deep healing by forgiving others and myself. The Forgiveness Process in this book has been profound. It was the missing piece to my healing. - S. Baker, MA, Counselor
The reading is infused with evocative and inspiring quotations which enrich and sustain the reader's focus throughout. This book is best viewed as a reference to return to again and again as one attempts to pursue the forgiveness process thoroughly. - Nicholas Morano, Ph.D., ABBP, Diplomate-Clinical Psych.
From the Author
Remember, the person you are hurting most by holding on to your resentment and anger is yourself. Unforgiven offenses eat at you, whether you know it or not, infusing your life with a bitterness that prevents you from finding peace. Essentially, refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
I have included special sections in the book dealing with trauma, abuse, emotional stress, and self-forgiveness to help with all types of forgiving.
From the Back Cover
Learn how to let go of your upset and show other how to also.
"If you are at all interested in forgiving, read this book. It will save you time, money and heartache." Ken Lebensold, JD,PhD
"This is a really good forgiveness book. It is clear, helpful and wise. Anyone who brings a hurt or grievance to this work will be helped. I recommend How to Forgive When You Can't both because of the book and because of Dr. Dincalci."
- Fred Luskin PhD, author of Forgive for Goodand Forgive for Love.
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Ruah Press; 2nd edition (April 23, 2012)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 290 pages
- ISBN-10 : 098243071X
- ISBN-13 : 978-0982430712
- Item Weight : 14 ounces
- Dimensions : 6 x 0.66 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,856,157 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #5,859 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #13,781 in Christian Self Help
- #16,917 in Happiness Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

“The more I do this forgiveness work, the more I continue to be astounded at the power of forgiveness to heal all avenues of life - physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. When people forgive, their lives become richer, healthier, happier and certainly filled with more love and peace.” - Dr. Jim
In 1993, Dr. Jim Dincalci had a deep personal forgiveness transformation which pulled him out of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder he had for over 16 years. Since then, as a Child & Family Therapist, university instructor and founder of the Forgiveness Foundation International, he has been developing methods to help people forgive and has taught these from coast to coast in the USA and internationally in universities, schools, hospitals, businesses, agencies, conferences, public seminars and churches.
He frequently speaks and teaches on dealing with betrayal, self-forgiveness, conflict resolution, stress reduction, with forgiveness, which are all integrated into his workshops and books. His MA is in Counseling Psychology 1986 and Doctorates are in Religious Studies and Divinity 2006.
His book, How to Forgive When You Can't: The Breakthrough Guide to Free Your Heart and Mind, is published in 9 languages. It is the the winner of the Living Now Book Award in Personal Growth; winner of the Global eBook Awards in psychology/Mental Health; a finalist in the Indie Book Awards - Self-Help; and finalist in the esteemed Foreword Review Magazine Book of the Year Award in Self-Help. It integrates research in Forgiveness Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Neuroscience, and his 50 years of studying world religions and their time-proven practices, including cross-cultural healing ways, i.e. prayers and meditations, and inspirational viewpoints, which all aid in forgiving.
These methods helped him in his own forgiveness transformation in 1993. That transformation and his forgiveness work with others has encouraged him to become a very strong advocate for the development of an effective forgiveness therapy and training. His books and organization are the result of that work. He is the founder and CEO of The Forgiveness Foundation, a 501(c)(3) non profit charity, since 2002, whose objective is: Increasing good-will, kindness, and peace all over the world.
From the 1960's to the early 90, he worked in traditional and alternative health, and pastoral counseling. He trained intensively with anthropologists in cross-cultural healing for over ten years. From 1984 to 1991, he taught graduate and undergraduate courses in cross-cultural healing & spiritual perspectives at John F. Kennedy University, Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, and California Institute of Integral Studies, all in the San Francisco Bay Area.
His professional counseling experience besides his private practice include being a Clinical Therapist with the Hawaii Department Education, three years of facilitating domestic violence and anger control groups for court-ordered men and for teens in prison, and running regular group counseling at a local drug and alcohol recovery center. He is trained as a police, fire, and emergency medical chaplain, and worked as a volunteer Law Enforcement Chaplain in Sonoma County, California.
In 2017, he presented at The World Peace Conference in Ann Arbor, MI. His professional conference presentations include: the Assoc. of Transpersonal Psychology in 1986-89, the Campaign for Forgiveness Research 2003, Florida Hospice & Palliative Care Assoc. 2017, FL Council on Crime & Delinquency-Criminal Justice 2016, and Keynote speaker twice at the Wholistic Women’s Empowerment Experience in Durham, NC 2010 & 11.
Internationally, he has given seminars and workshops at Cayetano Herrera University Medical School in Lima, Peru, The Stress and Anxiety Research Society 37th Annual Conference 2016 in Zagreb, Croatia, and the International Congress of Psychology 2016 in Yokohama, Japan.
In California, he was an Assistant Professor in the Mediation and Conflict Resolution Program at Sonoma State University for several years. He taught semester courses John F Kennedy Univ. along with several other colleges and universities and then at Duke University – Durham, NC, and in Tallahassee - Florida State University and Florida A&M University.
His counseling experience besides his private practice include being a Clinical Therapist with the Hawaii Department Education. He has three years of experience as a facilitator in domestic violence and anger control groups for court-ordered men and for teens in prison; has run regular group counseling at a local drug and alcohol recovery center. He is trained as a police, fire, and emergency medical chaplain, and worked as a volunteer Law Enforcement Chaplain in Sonoma County, California.
He is an officer in his Rotary Club and a member of the Executive Committee of Big Bend Coalition Against Human Trafficking, a Tallahassee regional organization. His hobbies are photography, travel, and woodwork; and was a meditation instructor for 8 years.
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1) 27 Powerful forgiveness techniques
2) Ways to move past sticking points which prevent you from forgiving others
3) What the blocks to forgiveness are
4) Secrets that help you be successful in the forgiveness process
5) What forgiveness actually is (it may not be what you think)
6) A step by step process to forgive even the worse offenses
7) The effects that holding on to resentment and anger have on your health and your life (scientifically proven!)
Dr. Dincalci also provides many testimonials for each technique, along with a very useful appendix. I personally think that this book should be required reading for every student in our country. If our kids were taught the information in this book at an early age, it would transform our country. Yes, this book is that powerful. This is the book that you want to read as soon as possible! It is not some boring, dry self-help book either; it is engaging from start to finish. I cannot recommend this book highly enough!! Get it, read it, and put it to work in your life!! It will change your life if you use the techniques that Dr. Dincalci teaches! GREAT, GREAT, GREAT!!! 5 STARS +++
Dr. Bohdi Sanders, author of the award winning Wisdom of the Elders
I feel like a great burden has rolled off me. I feel lighter in heart and spirit. My physical health has improved.This is a book that can help liberate one from heavy psychological burdens. But this book can really help only if there is a desire to forgive on the part of the person reading this book.
I am really glad I bought this book. This will form one the heritage that I shall pass on to my son because forgiveness is so essential for life.