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How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age Paperback – December 25, 2012
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About the Author
- ASIN : 1451612591
- Publisher : Simon & Schuster; Reprint edition (December 25, 2012)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 272 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9781451612592
- ISBN-13 : 978-1451612592
- Item Weight : 8 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.38 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #5,890 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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Top reviews from the United States
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I read & took the Dale Carnegie class years ago & wanted to re read it on my Kindle app. This version just seems to ramble on & on .
The sagacious investor, Warren Buffett, has only one diploma hanging in his office, his certificate of Dale Carnegie training.
The version I am reviewing here follows the format of the original 1936 edition, but does more than simply use twenty-first century examples; it adapts the time-honoured principles to the age of the social megaphone. If there ever was a time when Carnegie’s principles need to be taken seriously, it must certainly be now.
The first principle, “If you want honey, don’t kick over the hive,” has been retitled “Bury your boomerangs.” The boomerangs are the things you say and write that when aimed at others, spin back and hit you. An article from the Huffington Post quoted in the book describes thirteen Facebook posts that got their authors dismissed from their jobs. Googling “dismissed from my job because of Facebook” yields fourty-six million more. In 1936 an unwarranted letter might have been seen by the recipient and a few others, all of whom might be appeased, today try retracting what you tweeted or said in front of a TV microphone you believed was off.
Carnegie counselled: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
Most people can distinguish between what is nothing more than flattery and what is an affirmation. Flattery is telling the person what they want to hear, affirmation requires more thought, requires seeing the person well enough to sense what to affirm. For that reason affirmation can have the life-changing impact that flattery never has. This is Carnegie’s second essential principle of engagement, “Affirm What’s Good.”
In the section on making a lasting, positive impression on others, Carnegie opens with the call to “take an interest in other’s interest.” Quoting a piece of research conducted by the New York Telephone Company in the 1930’s the most frequently used word in conversations was the personal pronoun “I.” The significance of self-interest has not and is unlikely to change.
The former editor of the New Republic and political blogger, Andrew Sullivan, invited readers to submit shots of the world just outside their homes. This interest in other’s interest went on to become the centrepiece for the Atlantic Monthly’s online strategy, and enhanced his personal following. People are attracted to people who care about what interests them.
Carnegie placed great store on the value to relationship of smiling. The research finding of Christakis and Fowler confirms that people who smile tend to have more friends with smiling getting you an average of one more close friend. This is not trivial as people only have about six close friends.
With much of our communication mediated through digital technologies, smiling takes on a new challenge: How to express warmth over the phone, sms, e-mail or twitter? This is only a challenge not an impossibility with the assistance of emoticons (the little faces) for informal settings and the use of the recipient’s name in the text wherever possible for formal ones.
When the lead singer of a little-known band had his guitar smashed by careless baggage handlers on a United Airlines flight he sought redress from the airline for a year with no result. No one listened or showed any concern for his situation. In frustration he wrote a song describing his experience, videoed it with friends and posted it on the Internet. Within two weeks it had attracted 4.1 million views and the Times of London reported that the video had precipitated a $180 million drop in United’s share price. Not listening to customers is always expensive, but not listening to friends, colleagues and family is no less damaging. The converse is similarly true; listening is a very engaging social force.
Carnegie sites avoiding arguments as a key ingredient in meriting and maintaining other’s trust. I do not know of anyone who put this better than the humourist, Dave Barry: “I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.”
There is probably nothing in this book of interpersonal insights that you do not know, so you will learn nothing new. What makes this worth a quick read on your next flight is that it will remind you of what you already know and in the reminder lies the value.
Readability Light +--- Serious
Insights High ---+- Low
Practical High --+-- Low
Ian Mann of Gateways consults internationally on leadership and strategy
It reads like an instruction manual confusing and complicated.
I'm still attempting to finish it but I will be returning to the original.
The original gives you a sense of speaking with a friend while this newer book gives you the sense that you're talking to a politician or a genius who cannot connect with the rest of society.
You can tell the newer author/s? Are quite intelligent but they lack what is needed to feel familar and comfortable with the majority of people.
The other thing that I found disappointing is they changed the titles and subtitles to each chapter. they should have kept the originals because the originals actually made more sense and they could have simply added theirs to each chapter if they felt it so dire to modernize it.
Example of a subtitle switch: the new book "bury your boomerangs" vs the original "if you want to gather honey do not kick over the beehive". Some people may think of boomerangs as innocent toys they use to play with a childhood. You toss it and it always came back to you. Not every person will consider it a weapon. While everyone can understand the hazards of kicking a beehive.
Bottom line is there's too many changes in this book to feel as if you're reading the original and precious meanings from the original is lost.
You must remember that Dale was riding to uplift a nation that was grieving. Therefore he was writing from the heart and you can feel it in his words. that is the problem with this book it lacks feeling, passion and compassion.
Top reviews from other countries
So, when I saw this, I was intrigued as to how different it would be. After having read the updated version, my eyes have been opened further. If you only read this once, and take in and act on 20% of the information you get from it. You will be surprised how much you get back.