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How to Get to 'I Do': A Dating Guide for Catholic Women Paperback – August 23, 2010

3.9 out of 5 stars 30 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

AMY BONACCORSO converted to Catholicism in college and overcame many dating disappointments before she found her husband, Attilio. Now, she shares her lessons learned with singles so they can take charge of their lives and expertly navigate the dating scene. Amy resides in the Washington DC-area and is an accomplished communications specialist with the U.S. Government.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 161 pages
  • Publisher: Servant (August 23, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0867169524
  • ISBN-13: 978-0867169522
  • Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.4 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (30 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,584,429 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I have to admit, I'm very surprised at all the positive reviews this book is getting. As a single, 35-year-old woman, I was frankly bothered by it on many levels. First, the tone from the outset is incredibly condescending. She dismisses the possibility that Catholics who are still single could possibly know anything about dating, automatically alienating a good chunk of her audience, many who have learned quite a bit about dating both from experience and observation. Along the same lines, she flat out says that if you're still single and in your late 30s there is something wrong with you. If there is anything more hurtful, insulting, and simply not true that she could say to her audience, that would be it. I know countless wonderful women who are still single in their 30s and 40s, and they have it a lot more together in most regards than many of the married women I know. It just so happens that the right man has not come along for them. Bonnocorso's words are the last thing they need to hear as they struggle with the pains of being single later than they like and reflect her absolute ignorance of the situation women in their 30s and 40s find themselves in. She also strongly advises women to consider dating non-Catholics and lapsed Catholics without acknowledging the real challenges such relationships are likely to cause (contraception, sex, cohabitation). Her advice in that regard would be great if it were 1960 and most people, regardless of religion, occupied similar moral worlds. But it's not and we don't. Anyone who has dated "secular" guys, no matter how loyal and kind they might be in some ways, also knows they are almost never up for doing the whole chastity thing. And unlike the author, I tend to think not committing mortal sins is more important than finding a husband.Read more ›
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Format: Paperback
Amy Bonaccorso wrote this book as a way of sharing lessons she learned while searching for a suitable Christian spouse. In the opening pages she urges those who wish to marry to "pursue the vocation seriously, "and base expectations on reality, not ideals. She presents her initial checklist of desirable qualities, then explains its flaws, using a personal example. It seems one man she dated met all the criteria, but bolted when she got sick. That experience led her to analyze "the Christian dating problem." She found it fraught with hypocrisy and rigidity, and the rigid aspect was apparent in her own expectations. She discovered that "When things aren't gelling, God is usually saying `Veer left,' or `Veer right,'" even to the extent of considering a man outside your faith. She also suggests that compromises can be made in areas like politics, preferences in music, social issues, diet, and interior design choices. Furthermore, two people who seem completely compatible at first may grow in different directions over time.

Bonaccorso devotes considerable attention to Internet dating. Though individual profiles may not be truthful, meeting online "offers you some protections against the wiliness of bold men," she writes. And online introductions make first meetings easier than old-fashioned blind dates. Before posting your own profile, pray about it and' ask friends to review it to help you stay authentic advises Bonaccorso, who met her husband online.

She also warns about crafting a profile that will draw only those who meet your every requirement such as physical attributes, career, and hobbies. "Let God surprise you," she writes. She recommends saying you want a man who would make a good husband and father.
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Format: Paperback
As a single woman in her late 30's I found the book rather unhelpful. Though there are some practical suggestions, the tone of the book seemed to suggest that I was still single because I hadn't tried hard enough - that because I had either not been open enough to dating a non-Catholic, hadn't utilized the internet, hadn't pared down my list of qualities necessary in a man - I hadn't been open to the right man coming along. I"m sorry, but this is simply untrue and I found it insulting. This book also seems to hold up marriage - and not holiness - as the ultimate end for a woman, and therefore justifies many things, like dating fallen away Catholics, in pursuit of that goal. While I know that it is possible to have a good relationship with someone of a different - or no - faith, there are difficulties involved and those need to be seriously acknowledged. The author has suggested that at times chastity might not be so practical in these modern times. And, while I long to be married and have made many efforts to meet and get to know men, there are some things that I hold more important than marriage (like not committing mortal sin). Finally, while it is difficult being single when you want to be married and there is a lot of pain, I know that it is not as hard as being married to a man who does not respect you, who will not include you in his life, who doesn't help with the children, or who is domineering. Getting to "I Do" is a goal for many women, but being urged to approach it in the most businesslike, single-minded way possible is not helpful.
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