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How to Get Your Lover Back: Successful Strategies for Starting Over (& Making It Better Than It Was Before) Paperback – September 10, 1989

4.1 out of 5 stars 64 customer reviews

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  • Getting Back Together: How To Reconcile With Your Partner - And Make It Last
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  • How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love
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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

If your lover has left you...

If your relationship is on the edge, and you feel fragile and out of control...

If you regret walking out...

If you're not sure you want your lover back, but you need to understand what happened...

You do have a second chance--if you know what has to come first.

Falling in and out of love is a natural process that can be understood and mastered. Love properly understood can be love regained and kept alive for a lifetime.

This step-by-step approach developed by psychiatrist Blase Harris works. It has worked for the people in this book. And now it can work for you. Dr. Harris's practical guide shows you how to avoid the common mistakes ex-lovers make, love 100 percent, and get your lover back!

From the Inside Flap

If your lover has left you...
If your relationship is on the edge, and you feel fragile and out of control...
If you regret walking out...
If you're not sure you want your lover back, but you need to understand what happened...
You do have a second chance--if you know what has to come first.
Falling in and out of love is a natural process that can be understood and mastered. Love properly understood can be love regained and kept alive for a lifetime.
This step-by-step approach developed by psychiatrist Blase Harris works. It has worked for the people in this book. And now it can work for you. Dr. Harris's practical guide shows you how to avoid the common mistakes ex-lovers make, love 100 percent, and get your lover back!
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Dell; 1st Edition, 11 Printing edition edition (September 10, 1989)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0440500893
  • ISBN-13: 978-0440500896
  • Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (64 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #166,965 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
When my relationship soured, I was very frustrated trying to get help from counselors (influenced by 12 step programs) who only talked to me about my co-dependency, and "What was wrong with me that I wanted my partner back?" When I was really in a lot of pain, I could hear them thinking "Oh no!, Not another couple who got together without realizing how screwed up they were! Got to get them apart!" Although it's true that both my lover and I had plenty of areas to where we need to grow, we had a lot of good things going for us too, and I was pleased to find an approach which allowed me to use my strengths to improve the areas where I was weak in the relationship. I've never been convinced that wanting to work on a relationship always co-dependency. Stephan Levine, John Welwood, Gail and Hugh Prather, Barry and Joyce Vissel and others all speak of a relationship can be a path of awakening, and all would agree, I think, that there are times when one person has to carry the relationship. This book shows how to do that.
What I liked best about this book is that the author's ideas allowed me to take an *active* approach to untangling the knots in my relationship. The approach gave me something to do -- internal work on myself which made a difference in my relationship. It was not about bugging my partner.
I bought the book when I read in chapter 1 where the author wrote "A lost relationship may be a lost opportunity for growth." You don't hear that much from anyone. (And that's the way I felt, not that I just wanted to cling to my lover.If I was clinging, I wanted to stop.) And in chapter 2, "Loving 100% to Get Your Lover Back," I really enjoyed reading the author's working definition of love: "the active care and concern for the life and growth of another human being.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book would be very helpful if YOU were the one who left your mate, or possibly if your mate left because he/she felt unappreciated.

For those of us who were dumped, (which is probably most people looking at the book) I would recommend searching for other books about moving on and getting on with your life, even though I'm sure that's not what you want to hear. But often the best way to get someone back is to get over them.

Women should be especially careful with the ideas in the book, since men often feel smothered and trapped in relationships. (Sending him roses every day = bad idea!) Remember, you don't want him to be glad you're gone, you want him to be surprised at how well you're doing without him! This will make him wonder if he made a mistake, versus confirming in his mind that you are needy/clingy, etc.

The book also lacks specifics. It appears to be written for married couples or people living together, since it seems to suggest that you will be seeing your ex daily, which isn't true in my case. There is really no advice on how to contact your ex if you didn't live together, and therefore have no reason to talk to him/her anymore.

It does have some good relationship advice in general, but overall it left me still wondering what to do. Instead of obsessing over it, I bought "How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days," which is more helpful.

I figure if you move on and eventually start to date other people and then your ex comes back, it will be a nice surprise (or you will realize that the spell is broken and maybe you don't want them back anymore). Either way you win.
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Format: Paperback
If you care less, you are never going to get the meaning of this book and will definitely give up on trying to get your lover back, and in effect, won't. I was recently engaged and my lover called it off and said I wasn't "the one" for her. Applying Dr. Harris' principles has helped turn things the other direction.

This book and his teachings emphasize on true love. No relationship will ever work if it is not based on true love. Since buying his book, I have had two phone consultations with Dr. Harris that have been tremendously insightful.

Before you read this book you have to ask yourself some questions such as: Am I willing to do whatever it takes? And: Am I willing to unlearn everything I've ever been taught about love and relationships that is disempowering me from being with the person I love and having a fulfilling relationship with that person? And: Am I willing to have the patience and make that effort to love that person back into my life? Do not think this book has anything to do with being dependent, the method a lot of us try to use to manipulate our ex into coming back to us; which is why most of us believe that it's impossible to get our ex back. If you believe or want to believe in true love, this book will open it up to you!!!

My own opinion is that if you're willing to make these changes, you will be able to open your mind and "get" the principles Dr. Harris is teaching. The problem for most people when they hear these concepts, (my opinion based on observation) is that this approach and claim is entirely new because we live in a society that doesn't really personify this approach so these methods are rarely seen nor implemented.
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