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How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide by [Peter Boghossian, James Lindsay]

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Peter Boghossian

James Lindsay

How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide Kindle Edition

by Peter Boghossian (Author), James Lindsay (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

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From politics and religion to workplace negotiations, ace the high-stakes conversations in your life with this indispensable guide from a persuasion expert.

In our current political climate, it seems impossible to have a reasonable conversation with anyone who has a different opinion. Whether you're online, in a classroom, an office, a town hall—or just hoping to get through a family dinner with a stubborn relative—dialogue shuts down when perspectives clash. Heated debates often lead to insults and shaming, blocking any possibility of productive discourse. Everyone seems to be on a hair trigger.

In How to Have Impossible Conversations, Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay guide you through the straightforward, practical, conversational techniques necessary for every successful conversation—whether the issue is climate change, religious faith, gender identity, race, poverty, immigration, or gun control. Boghossian and Lindsay teach the subtle art of instilling doubts and opening minds. They cover everything from learning the fundamentals for good conversations to achieving expert-level techniques to deal with hardliners and extremists. This book is the manual everyone needs to foster a climate of civility, connection, and empathy.

"This is a self-help book on how to argue effectively, conciliate, and gently persuade. The authors admit to getting it wrong in their own past conversations. One by one, I recognize the same mistakes in me. The world would be a better place if everyone read this book." —Richard Dawkins, author of Science in the Soul and Outgrowing God

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200 pages
Language

English
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Da Capo Lifelong Books
Publication date

September 17, 2019
File size

952 KB
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Carol A. Fleming
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Peter Boghossian
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James A. Lindsay
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Peter Boghossian is a full time faculty member in the philosophy department at Portland State University and an affiliated faculty member at Oregon Health Science University in the Division of General Internal Medicine. He is a national speaker for the Center of Inquiry and an international speaker for the Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science. He is the author of A Manual for Creating Atheists. He lives in Portland, Oregon.

James Lindsay holds degrees in physics and mathematics, with a doctorate in the latter. He has authored two previous books: Everybody is Wrong about God and Dot, Dot, Dot: Infinity Plus God Equals Folly. He lives in Knoxville, Tennessee. --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B07NL74KR2
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Da Capo Lifelong Books (September 17, 2019)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 17, 2019
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 952 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 200 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #203,649 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #10 in LGBTQ+ Political Issues
- #41 in Conversation Etiquette Guides
- #45 in Civics

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995 ratings

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Peter Boghossian
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Dr. Peter Boghossian is a full time faculty member in the philosophy department at Portland State University and an affiliated faculty member at Oregon Health Science University in the Division of General Internal Medicine.
He's a national speaker for the Center of Inquiry and the Secular Student Alliance, and an international speaker for the Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science.
Peter has an extensive publication record across multiple domains of thought. He is currently serving as a Fellow for the Global Secular Institute’s think tank.
http://peterboghossian.com/
http://www.pdx.edu/philosophy/peter-boghossian
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James Lindsay
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James Lindsay is an author, internationally recognized speaker, and the founder and president of New Discourses. He is best known for his relentless criticism of "Woke" ideology, the now-famous Grievance Studies Affair, and his bestselling books including Race Marxism and Cynical Theories, which has been translated into over a dozen languages. In addition to writing and speaking, Lindsay is the voice of the New Discourses Podcast and has been a guest on prominent media outlets including The Joe Rogan Experience, Glenn Beck, Fox News, and NPR.
See more on the author's page

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5

995 global ratings

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Amanda

How to relate to other humans + intervene in their thinking

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on May 11, 2021

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I've never read a how to book in my life. And now I kind of regret that! This book has revolutionized one (or two!) important corners of my life. It comes out of the recent, extreme political tension in the U.S. While the country has been increasing its polarization for a while, I think it's most extreme point has been the last few years. This is both sad and dangerous. The authors, knowing this, wrote this book. If you want to have good, worthwhile, effective conversations with those who think differently from you (there's no point in talking to those who think the same as you!), then read this book! My personal opinion is that Americans have an obligation to save their country. And it starts between our houses chatting with our neighbors, at work with coworkers, and at home with crazy Uncles. Who carries the most weight with your friends and family? You! Avoiding them is like avoiding your duty. But how to do it? First, and most importantly, read this book!

The first third of this book is basically how to have a relationship. Reading these chapters was a bit embarrassing for me. I could see that our collective problem in the United States is that we don't know how to have a relationship. It's like we're all children! And no, children can't rule countries (effectively). Most chapters end with an encouragement for you to practice the principles in that chapter before you move to the next chapter. Why? First, the principles are hard. It takes work and practice. But second, these principles build on each other. I've been trying them on my sweet father. So far, so good! And that's saying a lot!

The content is kept to a minimum. It is concise. The authors, while highly educated, use very accessible language. They use examples, which is key! They include many actual conversations which illuminates the ideas. The content is well organized, taking you from introductory skills (which are actually the most important!) to the more advanced.

The last two thirds of the book are about how to intervene in someone else's thinking. This may sound horrible or invasive, but if you read the first few chapters first, you'll have compassion, humility, kindness, gentleness, and other unnatural (but wonderful) things drilled into you before this point! (And they make sure to say in the later chapters that all of this depends on you actually understanding/incorporating the first few chapters.) Again, I was embarrassed reading these things! I should know to behave like this, but my default setting in a contentious conversation is combat and protecting my ego. Which is the worst possible mindset I can occupy! This book will revolutionize your thinking!

The authors make it very clear that, as much as you may want to change someone else's thinking, you must be open to your thinking changing. They model it themselves! They record times where their thinking was changed! Seeing this humility was extremely helpful. These guys deserve a medal in human goodness. And I say that as a practicing Christian who is fully aware that both authors are outspoken atheists. They're good guys and this is content the U.S. needs now. Enjoy! Share it with friends! I've bought it for two friends and will likely buy it for more! And I will be referencing this book for years to come. Thank you Peter and James!

13 people found this helpful

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G.Dunn

A good book, but I'm not so sure about the author's personal conversation style

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on December 19, 2022

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I used this book as the primary text in a four-month workshop on skill building for difficult conversations. It served that purpose very well. But when I view videos of the author having conversations with people, I wasn't favorable impressed. Go figure.

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Samuel Meredith

Good beginning, goes way into the stratosphere

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 29, 2023

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This is a handbook for well-informed, evidence-based, nuanced, rational, agreeable people ("liberal'-there, I said it.) in gently and cleverly manipulating their more emotional, often morally rigid, faith-based, less-evidence-based "inferiors" (dog whistle-conservatives.) I idealize myself as the former, so I started the book eagerly.
It offers a reasonable approach with increasing skill levels. Beginner level is all about keeping civil and establishing good will, using all the active listening, open-ended questions, and other skills you learned in marriage counseling and cognitive therapy. 'You can always be right, and you can stay married....not both. ". You are encouraged to break off conversations before ruining a relationship and "sometimes you just have to quietly let them be wrong."
You are advised to practice, practice, practice, before graduating to higher levels of difficulty. If that is the case, just how many people, outside of activists, can tally up that many difficult discussions in a year?
Intermediate level involves avoiding "you," re-framing, being willing to change your own mind, going to outside knowledge sources. Admit when you don't know. Recast personal attacks into being about issues.
Somewhere along in the book (Jonathan Haidt's) ideas are introduced concerning differing moral emphasis-compassion vs. fairness, etc., especially in political viewpoints.
Advanced skills begin fairly easy-rehash and development of advanced active listening, avoid fact. The difficulties in dealing with morality-based thinking are introduced. Focus on epistemology, model intellectual humility. start introducing facts but by using questions
Things get tougher with instructions to seek disinformation. "Under what conditions would the belief be false?" Things tend toward the stratosphere in dealing with beliefs that are not disconfirmable or disconfirmable but under wildly implausible conditions, dealing with people who have been trained with fundamentalist talking points and 'facts."
At this point I had the feeling that one would have to be some kind of Machiavellian evil genius and sadist to go further. I might invite Mormon Missionaries inside for iced tea on an August afternoon, but I'm too old (wise??, cowardly?, incompetent?) to take them on in conversation about Moroni. I am more interested in understanding other' reasons for thinking, believing, and concluding than I am with changing their minds. That's probably adequate for most of us in these polarized times. Finding common ground is the first step in diplomacy and good-will cultivation.

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Mrs. H. Pluckrose

Accessible and practical.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on December 28, 2019

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This is a very useful book. I thought I was already quite good at having productive conversations with people I disagreed with but this showed me some errors I fall into that could make me less effective in finding common ground or changing minds (including my own!) I like the way it is set up too with various techniques divided into chapters that get increasingly more advanced. They stay in your mind and help you realise when you are not being open enough or sabotaging your own efforts to listen to people and communicate your own thoughts to them. Above anything, right now, we need to be having conversations across divides and trying to heal them so I recommend this book to anyone who wants to be a part of that.

17 people found this helpful