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How to be Kinky: A Beginner's Guide to BDSM Paperback – August 12, 2008
"Warlight" by Michael Ondaatje
A dramatic coming-of-age story set in the decade after World War II, "Warlight" is the mesmerizing new novel from the best-selling author of "The English Patient." Learn more
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The down side is that it has a heavy bias towards extroversion: parties, clubs, socializing in the BDSM/fetish community, increasingly downplaying more introverted, private expressions of play as less desirable to party life, particularly as the book wore on towards the end. The result for me personally was intense stress, and being turned off and repelled from something that has great meaning to me... so if you're looking for something to broach the topic with a lover that is more introverted and less the social butterfly or exhibitionist, I do advise caution and much communication- try reading it together to buffer it, or you'll loose them at a fragile deciding moment.
I will definitely be reading his other books, but... it takes extreme effort to overcome that personality type barrier.
The author, Morpheous, who is also a Toronto-based fetish photographer/artist has illustrated this beginner's guide book with many of his own pictures. Those images are more relaxed than most fetish photography in that the models are all having a good time; smiling, giggling, smirking and enjoying their role playing. This is a big improvement over the usual images that are designed to illustrate and reinforce the erotic aspects of fantasies of pain, punishment, fear and suffering. This is also a more realist portrayal of the activities detailed in this volume. The writing style has a touch of Toronto to it and that's a good thing. One of the more unusual chapters is a step-by-step guide for the reader and his partner to safely visit a professional Dominatrix or "Domina" as well as exploring the non-professional scene. This is an excellent guide for those people who will quickly discover that they only want to add a little kink as a form of foreplay to their normal sexual relationships. There are so many kinds of kinky activities including theatrical role playing and a whole universe of desirable, very sexy fetish fashions to collect that people in long-term relationships will greatly enhance their traditional love life. Practicing a little fetish adds some spark to what may have become routine.
It provides lots of opportunities throughout the day for planning and dreaming up the next exciting fantasy session(s). It encourages new forms of creativity and communication. That kind of full-time anticipation makes the love making itself infinitely more satisfying. A little hidden bruise, hickey, scratch mark or extra tender nipple from an earlier love making session provides constant reminders of the previous night's bliss.
This is not to say that sex and kink are one and the same, or that the latter is always accompanied by the former. The art of fetish is often sexually gratifying, but such things go so far beyond normal "vanilla" sex that sexual acts do not even need to be a part of kinky play. It is very complex and deep-reaching; the physical element of it is really merely the shell for its discovery of the psychological issues/qualities of its practitioners.
As such, "How To Be Kinky" is perhaps the best primer out there for those who wish to begin exploring interests they may only have dreamt of, and is vitally recommended reading for anyone new to offline kinky experiences. For those who wish to properly delve deeper still, Morpheous is working on a second book....