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How We Love Our Kids: The Five Love Styles of Parenting Paperback – March 15, 2011
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The Amazon Book Review
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“Milan and Kay provide us with the tools of self-awareness which can enable us to consciously examine the love styles of the past and become conscious of the stored feelings and emotions that we carry forward into parenting. This book will now be one of my primary reading recommendations.”
—Michael W. Shannon, MD
“Another home run for Milan and Kay Yerkovich!”
— Sherrie Eldridge, speaker and author of Twenty Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed
“After reading this book, our first thoughts were, Every parent needs to read this book—regardless of the ages of their children, and, Reading this book could not only protect children from the pains of growing up but also heal the parents’ hearts. This book offers insightful, practical ways of understanding children and parenting. We recommend it.”
—Roger and Becky Tirabassi, authors of Let Love Change Your Life
“This book is a true gift to parents who yearn to understand and communicate with their children, thus bringing about healing and restoration. Milan and Kay remind us that God is our perfect model for parenting. This book has touched my life, and I know it will touch yours too.”
—Elizabeth John, MD
“Milan and Kay provide us an entirely new way of looking at parenting. Rather than focusing solely on the how-tos of parenting, they help us explore the powerful forces of our own upbringings on how we parent and provide a path to change those forces for good in the lives of our children. As a parent educator for over twenty-five years, I see this book as the resource we’ve been missing!”
—Laura Taggart, licensed marriage and family therapist
“Finally! A treatment of parenting that acknowledges the eight-hundred pound gorilla in the room: parents working out their personal issues on their children. If you want to transform your child’s life, then let Milan and Kay gently, firmly, and skillfully guide you on this amazing journey of personal change.”
—Kenny Luck, author of Soar, Fight, and Dream
“Imagine decreasing the drama in your home by simply learning how to comfort one another. How We Love Our Kids unfolds five distinct love styles in parenting—their traits, strengths, and pitfalls. The real-life stories allow us to see ourselves and how we naturally express ourselves to our children. Whatever blend of love styles is under your roof, Milan and Kay will show you the direct route to building deeper love, intimacy, and connection.”
—Sheri Denham, PhD, MFT, and co-host of New Life Live
“If you’ve ever struggled with being a good enough parent, ever been triggered by your child’s behavior in ways you’d be too embarrassed to recount, or ever compensated with your child to override your guilt, then you won’t want to miss How We Love Our Kids!”
— Jill Hubbard, PhD, co-host of New Life Live and author of The Secrets Women Keep and The Secrets Young Women Keep
“Milan and Kay have given us great insights into how our own attachment issues affect our parenting styles. Every parent needs to read this book, regardless of the ages of their kids.”
—David Stoop, PhD, author of Just Us and Forgiving the Unforgivable
About the Author
Top Customer Reviews
Larry Hamilton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
I enjoyed the parent tool box in the back of the book. It was a way that I could tangibly relate to the material and put in into practice. I love how they explain how to increase your child's emotional I.Q. I also found the soul words and comfort circle especially helpful. This isn't a book you can fully implement changes in one day. It will take awareness and behavior changes to make a difference. I learned a lot from the book and will keep it as a reference for future reference.
I was given this book by Blogging for Books in exchange for an honest review.
The downside of this book is that, I believe, it spends way too much time analyzing things from a psychological perspective and not enough time dealing with people from a Biblical perspective. Let me try to get more specific...
There are many times where the authors will go into complete detail about how someone could become a vacillator, controller, avoider, pleaser, or victim parent and they pin all of this on how that person's parents raised them. The solution to the problem is not to look to Christ, but to seek help in group counseling (which, they state, can be through a church group). Their solutions to many of the problems is group counseling.
Another problem I've had with the book is that in some places it is implied that the appropriate way to show love to a child is to let them make decisions. Now, to an extent this may be a valid idea, but this can also get out of hand because there is a time where the parent must make the decision and the child must obey the decision. I've found that when you continually let kids make a lot of decisions, they tend to believe that they have options even when they do not. Things have to be age appropriate.
On the whole, I'd recommend this book, because it provides a good deal of introspection.Read more ›
Part 1, which seems like the bulk content of the book, on which everything else is based, challenges parents to determine how they parent and why. The biggest issue I had with this book is that all five of the so-called "love styles" are negative, and create an environment that is quite un-loving. Obviously, we're not perfect parents by any means, but I was rather taken aback when this book kept trying to pigeonhole me into one of these "types" -- either an avoider (an emotional robot who tries to distance themselves from their children), a pleaser (who lets the child run the show), a vacillator (who is hot and cold, with no in between), a controller (who is essentially emotionally abusive), or a victim (who is passive and overly compliant to all demands). I had a lot of trouble relating to this part of the book, and was confused that these were the only options presented. Perhaps if I had read the authors' first book on Love Styles, it would make more sense to me, and perhaps I'm missing an essential element, but telling me that I must fit into one of these categories left me confused and frustrated. Since the rest of the book seemed to pivot on the idea that your children are the way that they are because of your so-called "love style," I found a lot of it hard to connect to my own personal life.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
So wish I had had this book before raising my kids! But it sheds much light on why things were so tough with one of my kids. Read morePublished 5 days ago by MM
Loved the new way this book encourages us as parents to see our kids, their behavior and needs- strongly recommend it!Published 4 months ago by jessica henkel
Must read for all parents! One of the best out there! Besides tips on dealing with kids, you get to see how your own childhood and family of origin may influence your parenting... Read morePublished 4 months ago by W. Cavigioli
IMO. . . I think anyone who is a parent or considering becoming a parent should have to read a book like this. Read morePublished 6 months ago by CJ in GA
Great book with a different way of looking at how our past influences our parenting.Published 11 months ago by quiltosaurus2
This is such a wonderful book to read! I highly recommend it. It's not talking about a certain parenting style, rather they teach you self-awareness of your own insecurities and... Read morePublished 11 months ago by lacid
Reading a little each day and trying to apply..... How We Love is a great pre-read for this book for ALL relationship issues. Very different from "The 5 Love Languages"Published 13 months ago by yvette
This is one of the best books I have read. Clear attachment styles and how to handle different temperments. Read morePublished 13 months ago by Rebecca Britt Akers