- Paperback: 256 pages
- Publisher: Hunter House (May 10, 2005)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0897934571
- ISBN-13: 978-0897934572
- Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.8 x 8.6 inches
- Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 9 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,320,807 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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How to Love Your Marriage: Making Your Closest Relationship Work Paperback – May 10, 2005
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"...In How to Love Your Marriage, Hogan describes proactive steps we can take to create the marriage we desirea marriage that can be a mutually supportive classroom, playground, and safe sanctuary.” Marriages provide the perfect arena for us to learn, love, laugh, and serve,” Hogan says, explaining that, in fact, relationships are the only place we can get such valuable feedback on how we present ourselves to the world.
According to Hogan, most of us have approached our relationships from an ego standpoint, bringing out needy and judgmental qualities which overshadow who we really are. When there is a difference (gap) between who you really are at your core (your soul) and how you are showing up (your ego), your self-esteem suffersand so do your relationships,” she says.
Fortunately, those barriers to positive self-esteem can be removed, and Hogan’s message is: it’s up to you to make those changes. She applies the EROS equation: Event + Response = Outcome and Solutions,” a formula that shows your power lies not in trying to change events, but rather in changing your responses to those events.
To help you do that, the book features Love Tips,” exercises, factoids, assessment tools and other practical ways to apply Hogan’s wisdom. There are also matter-of-fact chapters like What to Do When the Grass is Greener Over There,” and How to Be Your Own Relationship Advisor.”
And of course, you won’t want to skip the enticing excerpts from her With Aloha” column: Dear Eve, I am about to return to a relationship with a man I am married to but have lived away from for the last five years ”; Dear Eve, Every aspect of our relationship is great, except I have overpowering feelings of jealousy that are hard to control ”; Dear Eve, I really want to have a relationship with somebody, but I am insecure about my body Is there love out there for me, or will I have to wait until I’m perfect?”
Find out the answersand a whole lot morein How to Love Your Marriage.
5 out of 5 Shakas — Sky Barnhart, Maui Weekly.com, Bookshelf
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Those perfect pictures and detailed lists work fine if your marriage is cruising along smoothly.
But what good is knowing your spouse is supposed to be your #1 priority if your heart hates them?
And what good is knowing you should have a "weekly date night" if they won't speak to you kindly for five minutes?
For a marriage on the rocks, what matters is not whether we know what the marriage should be (we usually do). The core question instead becomes how do we deal with a hurting heart caused by someone we once thought could do no wrong?
That is the question that counselor Eve Hogan herself faced five years into her own marriage. She's been there, wondering if a marriage that started with two wonderful people with wonderful plans had any future at all.
How to Love Your Marriage is a book on how to actually turn yourself and your marriage around, regardless of the details of the situation and regardless of whether your partner is interested in change.
How? It focuses on the heart and personal responsibility. She carefully progresses from basic principles of our response to all relationships, to self-evaluation of our values and how we respond to hurt, to steps to change our attitude and experience of marriage, to embracing change and managing emotions and communication, to romance, the role of children and finally seeing marriage as a spiritual journey. The book is a balanced mixture of didactic teaching, do-it-yourself exercises, anecdotes, and practical tips.
If you work through this book, it will change you. It will make a good marriage experience better, and may make a bad marriage experience bearable. But it will change you, your experience of marriage, and your whole life.
Life in general & marriage in particular is a spiritual journey, and this book deals with marriage in deeply spiritual terms. Regardless of your particular religious path you will find much that you can embrace in this book, but doubtless you will also find things that are incompatible with your own worldview. For me, the sheer amount of wisdom and practical help this book contained more than outweighed the points that clashed with my reformed Christian theology. Without qualification it is the most helpful teaching on marriage I have ever read. Highly recommended for all.
by Eve Eschner Hogan
I have to admit neither the cover nor the title would normally draw me to pick this book up off the shelf, however, given the assignment to review, I found the content was well worth the read. Although the book is intended primarily for marriage relationships much of the advice could be equally applied to other relationships and in fact a short section at the end of the book does speak to other family relationships. Hogan's EROS equation is a particularly useful tool: Event + Response = Outcome + Solution. She demonstrates repeatedly how our Response to Events are ours to control and that this is more important than the Event in determining our resulting emotions. She also gives a very clear perspective of how our Egos get in the way of building happy relationships with our desire to control or gain approval. A considerable portion of the book deals with building self-esteem as well as spiritual growth, tying both back to loving marriages. Multiple exercises are included throughout the book to give the reader practice in applying her advice. Perhaps one of the most useful recommendations considering our disposable society is the idea to try resolving marriage problems with the premise that divorce is not an option. A bibliography with online resources and an index are found at the end of the book; also the author does maintain a website at [...]