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Logan Ury

How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love Paperback – February 2, 2021

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A funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

Have you ever looked around and wondered, "Why has everyone found love except me?" You're not the only one. Great relationships don't just appear in our lives - they're the culmination of a series of decisions, including who to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love.

Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn't lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how.

This book focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You'll learn:

- What's holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern)
- What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn't)
- How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you)
- How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love)
- How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews)
- Why "the spark" is a myth (but you'll find love anyway)

This data-driven, step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

Language

English
Publisher

Piatkus
Publication date

February 2, 2021
Dimensions

5.98 x 1.1 x 9.13 inches
ISBN-10

0349428298
ISBN-13

978-0349428291
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Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Piatkus (February 2, 2021)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0349428298
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0349428291
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 15.5 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.98 x 1.1 x 9.13 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #45,899 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #134 in Dating (Books)
- #332 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #348 in Marriage

Customer Reviews:
4.4 1,945 ratings

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Logan Ury

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Logan Ury is a Harvard-educated behavioral scientist turned dating coach, and the author of HOW TO NOT DIE ALONE. As the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, Logan leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love.

HOW TO NOT DIE ALONE is a guide to modern dating, designed to help the reader overcome their bad habits and find the relationship of their dreams, using lessons from behavioral science. Each chapter focuses on a different decision along the dating journey, from “Am I ready to date?” to “Should we get married?

Logan’s work has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, TIME. The Washington Post, GQ, Glamour, Vice, and on HBO and the BBC. She is a featured speaker at SXSW 2021.

Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5

1,945 global ratings

5 star		66%
4 star		20%
3 star		8%
2 star		2%
1 star		3%

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Catherine N. Davis

Easy read

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on May 17, 2023

Verified Purchase

I got a wild hair and started trying to date again. A friend recommended this book. It has some good info in it.

Helpful

jeffrey

Good book but single men should look elsewhere

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 2, 2023

Verified Purchase

A lot of dating advice is entirely general. This book has a lot of good general advice about how to evaluate the person in front of you.

What this book has:
- advice on how to avoid hookups
- advice for evaluating your first/second dates
- 3 ways your expectations could be wrong
- and some general advice good LTR habits and traits
- a small chapter on how to meet people IRL
- advice on how to break up

What this book does not have:
- How to attract interest especially long term interest
- How to advertise yourself
- How to approach people
- A single "straight male" example (she constantly references a homosexual man though)

Now sure it's probably useful to know that I was definitely a "hesitater" for the past few years and evaluating people for their long term potential is surely a skill to have. But I am not regularly being swept off my feet by short term dating opportunities, the only people who are interested in nerdy software engineers in the first place are long term seekers. Genuinely in my experience with dating I only attract those who are looking for committed long term relationships, so very little of what this book has to offer is all that useful.

My primary issue is not that I don't have a lot of value to provide a partner or that I am evaluating my dates incorrectly. It's entirely that I am not interacting with enough single women and have forgotten my college skills of turning chance encounters into dates.

I was absolutely rolling my eyes as she recounted her tale of ignoring her now husband for years on end to chase after some sexy dude.

I would absolutely love if a ton of women read this book, and the science-y high citation focus is great. But I guess I'll look for books written by male psychologists.

16 people found this helpful

Helpful

Dave Fleischer

Brilliant and useful book

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 24, 2023

Verified Purchase

Love this author. I'm experiencing for the first time in 26 years ... older dating. (Yikes.) Not for the faint of heart. You forget what matters and how to navigate.

This book lists how different "dating styles" figure into the landscape... and actually helps you to prioritize what most matters.

It shaped my thinking. I actually think it has allowed me to be more present, and more happy -- in the relationship I'm now just beginning. Can't say enough good things about the value of this book. Find video interviews the author has given online. That should clinch the sale. It did for me.

2 people found this helpful

Helpful

Sayel Cortes

Practical advise to find and thrive in a relationship

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 8, 2022

Verified Purchase

This book offers clear, science-based advise on how to deal with different stages of finding and thriving in a relationship. From tips to get in the right focus to find a partner, to tips on how to meet them, how to decide whether to breakup or stay, and even how to keep a relationship in the long term. The practical advise/tools are very useful and the behavioral science backing them up is clear and simple.

That being said, the book feels sometimes like a toolset to be used when needed. The line connecting the different chapters is weak as each stage seems to use a different theoretical approach. This makes the advise fragmented so something you use as needed rather than a perspective you can use continually. If your situation is a bit different from the one covered in the book, you might have little guidance. Also because of the lack of a common framework it is a bit hard to keep everything in mind as you read the book. Still it is useful as a toolset that covers most stages in romantic life from a rational science based perspective

15 people found this helpful

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SRG

Something for everyone

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 16, 2021

Verified Purchase

I’ll start by saying that I almost didn’t buy this because it didn’t have as many reviews as other relationship books (turns out, there are a few pages dedicated to psychoanalyzing that type of behavior) but I’m so glad I did!

After years of being the person who goes on tons of dates but starts with a disclaimer that I’m not interested in relationships or anything remotely serious...I recently told my therapist, “I’m actually considering trying to eventually be open to the idea of something committed. Like, maybe I’ll find some more books to read so I can figure out what that means/looks like for me.”

This was a great book if you’re hyperlogical and like reading things backed by research, but it’s written also in a casual tone with plenty of jokes sprinkled in. None of the advice was “revolutionary” but it did present a lot of questions that I wanted to be asked on my journey to...well...maybe changing my mind about being alone forever.

There’s also a *ton* of actionable insight for people on the other end of the spectrum - that is, maybe not so good at the initial part of dating but very interested in that long term goal of being in a loving relationship. I highlighted several passages to save as advice for my friends who don’t know how to set up dating profiles or struggle with the anxiety of first/second dates.

The writing style is upbeat and funny and the author is vulnerable in a way that keeps everything from becoming condescending or insincere. Though I read the book over the course of two days, there are several pages that I bookmarked so that I can go back and maybe, like, spend some time journaling to dig deeper into what I think, what I want, and how I might approach whatever that is.

3 people found this helpful

Helpful

Amazon Customer

Sounds depressing but soooo incredibly helpful!

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 1, 2023

Verified Purchase

I learned sooo much from this book. I decided to date intentionally and this book walked me through and supported me at every step. I’m now dating someone who makes me incredibly happy and I’m so optimistic about the future because I know I have this book as a guide.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

Myles Lam

Not for the average single man

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on September 27, 2022

Verified Purchase

The book is written for people that already have plenty of matches and prospects and want to filter those down from short write off flings to relationships that are more deep and real.

Unless you are in the top 20% of men with multiple matches or an average woman, this book will not help you very much. If you're a man or woman that barely gets any matches through online dating., this book will be useless.

As an average man some of the advice you can expect goes along the lines of:
- Commit to a date in the next three weeks
- Try not to see more than 3 people at once
- Don't be put off by small pet peeves like onion breath

None of the advice in this book helps with actually getting those dates in the first place. Depending on your own mental health, it can be interesting or depressing to see how the other side have to deal with such issues.

Now there is one chapter that talks about meeting people in real life that seems more actionable for everyone, however the book really should not be bought for that chapter alone.

26 people found this helpful

MISS C HORAK

Remember that you love to… work, work, work, work, work!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on September 30, 2021

Verified Purchase

I liked this book because it doesn’t hide the fact that successful relationships take effort. Continuously.

The book also combines science with practical exercises, which is something I’m a big fan of. (Although I have to say the marriage statistics presented on the “end of happily ever after” left me rather crushed…)

From my end though, I’m single right now so I haven’t been able to use the advice and exercises in a number of the later chapters of the book.

However, something I really liked about this book is that it literally takes you through the full relationship life cycle. Meeting someone, dating, breaking up and making it work in the long term

Many books stop at finding a boyfriend or husband. This one drills home that finding someone is very much only the beginning.

As with many books, just reading them won’t help. It’s the actions you take following that count. And I for one am looking to get to the point where action is inevitable.

So for now I will say - thank you for your advice and the thorough follow through Logan… and here’s hoping I don’t die alone!

Good luck my fellow love and happily ever after seekers!

17 people found this helpful

The Cooking Passport

The right way to review your relationships in life

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on July 11, 2022

Verified Purchase

Logan presents the concept of dating and our own emotional baggage in a clear and accessible way. This is a great book to help you review those in your life now and in the past. The best part is that is not only focus on dating but ensure and presents ideas of how to build a string healthy relationship.

2 people found this helpful

Charlie

The perfect guide to our modern age

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on February 2, 2021

Verified Purchase

I feel like so many of these books are written with a former generation in mind, but Logan brings a youthful and very well-researched perspective to an issue that could not be more timely while Covid causes so many of us to feel alone, even in loving relationships. I highly recommend it.

One person found this helpful

Mr C O'Reilly

Surprisingly Excellent

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on June 16, 2021

Verified Purchase

Very easy and relatable, witty but really insightful. Ury gets her points across so well. The advice (while so different to the fairy tale of romance) is so powerful it seems easy to implement. Great book!

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