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Comment: The item shows wear from consistent use, but it remains in good condition and works perfectly. All pages and cover are intact (including the dust cover, if applicable). Spine may show signs of wear. Pages may include limited notes and highlighting. May include "From the library of" labels.
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How Not to Kill Your Baby Paperback – March 20, 2012

4.5 out of 5 stars 48 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner

"The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller

"If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons)

About the Author

Jacob Sager Weinstein has written for The New Yorker, McSweeney's, and Cracked.com, and is a former contributor to The Onion. He's also written for HBO, NBC, and the BBC.

Jacob and his wife live in London with their two children, neither of whom has ever been lost at sea or stuck in the middle of a buffalo stampede. Also, that one time he wasn't paying attention and the baby carriage rolled into the Regent's Park Duck Pond, neither of his kids was in it. What more could you want from a parenting expert? --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 136 pages
  • Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing; Original edition (March 20, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1449409911
  • ISBN-13: 978-1449409913
  • Product Dimensions: 6.3 x 0.6 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (48 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #304,660 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Kindle Edition
After failing three times to not kill my baby, my wife stumbled upon this book. The cover alone would have saved my first child. The other two would have been saved by pages 23 and 87. I didn't get this book in time, but you can!

The good news is that my wife is pregnant once again. This time, I'll be ready.
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How Not to Kill Your Baby isn't a parenting book; it's a parody of the parenting books we all read that gave us important and serious advice like: never put your child in a stroller lest he not learn to walk, cement all your bookshelves to the wall, and train your baby to go to sleep on her own because otherwise you'll need to show up every night at her college dorm to rock her to sleep.

I went back after I read the book and reread all the "Dan" sidebars. "Dan" underscores the sexist and insulting way the parenting industry demeans the father and expects the mother to be perfect.

This book might have been far more useful to me as a new parent than all the serious baby guides. Had I gotten it as a shower gift, it would have made me laugh at how seriously I was taking the whole thing and how insane the babycare industry has gotten.
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Format: Paperback
This book arrived on the scene at just the right time: when my wife and I were already expecting. If we'd read it before conception, we might have decided against procreating--it's just too damned dangerous. Instead, now we'll just forge ahead with BABY as our primary reference volume. (I will expect Jacob Sager Weinstein to write a second manual--one to guide children through taking care of parents in their dotage. I figure he's got a good ten years before we'll need it.)

Yes, there are other parenting manuals. This one isn't the first, and it won't be the last, but it might just be the most colorful, and the least likely to be a choking hazard. Babies do like to put things in their mouths, after all. We've coated our copy of BABY with a foul-tasting industrial pesticide for just that reason. There was nothing in the book telling us not to coat it with an industrial pesticide. And BABY is comprehensive... so I think we're safe. Oh, and our baby will be, as well. Now.
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Format: Paperback
I can't believe my luck. I must not have been paying attention (easy to do with 1 1/2 hours sleep nightly,for the past 4 months) and missed the word "NOT" entirely. I was so upset that the book was about how not to kill your baby, that I tried to jump off a bridge and kill myself, lucky for me it was only a 10 foot drop. While recovering from a sprained toe in the hospital, (where I slept for 36 hours straight) I awoke and finally read the book and learned that solving my problem was easy when I just reversed the advice given. Note, the bear lesson is not the best one to use, damn thing made a mess of my house, killed the wife (No biggie since she had not stopped screaming at me since my 3 week stay in the hospital), and wouldn't touch the baby. Can't say I blame the bear, the diaper on the baby was so full, it was the size of my head. Don't worry though, there were plenty of tips in the book to help me finish the job. And since my mistress is now pregnant, I'll be keeping this book around for a while. Now where is the book on how "not" to kill congress?
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This was a GREAT gift for my sister and brother in law as they were preparing to have their first baby. I would highly suggest it for all the soon to be parents that take life too seriously, as well as those who just like to laugh. A great relief from all of the other "serious" parenting books that are out there. Now if their baby survives to the age of 18, I can take all the credit!
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I bought this for my best friend who accidentally killed his first four newborns. After receiving this book, the next two he had survived and are still alive! One is three years old, the other one year old! Definitely worth the investment if you don't want dead kids!
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Did you know that you shouldn't give your baby a real bear; you should give them a TEDDY bear? I KNOW RIGHT NEITHER DID I UNTIL I READ THIS WORK OF GENIUS

This book has literally saved the lives of my future children. It is chock full of valuable tidbits of information that most of us mere mortals just don't think about when it comes to parenting. I thought I was moderately prepared for motherhood before I picked this glorious gem up for a friend's baby shower - boy, was I wrong!

How many poor, innocent children could be spared every year if everyone thinking of becoming a parent was strapped to a chair and forced to memorize this invaluable work? PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN AND BUY THIS BOOK
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I was going to say something witty, but the other reviewers have all beaten me to the punch. Quite simply, this book is irreverent and hilarious. As long as you don't get offended too easily, this will help relieve some of the considerable stress of knowing that your life will soon be fundamentally altered forever (i.e. - your wife is going to give birth).
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