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How to Save Your Marriage Alone Mass Market Paperback – September 20, 1983
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Second, this book will most likely be read by those going through a divorce or those connected to someone who is in the process of a divorce. This is a self help book and I doubt many who are not experiencing the pains of a divorce will seek it out. So, in my opinion, many who read this book will be seeking a certain outcome and are emotionally connected to the results. Unfortunately the process to obtaining a result and the result itself may not emotionally or practically agree with the reader. I would encourage all readers to try and set their opinions and emotions aside while reading it. Then compare what Dr. Wheat has to say with his/her own notions once completed and see what parts can be adapted into his/her life. I guess I'm trying to say that readers should be wary of knee jerk reactions.
Like most who read this book I found myself in a broken marriage and wanted to heal it. I liked the fact that this book was short and direct. I read it multiple times. Originally I thought there might be some guarantee from God that my marriage was salvageable. Although that was, as I look at it now, a real pipe dream. In fact I fall into one of the two categories listed by Dr. Wheat as unsalvageable. In my case my wife had taken a lover and totally given herself over to him. For about three months I prayed, read scripture, read this book, and conducted other research trying to find someway to save my marriage. Over this three month period, in accordance with Dr. Wheat's writings, I began to examine my own part in my marital break up. While I still don't believe I am the cause of my pending divorce I do accept my part in many of our marital problems. For me that is the real benefit about the book, it encourages the reader to quit trying to figure their partner out and instead to focus on what they did to contribute to the marital problems and how to ask forgiveness from God and their spouse if given the opportunity.
What I write next may not make sense to those who don't have a relationship with God but it will hopefully make sense to some. When I began reading this book I had hoped to restore my relationship with my wife. This book along with the Bible itself helped me realize that on my wedding day I made a commitment to not only my wife but to God. While my marriage has not been reconciled I do think my relationship with God has been. Marriages break up for many reasons but all the many reasons have a root problem and that is a failure by one or both spouses to remember his/her commitment to God and to seek him first. Dr. Wheat attempts to make this clear but I think the point gets lost in some of his examples. The problem that gets the most attention is that of a spouse becoming an apparent door mat for the cheating spouse. I'll admit that his examples are hard to get past. However, I think the point he's trying to make is that a spouse, no matter if still living in the same home or separated from his/her spouse, can learn to set aside his/her hurt, pain, needs, and wants by focusing on the Lord. Easier said than done, however if a person is able to he/she will find themselves in a better place, or with his/her goals and expectations redefined. For some a complete reconciliation with a spouse, and for others a peace about moving on. Dr. Wheat clearly thinks too many people abandon their marriages without putting in real effort towards reconciliation.
Also, this book does not boast a lot of statistics and figures. It appears to be all anecdotal with no actual detailed studies or comparisons. I was some what put off by this and skeptical. Over time I came to the conclusion that the author was not trying to give us hope by providing a success ratio or percentage guidelines. He is trying to tell the reader that direction, hope and peace can come from God. You can't attach statistics to those types of results.
This review may seem to be a little too much about me and not enough about the book. I agree but after all it is a self help book. How are we to truly critique a self help book other than to tell how it did or did not help us? Like I mentioned earlier, this is a book aimed not only at saving marriages but at improving relationships with God. Please be aware of that before reading.
My husband left me out of the blue, and as far as I could see, for no apparent reason. I followed the advice in this book down to the last detail, and my husband and I are more happily married today than we ever were before. I went through times of discouragement, depression, and hopelessness. However, I read this book and gave my marriage to the Lord. Now I know that the Lord had to allow me to go through what was an enormously difficult time in my life, because it was the only thing that was going to change me.
If you are discouraged and feel that there is no hope, even if your husband is having an affair, please DO NOT give up. The Lord CAN restore your marriage, heal you, and bring you to a place where you have more love and trust than you ever imagined possible. Aloha and God Bless you!