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How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty: And Say Yes to More Time, and What Matters Most to You Paperback – February 13, 2001
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From Publishers Weekly
Featuring an extremely promotable high concept, this effort to combine assertiveness training with the aims of the simplicity movement results in an occasionally useful, if unoriginal, self-help book. By saying "no"--with skill and sensitivity--to draining, unsatisfying activities, literary agent and public speaker Breitman and writer Hatch argue, readers will have time and energy for more important ones. After covering the principles behind graceful refusals (e.g., act from generosity; saying less is more), much of the book is devoted to scripts for dealing with a variety of sticky situations--from requests for loans to handling freeloaders, high-maintenance acquaintances, service and professional help--and preventive strategies, some of which are helpful while others could easily come off as insincere. A section on handling unreasonable work demands, such as overtime and extra assignments, does not seem especially realistic, although there is some thoughtful advice on delicate issues such as critiquing performance, dealing with requests for raises and turning down job applicants. Advice on following one's bliss and self-employment seem misplaced here, while suggestions about how to say no to spouses and children are adequate. Readers who want a thorough grounding in assertiveness techniques would benefit more from classics like When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, instead of this hodgepodge of excuses.$40,000 ad/promo.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Advance praise for How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty:
"This book is the bible on how to say no and still be seen as a nice person. It can change your life forever."
--Jack Canfield, coauthor of the Chicken Soup for the Soul® series
"It's a book to consult over and over again. I recommend it."
--John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"Brilliant! This practical, powerful book will help you express what you really feel and want."
--Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D., author of Making Peace with Your Past
"This is a charming, intelligent, and practical guide to finding the great YES of life, by learning that NO is a complete sentence. Thoroughly enjoyable."
--Anne Lamott, author of Traveling Mercies
"A road map for opening up lots of needed space in our lives. Out with the guilt, and in with a life that is ours again!"
--Janet Luhrs, author of The Simple Living Guide and Simple Loving
"How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty enables us to rid ourselves of needless guilt so we can live a richer, more fulfilling life."
--Dave Pelzer, author of A Child Called "It", The Lost Boy, and A Man Named Dave
"This book is wonderfully useful, doable, wise, and inspiring."
--Sue Bender, author of Plain and Simple and Everyday Sacred
"A must for anyone who wants to live a life of joy and ease, and feel good about it."
--Marcia Wieder, author of Making Your Dreams Come True
"The best book I ever read on setting boundaries. This is a must-read for everyone!"
--Sirah Vettese, Ph.D., author of What Happened to the Prince I Married?
From the Hardcover edition.
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Question #1 - You are asked to go out on a date with someone that you find unattractive and do not wish to go out with them. You should not just tell them No, but also tell them that you are seeing someone else to show "mercy" on them? Yes or No (The book refers to this as a "face savings" technique.)
Question #2 - Your 6 year old child likes chocolate covered cereal, but you want them to eat something more nutritious. When at the grocery store with your child you should avoid the cereal isle and come back to get cereal another time, thus avoiding the need to say no? Yes or No (The book refers to this as a "prevention" technique.)
If you answered Yes to either question, you will probably agree with the suggestions in this book. However, you are lacking a moral compass and/or are so spineless that a 6 year old can walk all over you. Face the fact that there probably isn't any book that will help you, and this one will only continue to feed your lack of character and self confidence.
If you answered No to both questions, you know more about "saying no" than you can get from this book. Buying this book would only infuriate you as it is filled with excuses, trickery and deceptions. All of which lead to the guilt that the book is supposed to help you avoid.
I am currently dealing with a friend who asked to crash on our couch once, and then over the course of the year it turned into a habit, where every time she's in the area, she'll just come and stay over. It got to the point of her being over every week. She even showed up one time without hearing back from me at all. She just assumed it was ok, because she texted me and said she was coming. Every time I'd give her a reason why it won't work, she'd come up with the "solution" to fix the problem. And I was too flabbergasted to object. Considering that we are a young family with a toddler and a baby on the way living in a tiny one bedroom place, it's not an arrangement we've been comfortable with. At the same time, for some unknown reason, both myself and my husband have been having the hardest time saying no. Reading this book has helped me tremendously with validating my feelings about the situation and I am now more prepared. I now have a plan and a speech prepared and was able to successfully turn her down the other night :)
The ability to say no can truly free you form unnecessary headache, and I appreciate the tool this book is to help me with it.