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How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty: And Say Yes to More Time, and What Matters Most to You Paperback – February 13, 2001
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From Publishers Weekly
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
"This book is the bible on how to say no and still be seen as a nice person. It can change your life forever."
--Jack Canfield, coauthor of the Chicken Soup for the Soul® series
"It's a book to consult over and over again. I recommend it."
--John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"Brilliant! This practical, powerful book will help you express what you really feel and want."
--Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D., author of Making Peace with Your Past
"This is a charming, intelligent, and practical guide to finding the great YES of life, by learning that NO is a complete sentence. Thoroughly enjoyable."
--Anne Lamott, author of Traveling Mercies
"A road map for opening up lots of needed space in our lives. Out with the guilt, and in with a life that is ours again!"
--Janet Luhrs, author of The Simple Living Guide and Simple Loving
"How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty enables us to rid ourselves of needless guilt so we can live a richer, more fulfilling life."
--Dave Pelzer, author of A Child Called "It", The Lost Boy, and A Man Named Dave
"This book is wonderfully useful, doable, wise, and inspiring."
--Sue Bender, author of Plain and Simple and Everyday Sacred
"A must for anyone who wants to live a life of joy and ease, and feel good about it."
--Marcia Wieder, author of Making Your Dreams Come True
"The best book I ever read on setting boundaries. This is a must-read for everyone!"
--Sirah Vettese, Ph.D., author of What Happened to the Prince I Married?
From the Hardcover edition.
Top Customer Reviews
There are sections that promote "little white lies", but there are no situations offered where that's the only suggested method of handling it. There are also "preventative" techniques in most of the sections. While those techniques are generally avoidant, I can see how they can be useful for those who are just learning to be assertive and thus can not be assertive frequently.
I don't think there's anything all that groundbreaking in the book; it's literally a book of stock phrases in list format between short sections of motivational prose designed to give you the guts to say it. It can't give you a backbone, but if your in the process of getting one implanted, it can help you change your speech patterns to reflect this (and avoid transplant rejection). It may also help you fake having a backbone with those who aren't pushy.
This book is definitely for when you've already decided that "no" is what you want to say, but you can't actually come up with the words to do so. While the book is clearly by and for middle-middle and upper-middle class women, most of the stock phrases will work for anyone.
But, if you don't know you should say no, this book won't help. If you know you should say no but don't want to, again there is no help. This book won't give you a backbone.
Question #1 - You are asked to go out on a date with someone that you find unattractive and do not wish to go out with them. You should not just tell them No, but also tell them that you are seeing someone else to show "mercy" on them? Yes or No (The book refers to this as a "face savings" technique.)
Question #2 - Your 6 year old child likes chocolate covered cereal, but you want them to eat something more nutritious. When at the grocery store with your child you should avoid the cereal isle and come back to get cereal another time, thus avoiding the need to say no? Yes or No (The book refers to this as a "prevention" technique.)
If you answered Yes to either question, you will probably agree with the suggestions in this book. However, you are lacking a moral compass and/or are so spineless that a 6 year old can walk all over you. Face the fact that there probably isn't any book that will help you, and this one will only continue to feed your lack of character and self confidence.
If you answered No to both questions, you know more about "saying no" than you can get from this book. Buying this book would only infuriate you as it is filled with excuses, trickery and deceptions. All of which lead to the guilt that the book is supposed to help you avoid.