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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Paperback – October 1, 1999
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"Designed to bring adults to the level of children, and children to the level of adults, so that this happy meeting ground can truly make for harmony in the home." -- Los Angeles Times
"Faber and Mazlish are doing for parenting today what Dr. Spock did for our generation." -- Parent Magazine
"Practical, sensible, lucid the approaches Faber and Mazlish lay out are so logical you wonder why you read them with such a burst of discovery." -- Family Journal
"The parenting bible." -- Boston Globe
"Will bring about more cooperation from children than all the yelling and pleading in the world." -- Christian Science Monitor
About the Author
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are internationally acclaimed, award-winning experts on adult-child communication. Both lecture nationwide, and their group workshop programs are used by thousands of groups throughout the world to improve communication between children and adults.
- Publisher : Harper Perennial; 20th edition (October 1, 1999)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 286 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0380811960
- ISBN-13 : 978-0380811960
- Item Weight : 9.2 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.25 x 1 x 8 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #278,038 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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with children. After listening to some of his situations, I mentioned the book to him and he wanted to have
it. As a gift for some work he did for me, I purchased this book for him. I am waiting to hear back! I can say that Faber and Mazilash have written a terrific book to help parents and adults working with kids to talk to kids, to express their concerns in a non-threatening way and open discussion with children. The results of practicing their suggestions results in a positive and healthy relationship with children and enables discussion and problem-solving in a cooperative fashion.
I'm a clinical social worker, but somehow, as a sometimes-exhausted parent, I can't always apply the same basic principles of respect, empathy, and encouragement of autonomy that I use in my practice! I'd been feeling as if raising my voice and bribing/coercing my kid was the wrong thing to do-- this book explains exactly why that's the case, without making me feel as if I was a bad parent. The authors are empathetic to what parents go through, and how easy it is to fail to appreciate the child's point of view or work through problems collaboratively. Not once did I feel "preached to." Their stance is that kids are resilient in the face of our lapses in judgment, particularly when we own them and make amends, and that parent-child relationships can always change for the better even when faulty patterns have gotten established.
This book strikes a wonderful balance between respecting a child's point of view, and having clear expectations for the child's behavior that encourage growth and pride in oneself. I especially appreciated the chapter on praise, and how important it is to point out examples of behavior and skills as they occur, letting the child draw her own conclusions about herself, rather than labeling the child or making it about what WE want or what WE are proud of.
Even if you cannot sit and read the whole book, it's laid out in a browsing-friendly format, with illustrations and summary pages. Even if you cannot apply every single technique, the authors frequently reiterate the basic ideas behind the techniques, so you can "wing it" in the moment. Highly recommended, especially if you find yourself in a lot of futile power struggles with your child and want to find a more positive way to interact.
When I was desperate with my children, a friend handed me this book. I'm the kind of person who tends to not like parenting books and I though the comics were stupid looking. Lo and behold, when I started reading this book, it literally changed my life. The telling incident came when I was stuck on the tarmac of an airport. My anxious and antsy child had already been sitting for three hours. The plane, now landed and waiting to taxi for deplaning, was getting hot in the Florida sun. He started to explode. Thanks to this book, I could "talk" to my almost pre-verbal kid. I handed him the barf bag from the seat in front of me and a pen and I said, "I can see you're uncomfortable. Draw me how you feel." And boy did he draw! He could finally express himself. The situation defused instantly and I really understood--and he felt understood.
During the visit with his cousins, I used the techniques in the book to help him figure out strategy for dealing with group situation. Over time, I used every technique in the book.
After asking permission of parents, I've bought this book and handed it to them, just as my friend handed the book to me.
My challenging (and challenged LD child) has grown into a lovely pre-teen, gentle and understood, thanks to the techniques in this book.