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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Paperback – February 7, 2012

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Adele Faber (Author)
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Adele Faber (Author),
Elaine Mazlish (Author)
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Elaine Mazlish (Author)
4.6 out of 5 stars 1,455 customer reviews
#1 Best Sellerin Conflict Management
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 368 pages
  • Publisher: Scribner; Updated edition (February 7, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1451663889
  • ISBN-13: 978-1451663884
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1,455 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #215 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 starsNot Just Kids! How to talk to Anybody!
By A Customer on March 28, 1998
Format: Paperback
A therapist recommended this book to me when my son was 4 years old and I was going though a difficult divorce. I read the book and actually photocopied the basic ideas of each chapter and taped them to the refrigerator for easy reference. The ideas are simple and effective. They build self-esteem and keep the avenues of communication open between parent and child. My son is now almost 18, and we still have a terrific relationship. I've been following the practices in this book for 14 years and I can tell you it has made all the difference. Wherever my son goes, I hear from people who tell me how wonderful he is, how well-mannered, pleasant and charming. They all want to know what ever did I do to raise him this way. I tell them about this book. The more I move through life and the business world, however, I am struck how the same techniques enhance communication between adults in all aspects of life. This book should also be listed in the Business/Management section. It says all the same things the high-priced consultants say -- treat people with respect, do not deny their emotions, state the facts (only) and shut up and listen. This book also talks about giving praise and recognition, which makes it another reason to use it in real life, inside the family AND outside in the "real" world.
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5.0 out of 5 starsAlternatives to Yelling, Nagging, Threatening, Criticizing
By A Customer on September 4, 2002
Format: Paperback
As a preschool teacher and parent, I found this book to be the major influence in forming my communication style with children. In fact, this book has given me the skills to communicate more effectively with everyone... my friends, my husband, my boss, and even my mother-in-law! When I changed my approach in how I spoke to them, they often changed their behavior. The logical, respectful strategies really work! My only criticism is that the format of the chapters does not always fascilitate quick 're-read' referral. For example, when I recently wanted to quickly look up a whining, or biting, or mealtime strategy for three of my preschoolers, I became frustrated and confused as to where in the book I had seen the information. These topics were not listed in the index and I began to flip through the pages trying to find the stories and suggestions that I thought I remembered seeing somewhere. Therefore, I would also like to recommend another wonderful new book with the very same philosophy that is organized differently...for quick use on the spot for very busy parents. THE POCKET PARENT is literally a pocket-sized A-Z guide exclusively written for parents and teacher of preschoolers (2's, 3's, 4's, & 5's). It is loaded with hundreds of easy to find quick-read bullet answers (called 'sanity savers') to 40 common behavior problems of 2- to 5-year-olds. I recommend these two books for every mom and dad with a 2- to 5-year-old. Both books are permissive with feelings, but strict with behavior while preserving the dignity of both parent and child. Both books are full of humor and compassion from authors that have 'been there,' too. For help on the spot as well as long term understanding ...keep both books handy!
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5.0 out of 5 starsAt last! Skills that work with teenagers!
By Diana D. DePalma on March 2, 2006
Format: Hardcover
Nineteen years ago I had reached the end of my "motherhood rope". The kids were fighting, whining, manipulating, throwing tantrums... just generally being "kids." But one day it just became way too overwhelming, so I left them home with their dad and escaped to the mall. While in the bookstore I couldn't help but notice an enticing book cover: "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk." "That'll be the day!" I grunted, but walked across the aisle to page through the book... Inside I noticed what an easy read this book was for busy mothers like myself; cartoons showing me skills such as "Instead of nagging, try saying it with a word!" Interesting! I took the book home and that very skill was the first one I tried ----- and the first of many that worked! (Instead of nagging that we didn't own the electric company because I saw the bathroom light had been left on, I simply said "Lights!" and the kids actually jumped up to shut the light!)

Amazing!! I had to share this wonderful book with my friends at the PTA!! The PTA said "We'll sponsor a workshop if you lead it!" I agreed, and have been leading workshops based on the Faber/Mazlish series successfully for the past nineteen years. The only thing missing was help for the parents of teenagers, but thanks to the authors, that problem is now solved. The positive feedback on this book from parents in my classes has been heartwarming. Unruly, sullen teens were now taking the time to have conversations with their parents, agreeing to accompany families on vacations, cleaning their rooms, and getting haircuts!!! There was no end to the good news I was receiving in my classrooms! Is this book a magic bullet? A miracle cure to the teenage "attitude disease?" Wake up!Read more ›
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5.0 out of 5 starsMy four children and I are much happier now!
By Kimberly White on February 1, 2006
Format: Paperback
My husband bought this book when our oldest child was 10. We realized we weren't communicating well and were frightened that we would lose our relationship altogether when she hit her teenage years. Well, the book was a godsend. The authors basically teach you how to treat your child like a capable and worthy person, when you may be treating them as irresponsible, unimportant, or unlikeable. They first convince you to stop criticizing your children for what they think or feel, and to acknowledge how they might be feeling when they tell things to you. I know this sounds touchy-feely, but acknowledging feelings doesn't mean giving your kids any leeway in their behavior. For example, instead of saying "You shouldn't be mad at your brother, he's only three!" you say "I can see that it makes you angry when he messes up your things. But yelling is not allowed in our house." or, "He's too young to understand how special those are to you, so how can we keep your things safe?" You let your child know you are paying attention to how they feel, BEFORE you focus on solving the problem.

The second thing they emphasize is to make correcting behavior about the behavior, and not about the child. Instead of "Get your homework! You always forget things!" you just say, "Homework needs to go to school with you."

One thing we had a problem with at first is that the authors do not support time-outs. We had always been big believers in consequences for behavior, and had relatively well-behaved children with the time-out method. Well, we gave it a try, and were amazed. We found that we were fully able to correct our children's behaviors without time-out at all. And in fact, they were happier and less disobedient in general when they weren't constantly being sent away from the family in disgrace.Read more ›
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 starsI love this book

I love this book. I read it long ago, when my two sons were young, and I was teaching middle school. Then I read it again, before giving it to my niece. Read more

Published 6 days ago by maureen r. parkhurst
4.0 out of 5 starsGood buy - Good Reinforcement

This is a good book with reinforcement of what is commonly known but not practiced. We have been using in our lives and it has proved useful. Read more

Published 7 days ago by CS
5.0 out of 5 starsParent must read

I started listening to the audio version of this book and absolutely wanted to purchase it in order to go back and make notes and read particular sections. Read more

Published 7 days ago by Daniela Modesto
5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

An excellent guide I often refer to parents I work with in my therapy practice. It really helps!

Published 8 days ago by Angela
3.0 out of 5 starsit's still very useful..

Okay book for parents with older children. My kids are 4 and 2, it's still very useful..... For example, how to give them time and just listen! Read more

Published 9 days ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 starsExcellent

I'll never buy over-priced black thong underwear from Victoria's Secret ever again!!

Published 9 days ago by MW-D
5.0 out of 5 starsVery easy to read,

This book actually gave me specific and practical things I can do with my kids.Very easy to read,A must read for parents,I have learned so much about how I gently can speak to my... Read more

Published 11 days ago by ari bis
5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

eye-opener

Published 12 days ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

Interesting book.

Published 12 days ago by martina
5.0 out of 5 starsExcellent book! I'm reading one chapter per week so ...

Excellent book! I'm reading one chapter per week so that I have time to work on the recommendations. These methods really seem to be working with my two boys ages 9 and 7.

Published 13 days ago by Christine Catti

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