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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series) Paperback – February 7, 2012
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From #1 New York Times bestselling authors, the ultimate “parenting bible” (The Boston Globe)—a timeless, beloved book on how to effectively communicate with your child.
This bestselling classic by internationally acclaimed experts on communication between parents and children includes fresh insights and suggestions, as well as the author’s time-tested methods to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships, including innovative ways to:
· Cope with your child’s negative feelings, such as frustration, anger, and disappointment
· Express your strong feelings without being hurtful
· Engage your child’s willing cooperation
· Set firm limits and maintain goodwill
· Use alternatives to punishment that promote self-discipline
· Understand the difference between helpful and unhelpful praise
· Resolve family conflicts peacefully
Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, Faber and Mazlish’s down-to-earth, respectful approach makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.
From the Publisher
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk
Internationally acclaimed experts on communication between parents and children, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish 'are doing for parenting today what Dr. Spock did for our generation' (Parent Magazine). Now, this classic includes fresh insights and suggestions as well as the author’s time-tested methods to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships.
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are authors of whose books have sold more than five million copies and have been translated into over thirty languages. The authors’ group workshop programs and videos are currently being used by thousands of parent and teacher groups around the world. They currently reside in Long Island, New York and each is the parent of three children.
—Lydia Kiesling, The New York Times
“Will bring about more cooperation from children than all the yelling and pleading in the world.” –Christian Science Monitor
“An excellent book that’s applicable to any relationship.” –Washington Post
“Practical, sensible, lucid…the approaches Faber and Mazlish lay out are so logical you wonder why you read them with such a burst of discovery.” –Family Journal
“An exceptional work, not simply just another ‘how to’ book…All parents can use these methods to improve the everyday quality of t heir relationships with their children.” –Fort Worth Star Telegram
About the Author
- ASIN : 1451663889
- Publisher : Scribner; Updated edition (February 7, 2012)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 384 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9781451663884
- ISBN-13 : 978-1451663884
- Item Weight : 14.4 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 1 x 8.44 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #842 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Reviewed in the United States on February 4, 2021
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Top reviews from the United States
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I took to heart everything Adele Faber suggested to talk with and listen to my child better. Her suggestions have worked and our child seems much happier, talkative and her confidence has gone up, as well as ours as parents. We are in a much better place as a family then where we were before we read this book.
However, it will be a cold day in h*ll before I implement Faber's daughter's suggestions. There will not be a table manner compromise 3xs a week as a solution where we all elect to eat with our hands instead because our child doesn't like using utensils. We will model how to use them; we will encourage her and we will let her know that our values as a family is that we have polite table manners whether we are at home eating at our own dinner table or elsewhere.
Faber's daughter's description of agreeing to "wait in the car" and miss her mother-in-law's funeral because her "tomboy" daughter refused to dress in appropriate attire for the formality of the event is also insane and a non-starter.
I took particular offense at her use of the descriptor "tomboy" which like "sensitive" to describe a boy is outmoded, ignorant and offensive. Kids, like people, are who they are and like what they like and those interests are not defined or influenced by either gender.
Our daughter is a girl who likes tie dyed t-shirts and leggings, but, when it's time for her to attend formal events she chooses either a dress or a dressy pants suit, i.e., appropriate clothes. She gets a choice on type of outfit but not on the formality of it. By doing so, we are still sensitive to her feelings and giving her some autonomy, but she also understands that she's the child and we are the parents; our family's values and our boundaries. We are not and never will be coequals that take a vote as a family like we are the UN either on family vacations my husband and I pay for or how we decorate the common areas of our home whose mortgage we pay . Absurd.
There's nothing wrong with setting firm boundaries with our children, clear expectations and give limitless love, encouragement and Faber's version of positive praise. More than anything, that's what kids want and its our job to give that to them.
I hope future editions omit "The Next Generation." Truthfully, Faber's suggestions were commonsense and tested over 30 years successfully and they don't need any updating or input from "The Next Generation."
The other issue is that many of the solutions offered will not go as smoothly as the authors expect. For example, when multiple kids are pointing fingers at others, the book suggests the parents to say: I am not interested in who did it.... I would like both of you to help clean.... To which my kids would surely say: I should not clean because I did not do it.... you have to punish her because she did it..... I am not saying that this particular suggestion in the book is wrong: it is probably the best a parent can do in that situation, but it just is not a miraculous cure and there might just be no miraculous cure for many unpleasant situations in parenting.
I’m 45 and want to give a copy to my mom…
Top reviews from other countries
I have always been a strict parent, I have high expectations of my boys, myself, my husband... I have been going about reaching those high expectations the wrong way all my life it would appear! Having read the first few pages, it was clear that my attitude needed a drastic rethink. I tried to put the suggested teaching to work and instantly my eldest responded well. I can see him growing in confidence before my eyes and he's started talking openly about his life. I am humbled. Even the woman who knew everything, didn't. I'm still learning, and so are my family, but these two ladies have persuaded me that their way is better than mine ever was. It's not easy, and I forget easily, slipping into my old habits, but I believe this something really worth working at. I can't recommend it highly enough.