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How to Win Friends & Influence People
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- How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie 1998 Paperback New
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Now this previously revised and updated bestseller is available in trade paperback for the first time to help you achieve your maximum potential throughout the next century! Learn:
* Three fundamental techniques in handling people
* The six ways to make people like you
* The twelve ways to win people to you way of thinking
* The nine ways to change people without arousing resentment
Top Customer Reviews
Recently though, I noticed some growing criticism of the book and its teaching, and I thought that this would be a good time for me to refresh what I learned from the book and assess its quality based on the experience I've gained since the first time I read the book. So I bought the unabridged audiotapes of the book and listened to it whenever I was in the car.
Mr. Carnegie said somewhere in the book that if one thing you learn from the book, which is the ability to understand the different views of other people in different situations, then that would be enough. And I agree wholeheartedly.
My judgment is that this book will indeed teach you how to understand the motives and the different forces playing in the different people you meet.Read more ›
? "Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone."
People react very badly to criticism; don't do it, not to their face nor behind their back ... especially not behind their back.
? Say "Thank You".
Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.
? Talk about what people want and help them get it.
"Arouse in others an eager want."
Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they'll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.
WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
? Be happy to see people.
Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.
? Remembers peoples' names!!
Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person's name sounds beautiful to them.
? Draw people out.
Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.
? Actively research the other person's interests.
? Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.
Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.
WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
? Don't argue!
Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren't, you'll never convince them of it by arguing.
? Don't ever tell a person they're wrong.
They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive.Read more ›
I've been giving a lot of thought as to why this book didn't work for me, and I think I've figured it out.
There is an old saying -- walk softly, but carry a big stick. I've heard it said often, but was never really clear on what it meant. I have it now. The thing is, your niceness is only valuable if there's a threat you might cut it off at any moment. The "big stick" is there to say 'I'm inoffensive now, but I might attack if needed.' Carnegie does not teach that -- he tells you to be nice, and be nice, and keep being nice, and somehow everyone will reciprocate. But this does not really happen, at least in anything but the most superficial relationships. You know how they say "chicks don't like nice guys?" It's that phenomenon at work.
If you read the book, you'll notice that most of his example success stories are about people who are already in authority trying to get better behavior out of underlings -- like the construction manager whose workers wouldn't wear their hardhats, or the story of Charles Schwab fixing his employees who ignored the No Smoking sign at work. Of course it makes them happy and agreeable if THE BOSS is being nice to them! But if you're just a nobody who hasn't any power over their lives, who cares? They've got more important things than to go out of their way for you in turn. You can give give give, but if they don't perceive your kindness as valuable, it doesn't matter.
I also highly recommend the review at http://www.amazon.com/review/R1DZ5UBO2SG8LB/ as this person had a very similar experience to mine as far as the kind of "friends" you win by trying this.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Do note that this book is text book size (dimensionally) - not something you can throw in your bag or carry around.Published 8 hours ago by Ornella
I received this book as a gift from my brother when my own book was published five years ago. I'm a little ashamed to admit I only read a couple of chapters before pushing it... Read morePublished 1 day ago by Emily Stevenson
It's a timeless classic. I first read it more than sixty years ago and know I've benefited from its advice.Published 1 day ago by Michael L. Keleher
Really helpful book for anyone who is trying to become a better person. I've been trying to practice all aspects of this book and it seems that it has become easier to talk and... Read morePublished 2 days ago by Alex Bradley