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How to Win Friends & Influence People Mass Market Paperback – February 15, 1990
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For over 50 years the rock-solid, time-tested advice in this book has carried thousands of now famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives.
Now this phenomenal book has been revised and updated to help readers achieve their maximum potential in the complex and competitive 90s!
Learn:
- The six ways to make people like you
- The twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking
- The nine ways to change people without arousing resentment
and much, much more!
- Print length304 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPocket Books
- Publication dateFebruary 15, 1990
- Dimensions4.19 x 0.8 x 6.75 inches
- ISBN-100671723650
- ISBN-13978-0671723651
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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
"If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive"
On May 7, 1931, the most sensational manhunt New York City had ever known had come to its climax. After weeks of search, "Two Gun" Crowley -- the killer, the gunman who didn't smoke or drink -- was at bay, trapped in his sweetheart's apartment on West End Avenue.
One hundred and fifty policemen and detectives laid siege to his top-floor hideaway. They chopped holes in the roof; they tried to smoke out Crowley, the "cop killer," with tear gas. Then they mounted their machine guns on surrounding buildings, and for more than an hour one of New York's fine residential areas reverberated with the crack of pistol fire and the rat-tat-tat of machine guns. Crowley, crouching behind an overstuffed chair, fired incessantly at the police. Ten thousand excited people watched the battle. Nothing like it had ever been seen before on the sidewalks of New York.
When Crowley was captured, Police Commissioner E. P. Mulrooney declared that the two-gun desperado was one of the most dangerous criminals ever encountered in the history of New York. "He will kill," said the Commissioner, "at the drop of a feather."
But how did "Two Gun" Crowley regard himself? We know, because while the police were firing into his apartment, he wrote a letter addressed "To whom it may concern." And, as he wrote, the blood flowing from his wounds left a crimson trail on the paper. In his letter Crowley said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one -- one that would do nobody any harm."
A short time before this, Crowley had been having a necking party with his girl friend on a country road out on Long Island. Suddenly a policeman walked up to the car and said: "Let me see your license."
Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the policeman down with a shower of lead. As the dying officer fell, Crowley leaped out of the car, grabbed the officer's revolver, and fired another bullet into the prostrate body. And that was the killer who said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one -- one that would do nobody any harm."
Crowley was sentenced to the electric chair. When he arrived at the death house in Sing Sing, did he say, "This is what I get for killing people"? No, he said: "This is what I get for defending myself."
The point of the story is this: "Two Gun" Crowley didn't blame himself for anything.
Is that an unusual attitude among criminals? If you think so, listen to this:
"I have spent the best years of my life giving people the lighter pleasures, helping them have a good time, and all I get is abuse, the existence of a hunted man."
That's Al Capone speaking. Yes, America's most notorious Public Enemy -- the most sinister gang leader who ever shot up Chicago. Capone didn't condemn himself. He actually regarded himself as a public benefactor -- an unappreciated and misunderstood public benefactor.
And so did Dutch Schultz before he crumpled up under gangster bullets in Newark. Dutch Schultz, one of New York's most notorious rats, said in a newspaper interview that he was a public benefactor. And he believed it.
I have had some interesting correspondence with Lewis Lawes, who was warden of New York's infamous Sing Sing prison for many years, on this subject, and he declared that "few of the criminals in Sing Sing regard themselves as bad men. They are just as human as you and I. So they rationalize, they explain. They can tell you why they had to crack a safe or be quick on the trigger finger. Most of them attempt by a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical, to justify their antisocial acts even to themselves, consequently stoutly maintaining that they should never have been imprisoned at all."
If Al Capone, "Two Gun" Crowley, Dutch Schultz, and the desperate men and women behind prison walls don't blame themselves for anything -- what about the people with whom you and I come in contact?
John Wanamaker, founder of the stores that bear his name, once confessed: "I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence."
Wanamaker learned this lesson early, but I personally had to blunder through this old world for a third of a century before it even began to dawn upon me that ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don't criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
B. F. Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.
Hans Selye, another great psychologist, said, "As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation."
The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemned.
George B. Johnston of Enid, Oklahoma, is the safety coordinator for an engineering company. One of his responsibilities is to see that employees wear their hard hats whenever they are on the job in the field. He reported that whenever he came across workers who were not wearing hard hats, he would tell them with a lot of authority of the regulation and that they must comply. As a result he would get sullen acceptance, and often after he left, the workers would remove the hats.
He decided to try a different approach. The next time he found some of the workers not wearing their hard hat, he asked if the hats were uncomfortable or did not fit properly. Then he reminded the men in a pleasant tone of voice that the hat was designed to protect them from injury and suggested that it always be worn on the job. The result was increased compliance with the regulation with no resentment or emotional upset.
You will find examples of the futility of criticism bristling on a thousand pages of history. Take, for example, the famous quarrel between Theodore Roosevelt and President Taft -- a quarrel that split the Republican party, put Woodrow Wilson in the White House, and wrote bold, luminous lines across the First World War and altered the flow of history. Let's review the facts quickly. When Theodore Roosevelt stepped out of the White House in 1908, he supported Taft, who was elected President. Then Theodore Roosevelt went off to Africa to shoot lions. When he returned, he exploded. He denounced Taft for his conservatism, tried to secure the nomination for a third term himself, formed the Bull Moose party, and all but demolished the G.O.P. In the election that followed, William Howard Taft and the Republican party carried only two states -- Vermont and Utah. The most disastrous defeat the party had ever known.
Theodore Roosevelt blamed Taft, but did President Taft blame himself? Of course not. With tears in his eyes, Taft said: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have."
Who was to blame? Roosevelt or Taft? Frankly, I don't know, and I don't care. The point I am trying to make is that all of Theodore Roosevelt's criticism didn't persuade Taft that he was wrong. It merely made Taft strive to justify himself and to reiterate with tears in his eyes: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have."
Or, take the Teapot Dome oil scandal. It kept the newspapers ringing with indignation in the early 1920s. It rocked the nation! Within the memory of living men, nothing like it had ever happened before in American public life. Here are the bare facts of the scandal: Albert B. Fall, secretary of the interior in Harding's cabinet, was entrusted with the leasing of government oil reserves at Elk Hill and Teapot Dome -- oil reserves that had been set aside for the future use of the Navy. Did Secretary Fall permit competitive bidding? No sir, He handed the fat, juicy contract outright to his friend Edward L. Doheny. And what did Doheny do? He gave Secretary Fall what he was pleased to call a "loan" of one hundred thousand dollars. Then, in a high-handed manner, Secretary Fall ordered United States Marines into the district to drive off competitors whose adjacent wells were sapping oil out of the Elk Hill reserves. These competitors, driven off their ground at the ends of guns and bayonets, rushed into court -- and blew the lid off the Teapot Dome scandal. A stench arose so vile that it ruined the Harding Administration, nauseated an entire nation, threatened to wreck the Republican party, and put Albert B. Fall behind prison bars.
Fall was condemned viciously -- condemned as few men in public life have ever been. Did he repent? Never! Years later Herbert Hoover intimated in a public speech that President Harding's death had been due to mental anxiety and worry because a friend had betrayed him. When Mrs. Fall heard that, she sprang from her chair, she wept, she shook her fists at fate and screamed: "What! Harding betrayed by Fall? No! My husband never betrayed anyone. This whole house full of gold would not tempt my husband to do wrong. He is the one who has been betrayed and led to the slaughter and crucified."
There you are; human nature in action, wrongdoers, blaming everybody but themselves. We are all like that. So when you and I are tempted to criticize someone tomorrow, let's remember Al Capone, "Two Gun" Crowley and Albert Fall. Let's realize that criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home. Let's realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return; or, like the gentle Taft, will say: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have."
On the morning of April 15, 1865, ...
Product details
- Publisher : Pocket Books (February 15, 1990)
- Language : English
- Mass Market Paperback : 304 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0671723650
- ISBN-13 : 978-0671723651
- Item Weight : 5 ounces
- Dimensions : 4.19 x 0.8 x 6.75 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #260,705 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #730 in Communication Skills
- #795 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #2,898 in Success Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) described himself as a "simple country boy" from Missouri but was also a pioneer of the self-improvement genre. Since the 1936 publication of his first book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, he has touched millions of readers and his classic works continue to impact lives to this day.
Image by Dale Carnegie Created in vector format by Scewing (Heritage Auctions) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
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My father handed this book to me when I was a young adult and I was about to make the leap into the working world. He told me that it held the keys to effective leadership. I bucked against reading it for a while before finally relenting (I was a precocious teenager and obviously already knew everything the world had to offer), and again, the title of the book seriously repelled me. Since initially relenting, I have now read this book multiple times throughout the years, and it never fails to pull me back into reality.
From time to time I even find myself subconsciously summarizing Carnegie while hosting leadership training or while mentoring my workers. This almost always prompts me to pick the book back up again. (I really enjoy reading through all of the notes I've scribbled in the margins over the years. It's always an interesting dive into your own subconscious through the ability to see such a time capsule: what is basically a time-stamped example of opinions and the ever-changing priorities of your own ideals. That is neither here nor there though; my love for actual physical books as well as my preference for writing my responses and opinions all over the pages is not really relevant to this review. Just a tangent.)
What I find so intriguing about Carnegie's concepts are that they are so obviously all just common sense. There are absolutely *zero* revelations here. You will learn nothing new about interpersonal relationships, leadership, or mentorship; every new chapter that you embark on is so 'in-your-face' obvious that you almost want to smack your own forehead like an over-dramatic soap opera star; stating "OF COURSE".
Despite this fact; (I personally feel) it really is important to read all of these *truths* of life... ironically enough, exactly because they are such common sense statements:
** The "well, duh" aspect of Carnegie's "rules" is the very same trait that allows us to breeze right on past them in our daily life. **
Because every single one of these "rules" is a statement that we all assume to be an innate and universally understood fact of human life, they are never actually in the forefront of our minds. This means that they become almost immediately forgettable because we already understand them to be true - and therefore we assume that they already inform our behavior; but in reality, we have simply acknowledged them as truth and stuffed them into a tiny little corner of our memory.
Reading Carnegie's book shines a spotlight onto that corner, blows the mounds of dust off these ideas, and prompts us to compare our recent behaviors against these "known" truths.
This is the reason why I have read Carnegie's book so many times. For me, it almost feels like re-orienting your personal compass. No matter how many times I pull these rules to the forefront of my consciousness, because of their nature as such obvious truths, they always subtly begin to slip back into the recesses of my mind. I like to pull out this book every so often and give my brain a nice jolt. There is no need to even sit down and read the entire book at once, it is organized as a list that is already categorized into sections relative to specific sub-tasks involved in interpersonal communication.
“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is one of Warren Buffett’s favorite books, so if you’re a working professional that’s probably enough to pique your interest. It was originally written in 1937 and draws key wisdom from the lives of Abraham Lincoln and contemporary psychology of the time, namely the works of Sigmund Freud. Despite this, the information remains relevant - which I find to be quite a feat. Many of the statements Carnegie makes are actually reminiscent of Skinner’s operant conditioning, although I don’t believe he ever outright states this.
To give a brief summary, the book is broken into segments titled: “techniques in handling people”, “ways to make people like you”, “win people to your way of thinking”, and “be a leader: how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment”. Each of these segments includes chapters that explain the subsequent “rules” and provide interesting examples. Again, I would like to point out that this is not a book for people looking to make friends; despite one of some of the segment titles, such as: “ways to make people like you”, it does not preach methods of fostering friendships - instead this particular segment is pertinent to leadership because of Carnegie’s statement earlier on that: people will never do anything unless they actually *want* to do so. This is a truth of life; you can use your position of power to compel (force) a person into completing a task, but unless you create an actual want or desire within that person, they will cease their actions as soon as that power is removed (or you turn your back). Thus, the segment about making people like you provides rules that are geared toward earning your worker’s trust and respect so that they actually want to work for you, vice using your position of power to essentially strong-arm them into doing your bidding.
Here are the segments and rules:
Techniques in Handling People:
Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways to Make People Like You:
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Win People to Your Way of Thinking:
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “you’re wrong”.
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Again, this all seems like common sense when you read it, but in practice it does become much more difficult to stick to - especially when you personally are put-off (or simply just dislike) one or some of the people that you work with on a daily basis. It’s also difficult to remember that you are not always the person in the position of power; often you are on the other end of these situations and must give up the controlling position in the conversation - let them lead.
It’s key to keep in mind (and Carnegie reiterates this) that no matter what situation you walk into, whether you are the person who is leading the change, or whether you are the person who needs to undergo change, the person with whom you are conversing ALWAYS believes that they are superior to you in some way. It does not matter how exceptional or horrible their work performance may be, they truly and sincerely believe that they are the superior person even if they do not state this, and even if they pander to you as if you are someone they look up to.
Carnegie also emphasizes how important it is to avoid arguments. He states that even if you “win” an argument you are still the loser. The results are all negative. You never want to humiliate a person, you will loose the trust and respect that you’ve worked to build. He quotes and old saying “A man convinced against his will/Is of the same opinion still”; meaning they may relent in the moment, but in actuality you may have solidified their original opinion by putting them in a position to defend it. Its quite difficult to avoid arguments because it’s human nature to meet aggression with aggression - we have to consciously make the choice to sit back and let a person release their ill-will without meeting them there. Take that verbal beating!
The biggest point I always get from reading this book is how paramount and fragile the human ego is. It’s the driving factor behind the opinions and actions of every human on earth. At the end of the way, everyone is concerned with themselves. There are no truly selfless acts, someone is always “getting something” (fulfilling some need) from their actions, even if it is simply a feeling of importance or happiness. Every single person on earth is starved for attention and/or recognition in some way. They want to be seen, no matter if they are willing to admit this to others (or even to themselves). If you can fulfill that need for them, you’ve got them. It is so key to simply make it known that “I see you”.
Anyway, I know this is a long and winding review, but my points are thus: if you are looking for a self-help book that will provide teachings on how to make friends, this is not for you. If you are a working professional who is, or may be placed into, a position of leadership - this book is definitely for you. Even if you do not think you need any advice (because you’ve obviously already the best!), this book is priceless. It not only provides you insight into your own actions, but gives you a window into the actions and choices of those you work with/for. As stated, we are not always the main player in a situation, sometimes we are the person that this book talks about dealing with. Sitting back and letting the other person take charge (while understanding where they are coming from) also makes us better workers. Everyone is both a subordinate and a leader; everyone has someone else they answer to. A full birds-eye view of the situation can only provide us with more tools for our toolbox!
Many who survived the teenage years may doubt that there is much moral significance in being liked. They attended high schools where the most accomplished bullies were often the most popular boys. The most popular girls were frequently Queen Bees and Mean Girls.
Fortunately, most people mellow out when they become grownups. Adults are rarely gratuitously cruel. Most adults respond positively to the methods Dale Carnegie teaches in this classic.
For years I felt condescending toward How to Win Friends and Influence People. When I finally read it I found it to contain common sense, common courtesy, and good mental hygiene. Dale Carnegie illustrates his points with quotes from some of the world’s greatest writers. Nevertheless, his book is easy to understand. He ends every chapter with one or two sentences that summarize the chapter.
The early chapters provide advice that works with most people most of the time. Smile. Be a good and sympathetic listener. Remember people’s names. “Give honest and sincere appreciation.”
Dale Carnegie insufficiently draws attention to the fact that in order to do well socially one often has to compromise between what one wants to do, and what is appropriate in the situation. Smile, even when you do not feel like smiling. Listen sympathetically to others, even when they are not fascinating conversationalists.
Dale Carnegie’s advice will be less congenial and more difficult to follow for those who can most benefit from it. This is particularly true for those with introverted personalities, like me. I enjoy solitude or the company of a close friend. Nevertheless, over the years, and with Dale Carnegie’s advice, I have learned to behave more like an extrovert in social situations. I do not mean that I become socially aggressive. I do mean that I make a point of listening to those who want to talk to me, and that I treat everyone with courtesy and respect.
I will never brighten a room by entering it. I will never be the life of a party. I have learned to avoid needlessly alienating people.
It is always a good idea, especially with people you don’t know very well, to let them do most of the talking. With people you do not know well it is probably a good idea not to introduce topics into the discussion. Instead, occasionally contribute to topics already raised to demonstrate that you have been paying attention.
Dale Carnegie likes to quote famous people. He ought to have included two quotes from Calvin Coolidge. “I have never been hurt by what I have not said,” and, “No man ever listened himself out of a job.” I wish I had heard and headed that advice earlier in life.
Dale Carnegie’s advice on how to win friends is better than his advice on how to influence people. It is difficult to change attitudes. You should not always try. You should never try to get someone to do something that is in your interest, but not in the other person’s.
This certainly includes asking for a raise. A good relationship with your immediate supervisor is usually the most important single factor in a job. If your boss is an employee like you are he or she only has so much money in the budget for raises. More for you means less for others. Even if your boss owns the company, asking for a raise will probably harm your relationship with him or her.
The first part of Dale Carnegie’s book is about being liked. It will work with most people most of the time. The second part is about influencing people. It will not always work. It will not always work for everyone. You can know how to do something and still not be able to do it.
Dale Carnegie presents two examples of a young man who got a well paying job with a self made millionaire by telling the millionarie how much he admired him for rising from poverty to wealth. I have read How to Win Friends & Influence People five times. I still could not do that. I would be better off if I could, but I could not.
I could express my admiration of someone who was picked on as a teenager by high school bullies, took martial arts lessons, and became an accomplished martial artist. I could express my appreciation of someone who never finished high school, but who became widely read and well informed in public libraries. In these cases I would neither ask for, nor would I expect any reward, other than the friendship of two fascinating individuals.
Dale Carnegie devotes much of his book explaining how bosses can get better performance from their subordinates. Other than explaining how to win the affection of others, he gives no advice on how to deal with an unsympathetic boss. Some bosses for reasons of their own will dislike you even if you try to be nice. A boss who does not like you will ignore your accomplishments, exaggerate the significance of your mistakes, and place you in situations where you are likely to make mistakes. Some will do this deliberately. Others will do it subconsciously.
My advice for unsympathetic bosses, and Dale Carnegie does give this this advice generally, is first of all do not argue with your boss. If he or she reprimands you, sit there and take it. Be aware, as painful as this may be, that some of your boss's criticism may be valid. Second, try to understand why the boss is the way he or she is. Try to understand how it feels to be that person.
Additionally, and this is my advice, avoid expressing hostility for the boss to a co-worker unless you know the co-worker feels the same way. You do not want your boss to learn from the grapevine that you think he or she is an incompetent bully who owes his or position to office politics, even if this is obviously true.
Dale Carnegie advises his readers to read each chapter twice, and to try to use everything he advises. What has worked for me has been to read the book straight through every few years or so. Also, I try to have a sense of what will work for me, and what will not.
The book is not infallible. It has been benefited me. Over the years, and largely as a result of reading this book, I have acquired a personality that enables me to be liked by people with whom I do not have anything obviously in common. Some people never acquire this ability. My life would be better if I had acquired it much earlier.
Top reviews from other countries
- The book was first publishes in 1936. So, it’s definitely old! Most of the examples of famous men, you won’t be able to relate at all, because you won’t know who they are. However, you will get point the author is trying to convey.
- The book basically tells you to be agreeable to all, find something to honestly like about them and praise them on it, talk about their interests only and, practically, act like a people pleaser all the time. The book gives practical advice, but somehow I feel if you really put this into practice, you might end up becoming a people-pleaser. You would come across as patronizing, trying to flatter people (I know the book tells you to do it by heart) all the time. You might just lose your respect among your peers.
- I’m not sure how much of this advice would help you in dealing with adults and people at workplace. It may work with kids. For example, it tells you not to condemn or criticize anyone. Now, this is difficult to implement in fast paced work environment, and especially in sales domain where you’re dealing with sales executives on a daily basis. People might just take advantage of you, if you’re too nice to everyone.
- I think the advice in this book would work great if everyone around you would implement the same in their life. However, if you’re surrounded by self-centered people, you’ll end up becoming a doormat if you follow this book.
- At some point, you might feel that the book is giving you pointers on how to exploit other’s emotions in order to gain an advantage for your own self.
- I think best way is to figure out which principles work for you, and which don’t, and accordingly act on it. Don’t blindly go out and try to implement every word written in this book.
Below is the summary of what this book teaches:
FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
Principle 1 : Don't criticize, condemn or complain
Principle 2 : Give honest and sincere appreciation
Principle 3 : Arouse in the other person an eager want
SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely
HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, 'You're wrong.'
3. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying 'yes, yes' immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatise your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
BE A LEADER: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENCE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be 'hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.'
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Reviewed in India 🇮🇳 on February 23, 2019
- The book was first publishes in 1936. So, it’s definitely old! Most of the examples of famous men, you won’t be able to relate at all, because you won’t know who they are. However, you will get point the author is trying to convey.
- The book basically tells you to be agreeable to all, find something to honestly like about them and praise them on it, talk about their interests only and, practically, act like a people pleaser all the time. The book gives practical advice, but somehow I feel if you really put this into practice, you might end up becoming a people-pleaser. You would come across as patronizing, trying to flatter people (I know the book tells you to do it by heart) all the time. You might just lose your respect among your peers.
- I’m not sure how much of this advice would help you in dealing with adults and people at workplace. It may work with kids. For example, it tells you not to condemn or criticize anyone. Now, this is difficult to implement in fast paced work environment, and especially in sales domain where you’re dealing with sales executives on a daily basis. People might just take advantage of you, if you’re too nice to everyone.
- I think the advice in this book would work great if everyone around you would implement the same in their life. However, if you’re surrounded by self-centered people, you’ll end up becoming a doormat if you follow this book.
- At some point, you might feel that the book is giving you pointers on how to exploit other’s emotions in order to gain an advantage for your own self.
- I think best way is to figure out which principles work for you, and which don’t, and accordingly act on it. Don’t blindly go out and try to implement every word written in this book.
Below is the summary of what this book teaches:
FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
Principle 1 : Don't criticize, condemn or complain
Principle 2 : Give honest and sincere appreciation
Principle 3 : Arouse in the other person an eager want
SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely
HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, 'You're wrong.'
3. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying 'yes, yes' immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatise your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
BE A LEADER: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENCE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be 'hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.'
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
1. I started accepting each kind of person, even when I don't like his/her behaviour.
2. My mindset about the society is changed
3. Now I take different approach in dealing with people and there is improvement in handling ones perspective.
4. I had anger issue before and now that behaviour is withering.
5. Helped me in improving communication and relationships
The book is very important for self improvement and the explanation of every lesson is with a lot of examples. I have read every chapter nearly 3 times.
I’m not a fan of self help books but this book came highly recommended by many YouTubers. Some considered it to be top 10 books they’ve read... which after reading a bit of the book, I find bewildering.
Read the “principles” in the added pictures, saved you £10, you’re welcome.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on April 16, 2021
I’m not a fan of self help books but this book came highly recommended by many YouTubers. Some considered it to be top 10 books they’ve read... which after reading a bit of the book, I find bewildering.
Read the “principles” in the added pictures, saved you £10, you’re welcome.
Reviewed in India 🇮🇳 on October 2, 2018







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