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on May 5, 2015
My Dad gave me a copy of this when I graduated highschool in the 90s but I wasn't "ready" for it yet, I don't even think I read it to be honest. Now I'm 37 and realizing that I've put my personal growth on the back burner for entirely too long. I had pretty much given up on making new adult friends. I had actually self-diagnosed myself with Asperger's because I was having such a difficult time trying to figure out why people (including myself) do the things that do. The realization that my marriage was being effected by my nearly empty toolbox of social skills promoted me to take personal responsibility and shoulder the blame myself for once instead of blaming everyone around me for everything. I grew up with a hypercritical Mother so I think I had promised myself that I would never be criticized again, even if that meant writing people off the instant I felt like I had made myself vulnerable enough to be hurt by them.

I couldn't find the copy that my dad gave me so I ordered a new one and chapter 1 alone is changing the way I look at EVERYTHING. I've been plagued with mild depression/anxiety for 20 years and I'm realizing that I've developed some unhealthy defense mechanisms to cope with these issues. I never turned to drugs or alcohol, but the fortress-like walls I've constructed to deal with criticism (real or perceived) aren't much better for me. I've re-read and taken notes on the first section of the book several times now and my wife is noticing and she seems quite relieved, i had no idea I could impact another persons life so strongly.

Like I said, I am only getting started with the book and it has already helped me enough to warrant a 5-star rating. This book has stood the test of time for a reason and I can see why now. The strategies are applicable to and helpful in all aspects of my life so far, from my marriage to my job, and even to the way I interact with clerks in gas stations. I've read numerous self help books in the past, seen a therapist for 3 years, been through the gauntlet of antidepressants, etc, and until now I thought I was wasting my time. I've been learning things all along, but I never learned how to actually apply the things I had learned until now. This book speaks my language and if your background sounds even remotely similar I have a feeling that you'll agree.
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on November 12, 2016
In my honest opinion, several principles in this book are repeated around the book. I don't see it as a disadvantage, because repetition is the key to learning. I did think several of the principles explained in the book are common sense, but I found that it could be easy for a person to react quickly to conflicts. This book has taught me the importance of staying in control and how beneficial it is to be in control of our behaviors and act in a way of service to others. The examples described in the book made it simpler to understand the concepts that Dale is teaching. I recommend this book if you would like to improve your skills with people. This book is especially beneficial for those who are working on their businesses and close relationships.

This book is divided into four parts. The first half of the book discusses techniques in handling people and how to have people like you. The final half of the book gives instructions about how to win people to our own thinking and how to be a leader by changing people without offending them or causing resentment.

In the first part of the book, it is divided into three principles. The first principle emphasizes the importance of avoiding criticism and he describes working with people as: working with people of logic. He further describes complaining and criticizing as a foolish task to do and how it takes a person of character to understand, forgive, and have self-control. Principle # 2 describes the importance of honest and sincere appreciation. Within this principle he describes the importance of ending our own thinking of accomplishments and desires. Instead, we must put our focus on the other person's good qualities. If being sincere, this will cause people to cherish them in their minds, even years later. The third principle involves influencing the other person to want, but not in a way that is manipulative. With this principle, he describes the importance of self-expression and connects it to the importance of thinking in terms of the other person, so that they come up with your ideas on their own, which they will like more.

Within the second part of the book, it teaches six principles. The first describes how critical it is to become interested in other people because you will make more friends compared to having others interested in you. When he moves onto the second principle, he explains the importance to smile in a heartwarming way because it will brighten the lives of those who see it. Dale then describes the importance to recall a person's name in the third principle. He gives tips on how to remember and then explains how people enjoy the sound of their own name. The fourth principle is about being a good listener and encouraging those to talk about themselves. He then goes onto to explain again that people are more interested in talking about themselves instead of others. He further explains this point in principle five: Talk in terms of the other person's interests. The final step is to sincerely make the other person feel important because this is the "deepest urge in human nature."

Dale describes in the third part of the book the steps to have a person think in terms of your own thoughts. He then explains that it is better to avoid arguments and to show respect for other people's opinions and never tell them they are wrong. because it will further push them away. If there is fault in your own behavior, Dale explains to immediately admit you're wrong without any doubts. If you are upset, he explains to sit down and counsel together, and if there are differences, understand it. Even in some differences, there will be points of agreement. He then explains the importance of agreement and having the person say "yes," at least twice. You doing this by looking into the other person's viewpoint and asking questions that cause them to agree. It is essential to have friends do the talking and have them excel us, instead of excelling them. When this occurs, they will feel important. To further the notion of feeling important, it is important to have the individual create their own ideas. He deepens this idea by asking questions such as, "Why should he or she want to do it?" and then being sympathetic towards their ideas. In order to catch a person's attention, you must dramatise the ideas you have. If all else fails, he explains the importance of competition and how it drives people to feel important and empowered to work efficiently and effectively.

In the final part of the book, Dale again discusses the importance of beginning with praise and honest appreciation. When someone makes a mistake, call to their mistakes indirectly. This can be done my making their mistakes your own and explaining the importance of fixing it and why it gave you a disadvantage. He then explains the importance of asking questions that direct the person you’re speaking to, to obtain your idea on their own. He emphasizes the importance of having the person be saved from embarrassment, and then explains the importance of praise again, even if it is small. Dale then gives examples of giving a person a reputation that makes them better, in order to have the person be motivated to improve. After giving someone a reputation to live up to, encourage the person to correct their faults and make them happy to do the actions you suggest.
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It takes something extraordinary for a book to remain a best seller fully 80 years after it was first published. Dale Carnegie wrote this book in 1937, offering practical advice in how to get along with others, understand their point of view, and influence them to your own.

It is a testament to the importance of human relationships that even now, in fact ESPECIALLY now, in our internet age and when many of our interactions are via e-mail or text or social media, there continues to be a realization of the importance of human to human contact and relationship.

Carnegie understood the basics of relationships and was particularly effective in expressing how the reader can improve his or her own abilities, in an understandable way, frequently using anecdotes or stories to illustrate key principles.

Just as he teaches the importance of listening, the book should be read in a thoughtful way and with time taken to really consider the points being made. Give them time to be fully absorbed, and use them in daily life.

There are very few people who are so good at relationships that they could not learn something from this book. And periodic re-readings will reinforce the lessons learned and bring out new points that may not have been absorbed in first reading.
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on April 11, 2017
Dale Carnegie could be credited (or blamed depending on your perspective) for the glut of motivational books that have been published since 1936. How to Win Friends and Influence People was released that year and was rated by Time magazine in 2011 as one of their top one hundred books of all time.
The sagacious investor, Warren Buffett, has only one diploma hanging in his office, his certificate of Dale Carnegie training.
The version I am reviewing here follows the format of the original 1936 edition, but does more than simply use twenty-first century examples; it adapts the time-honoured principles to the age of the social megaphone. If there ever was a time when Carnegie’s principles need to be taken seriously, it must certainly be now.
The first principle, “If you want honey, don’t kick over the hive,” has been retitled “Bury your boomerangs.” The boomerangs are the things you say and write that when aimed at others, spin back and hit you. An article from the Huffington Post quoted in the book describes thirteen Facebook posts that got their authors dismissed from their jobs. Googling “dismissed from my job because of Facebook” yields fourty-six million more. In 1936 an unwarranted letter might have been seen by the recipient and a few others, all of whom might be appeased, today try retracting what you tweeted or said in front of a TV microphone you believed was off.
Carnegie counselled: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
Most people can distinguish between what is nothing more than flattery and what is an affirmation. Flattery is telling the person what they want to hear, affirmation requires more thought, requires seeing the person well enough to sense what to affirm. For that reason affirmation can have the life-changing impact that flattery never has. This is Carnegie’s second essential principle of engagement, “Affirm What’s Good.”
In the section on making a lasting, positive impression on others, Carnegie opens with the call to “take an interest in other’s interest.” Quoting a piece of research conducted by the New York Telephone Company in the 1930’s the most frequently used word in conversations was the personal pronoun “I.” The significance of self-interest has not and is unlikely to change.
The former editor of the New Republic and political blogger, Andrew Sullivan, invited readers to submit shots of the world just outside their homes. This interest in other’s interest went on to become the centrepiece for the Atlantic Monthly’s online strategy, and enhanced his personal following. People are attracted to people who care about what interests them.
Carnegie placed great store on the value to relationship of smiling. The research finding of Christakis and Fowler confirms that people who smile tend to have more friends with smiling getting you an average of one more close friend. This is not trivial as people only have about six close friends.
With much of our communication mediated through digital technologies, smiling takes on a new challenge: How to express warmth over the phone, sms, e-mail or twitter? This is only a challenge not an impossibility with the assistance of emoticons (the little faces) for informal settings and the use of the recipient’s name in the text wherever possible for formal ones.
When the lead singer of a little-known band had his guitar smashed by careless baggage handlers on a United Airlines flight he sought redress from the airline for a year with no result. No one listened or showed any concern for his situation. In frustration he wrote a song describing his experience, videoed it with friends and posted it on the Internet. Within two weeks it had attracted 4.1 million views and the Times of London reported that the video had precipitated a $180 million drop in United’s share price. Not listening to customers is always expensive, but not listening to friends, colleagues and family is no less damaging. The converse is similarly true; listening is a very engaging social force.
Carnegie sites avoiding arguments as a key ingredient in meriting and maintaining other’s trust. I do not know of anyone who put this better than the humourist, Dave Barry: “I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.”
There is probably nothing in this book of interpersonal insights that you do not know, so you will learn nothing new. What makes this worth a quick read on your next flight is that it will remind you of what you already know and in the reminder lies the value.

Readability Light +--- Serious
Insights High ---+- Low
Practical High --+-- Low

Ian Mann of Gateways consults internationally on leadership and strategy
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on September 5, 2017
I wish I had purchased this book sooner.

Dale Carnegie's advice has remained constant and applicable across the years for a reason. It's simple and his techniques make perfect sense. If you're anything like me, you'll be kicking yourself when you see how you could have handled situations differently. I'm being transformed from a socially awkward, timid and defensive person, to someone that seems collected and confident.

If you're having troubles in life and simply can't figure out what you're doing wrong, this is a fantastic place to start. Good luck on your journey!
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on May 14, 2016
I love this new twist on the great advice given in this book. In spite of the advances in technology and perhaps because of advances in technology, this book is a treasure. It amplifies the advice your mom told you with engaging stories that illustrate each concept. The bottom line; you can't fake being a authentic person who expresses interest in others. Treat others as you would like to be treated and that will go along way toward achieving everything you want as well!
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TOP 100 REVIEWERon January 20, 2018
This is one of those classics that everyone's read---or at least should have read. I've been through it a few times now, and I get a little something new from it every time. I'm finally writing a review now mostly so I can remember Carnegie's main points and review them later on.

First off, let's just acknowledge that Carnegie is long-winded AF. He's definitely got a "let's get in a van and drive" vibe going on. I end up skimming through a lot of content just because, once I understand his point, I want to move on already.

Still, he does have useful things to say. Here are the main points I like most:

*** Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
*** Give honest and sincere appreciation.
*** Be genuinely interested in other people. Do things for them---things that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness.
***Smile more. You have to have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you. Also, sometimes a smile makes another person feel hopeful about life, like they aren't alone or that the world isn't a totally unfriendly place.
***Remember a person's name.
***Be a good listener, and be generous with your approval and praise. Talk about the other person's interests (and they will think you are the most amazing listener in the world...).
***And this last one is key for me, mostly because I feel it (want it?) so deeply. Make the other person feel important. And do it sincerely. We all want the approval of others. We want to feel recognized.  

There's a huge second section about winning people over to your side in an argument, but meh. I've been married to a lawyer for twelve years. I don't need any more of that...
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on August 25, 2017
I have only read to chapter 2 so far but wow. Just in those first 30 pages there is so much knowledge about dealing with people. I am glad I bought this book, it is honestly underpriced because it's much more valuable than what Amazon sells it for. If you're on the fence about buying this book, BUY IT. There is no way you can't learn atleast one concept in this book, apply it to your reality and witness how it enriches your life. I am 22 and in my senior year of college but I wish I read this 4 years ago when I graduated high school. It would've made a difference in how I dealt with certain people. Don't wish you had already read this in the future when you can read it NOW. I'd recommend this book to anybody and everybody.
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on January 30, 2018
It’s no wonder that this book has been around for almost a century. The values and discussion are as relevant today as they have ever been and this book, despite its incredible acclaim, exceeded all expectations.

Dale Carnegie understood something deeper - he understood what matters and what doesn’t. He understood an underlying truth about humanity, despite our many differences. This book requires its student to consider a different approach to life and toward people than our default permit and it makes no apologies; minces no words. It has expectations of our egos and expects that we are more than our pettiness and insecurities. I valued that part very much.

This book is one of the most useful, important, and relevant pieces of work that I’ve ever read. And 82 years later, it’s remains one of the pillars of self improvement. Something that absolutely should read and a book I recommend to everyone!
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on June 19, 2016
Purchased as a gift to one of my ROTC Cadets to begin their professional library. As part of a class assignment I asked each cadet what book would they no-kidding read, military or not, related to their academic major or not. After I compiled the list of books for the class I went online and ordered all the books from Amazon. I placed them at their seats prior to class and allowed them to enter the room w/o me being present for the first five minutes. It was, and still is, one of the good teaching moments of our time together. Thanks for helping me fulfill a need in their soon-to-be military career.
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